Re: Hillel and Shammai

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Posted by doninisrael (other posts) on October 02, 2017 at 18:12:14 Previous Next

In Reply to: Re: Hillel and Shammai posted by Raymond on October 01, 2017 at 06:00:32:

Raymond, I don't know what Hillel would say about such a situation because he only wrote of the aforementioned, theoretical situation of 'spoiling his dinner.' But the principle in Jewish law (which is usually in line with Hillel) is that one should not feel compelled to remain in a marriage where one is constantly unhappy.

That said, having been in the position of having a wife who was unhappy when I made it clear that I was growing my hair out, and who nagged me regularly about it...I would say, give her a respectful ear and then tell her calmly that you're going to exercise the same autonomy that you grant her. (Of course, this assumes that you DO grant her autonomy and don't nag HER about decisions she makes over how to present herself, including how she decides to wear her hair! The truth is, many men let their preferences be known regularly and forcefully.) So over time, the nagging decreased and now it seldom happens. Although I have decided to wear my hair long, I respect my wife's preferences to the point of tying my hair up when we make love, even though that's exactly when I'd like to feel it loose! And most of the time when I'm outside the house with her - and in latter cases I usually put it in a simple queue, as she doesn't like anything more elaborate. When I'm out by myself, I'll wear it as I will. I guess what I'm trying to say is that a man seldom has to choose between long hair and divorce if there is a healthy give-and-take in the relationship, and an assumed autonomy of each person. Hope that helps and G-d bless!


: Hey Don!

: What would Hillel say in the case of a man considering divorcing his wife if she is constantly nagging him about cutting his hair?

: Your long haired bro,

: Raymond

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