new thread
i just need some advice, practical advice.
i'll cut this short (excuse the pun =) ) my life is riddled with anxiety problems. not working, should be at uni but dropped out, 21 soon and havent really done anything since i was 18.
people dont like long hair here that much, in bristol, u.k, open minded city, but you always run into someone that needs to test your faith in humanity. i have been attacked twice and mugged purely because at the time i had long hair. i cut it short after about 2 years and go an office job, felt 'accepted' but different. i had developed my hair as a part of myself over those years prior to cutting it. 10 months later, i decide to grow it again. i'm now at just over 6 months of growth, and over the last two weeks have thought about getting it all shaved again.
first of all i'm not growing it long, i've done that before, instead i'm keeping it styled at almost the length i have now (just below ear lobes on sides, halfway down neck on back, side parting, it suits me), so i know it wouldnt be a problem having a job finding friends etc......
its a catch 22 for me, if i cut it again it will feel like i'm accepted but i'll also feel like something is missing. however, if i keep it long and styled then i feel like an outsider, get a few bad comments and fear being attacked again.
i'm clutching at straws and hoping that someone has some words of wisdom.
it's really upsetting me how i cant feel i can have longer hair than most and be happy, i dont feel supported at all, every family memeber wants my hair cut again, and they thought i 'saw the light' when i got it cut short last year so they just dont understand why my hair is longer now, they hold it against me.
No matter what it is that you do in any area, there will be always someone who will not like it.
If you do cut your hair short or shaved, there will no doubt be those among them that you know who will say it is too short.
If you grow it long again, there will also be those who think it is too long and won't like it. There will be some who do like it longer.
It sounds to me like the negativity in your life concerning your hair is both from those around you and others in your life. Your hair length choice is your choice, and no connotations of negativity should surround it either way.
In general, if you feel and perceive the negativity towards yourself and inside yourself, this is going to be answered back by the same negativity from others. If you choose to grow your hair to your liking, there are poeple out there who will accept you, who will employ you, and who will love you as you are. The price that you have paid for acceptance is too high and I can see why you are anxious about all this. Be strong within yourself, and know that those assailing you with their negativity are not telling so much about your character as they are their own character.
You will never be able to please all those around you. This is a zero-sum game that you will not win.
If you dropped out of university in good standing, why not try and go back? Inasmuch as you have given little other background information, to me, this would be a good move.
If you have been physically attacked for your hair length, I would keep to better neighborhoods. I did not know the UK was this dangerous.
What part of bristol are you in??/ I'm in bristol and i've never had any problems! still happily employed so never had too many problems job wise.
no entiendo!
lucky you =) i'm in kingswood, how about you?
i know the whole situation is stupid, it doesnt need to be one at all, people are different, i'm just wondering what road to go down i suppose. i got more crap from people when my hair was longer, and short hair removed all of it, i know the answer is to me myself but its dealing with people that hate ME with long hair, i dont know how, and it makes me feel that i'm wrong to have it.
Hi dude. I'm in a similar situation to you, in some ways. I'm 21, a dropout (don't regret it) and currently unemployed. I've had some bad experiences with employers. Some nasty specimens indeed..
Anyway, I think if you learn to hold your head high and walk around with pride, you'll be much less likely to be attacked and everyone will think the hair looks cool. It's all about confidence. You sound like someone who walks with their head and shoulders hunched, staring at the ground. That's what makes a person a target for scummy muggers, not the length of their hair.
And change that name, scaredchris! That's a good start!
Welcome. I am glad that you have found us. We offer support here, so you can count on us always for support as well as encourgement through tough times you are having with growing-out your hair as well as how to deal with the ones that mock and ridicule you.
To have "Anxiety" troubles is bad enough, but coupled with what you have been through is pure hell.
The best I myself can offer is that you stick to your guns and continue growing your hair despite what everyone else is saying or doing. I know this is very hard............but it is far worse to be smothered by who you yourself are when it comes to self expression. Once you "give-in" it makes it even harder to excert yourself and stand up for what is right for you and it will cripple you further. The "Anxiety" part especially makes this really tough.
1.) If you proceed on the path you are in and feel you have to get your hair cut to please others and get them off your back.............they will still not be pleased. If not that, then most likely they will look for something else as they know they have a "target" they can get to. Best thing to do is not argue and ignor these monsters. You don't want to have your very spirit broken by a bunch of Brainless-Wits!
2.)It will take alot of strength, but the sooner you excert yourself and just be yourself (pretending these fools don't even exist verbally) the better off in the long run you will be. And here I am speaking of the long-term effects that will affect your entire life.
Hard to do? You better believe it. But MUCH harder if you don't.
Thank you for letting us know of your concerns. I hope at least whatever someone posts to you will give you that glimmer of light and hope that has been much too dark so far.
Good luck to you.
PRACTICAL ADVICE:
Chris, change your moniker to HappyChris, NewChris, FreeChriss, or anything except a negative advertisement.
Find someone to talk to. I do not think the problem is your hair, nor Bristol. You need to find out what you are doing to attract so much trouble.
I do not know anything about the public mental health system in England, but I know there is one with good people working in it. You can find this out. Do it, and go talk to a social worker or a psychologist; be open with them. Tell them about your desire to have long hair and your feeling that you are being abused because of it. They will not find this strange, and I am sure they will be sympatheic.
s an alternative, or a both/and go to one of the old established liberal churches: Church of England, or what ever they call the free church now. Just avoid sectarian fundamentalists. I am sure that a clergy person in one of these churches could offer you some comfort and guidance.
If you think you should be in school, then focus yourself on getting back in school. If you want to be in control of your life in the future you are going to need to make more than the minimum wage and the only way to do that is to get some specialize training.
You sound depressed. Sometimes anti-depressant medications can help people see that the glass is 3/4 full, and if you drink it down, someone will fill it up again.
I wish you well. As a Brit poet said many years ago, no man is an island...,but each a part of the main. We are not humans apart from our bonds with each other. You need to look for some bonds, even if temporary and transient until you have found some friends and a lover who can help you find stability and happiness in your life. There is no road map. There are many people who will help you along the way.
James
