new thread
I had long hair (past my shoulders) since I was about 13 or so, then when I was about 23 I cut it all off -- partly because I was tired of taking care of it and partly becuase conservative, rural America isn't exactly supportive of men with long hair. I caved in.
I'm now 29 and about a year ago, we had our first child. During the pregnancy, I quit my job with CorporateAmerica to work with community development/housing programs for our state (during college I worked at a homeless shelter and wanted to return that type of work) and decided to start growing my hair again. I realized the values I wanted to teach my children were not "conform and make money." (That's not to say one's hair length indicates the ability for independent thinking. I just knew who was contrasted sharply with who was being.)
My bangs are finally long enough to put behind my ears and the comments have started. I live in a very conservative state and expect things to only get worse (as they were when I was younger - getting pulled over by the police when driving was common, not getting hired for jobs I was qualified to do, etc. I wondered how others deal with the comments and other forms of discrimination...
Anyone else live in the midwest?
[SNIP]
No, but my wife is from Chicago. The midwest can be very narrow
minded. I'm fortunate that I live in California, where pretty
much "anything goes". Wow, cops even pulled you over? For driving
while long haired? What did they say? Are they doing it now?
I'm 38, and have long hair for the first time in my life. Even
here, you get the occasional comment. I'm also a Greek folk
dancer - I wear a traditional foustanella (English translation:
short skirt) to performances and socially (Much like Scots do). You
may rest assured that this outfit gets more comments than the hair.
Here is how I deal with comments about either:
A) It really does help to have a sense of humor! Expect some
light teasing and play along. It can be fun.
B) If the person in question really has a real problem with it,
oftentimes a serious, but friendly conversation about the relativity
of culture, and historical figures with long hair (or skirts of one
type or another) will clear the matter up, or at least turn it
into situation (A).
C) If (B) doesn't work, I either ignore the person or get in their
face with "it" as the situation dictates! Here in Ca, this doesn't
happen much...
We all have our reasons for our long hair, mine are probably
different from most. Regardless, you need to go into it with your
eyes open and know how you'll deal with a given situation. The
main "problem" I have is with older folks, especially older women.
Long hair tends to intimidate them, when encountering one on the
sidewalk for instance, they will often say "hello" or similar because
they want a response to reassure them that "I'm OK". While I
personally think my long hair makes me look more friendly, I realize
this doesn't do it for everyone - I always smile and say "Hello"
in return. Then they sometimes want to stop and talk! I'll do that
too.
OTOH, the younger crowd either tolerates it or likes it - I get
unsolicited compliments about my hair from perfect strangers -
usually women under about 40.
In the midwest, your milage may vary!
-Zorba, new longhair.
Call me cynical, but I can't help but think that cops who pull over young longhaired men get a raging hard-on in the process.
Is it practical for you and your family to move? I would think you and your family would be better off where there aren't so many ignorant, bigoted people as your description makes it sound. Do you want your child to be raised surrounded by "bubbas"?
Just an idea.
I just wanted to say that I know many cops, and I don't think it was fair for you to make that comment. Yes, some cops are a**holes and like to f**k with guys for having long hair, but most cops won't mess with guys with long hair (or anyone else for that matter) if the guy is doing what he should be. In other words, don't think that just because your a guy with long hair and you get pulled over by the cops that they are picking on you because of the length of your hair.
I live in Eastern Ohio and with hair down my back I've encountered problems. A few traffic violations compounded with stero types of long hairs made me get a lawyer. Which I was lucky to find one who saw me for me. Even then, botton line was "let it go" and get on with your life for myself. Something straight out of a movie.
I currently live in Minneapolis, Minnesota, and have travelled all over the midwestern USA and have never ever received any negative comments. Even the policeman in the one time I was pulled over was friendly. I have barely been to Iowa (only to drive through), but know many people here who are from Iowa and have found them to be friendly and open-minded people. The bigots are only a small minority here just like anywhere else. This area is a great place to live --- don't let the small minority spoil it for you.
I live in Missouri - have been growin my hair out for 13 months now. I deal with comments this way - if you are comfortable with what you are doing, and it doesn't hurt anyone else, or hurt other goals you have (career, relationships, etc), then other people's problems with your hair are just that: OTHER PEOPLE's PROBLEMS. When I am on the receiving end, I usually just smile, or ignore the comment and continue on as if nothing had been said. I do respond when others ask me about my hair in a way that indicates that they are sincerely interested, instead of just causing trouble. Don't take it personal, and don't add to the problem by negatively reacting.
hang in there, and above all remember the two week rule! (if you think you want to cut it, wait two weeks to make sure it is really what you want to do, and not just a spur-of-the-moment thing that you'll regret.
I forget the whole world doesn't know me ... I definitely don't take peoples' comments (or too much of anything) very seriously. It sounds like most of us just laugh things off or ignore them. Good plan!
I will definitely use the two-week rule! I've made that mistake ONCE. Never again. :)
Thanks again!
jason