The Battle of being a Longhair

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Posted by Wade Garret (other posts) on November 29, 2016 at 16:52:46 Previous Next

I've been an undercover long hair for a while. 90% of the time I keep my hair up. When my hair is down, I seem to be pigeonholed. I've been pigeondholed as a stoner, as an artist, and as a musician. The truth is, though I am these things, artist, musician, I am pretty much deep down inside, very conservative.

Interestingly, I am conservative in a right wing fashion. I don't drink, I don't smoke pot, but I do have artistic abilities like playing guitar and doing digital art. Underneath it all, some way or another, I always thought I was a long hair underneath it all. Living in a right-wing town, has been sort of a challenge, because if I am not clean cut I am pigeondholed to the extreme.

Because I've taken this job and have been an uncover long hair for so long; I have been debating on cutting it for the past year. The truth is I want to be a professional musician. I have this nostalgia for classic rock and metal. But I feel like, the world, and everthing around me is wanting me to be against that. It's like the world wants men to be clean cut; and that's the way it is. When I go around with my hair down, i'm not almost always comfortable. But I also feel it signifies part of me as a person and my character. I am identified more with a different crowd.

But I've been stuck in this working class job for a while. Even though my political leanings are more conservative; I feel being that I'm a musician deep down it is conflicting for me because I do not smoke pot nor do I drink; I just happen to love classic rock and metal. I love hippy rock and all that good stuff. But the working class doesn't understand me.

I know I might be making a bigger deal of this then I seem to be; but when I walk around life and 90% of the time my hair up tied back and I'm not really "Who I want to be" - I question why I'm doing this in the first place. Second, to be honest with you, I don't even think I really look good with my hair down. I don't think I have the face for it. Maybe sometimes the personality but I look a lot better and am more receptive when I am clean cut.

Because I've been a longhair now for about 3 years, I've sort of developed a bias towards clean cut men. And I'm sure they have developed a Bias towards me. It's not that, I am against them; but I feel psychologically it puts a filter on your life. You don't "Go with the flow" as easily. You are not always "welcomed" everywhere, thus it makes it challenging. And in fact, I have developed a disdain for clean cut males; in that I feel they have it "Easier" - and are "Groomed for conformity" - not that I feel, they are lesser human beings; butit is painful to go through this.

Cutting my hair, is sort of like cutting my dream. If I cut my hair, given the fact 90% of the time I have my hair up anyway because of work; symbolically I am giving up on my dream; and cutting my hair signifies that I have lost the battle. The battle to one day become a professional musician and be who I really want to be. When I cut my hair, it's a sign that I have given up. And that's why I have not cut it, even though I have debated cutting it for a year now. It's made life more difficult in regards to my acceptance in society. But I am not ready to give up yet, and in a way it has become part of me. I once had a dream that I did cut my hair, and woke up completely depressed.

Even though, when I wake up it's messy and ugly and shaggy, even though that for some reason, I do not find it particulary attractive; I can't come to grips with cutting it. About 14 years ago, back in High school, I was a performer and musician and I was in band. In my 20's I stuggled with addiction and was in and out of jobs for 10 years. I feel like now I've finally come around full circle and my true self is here. the only thing is that, I am conformed because the entire area I reside in is right wing. And though I have right wing values; I have sort of a left wing appearance. People mistake me for some pothead, or liberal, or possible druggy, or freak, etc.

I do want to move to Los Angeles. I have a dream to start a band and become a performer once again. Long hair is just part of that identity for me. I can honestly say I have not felt comfortable with my hair down anywhere, but Los Angeles, interestingly enough. People in Los Angeles gravitated to me when I had my hair down. People in all other places, including my home town, tend to shy away or treat me with indifference when my hair is down. For some strange reason, Los Angeles, having long hair is sort of like, an exhaultation; It was a great feeling; hell, I even had tourists taking photos of me! That's my dream, anyway, and if we can't dream, what's the point of life?

I think I'm not going to cut this hair, because every centimeter of these strands signifies the a month in battle against societal norms. Yes, sometimes it's dirty, fringy, and I look hellish when I'm ungroomed and unkempt; but then again somtimes I feel that if we are human beings and individuals are allowed to flourish as who we are in an unconventional and unbiased society; then long hair can be colorful and beautiful and exemplify the human spirit in us males. Thank you for reading and I hope you understand.

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