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Hi - I look at this board quite a lot but have never posted before. What I want to say is I am a bisexual man with long hair - something of a rarity - and I have been out on the gay scene tonight and failed to find a man. This may be beacuse of my hair, as a lot of gay men seem to think I should get rid of it, but I NEVER WILL! I don't care if I pull less; I am glad to be different to the average gay man and don't want to be a stereotype. To everyone on this board, well done for keeping your hair long and ignoring the so called "fashion". Who wants to decide how they look from what a magazine or TV says? Not me!
I share your sentiments exactly! I'm also gay and somehow I also feel ostracized because I do not fit into the mold that many queens, twinks, and other "what-have-yous" create. I have waist length black hair with a goatee to match and I'm proud of it. It gives me a unique identity and my appearance enables me to filter the phonies from the sincere people. Keep your chin up and be proud of who you are dude!
I really love your long, straight, black hair, man. It really looks good on you, I am of course speaking of the pick, you posted, Samurai. I am sure, of the fact, that there are many gay people who share my opinion, somewhere.
Well I have met Samurai just about a year ago and had a very nice time and it is nice to men with such nice lognhair...:-)
Keep it long, Smurf.
I'm gay too and I've admired men with long hair for many, many years.
I've visited the gay pubs and clubs in Vancouver, Canada but they put me off.
I really find men with long, straight, flowing hair in jeans and a denim or leather jacket really appealing, even if just aesthetically.
Charles
I'm gay also, single, and I have waist-length hair and a long beard. I agree with you that it's hard to find men who find my looks appealing--but when I do, I'm so glad I haven't cut my hair or shaved, so I never will.
I also find longhaired men appealing and would love to find a partner whose hair is as long as mine.
tom
I think one reason for the preference of short hair among gay men is because the image of men with short hair is associated, by and large, with masculinity in our culture vs. long hair which is, by and large (be it right or wrong) associated with femininity. I suppose many gay men feel that by adopting this "masculine" image, it helps them to "fit in" with society at large in some way, and not be perceived as being even more "feminine" than some people automatically think of them as being.
But who knows? I'm certainly no sociologist or psychologist... I'm just a gay guy with much longer hair than is usually popular among gay men - and I don't particularly care what people (straight or gay) think of the length of my hair. What's funny about all this is that it seems to be more accepted (and even complimented upon) by my straight friends than my gay friends!
What's funny about all this is that it seems to be more accepted (and even complimented upon) by my straight friends than my gay friends!
the irony for me is that i have always been selfconscious about my longish hair because i thought people would think i was gay. now, i don't care what anyone thinks.
t
I think you're absolutely right. I've had my hair long and short at various times over the past 25 years. I cut it short last spring because I was tired of being roundly ostracized and rejected by my gay peers. My sex life had ground to a virtual halt and I felt as if I were going through a second virginity. If there were a "Mr. Right" in my life it might be different in terms of being accepted with long hair, but for now I have to settle for short hair and "Mr. Right Now".
It seems like nowadays you aren't a gay guy if you don't have a buzz cut and goatee, and you get extra credit for having "tats" and piercings. Some day I'm going to retire to Santa Cruz and pay hippie boys to have sex with me :-)
I don't think it is so much a masculine vs. feminine thing so much as it is a strong vs. weak thing. Look at those who our culture currently view as being strong. They are all shorthairs. Not that hair length has anything to do with strength but it is the associated image that people remember because it is all they currently see.
We don't see images of strong longhaired military troops, strong longhaired boxing prize fighters, strong longhaired elected officials wielding their political power, or strong longhaired anyone. All shorthairs. So, it is very natural to want to be seen appearing like those who are seen as strong. Natural? Yes? Based on subjective criteria? Yes as well.
Perhaps this current resurgence of professional wrestling will change this. Currently, televised pro wrestling is the only place where the public can see so many strong, powerful men with longhair. In fact, pro wrestling has a lot more longhairs than shorthairs - and certainly more than anywhere else on TV.
For that reason alone I will sit through a few minutes of it when I am channel surfing the TV. I usually turn the sound off just to enjoy the visuals! ;P
ROTFLMAO!!! That was great! It brought a smile to my face. Very funny!
Madoc
My site. Warning! Gay/ Bi content! Nothing X-rated, just that I like men too!
Sounds like you're not being yourself, and since you only have one life to live, that is sad. But you're right about one thing, the gay longhair community is small.
Any community can live with being small, though. What hurts us is that we are not very "together". And I don't think anyone knows why that is. Even in San Francisco with its large population, we had a heck of a time even getting a social group together, and we're still not big enough to do anything besides the really popular things - brunches and parties.
My partner and I a few years ago each decided to follow our identities a bit more than in the past. At one time we mostly had friends in common, and they were mostly friends that I made, because I was always the more social, outgoing one. Recently, he followed his leather and boot interests, and I followed my interests in long hair. From his perspective and mine, we together get a very good view of both the leather and longhair communities.
He found his crowd to be very together - they too are a minority, but they all frequent certain bars, and they are outgoing, friendly, and supportive of each other. They notice each other on the street, too, and even if they don't know each other they speak. He easily meets people in that community and they become instant friends. I wish I could say the same for longhairs.
Longhairs have been very different - they spread themselves very thin rather than frequenting the same places, so it is hard to meet others. They seldom acknowledge each other on the street, and when we do meet, there most often seems to be an aloofness about it all. The mindset of the two communities is indeed very different, and some of us in the longhair crowd have joked about it. They have a "Mr. San Francisco Leather" contest for example, but none of us can imagine anyone in our community wanting to be "Mr. San Francisco Longhair". I guess longhairs are independent sorts, and maybe looking different in a way you have to stick with 24/7 filters out those who are not that way. But maybe we're a bit too independent for our own good. Our community would be more vibrant and would attract more people if we were a bit more open to each other, supportive of each other, and a bit more easy to find together.
Dear Bill,
I think that last point sums it up. Longhairs are too individualistic and independent for our own good.
Havings said that, longhairs are good at protesting things beyond themselves, ie. -- environmental issues, the peace movement in the 60's, anti-racist and anti-fascist movements and so on.
Charles
I've never understood this. To me (a gay man, for what it's worth), long hair inplies masculinity to me. I mean, hell. Look at Schenkenberg (sp) a few lines up, or go watch Tarzan and the Lost City. You cannot be telling me that's feminine. Short hair is nice and all, but long hair...even better.
Am I alone in this? :)
Kier
*I* (also a gay man) am NOT saying long hair is inherently feminine. However, I AM saying that society at large *probably* perceives it as being more feminine than masculine. Let's face it - the Tarzans and beautiful long-haired male models are definitely few and far between as examples for raging testosterone in this culture. Whether we like it or not, short hair on males seems to be the most widely accepted "norm" for a masculine image in our society. That doesn't make it right or wrong... that's just the way it is.
Nope - you're not alone. I don't exactly understand it, either. :-)
Hi!
Y'know it's funny - I'm also gay but many of my friends reffer to me as a "stealth" gay. I'm a bear. My hair is down to my mid-back, I have a full face beard and wear jeans; when co-workers finaly see me with a lover (Or hear a phone conversation, or say something like "Faggot" or "Dyke")they *freak*. To them, I'm totaly little Ms. Butch thing. Generally the shock wears off over time but many feel uncomfortable because I don't *act gay* (WTF does this mean?).
I suspect the thing is a body language vs. outword apearence mis-match. Since I'm not overtly femmine they assume I'm Hetro. But when another co-worker goes into a full-tilt tak-nuke flame-out well he must be gay. Only the guy in question is not. Nope. Hetro but a "friend of the familily" (So long as you don't come onto him). Go figure. It just happans he has more style than I and graps a tiarra tude when frustrated.
I think the problem comes to a group of assumptions: Long hair, style, comportment, and grace == gay. Long Hair, typical jeans wear without regard to current style, and a certain amount of taciturn comportment == a little odd, probly from the backwoods someware but quite straight. A wierd set of assumtptions too be sure but a friend (a clinical psych) says that so few straights are ever exposed to gays in any other context than Folsum Street, Pride marchs, and Holly wierd, it's only natural.
But hey, c'est la vie
Sam, smyling
I dont search bars for long haired boys because they are rare but i know all the ones there . they are mainly in neiborhoods or street walkers they are the men of preference for me .longhairedboy@webtv.net
i also look long and hard for a longhaired muscle guy; but they are harder to find than gold-dust. Sometimes, I feel very out there alone in a crowd of skullheads. i would love to find a way to organise and network (especially through the internet). if there are any longhairs in milan, italy; please contact me. i have shoulder-length head which I'm trying to grow (i'm fighting genetics and poor vitimins/diet).