new thread
Some people might remember me. I used to be very active here. Back in the early 2000s when I started my first hair journey this site gave me every tool I needed to grow out my hair. There hasn't been any other place online or irl that even comes close to this community when it comes to men and long hair. I will always remember that.
In 2005, based mostly on pressure by someone special in my life I cut my hair when it was getting really long (in all fairness there was a lot of damage from chemical processes). Ever since I've been growing it and it's now the longest it's ever been (3/4 of the way down my back when I pull it down). Along the way I got a horrible trim by some butcher (professional hair stylist with anti long hair views) and some color (demi-permanent) when I thought I was going to cut it (back in 2011 because a gf was pressuring me). Right now the color is unnoticeable but the ends are a little dry.
I moved to South America last year (been here for about 9 months). In this city water is extremely hard and it's heavily chlorinated (sometimes I feel like I'm taking pool water showers). My hair is dry, frizzy, and so unruly (despite using sulfate free shampoo I brought a bunch of with me from the US). The Southern Hemisphere summer has messed it up. I could try deep conditioning but that wouldn't solve the hard and chlorinated water problem.
Bottom line is, I'm currently in day 6 of the 2 week rule. I had considered getting dreads (I'm getting sick of the shedding too). I just fell like I might enjoy having short hair for a while (or maybe until I move away from here). That's very ironic because there's no other place I know (other than SFO and Austin) that's so accepting of long hair. This city and this country is long hair heaven. Virtually no one gives you a hard time. I should be enjoying this.
Another reason is that I've been working on a backpiece tattoo and having all the hair kind of covers the tattoo. I don't know how well they work together (I've been getting a lot of ink on top of stretched ears). I'm not saying I hate my hair, which goes great with those mods, I'm just confused right now. If I were impulsive I would have cut my hair a couple of days ago and it terrifies me. I always said I'd take my hair to my grave. Even if I did cut it I'm 99.9% sure I would grow it back. I just don't want to wake up next week, realizing the hair is gone and just get massively depressed. On the other hand it might be a good temporary change, but it takes so long to grow. I need some of your opinions if that's possible.
Hey bro, it's been a while... nice to hear from you! I understand your frustration, but from what you've written here, I think that if you do cut your hair short, it won't be long before you regret the decision.
A lot of guys here will probably just encourage you to leave it alone. However, if you really feel that this is the time for a significant change, I think dreads might be an awesome way for you to go. They would suit you well, look good with your other mods, and once they've matured, are very versatile yet low-maintenance. My oldest son (now 13) started his about 1-1/2 years ago, using no wax, just back combing, palm rolling, and tightening them up with a small crochet hook. They looked pretty good from the beginning, but really started looking mature around the 9-month mark. He also had very straight hair to start with, and I suspect your hair texture would naturally lock up even sooner and tighter.
Whatever you decide to do, please keep us posted, and don't be a stranger!
Cheers,
Val
I must ask you a question, Validus.
Have you heard of cultural appropriation? Lots of SJW's (Social Justice Warriors) on Tumblr claim that dreadlocks worn by anyone other than black people is cultural appropriation and they do not approve of it. The topic has been debated numerous times and there is still a lot of differing opinions, but I would like to hear yours, being the father of someone who wears dreadlocks and isn't black. And if someone were to point that out in front of you and your son, how would you handle that?
Also, was the person who did your sons dreadlocks black?
I have a nephew who is white English and travels a lot. Last I heard of him, he was teaching rock climbing in South America. He has dreadlocks and I haven't heard of him having any problems for "cultural appropriation". I have always heard that anyone who wants to wear dreadlocks is free to do so, even if he isn't black or Rastafarian. This restriction is news to me.
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My blogDoesn't surprised me in the least, considering that it's mostly people that live in America who complain about this.
I have heard of "cultural appropriation," but am conceptually opposed to the idea of it, seeing it as an expression/extension of racism, and therefore I don't pay it any heed. Regarding dreadlocks in particular, the fact of the matter is that "locking" the hair in this manner is not unique to black culture, but was also widely practiced amongst the many ancient and tribal peoples, including the Germanic and Celtic populations of northern and western Europe.
My wife and I did my son's dreadlocks. The only time a black person commented on them was at a town festival last fall. He and his wife were Jamaican Rastafarians, operating a food stand in our northern Wisconsin town, and his reaction to my son's hair was incredibly positive. He told my son it is important for him to respect the significance of his dreads and to wear them as a symbol of love for all humankind. He shook his hand warmly and said repeatedly, "It's all about the love. One love."
If someone ever reacted to my son's hair with negativity or hostility, my response would be based on 1.) the level of threat presented, and 2.) my beliefs on the matter, noted above. Any threat to my or my family's physical well-being would be immediately neutralized. Any verbal abuse or harassment decrying my or my loved one's right to authentic self-expression would be soundly refuted. I would be especially keen on pointing out any hypocrisy in the person's own manner of dress or hairstyle (i.e., a person of non-Western genetic background wearing clothing of Western societal origin, utilizing Western technology, etc.). My bottom line is that all people should be allowed to express themselves genuinely and authentically, to the extent that it does not cause harm to or infringe on the rights of others.
One Love,
Val
"APPROPRIATION IS JUST ANOTHER WORD FOR PROGRESS."
Here are some snippets quoted from a commentary on the issue of cultural appropriation, with which I completely agree:
(-Val)
... For one of many insane examples, they say white folks should not have dreadlocks (really, I can't make this up)—even though the Celts had dreads two thousand years ago. I don't know whether antiracists think it's okay to use chopsticks.
I was reminded of this when I referred to K. Tempest Bradford, aka ktempest, aka the Angry Black Woman, as the Angry Bougie Woman on Google+. I didn't expect her to see it, but I wasn't surprised when she and her friends noticed and talked about it. nkjemisin, aka nojojojo, tweeted: "Not that I want him to talk more, but I wish he'd at least use bougie properly, since he's appropriating."
Guilty, girlfriend. 'Bougie' is totally appropriated.
From the motherfucking French.
By Karl Motherfucking Marx.
(Or, more likely, by people who studied the social classes long before Marx. Life's too short to Google that now.)
Here's one of the many things that the Anti-racism Cult doesn't get: Appropriation is just another word for progress.
Here's my favorite photo of the most appropriating motherfucker I know. It's Geronimo, taken while he and his people were free.
Notice his appropriated jacket? European jackets make a lot of sense in the Southwest. Rifle? Totally fucking appropriated 'cause it's useful. Notice that he didn't appropriate pants? They're too damn warm most of the year. Footgear? Nice soft moccasins that're comfortable to walk in—why would he want white folks' boots? I'm tempted to ask Emma to make me a breechcloth like his to complete the appropriating circle, though for footgear, I prefer to appropriate sandals.
Now, by definition, bougie black folks appropriate all kinds of Asian, American Indian, and Euro shit, as well as shit from many different African cultures. That's what the upper classes do.
As for "bougie," I'm not surprised N.K. Jemisin doesn't know that my generation used it. I was startled when I learned how old "groovy" was. Slang, like sex, is always assumed to have been invented by the kids who just found out about it.
Well. Appropriation. It's okay by me. Someday, the working class will appropriate everything that bougie folks currently think they have a right to.
If sallies had existed back in time, I guess they wouldn't have said much about extermination of the natives, but they would surely have asked George Washington to give up gunpowder because he's a white male and he's offending Chinese people who first invented it.
As for the food/clothing, better I don't mingle too much. Because they talk all day of appropriation and then it's perfectly ok going for a pizza or a cappuccino or a pasta dish that, by the way, are no way like the originals. Ripping from minority cultures is ok if they're European. Just wonder what they eat, considering that American cuisine is a varied mixture of other national cuisines.
Lots of SJW's (Social Justice Warriors) on Tumblr claim that dreadlocks worn by anyone other than black people is cultural appropriation and they do not approve of it.
Other people's approval has never been a concern of mine or the general attitude of this board.
Well, considering it is their culture that is being appropriated, they might have a say in this, but then again, a lot of this people might do exactly the same thing with other people's cultures. Also, a lot of black people living in their native homeland are happy to have folks of different races to be interested in their culture and don't see any problem with that.
Thank you so much for your kind words. I think you're right about all of it, I would regret cutting my hair for sure. I also seem to have perfect hair and facial structure for dreads. It's always great to have longtime members like you say the right thing when you need it. Your kids are very lucky to have a dad like you. They also have great hair (I hope they still do).
How much length did your son lose with the dreading? I also found a guy who does them naturally and without wax or any product. I'm actually starting to like the idea. I'm sure they look great on your son, I remember he has great hair.
Happy to help whenever possible! Here's a pic of my son's hair last summer (about 6 months ago). We've done some more maintenance/tightening since then, much of it with a small crochet hook, and they are now a bit tighter than pictured here. I would guess that his hair length was reduced almost by half when we first locked it up. Also remember, he started with completely straight hair, so I imagine yours would naturally be tighter. Good luck with whatever you choose, and please keep us updated!
Cheers,
Val
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Has his school never protested as some we read about?
We have home schooled our kids since my oldest son was 8-years-old (he is now 13). However, this year he chose to attend public school (7th grade), and received no negative feedback about his hair from any of the faculty or staff. The reactions from most of his schoolmates were also overwhelmingly positive. The general feeling is that people appreciate his uniqueness. I credit much of this to his genuinely kind, funny, easy-going personality; he would be a difficult person to dislike. I think if somebody chooses to look different from the norm, but walks around with a "chip on his shoulder," people will tend to be more critical of that person's appearance.
It was a good experiment/experience, but he has decided to return to being home schooled next year, due to the fact that he has found himself utterly academically unchallenged and bored out of his wits.
--Val
EXCELLENT!
Val - I knew we would hear from you on this topic - glad you reported back - you are amazing - I admire you a great deal - it seems to me that you are a dying breed of man - your son's hair looks great - your view of life, on so many ways that you've shared here - I just admire you, that's all.
Fitz
Thanks for your kind words, Fitz... the admiration is mutual! The MLHH is, bar none, the best web-based community I've ever known in terms of the quality of people who comprise it, and you are another fine example of that :)
Cheers,
Val
I've been following this thread, and I find you all terrific. I have only had encouragement as a beginner (4 months) towards Longhairdom and the exclusive Ponytail Club.
Best wishes to all,
Anthony
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My blogLove your son's dreads, and the color!
Ultimately it is your hair to do with as you please.
The two week rule is there to insure that you
cut your hair because you really want to and that
you're not doing it on impluse.
I would hate to see any long haired male give in and
cut their hair, but at the same time you absolutely have
the right to wear your hair the way you want.
Finally if you're concerned about the hair blocking the tatoo
on your back then try wearing the hair in a bun or hanging
down your chest instead of the back. Also long hair cascading down
the back can do alot enhance a tatoo. Think of it as highlighting
the tatoo rather than blocking it.
Your hair looks great, i'd hate to see you give in and cut it.
But then again it is ultimately your hair and your choice.
I just ask that you follow the two week rule.
Thanks for the words of encouragement and thank goodness for the two week rule. Today I feel totally differently, so I guess technically that resets the two week rule. I don't know what got into me. Has it ever happened to you?
Yes it resets the two week rule from what I understand.
It has happened to me, usually if I think of cutting my hair it
lasts about ten minutes and then I come to my senses.
After 49 years as a long hair i'm going to keep it long and grey
until the dau I die.
Hey man,
Good to hear from you again! It may be that your hair is more damaged over the last few inches than the rest of it and that by having a significant trim, you'd notice considerable improvement. That's the route I took recently. I think it would at least be worth a try before cutting it all off.
In the meantime, I'm sure we'd all love to see a photo. It sounds like you've got some impressive length.
Jason
Thank you Jason. I remember your hair journey. We kind of started at the same time and you've come a long way. Your hair is to die for.
My length is impressive but it's too thin and brittle near the ends. It's probably the consequences of letting that hack of a stylist thin out my hair long ago. I doubt it's terminal length. I guess it won't matter if I end up getting dreads. If not I might just cut 5 inches to improve my hair's condition.
Isn't Dave_Ar in South America? Argentina to be exact. Maybe
he has to deal with these same issues and maybe has suggestions
that will help with your hair care.
He is in Argentina, you're right. So am I. I just haven't been around here as much lately. It's really a great place. Vert nice city and a great place for long hair.
Hi Giacco,
I can't really add too much to what the other guys said. But I can tell you that I very much admire your hair! I looked at your photos and was just totally inspired! You have some wonderful thick dark hair man! I do understand your concerns, but man I hope you rethink cutting! Please try to keep that beautiful mane growing and flowing! Looking forward to your next update! Please be well my friend!
Ted
I hope you'll decide to just give yourself a trim... but, one way or the other, let us know what you decide. And if you can, offer us a photo of your current situation and if you choose, the after photo -
Enjoy that nice southern climate -
Fitz
Hi Giacco,
I hope that you can keep that length, and not have to cut- but I also want you to be happy... Take Care.. The Spaf Man
Hey Giacco,
Don't do it. Don't cut your hair.
You can always put your hair into two braids or into two (2) pig tails and to show off your tattoo.
You are a born long hair. If you cut your hair you will feel like you cut off a part of yourself.
Raymond
Don't do anything drastic. Maybe you can find a hair salon that specializes in long hair (get a reference from a local longhair). Get their opinion of what can be done in their environment.
Where in South America are you living? I hear nice things about life in Ecuador.
