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Some of you have mentioned the problems one encounters when deciding to grow long hair, specifically from mothers. I have such a problem.
But then, if I had to be honest, she's always been a problem. I don't think it would have mattered what I wore or said or did, she's always given me grief about this and that. In her eyes, nothing suits me. That shirt, that pair of pants, that boyfriend or that hair cut/colour. You name it, she doesn't like it.
We had a little argument about my hair today (I live with her currently but not for long) and she got sort of angry and upset when I revealed that I'd probably let it grow down to, say, my shoulders. She went on about how a man is supposed to look like a man. Then she also said that she wishes I had tried doing this when I was younger. "I didn't get the chance," I said. "I was in the navy!"
It dawned on me that while she was telling my I ought to "grow up", I was already, in effect, growing up, because I told her that I don't need her approval to do this. This was the first time I have been able to say this to her.
It's my choice, not hers. It has nothing to do with her. She's done this to me all my life and if I am going to be a man, I must not let her continue telling what I can and can't do, especially when it's only small stuff like this.
End of rant. Thanks for reading :)
My parents say that too, but i tell them to get off my case about it..i dont give a **** about what they think of me, or no one. and im only 17.
be strong man, stand up for yourself and do what you think is right, do not even worry about what they say. I have a boyfriend and i wear skirts and wear makeup and im gothic and growing my hair, i could care less what my parents think for i do not even live with them.
CHEERS!
Thanks Oleg. I needed to hear something like this to pick me up. Much appreciated. :)
Lol everyday my mum rants on bout my descision to grow my hair and its only been a month lol. if i did everthing she said i wud have no life at all. If you think about it we wasnt made to have short hair men have done fine with long hair for tjousands of years and just becuase some people wanted it short doesnt mean we all have to. personally i would rather be different beacuse if everyone was the same we wud have suckish lifes. keep growing it dude it looks gr8. i will post my poics soon after about 2 more months i think.
Lately, I've been getting VERY sick of other people being intolerant towards people who are simply different from the way they are. Knowing there are people who have the guts to be themselves is definitely something nice.
I coundn't agree more. Why can't people just think "Ok, this is the way this person likes to present themselves to the world and they have every right to do it that way", instead of bitching and moaning about how they don't like it? These people need to get a life. The world would be a very boring place if we were all the same.
LukeB
Are you homosexual? There seems to be alot of guys on here that are gay. I have nothing against .I am open-minded and i have some gay members in my family and they are great people.
Having short or long hair, or wearing this or that, doesn´t matter as long as you´re a good person... as simple as it sounds, some people just don´t get it. Go ahead and do whatever the hell you feel like doing with your external looks, and if someone doesn´t like it, that´s their problem, not yours.
Guess everyone has to at one point or another. I had to also, not only for growing my hair, but for recognizing who I was (male-to-female transsexual and as a person). I hold my ground as if it meant my life...and well, it probably does.
I don't live with either of my parents, not over conflicts (except maybe my mother, my parents are divorced), but it does allow me to be free and more myself than the image they'd want of me. I don't care if they don't understand why I do things or why I feel a certain way, as long as I'm able to do it.
Thanks. Yes I can't wait till I get to live under a different roof than the one shared by my mother. My Dad doesn't come into it because he recently died (God rest his soul), but he was never a problem like that anyway. I guess in some ways I'm a little strange, being gay and all. I have some funny ways about me which clash with my mother and it makes it difficult to be myself under the same roof, but it will change shortly.
LukeB
my mum used to hate my hair and make haircut comments or whatever every day....shes given up lol
No offense but the way you speak of your mother's authority and dominance makes you sound like you are about 14 years old. Dude, you are a man, early twenties i assume? make your own decisions in life . Tell her you are old enough and should be allowed to wear your hair how you please.
You seemed to have taken a solid stance on this matter already.
Don't get manipulated to cut your hair from family pressure.
No offence taken. Actually, I'm 34. I am quite grown up in some respects, but I know this is one thing that is an exception.
I know what I must do.
LukeB
You can love and respect your mother while mainting your own sense of self. Just remind her of how much you appreciate the job she did raising you, assure her that you're everything she wanted in a son, and that you love her for that, but that you have to be true to yourself as well. If that means growing your hair, then she needs to learn to respect your interests.
My own mother never reached a point where she actually liked my hair. She only learned to tolerate it after Dad convinced her that there are some battles that simply aren't worth fighting.
Here's an unusual idea: See if you can dig up a photo of your dad with long hair, maybe from the '70s. Failing that, any friend or relative that your mother likes or admires.
Maybe she'll see that she's being a fashion victim, just accepting pointless popular opinions instead of questioning things.
You're at the stage where you'll probably get more negative comments than you will later on. Good luck!
I think you did the right thing right off the bat. Had you not, with a controling individual such as you have described your hair would never make it to your goal.
I will have to say however that her line of thinking is very normal to just about any guy who suddenly starts to let their hair grow out. Why this is such a big deal will always elude myself.
One would think that the "downer" would have much more constructive things to nag about that are of far greater importance. Or perhaps do something helpful to people in need right in their own town.
That's a new one on me.
Best of luck with growing out - don't take any stick! :)
That made me think:
Babies have short hair and no beards. Therefore long hair and facial hair is more grown up.
More grown up than a baby by the basis of comparison you have here. This is a bit too simplistic to work though. I suggest finding a better argument as it can be easily countered by other simplistic comments.
For example the abuse of the 'majority does that so do it' sort of thought. Majority of men have short hair and short/no beard. It doesn't make it better, just more common. Standing up fo yourself and having your own image (not someone else's, but really yours) matters much more than what the majority could think or do and this is an hard-to-counter argument unless they want to remove individual's rights to freedom.
Doesn't sound like a rant to me so much as realizing the truth for yourself. Good for you! And moving out of her house ASAP is a good move for you to make. Good luck!
Robert
Thanks,
At least I have some friends who know exactly what I'm going through and see things pretty much the same way.
Thanks for your support guys.
LukeB :)
