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Just a quick note to my long-haired brothers! We all like to seek out the company of other long-haired men - that's why we belong to MLHH, right??! But in the flesh also; when we see other longhairs, we definitely feel less alone in our choice. Well, this week and last I'm in Boulder, Colorado, helping the Hillel House at the University of Colorado to observe the Jewish High Holy Days. And I have to say, I've never seen such a density of long-haired men, anyplace where I've been before. Of course, one would expect university students to experiment with different looks, and to be sure I've seen many long-haired male students. And faculty members, also; the same freedom of expression applies to teachers on [certain] university campuses, including this one. But I've seen and met quite a few men, even older men, NOT connected to CU who sport some bodaciously long locks. It's refreshing, and heartening - a good morale-booster!
All the best and chatima tova...
Don
Hi Don,
That's cool you are in the US of A attending such an event.Also your report of several longhair sightings on men is encouraging.Sometimes that is due to it being so called "in style" so the real test is when short haircuts are the rage and the brave men who love long hair continue to sport it :) I'm not sure what the current style is for men but I don't follow trends anywat as I do my own thing.Cheers my friend.
Mârk
Hey Don!
Shalom!
I hope that the High Holy Days are an occasion of renewal for you and the Jewish Community.
I totally identify with what you said about feeling a kinship with guys with long hair. I sometimes say to a guy with long hair, "You and I are long haired bros.". Then I pull out my ponytail from under my collar to show him.
Correct me if I am wrong; the rabbi Hillel differed with the rabbi Shemei in regard to his interpretation of what constituted "uncleanness" or "displeasure" in the eyes of a man in regard to his wife for which he might divorce her.
Your long haired bro,
Raymond
Hey, Raymond - not bad for a Catholic priest! :-)
Yes, Hillel and Shammai were two great Jewish sages of late antiquity, a generation or two before Jesus. They disagreed on lots of things - each sage, and the school that grew up among his disciples, had a different way of interpreting Halachah (Jewish law).
In the case you cite, Shammai said a man could divorce his wife only if she had been unfaithful. Hillel opined that he could divorce her if she spoiled his dinner. BUT...nobody in the Jewish world takes his words literally and runs to divorce his wife because of a bad meal. It is understood to mean that one shouldn't consider oneself bound beyond reason in an unhappy marriage. Following Hillel, one simply doesn't need a specific reason to divorce. On the other hand, a woman cannot be divorced against her will, and IF a man divorces his wife, he must fulfill the terms of her Ketubah, or pre-nuptial agreement which specifies a 'pay out' if he divorces her. Because these amounts are often quite high, it is a deterrent to many divorces for 'casual' reasons. Jewish guilt - which is almost as powerful as Catholic guilt :-) - is also a deterrent. (Example:
Mother: "You're getting divorced??! How could do this to US??!")
Raymond, a joyous Lord's Day and a good week to you and the rest of the gang here on MLHH. I'm on my way back to Israel tomorrow...
Don
Hey Don!
What would Hillel say in the case of a man considering divorcing his wife if she is constantly nagging him about cutting his hair?
Your long haired bro,
Raymond
Raymond, I don't know what Hillel would say about such a situation because he only wrote of the aforementioned, theoretical situation of 'spoiling his dinner.' But the principle in Jewish law (which is usually in line with Hillel) is that one should not feel compelled to remain in a marriage where one is constantly unhappy.
That said, having been in the position of having a wife who was unhappy when I made it clear that I was growing my hair out, and who nagged me regularly about it...I would say, give her a respectful ear and then tell her calmly that you're going to exercise the same autonomy that you grant her. (Of course, this assumes that you DO grant her autonomy and don't nag HER about decisions she makes over how to present herself, including how she decides to wear her hair! The truth is, many men let their preferences be known regularly and forcefully.) So over time, the nagging decreased and now it seldom happens. Although I have decided to wear my hair long, I respect my wife's preferences to the point of tying my hair up when we make love, even though that's exactly when I'd like to feel it loose! And most of the time when I'm outside the house with her - and in latter cases I usually put it in a simple queue, as she doesn't like anything more elaborate. When I'm out by myself, I'll wear it as I will. I guess what I'm trying to say is that a man seldom has to choose between long hair and divorce if there is a healthy give-and-take in the relationship, and an assumed autonomy of each person. Hope that helps and G-d bless!
Don
Hey Don!
That does help. Todah!
When I come to Ashkalon in Erez Israel I hope that I will get to meet you and your wife face to face. We will have to set a couple of hours aside and have a long rabbinic/clergy discussion.
I'll have my hair back in a ponytail.
G-d bless you!
Shalom!
Your long haired bro,
Raymond
Raymond, absolutely do let me know in advance when you're going to be in Israel. Even if you're not specifically coming to Ashqelon - it isn't on many tour itineraries - I'll be happy to meet up with you elsewhere in the country when you send your tour group to wander around on their own and have a couple hours free. Or...even better, plan to stay in the country a few days after the tour's over; I'll pick you up at the airport after you wave your people into the secure area of the airport for their return flight, and then you can decompress and relax at my place.
We'll enjoy eating fish and kebabs, and spending long afternoons talking about long hair, comparative religion, and any thing else that comes to mind. (I'd add sailing, but then I know you live in Arizona...have to wait 'till Anthony comes for that! You reading this, Anthony? :-))
BTW, this invitation extends to all the long haired brothers on MLHH...if you're coming to Israel, you're welcome at my home in Ashqelon and I'd love to meet you in the flesh.
A joyous Sukkot (Feast of Tabernacles),
Don
