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Astronomical Consequences
young lads marble repose
swell and fun for sure
little do the fellows know
they arrange so much more
thumping circular entities about
frolicking in frivolous play
teacher gives a hearty shout
"I dont have all day!"
recess is dead but not the game
the boys are in a zone
authority calls their name
but they are all alone
a marble shatters another in an accidental blunder
the world is in the past
with not so much as thunder
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okay, so mabye i didnt quite follow the shakespearean form.lol i kind of added my own twist to the end. any comments are welcome.
Well I don't know much about Shakespearian sonnets, but the phrase iambic pentameter drifts back from my school days!
I enjoyed the imagery in this piece, and the shifts in scale from playground to worlds. I especially liked the part how the boys were in their own isolated world, kind of in keeping with the whole thing.
Was this piece ever published?
I really enjoy seeing what people here do with their creativity when not talking about hair. It makes a nice change. Not that hair isn't important :)
I enjoy reading some poetry, I keep telling myself I should get a book of some good poetry and read it, unfortunately I don't know much about it.
Any books you would recommend?
nope. i just wrote this one about a week ago. =)
i never really read any poetry books so i dont really know of any good ones. but any book that has the classics such as Shakespeare, Spenser, Raleigh, etc. would be good. and of course edgar allen poe is always a favorite.=)
Hmm, not bad. I'm an English major at my college and I absolutely LOVE poetry. I've never actually written a sonnet before (twisted ends or not :P), but I plan to.
I like the first line a lot, but I'm not sure how the second line follows, particularly the conjugation of "swell;" shouldn't it be "swells" or is "swell" supposed to be a noun? lol, sorry, I correct grammar for my friends so much it's an instinct now.
I'll read it over a bit more before I say anything else, lol. How long have you been writing for?
i was meaning swell as an adjective. swell as in good. like, "that's swell"lol ive been writing poetry for about 3 years.
Ah, lol, I'd forgotten that sense of the word. Mahalo.
Hmm, I'm not sure how long I've been writing, although I think it's around 4 years - but the first years made for some poems that look reallllly weird when I read them today, lol. Do you post stuff online or distribute your stuff in any way?
yeah, i post them up on my xanga.
...and I enjoyed it from beginning to end.
Thanks for sharing.
No question in my mind that you have a great talent going for you. Most likely the words flowed easily onto the piece of paper?
People that can write like that have great feelings and are also deep thinkers.
Extremely well done.
thanks a lot justin. =) most of the time i can write a 14-line sonnet in about 10 to 15 minutes. it works pretty good for occupying me in my spare time. =)
That is very good. I like it. I love poems and writing them. Every now and then I will get inspired, but I think you are better than me. I am enclosing a link of one I wrote a while back. It is very hard to keep meter and rhyme perfect and it seems you sometimes loose meaning when trying to keep strictly to it.
That is great that you have been published!
There are several poets among the members of this board.
that is really nice. full of meaning indeed. i dont really like sticking to meter a whole lot either. about half of my poems rhyme and half are free verse. its just whatever mood im in. =P keep growing and keep writing. =)
