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Hey, Gang...
This morning I had in my FB feed a link posted by a young twenty-something woman (she's a friend of my daughter) whose title was 'A Good Barber is Like a Plastic Surgeon.' Since I had a few minutes free, I thought 'what the hey' and clicked on it. It showed a series of before-and-after pictures of men who had had long hair (and in a number of cases, beards) and, after some barber's ministrations, shorter hair: in most cases, downright 'short,' and some kind of 'fade' cut. (I saw whitewalls on all but the African-American models...smooth black-walls in those cases.) Where the model had facial hair in the 'before,' in the 'after' it was invariably trimmed back considerably, and shaped.
My first thought was that, in almost each case, the guy looked better in the 'before' picture, although a number of them were posed with the guy's hair mussed up or otherwise arranged to try to make the 'before' as unattractive as possible.
But since this link had been shared by a young woman who is herself something of a non-conformist, it just got me to thinking. (I know, a dangerous proposition...) In this day and age, with women feeling free (as well they should!) to wear their hair any length that pleases them, including shaved completely off, and dyed in outrageous colors as well, as an expression of how they want to look, why is there this residual need to see men put in a box appearance-wise, in particular regarding hair length?
I'm married and not on the prowl, and I'm retired and not looking for work. But I see - and read, from what many of you post here - that men are regularly hampered in their ability to connect with the other 50% of humanity, as well as sometimes to find meaningful employment, if they 'push the envelope' with and out-of-the-box appearance.
Has anybody thought deeply about this? Or perhaps even better, discussed it with women? I would be curious to hear insights.
Dennis Prager, a frequent commentator on society and trends, points to the tendency of women and girls to show acres of bare flesh, and the tendency of men to mostly (or perhaps altogether) eschew hair and sport whiskers, as symptomatic of the disappearance of unique gender roles today, and the male and female's desire to differentiate themselves from one another through the only means they feel they have. I have no way to confirm or deny this, but when I hear of the attitudes of women who want only to see their men shorn in a conventional manner while not feeling beholden to convention themselves, Prager's words begin to make some sense.
Look, even as I write this it seems trivial against the momentous events that we witness almost every day, at least recently. Even so, it sticks in my craw...and these kinds of issues are, after all, why this forum is such a great support network for those of us with outdoor plumbing who insist on wearing long hair.
Thoughts? Let 'er rip, and thanks in advance...
Don
Hi Don,
Great post and thanks for bringing it up.In my personal experience I've seen it both ways for men.There are still a majority of men with traditional short haircuts but I still see a fair share of men with long locks which is refreshing:) Like you I've observed women with hair styles, including coloring, all over the place.Something most men wouldn't do unless they are the younger ones.Like you mentioned it also carries over to clothing where women get away with what looks like painted on outfits which may not necessarily compliment their shape. Lol. As you can see in my posted pic I do what I like with my hair and beard and could care less what others think about it.Thankfully at work I haven't received flack except once about my beard. In that case my answer was to ponytail my beard so it looks less bushy. I'll look forward in a few years when I'll retire and truely won't give it a second thought;) Have a great week Don.
Mârk
I think it’s true that the majority of women don’t prefer longhaired men but of those that do, they really do. I see it as a win for us as men because we can easily weed out those that aren’t interested. It helps to have online dating because you can reach a much larger prospective pool of women and the ones who love long hair on men, will zoom in on us. It worked for me!
As far as makeovers go, what you witnessed is not limited to men. The same thing happens when women are shorn of their long hair and come out with much shorter hair. “Oh, I love your haircut!” is so prevalent.
I think male long hair is more accepted than it used to be. I also think the largest problem is in the workplace. I am probably no more keen on female short hair than these ladies are on male long hair, but I don't think either group really has any serious problems finding companionship of the opposite sex.
Hey, I even dated a couple of short haired girls. One of them two-timed me with someone far more conventional, perhaps after realising she couldn't change me to suit her taste. The other was dating me only because her parents didn't like her boyfriend, so perhaps she was aiming to go out with someone that would give them more to worry about, LOL! At any rate it was all fakery, although she held my hand a lot, which was sweet. All that was long ago and far away, and I've been happily married for years, to a long haired girl.
OTOH, when your livelihood is on the line it can get annoying. When you need a paycheck rather than love, it really doesn't feel acceptable for a prospective employer's personal taste to impinge on that. Even there, I don't think it is as big a problem as it once was.
The desire to shorten mens' long hair is much like the desire to dress men in identical suits and employ them in identical cookie-cutter occupations. A significant number of people want to simplify the world around them by eliminating as much expression of distinctive personality as possible.
When males wear long or unusual hairstyles, we are expressing a bit more of our inner selves and dropping the societal mask most people wear. That makes the existing mask wearers very uncomfortable. Luckily, the smaller percentage of women who do appreciate us often do so very passionately.
Well said.
Is anyone actually still moderating this?
Yes, Problem ?
I think it varies a great deal depending on where you are, and your social associations.
That kind of "comment" is rare for me, but then, I am in San Francisco, and my social contacts have been pretty well vetted of the type of people who like to enforce conformity in the last year.
