Re: Dealing with parent's discomfort over long hair

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Posted by Avi (other posts) on October 05, 2019 at 08:34:50 Previous Next

In Reply to: Re: Dealing with parent's discomfort over long hair posted by native carolinian on October 03, 2019 at 08:14:57:

: Hey Avi, glad you enjoyed reading the tome I wrote. Thank you for the well-wishes in my career. I really appreciate it. I looked at your picture. You could pass for Dine (Navajo) or another Athabaskan tribal group. I am glad that you can fit in in your classes with your hair. I had tailbone length hair at one point. It took about 4 years to get to that length for me. Long hair is doable :)

: I am glad that you were able to be re-assured by what I wrote. I think at this point looking at your photograph that you should just let your hair grow out. I think it is neat what you said about beards and such. I encourage you to be patient and listen to your cousin on this one. Who knows, you may start a beard sooner than two years.

: On the mis-recognition as a woman issue, this only takes time to deal with. I deal with that to some degree. It becomes funny because you really get to know which guys do not respect women. In my experience one learns quickly how a woman must feel many times when she is being checked out by a disrespectful man. Having long hair will probably help you be more compassionate and empathetic with women. Hair is also a good filter for those women who are really interested in the whole picture of who you are.

: I am so glad that you do not have any shame feelings to do with long hair. That is great. Maybe you can ask them why they find long hair offensive. It may be a beneficial segway for you into discussions about self-determination, self-differentiation and assertiveness. Parents can sometimes fail to register that a child of theirs is now an adult. In Cherokee, one of the languages I speak as first languages, there are two different words for child. One means a "non-adult child", and one means "a child who is an adult". The fact that there is a parental relationship does not change, the events in that relationship do change between being a non-adult child and an adult child. College/University is a great time to start that transition discussion. I hope it goes well.

: Please keep us up-dated as things grow, change and progress.

: Be well (standard cultural ending to letters/encounters in person, we do not have a way to say "good-bye" in most of our languages, so "Be Well" is how we end conversations for the moment in anticipation that we will talk or see each other again :)).

Oh really! That's interesting. Is it my facial features that look Native American? Or is it just my skin/hair color?

Omg, I'd love to have tailbone hair- it's such a distant dream :( I just never see myself getting there but I really hope I do. I'm almost at my nipple now; so maybe in 2-3 years more, I will reach my tailbone/classic too. I'll try to keep hopeful.

I'll keep growing out! I have to reach my goal after all :) I'll give my beard some time; in the meanttime I'll focus on other things like school.

I agree! I've learnt to see many things from a woman's perspective and I've learnt a lot about the things they have to deal with from men. I was always a softer/kinder guy and I think this will reinforce that as you said :)

Hmm, yeah I think I get what you're saying. They still see me as someone to restrict/control; which I totally understand from their parental perspective, but they should also learn when to let go and let me be my own person. I have to hide certain things from them because I know they wouldn't take it well, like ear piercings and tattoos that I got. I wish they would understand that it's part of my self identity and that I'm being careful(I got tattoos that I can hide under a shirt for job interviews and easily coverable ear piercings too.), I'm not just making brash decisions.

I really enjoy talking with you! I think you and I just connect well :) If you're ever in Texas let me know. If you have any social media you'd like to connect on, feel free to email me: I'd love to talk to you more, you seem like an awesome guy.

Be well :)


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