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Usually I wear my hair down whenever possible (it's been growing near and then past shoulder length), but for this summer, I gotta have it up in a ponytail every day or I get dirty looks from parents and constant nagging from brother.
If I take the longest hair strands from above my forehead (where hairline starts) and pull it over my head towards the "low ponytail point" at the neck, it doesn't quite reach. There's about inch or so left. Thus, I can't have a ponytail without having hair fall out all over the place.
So since my hair is not long enough for a "self-containing" ponytail, I use Tresseme Extra Hold Mousse every day. After application, it gives my hair that wet, slick (italian gangster? :) ) look and after a while, it's no longer wet-looking, but simply has my hair clumped together into little thin "bands" of hair. My sister calls the look "crusty." After I release the pony tail and go to sleep, in the morning, I can't comb (let alone brush) my hair decently because of the effect of the mousse.
So, my concern is, am I doing damage by moussing/gelling my hair every day? I do shampoo+condition my hair every two or three days, but I'm worried whether this consistent "forced" ponytail is going to have negative effect. I must also note that because of this, I no longer regularly brush my hair every day; I only end up brushing it only every other day or more, after washing it and letting it dry.
This behavior is going to last for about 3 months (until summer is over and I go back to college). I'm worried whether I'm causing any sort of permanent damage with this?
(snip)
Or maybe it's time to let your hair down and shout "Enough already!" - kowtowing to their dislike of longhairs by concealing who you are is a submissive tack and may just be inviting more abuse. If you're in college you're a man now. Stand up for yourself and they will get over it. And yeah, they will eventually get used to having a longhair in the family, once they see you won't take their abusive BS anymore.
Celebrate it long and celebrate it free!
No, that will just make things worse... believe me. I'm not worried about nagging from my brother: sure, it gets on my nerves at some point, but I actually don't care what he thinks; after all, I can always get back at him for his Slim Shady looks. My parents are the main problem. There's a lot of tension in my family at home, and any more upsetting or seriously "out-of-line" things usually incite yelling, fights of various scales and bad feelings on all sides. I've had to deal with this daily when I was in high school, but now, during college, I've only dealt with it during breaks when I came back home. And now, this summer. What's worse is that the confrontation from my parents is never direct. My father, for example, once mentioned that "when he was my age" they used to drag people like me off the street into the barber shop. It was said in such a fake "by the way" manner, that it just became even more upsetting.
My way of dealing with it is to stay as low as possible. Wearing my hair up in a ponytail during the entire summer? I'm willing to do this as this compromise of sorts permits me to get through the summer with as few problems as possible. After all, I have a whole academic year of free hair ahead :)
I'm thinking right now that if I do let it down all the time during this summer, they will get over it by the end of it.. but the cost of this is too great.
Verbal threats often warn of physical abuse to come. In your post you also mentioned fights. If you have ANY doubts concerning your safety, man, GET OUT! And do it today.
You hope. You may wake up some morning in August to discover you have no hair. On the other hand, if you truly think the ponytail will assure your safety, then go for it!
You know them best, but your word "upsetting" speaks that you have doubts that you are safe there. My earlier post about letting your hair down was made under the presumption that the battle lines to be drawn were the usual verbal, not physical. If "physical" is the case, kowtowing may also not necessarily help because it shows weakness and invites aggression. Realize that no man can win a battle that requires he be vigilant 24/7. If a physical confrontation is even remotely in the cards, call your friends, get support, and GET OUT!
I should've been more precise... That wasn't a verbal threat, per se. It was inferred, more like a hint (a rather acerbic one, too), and it hurt my feelings.
But don't worry, I think I'm pretty safe. I don't think I'm going to wake up to a bald head. If that ever happens, oh man, I don't even want to imagine the things I'll do.
When I said "fights", I meant only fights between my parents. They almost never lift their finger on anybody else in the family and those fights aren't severe or anything. They are like 80% emotional and 20% physical (pushing around, some scratching, very rare though).
It's the emotional part that hurts. Nothing that my parents say is direct, everything is inferred, hinted at, hid under a big umbrella of lies (except the mundane, "acceptable" things). Fake smiles on until something snaps and then, boom, everybody's pissed, yelled at, etc.
I'm pretty sure I'm physically safe. But, over the last 4 years, a lot of psychological damage has been done, although I'm resisting it as much as I can, with help of some of my friends.
So, don't worry, I'm going to be fine. All I have to do is to keep low and quiet until college is over and then I'm *really* free. It's a goal worth enduring for. But thank you for your concern! I must say that I'm impressed with the support that the members of this board provide.
I don't think your safe. You may be in denial; what you describe appears to be domestic violence. If the 20% physical includes a push and someone trips and falls and gets hurt, it's considered a serious crime even if no injury was intended.
Maybe try living with friend or another relative or making it on your own. The college financial aid and counseling often help students find ways to stay in school.
H.H.H.H. referred to a message that said, in part:
"The pony-tail is just a way to HIDE the long-hair in case it is hardly acceptable."
Although I agree with that, I must say that when you have pretty long hair, such as down to your mid-back or lower, then a ponytail actually makes a pretty powerful statement. A longhaired friend of mine has his hair down to his mid-back and always wears it in a ponytail. However, because he has pretty thick, curly hair, his pony tail is not like a thin "tube of hair" hanging from his neck, but instead a nice and, might I add, glorious, display of long hair :)
I used to say that: "The pony-tail is just a way to HIDE the long-hair in case it is hardly acceptable."
Eisweisktar: "Although I agree with that, I must say that when you have pretty long hair, such as down to your mid-back or lower, then a ponytail actually makes a pretty powerful statement. A longhaired friend of mine has his hair down to his mid-back and always wears it in a ponytail. However, because he has pretty thick, curly hair, his pony tail is not like a thin 'tube of hair' hanging from his neck, but instead a nice and, might I add, glorious, display of long hair :)"
Hey, did you see Fantasia 2000 [at the IMAX] where Teller cuts off Penn's ponytail, so that the hair falls loose on the sides?
This reply is brilliant,it helped me,so, thanks.
tim
Eisweisktar wrote in part:
A non-alcohol gel or mousse won't, of itself, hurt your hair. One thing you can do to improve matters, however, is to brush your hair *gently* with a soft-bristled brush right when you take it down. That will break up the gel and keep it from contributing to the negative effects of "bed head." Also, if you're getting the "wet look" -- but you say that's not what you're going for -- then you're probably using too much goop or the wrong product.
In any case, your hair will continue to grow, and with any luck, the problem will solve itself as you go forward. Good luck.
. . . JP in san diego.
JayPee wrote:
Ok, I did buy such a brush recently, and so I'll try doing that!
Well, probably using too much. I'll try going for less now, as my hair has gotten longer since I began doing this and fewer hairs fall out. "Wet look" isn't a problem, actually, I like it, just as I like the "dry look" :O)
Thanks for the advice!
- Eisweisktar
My hair is about the same length. I find that spray works better than mousse/gel if you don't want the wet look. Maybe you should try a detangling brush to use when it comes out of the tail. (the kind that has the teeth about 1/4 in apart) Once that goes through easily, I switch to a Mason-Pearson brush and give it at least 100 strokes.