new thread
I have always been a supporter of men with long hair and in particular was initially attracted to my current boyfriend because of his shoulder length locks of curly/wavy hair. When we go out together he is always getting compliments and I have to admit I get a bit jealous of this.
Partly out of envy I decided to surprise him and have my hair permed to try and imitate his tresses. A friend has cut my hair for the past three years, but this week I finally plucked up enough courage and found a ladies only salon in town and got an appointment there for the perm. Initially, it all went well and after winding my hair onto the perm rods I was led over to corner of the salon where I was put under a lamp/heater type thing for 15 minutes.
Just as I got settled under there, I saw my boyfriend walk in. I was surprised and wondered what he could want in there (since he did not know I would be in there) and even more shocked when he took his jacket off and one of the stylists put a cape around him. She then proceeded to take him over to a basin and washed his hair and then took him back to her work space. From where he was positioned I knew he could not see me, but I could see him through a mirror and watched as this stylist proceeded to wind his hair onto large rollers.
About half way into doing his hair, my stylist came back to rinse my hair off and neutralise the perm. I asked her if that guy came in often (without letting on I knew him) and she said that he was a regular and that he came in twice a week for a set and had done so for about 6 years.
I was stunned by this since he has been complimented on his hair so many times, but always made out that it was natural (well he never said it wasn't). By the time my hair had been finished he was under the dryer - I don't think he had seen me before I walked up to him (or perhaps he was hoping I had not seen him). He smiled at me but it was obvious from the look on my face that I was mad at him for deceiving me. I am still angry with him now - to think that I went through with the perm just to imitate what I thought was his natural hair. I don't know what bugs me - whether it is because he is a guy having his hair set in a ladies only salon or whether it is the implied deceit. I think that if guys are going to have sets and stuff then they should at least be honest about it.
Sam
Going through your letter, the most important things I noticed are that you're dating your boyfriend at least in part that you like his hair, and that you like his hair so much, in fact, that you're trying to imitate it yourself. In trying to imitate his hair you have no problem with using artificial hair styling techiques yourself, and, yet, you're upset with him because he's been less than candid about his own use of artificial techniques.
If this is the biggest problem in your relationship, you're really doing pretty good. It seems to me that, whether a style is natural or artificial, iit sn't that big a deal in these days where hair styling is such a common practice. It would be nice, perhaps, for your boyfriend to be more forthright about the fact that he does get his hair styled, but unless tthis is part of a pattern of his hiding things from you, then I don't think it's something worth fighting about.
Inititally? I don't want to insult you, but you make it sound like that's what you like most about him. Hair is hardly something to base a relationship on. My boyfriend has long hair, too, and I love it to death (and let him know on a regular basis), but even if he cut it off I would still love him.
so many times, but always made out that it was natural (well he
I very well may be reading too much into this, but don't you think you are overreacting? He never said that it wasn't natural.. did he ever say that it was? When I braid someone's hair and they get complimented on it, they don't always give me credit. They may intentionally imply an untruth, or they just might not think about it.
He decieved you by not directly stating his curls weren't natural?
It sounds to me like you're just embarassed about being fooled. Perhaps he was embarassed about it as well. Or perhaps he just didn't think it was that important to say something about. Calm down, and just ask him what you want to know. Trust me, there are more important things to a relationship than natural hair, and many more serious things you will get angry over, if you are letting this bother you that much.
Also, on a side note: if the salon took his business, it obviously was not a "ladies only salon." :)
Samanta- I think you just need to lighten up a little. What you have here is an opportunity for something special and fun, not a problem.
Look at some of my earlier exchnges with tw. I can identify a little with your boyfriend. althought there are some differences in our situations.
He obviously enjoys having his hair rolled and/or the results it gives him or else he wouldn't be do this so often. He may feel embarissed about this since most people see this as a normally feminine activity. Maybe thats why he convince a normally Females Only salon to take him as a customer ( so he wouldn't be seeing other men-I know if they saw him it would be becayse they were also in the same salon-what can I say we guys can be screwed up sometimes) and he may have benn embarrassed to share this with you for the same reason.
Here's some advice-don't ridicule him. Tell him you love the ways his hair looks and only wish that he had shared with you the fact that he had it rolled and styled so you could have been doing that for him all this time. Also, now that you do know his little secret, assure him first that you will absolutely keep his confidence and not tell any of your friends or his. Then stick to that promise. I f he didn't tell you then he sure doesn't want anyone else to know. Secondly, tell him that you want to be the one to roll him. This will be addtional time that the two of you will spend together rather than apart. Third, tell him that you want him to learn to roll your hair.
As you can tell from my exchanges with tw, I don't pofess to understand the "whys" of all this, I just know that it can be a great, fun, sensuous experiance for both of you.
You will probably have to be the moving force though. He's already exhibited his difficulty in sharing this with you ( a guy thing) so be insistant. I promise you this is something that he secretly wants but just doesn't know how to go about.
Finally, you'll love it ot. My wife does, and says that she can't imagine any woman who wouldn't.
Please let us know how things turn out.
R.
Sam:
Having experienced a similiar experience do not jump the
gun on your boyfriend. Before dating my wife I would on occasion
go to the salon for a wet-set. When I began dating my wife, I did
not wear my hair in roller set styles feeling too embarresed. My
motive was not at all to deceive her, I just couldn"t bring myself to
tell her that I liked having my hair roller set, being afraid that she
would not accept me. I regullarly had perms at the time we were
married & soon began to have my hair wet-set after the perm. I have
always liked the way my hair turned out from a set with soft, flowing
waves. (my hair was 3-4 inches). I then began setting my hair and
on occasion went to salons for a wet-set. my purpose was not to
deceive & did not deceive in other ways but she was hurt just the
same as you. My biggest regret was not talking about it with her
honestly but I did not understand why I liked having my hair set so
much & even setting her hair so I avoided dealing with the issue
with her. Sam, don't pull away with anger, but lovingly talk to him
about how you felt. Listen to him as he talks about the past & why
he has his hair set. don't judge quickly, but try to understand that
he probably does not know what now is going on inside his head. After
you've cooled down, think about ways that may not seem
totally conventional to you, but ways that you both can please
each other & make each other happy. Any questions ? Feel free
to ask. (I'll be gone for a while
) Geoff