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Thanks for the help with the first part of my research. Now I need one more favor. For my fellow long hairs that get grieved on for their long hair, I would like to know why you think people are like that to us. Is it because its "gay", or "girly", or some other reason? Most people I ask say it's gay or girly, but I want to know what the others around you think. So please, tell me why you think they treat us so poorly.
IMHO there are several reasons for this;
1. Too many parents come from an era where men had short hair.
The popular phrase was "you look like a girl." Never mind in 2017
many women have short hair. Very few women have traditional long hair, many have hair above the shoulders, and a number them have gone even shorter (buzz cut, etc.)
2. You do hear some say that you look gay with long hair, never mind that a number of gay men have short hair. Very few have long hair.
3. One of the big reasons for ragging on long haired men has to do with age. it's incredibly easy to jump all over young men about their long hair. But the thing is once you get older (45 in my case) the complaints stop,
My son is gay and has long hair, but his BF doesn't, and we made a discovery this morning that my brother-in-law (wife's brother) is also gay. He had been married for two years and hadn't told us! We don't live in the same country, so that isn't quite as weird as you think, although very nearly. The BIL has short hair (although for all we know could have grown it - after all he didn't mention his marriage), and of course his husband I've never seen.
I get the distinct impression that about as many gay men have long hair as do straight ones, but that number is not that high. What? 5%? By the same token, probably not very many more women have short hair. But these numbers are high enough to be non-negligible and unremarkable.
It's more a criticism of sexism that it's still possible to use any hint of femininity as a slur for men. It's truly sad that society still sees it as a slur for a man to be compared with a girl. We've come a long way, but not far enough.
For my fellow long hairs that get grieved on for their long hair, I would like to know why you think people are like that to us. Is it because its "gay", or "girly", or some other reason?
Hey Alan,
I will repeat what I said by way of introduction to my response to the first part of your research:
I am a Catholic priest and I am sixty-one (61) years old. I was fifty-five (55) years old when I began to grow out my hair I am sure that these facts will color my experience in growing out my hair.
What was the motivation for some people to oppose my growing out my hair? I did not perceive that anyone who opposed my growing out my hair thought that by my having long hair I would be perceived as gay. I would have to say that the people who tried to dissuade me from growing out my hair were my brother priests and they were priests who knew me for a long time. Come to think of it they were mostly priests who either had male pattern baldness, i.e. bald on the crown of their head with a horseshoe pattern of hair around the side of their heads or they chose to shave their heads. Their motivation for trying to dissuade me from growing out my hair was generally two-fold:
1. It is drawing attention to myself and thereby it is distracting people away from Jesus.
2. Men, and especially priests do not have long hair.
Some of my brother priests were concerned that my having long hair would cause me to be perceived badly by my bishop; I would "marginalize" myself in my Diocese. Having long hair was not masculine nor was it professional. Now I should mention two (2) things here:
a. My bishop has male pattern baldness and he shaves his head.
b. He told me that if I was going to wear my hair long then I must always wear it tied back so that it would not be a distraction to the people.
My experience has been that with family members, except for my Aunt Eleanor when they first see me with long hair the reaction is, 'Oh, you have long hair. It looks good.' Then life goes on as usual. Even with Aunt Eleanor; after coming from my session with her hair stylist who speaks German and my hair is in a ponytail and a ring bun, she was disappointed when I took my ring bun out. Now I am still Raymond, her nephew who has long hair. This has been my experience with other people who have known me for a long time and they encounter me for the first time with long hair.
When I meet people for the first time and they know that I am a priest and they perceive my long hair it is a non-issue.
I will sometimes be called "Miss" by people in a store or bank situation but I think it is a honest mistake because they see my long hair and will automatically assume that I am a woman. It doesn't bother me; at least my long hair is perceptible.
When I see a fellow male long hair I will usually say, "Hey Bro!" to him. I will sometimes point out to him that, "You and I are long haired bros." I will then turn my shoulder to him and pull out my ponytail from under my collar. We usually both smile.
Your long haired bro,
Raymond
Hi Alan,
I find the research idea interesting about long haired men in society. I have a few thoughts on why some people (mostly men) are negative about guys with long hair, some of them I might have read on this board.
Where I grew up men with long hair are a minority different from the norm. And I think it is a general thing to hurt and make fun of minorities. I haven't studied psychology but I think some people feel better about themselves and stronger if they can put other people down. I think biologically this could be interpreted as practicing how to fight and maybe gaingin a better status in society, too.
Particular for guys with long hair, I think sexuality plays a major role. I've heard of the idea that if heterosexual men find things attractive on women, they don't want to see them on men. This makes sense from a biological point of view, because two men can't mate.
Yeah, so I think it all comes down to reproduction. However, the way you are raised makes a huge difference! People with traditional values tend to hate it more and show their hatred. Openminded people don't hate it.
I like long hair, so I have long hair.
Cheers,
Phil
Im 54 & I cant remember anyone saying I looked like a girl or your hair makes you look gay. As a matter of fact in my younger days I worked at a furniture store where both Managers & most of the employees were gay. They all had short hair & hated my long hair. Im a drummer and have always been in a band so they understood why I preferred long hair. So I dont really associate having long hair with gay men unless they are drag queens & even then most wear wigs so it doesnt apply. Now from behind sitting at restaurants I have been mistaken for a female waitresses & a few times at the furniture store behind the counter with my back to a customer until they they see from the front. In my opinion having friends both straight(like me) & gay the long hair had nothing to do with sexuality & more with preference. Now my parents who have both passed hated long hair & did associate long haired men as being gay but they grew up in the 20's & 30's. One reason I still have long hair now is less about the band & more about me growing up and not being allowed to grow my hair past my ears until 11th grade. Guess Im just a rebel,lol.
I think most people who don't like long hair on men, just don't like it because its long. Including long hair on women. My dad, for example, used to point out women with longer-than-average hair and he described them as "unkempt" looking. I think he just preferred things neat and tidy and to him that meant short.
At least among the younger generations, I think most people do not equate long hair as being gay. Almost all gay men I know have very short hair. I am gay and having long hair almost makes me an "incognito" gay guy. Sort of like "flying under the radar".
I've only ever received two negative comments about my hair. One was from another gay man, who said I'd look cute if I cut my hair short. This was during the growing out stage, and my hair was only about two inches long all over. I've found that the majority of gay men like men with short hair. Of course, I love men with long hair myself!
The other negative comment was from my mother's girlfriend. She complemented my boyfriend's hair, then turned to me and said, "But we've got to do something with yours. It needs help." I told her she was being rude and changed the subject.
Although it is not an insult, my sister asked me if I'm transsexual now. I have a beard and wear flannel shirts and jeans. I just said, "no I just like long hair." People are so strange.
I'm an actual long haired gay man, and I can tell you from personal experience that gay men almost universally have short hair. (It's actually kind of puzzling to me.) I'm one of the rare exceptions. The people who say that long hair is "gay" are either ignorant about the gay community or they have some repressed trichophiliac desires.
