new thread
Hey guys.. Avi here again. I'm having a bit of a psychological issue with my hair I guess.
My goal is to grow my hair to my hip, but I've always had very restrictive parents and so I was never able to pursue that dream although I've wanted to do it all my life. In March 2018 I finally was able to convince them and I began growing my hair out. Its around my shoulders now, its still pretty short as its only been a year.
My issue comes from whenever I see people with waist length hair. I run into people with waist length hair either online or in real life, and I always feel really low when I see them. Its been my dream to have hair like theirs since I was a kid, yet I was never able to pursue it, and I wasted so much time not growing it out. If I had started growing it out when I wanted to, I definitely would be at my hip now. it just makes me feel so bad, and I feel so low esteem about my hair since its so short and only at my shoulder, and they all have such long hair. I know it seems super petty and trivial, but i really do feel significantly bad and low inside whenever I see very long haired people. :( Nothing against them obviously, they just make me feel like a failure I guess. its gonna be years before I reach that goal...how do I cope till then?
Thanks everyone,
Avi:)
I feel u and wish my hair was even as long as yours but I know it just takes time and I just have to enjoy where I'm at. Maybe try a green tea rinse one or twice a week. Caffeine on the scalp is supposed to speed up hair growth. But it can also dry out your hair so don't put caffeine on your head everyday.
Marty
A couple of points here:
1. You're well on your way to growing your hair. Since hair grows typically at 1/2 inch per month it will take a long time to reach your desired length.
2. Since you haven't grown you hair previously you have no idea where your terminal length is. (It might be shorter than hip length).
3. Never mind the past. Just be happy that you are now growing your hair long, that you have hair to grow. I've started growing my hair in 1964. Lots of guys over those years had parents who refused to let them grow their hair long. It is what it is, and for some of them the only way they could grow their hair long was to move out into their residence. So be thankful that you can now grow your hair long while you still have hair.
Yes it definitely sucks that you could have longer hair, but I second what others have said and want to emphasize that you actually are growing it now and that is a huge step. You've never even been able to grow your hair out before. So be excited about that. The first year or year and a half can be frustrating getting through the awkward stage and all so hang in there.
In growing out my hair I came to appreciate a few things. First: long hair takes some practice. You have to get used to caring for it and managing it and going from shorter lengths to longer lengths gives you the ability to build your skills, so take advantage of the time to find a good routine (it will change as your hair gets longer), and to get used to putting it up in different ways, learning to keep it out of the way etc.
The other thing that helped me was embracing all the milestones and new experiences that came along the way. You've never had shoulder length hair before so enjoy it and everything that is different about it. Set short term goals along the way like being able to tie a ponytail, being able to bun your hair or braid it, reaching other length milestones like APL, mid back etc. and focus on those things in the order that you're likely to reach them. I understand none of those are your end goal, but you can't get to hip with out reaching them first. I felt similarly from time to time as my ultimate goal when I started was waist, but many of those other milestones are fun to reach and there are things about them that I miss even though I prefer having my hair longer so take time and enjoy them while you are growing. Hang in there.
Jackson
I like the advice u have about setting short term goals! That's what I've done. My end goal is mid-back length hair. Never had and don't know if it's attainable at my age (46) since I've already lost a lot of hair in the back and I'm hoping it'll come back with scalp care that cleans and prevents DHT. Right now my short term goal is just shoulder length hair. I took pictures 17 years ago when I did this and am know it takes at least a year for me to get there...but that's the lockscreen picture on my phone for personal motivation!
Marty
Hey, Avi! Nothing for me to take issue with from what others have already written. Enjoy the ride, don't worry what might have been, rather what is, etc., etc.
I'm going to add an additional couple of thoughts. From some things you've written in the past - and what you said here (ie, "In 2018, I was finally able to convince them...") - I take it you're a young guy still in your parents' home. So, just relax...you've got a whole lifetime ahead of you to grow long hair, and after all, even though you didn't get to start when you wanted to, you HAVE now gotten a good start on the journey.
My other thought is this, and forgive me if I am getting too personal here. Do you live in Israel? I'm asking, because I've never seen anybody but an Israeli use the nickname, 'Avi.' And, IF you're Israeli - and IF you're as young as I think you are - then you've got your army service ahead of you, and sad as it is, you'll have to cut your hair short for that anyway. (As you can tell from my screen name, I live in Israel. I have a son who just finished his army service, so I know that the grooming standards regarding men's hair for conscripts are quite strict.) If I have guessed correctly, that simply supports what I wrote in the first paragraph above; you will see your hair-growing days interrupted for a bit (2 1/2 years, if I'm not mistaken), so just enjoy the journey until then, and look forward to resuming it when you emerge at the other end.
I hope this helps a bit! All the best and hope it goes well for you...
Don
Actually I know someone named Avi who lives in Germany.
Hi Avi,
I didn't start to grow long hair until I was in my 50's and I had a bit of envy everytime I spotted a longhair. But I started and now I am one.
Just remember, every one of those longhairs you see was exactly in your shoes when they started out.
Growing ones hair out is a lesson in patience.
Bruce
Hi Avi,
I'm sorry to hear that seeing other people with waist length hair makes you feel bad because it reminds you of not reaching your goal. I can understand that, i have been in a similar situation.
Regarding the restrictive parents: It is unfortunate that your parents were against the long hair. I can understand that you feel bad because they didn't allow you to grow long hair.
- Try to release the trouble that gave you.
- Maybe you can forgive your parents. They just did what they thought was the best for you.
- Maybe you can understand your parents' point of view. They usually want the best for you. And long hair can bring some difficulties, for example bullying at school or ome employers think long hair is not presentable. Even though it doesn't make any sense, the discrimination exists for men with long hair. Maybe your parents wanted to protect you from that.
Regarding your own journey:
- Celebrate every week, month or year that you are growing out your hair. Congratulations on shoulder length by the way!
- Shift your focus on what you have and can do, rather than what you don't have and couldn't do.
When you see other people with long hair:
- Maybe you can be happy for them that they've reached that length, it is usually a lot of patience and dedication, so they probably wanted long hair just as much as you do.
- Maybe you can think that you will be at their stage too in a couple of years, if terminal length allows it.
- A couple of years will go by really fast.
Regarding the self esteem:
- Make sure that your self esteem is not dependent on the hair style. After all, it's just hair.
If long hair is what makes you happy, you should obviously continue growing it! What I did differently in my journey was that I didn't have a specific goal. I just wanted to have the hair "long" and then see how it is. I hope this helps!
Cheers,
Phil
