new thread
I normally don't tend to have emotions of devastation whenever somebody ELSE has cut their long hair; but I have recently, after hearing the news from one of my best friends, Christopher, of a longhair I met only once through him...
My friend Christopher himself has very short hair; but he knows how fanatically pro-longhair I am, and so occasionally will go out of his way if he thinks I'd apprecciate meeting a particular longhair he knows. Anyway, there's this guy that works for BMW out here, in the motorcycle dept., who had a hands-down AWESOME beautiful braid that went all the way down to just an inch or 2 above his belt. His hair was thick, a great shade of chocolate-brown, very healthy & well cared for, --- as well as looked fantastic on him! I met him only once when I dropped Chris off for motorcycle repairs; but now Christopher has just informed me that he recently cut that gorgeous hair off, and it is styled conservatively short now. I would be able to let it go, if Chris had told me that this guy was happy over the cut; but when Chris mentioned the obvious to him, he said the guy responded very glumly, --- as if he deeply regretted doing it.
The moral of me telling this story? When I met him several months ago, I don't remember taking the time or having the courage to compliment him on his great-looking mane. Sometimes I'm very open & care-free and totally out-going towards strangers; while at other times I feel my shyness & timidity from childhood take over, and I stay quiet (for fear of having another guy misread a compliment). Unfortunately, even though Christopher's longhaired mechanic/salesman was perfectly friendly & chatty with me when I met him, for some reason I held back, not saying what I really wanted to say about how much I admired his great braid... and now I could kick myself for not speaking up.
Anybody else have trouble speaking up & giving another guy a compliment about their hair? I am gay, so I'm sometimes especially self-conscious about NOT having a straight guy think I'm coming onto him, when really all I want to do is essentially say: "Keep it long, bro!!!"
- Ken in SF
Well, I´m very shy too, so even though I´m straight, I don´t usually dare to give compliments to strangers about their hair, unless their personality pushes me towards doing so. I do, however, always tell my few close longhaired friends how great their mane is looking, encourage them to keep going, and never cut it short!
I guess it´s a matter of how I think the other person could react to my words...
That is something I should have included in my first reply, actually. A friend who shaved off about 3 years' growth last summer is growing it back (he had no regrets, though). He had a grade 1 shaved head in August, the last time I saw him before this weekend in fact. He hasn't cut it since and it's growing in nice and thick, and I encourage....OK, nag, him to go trimless.
Another friend has about 30 months of growth and he plans to shave it in the summer. I'm working on him but I doubt he'll keep it.
It's always the ones with awesome thick heads of hair...
Matt
Keep nagging at him mate!!!
John.B
That is the case sometimes, yes. However, I very rarely feel like making a compliment unless it's clear the guy puts in the same effort and has the same affection for his hair as many Hyperboarders. This is rare since the longhairs I meet or hang out with grow it as a metal thing, or for the sole purpose of headbanging and don't regard long hair in the same light as we do. So, I'm reluctant to say anything if I assume he's just gonna think 'er....OK, it's just hair'.
Only once have I complimented a longhair. He was working behind the till at a supplement store and had near waist length, thick dreadlocks with a small undercut. While that style isn't to my taste, he'd obviously invested energy into growing it. He confirmed that with a pleasantly surprised smile, and he said it had taken 6 long hard years. There was a line behind me so I couldn't talk more with him, and left.
Matt
Sounds like about time I made a trip up to manchester them..:-)
John.B
Funny you should mention this, Ken. A few days ago, I played background music at a convention for high-tech employees. Quite a few ponytails there! I was noticing this one guy who had a display set up across the room. He had mid-back length beautiful brown hair. After I finished, I went up to him and complimented him on his hair. He and his girlfriend both smiled and we talked for a few minutes.
Last October I took a trip to New Mexico and went to a national monument to do some sightseeing. I met this ranger there who had the most beautiful long black hair pulled back. His hair was down to his waist. I complimented him on his hair and he just smiled and said, "I like it most of the time but every now and then it's a pain." I replied, "I know the feeling. Just don't cut it!" "Don't worry. I won't!" A pleasant exchange.
--Rick, in SJ
I'm exactly the same Ken.
I very rarely talk to strangers, let alone compliment another man on his hair.
I am too shy and unsociable for that most of the time.
I would get too worried just incase he takes it the wrong way , like i'm cracking onto him(not gonna happen) or something rude.
That's why we have the board to interact and support each other!
I am the worst out of everyone...not only am i shy to talk to people but i have problems leaving my own house when there are people. And in a simple conversation i tend to laugh or do things that are not normal(since im so nervious). I usually have 1 or 2 people in my life i talk with and i talk with no one else. When in school people ask me questions i only nod without saying a word.
I felt theres a double standard when it comes to relationships. For example it seems its perfectly fine for 2 girls to even hug and kiss each other but to a guy its like heresy. Even if you want to hug another guy, or even so much as touch him, he'd push you away in disgust like you're coming on to him. I wonder why is it like this...
I hug my friends...
I bet you don't kiss them!
Not really, no.
But most girls I know kiss each other on the cheeks in greeting, not on the mouth. If they kissed on the mouth I would guess there was something more than friendship going on.
In certain countries (ie. france) it's normal for men to kiss eachother when they meet.
Even though my hair's not that long compared to MLHH standards, it's long enough not to be considered short?!?
Anyhow, I am fond of the 'nod' - to the long haired brother, mutually acknowledging that,
"Yes, you too have long hair, as do I - let us by this nod and brief eye-contact, celebrate & rejoice in our long-hairedness in this way."
First off, you seem sad for the emotions of Christopher's friend rather than the haircut that lost the world a bit of beauty. That is an important distinction and I'd say you have the right priorities, Ken. My guess is that the friend would not have skipped the haircut if he had gotten complimented so don't feel guilty about not mentioning it. At worst you missed giving him a smile for the day (though he met you so I bet it happened anyway!). Just as your haircut showed you how important long hair was on you, this may do the same for Christopher's friend so had to happen after all.
On to the fun art of complimenting. Since your intent is to make somebody feel good I can understand why you are cautious about how it will be taken. Unless men have been looking shocked and backed away in horror or asked for your number you probably have been doing fine in sending the message it is just about a compliment.
I tend to say in passing a guy, "Your hair looks lovely," which is the same thing I say to women too. Now I could worry that they will be offended I didn't notice his muscles instead, perhaps an insecure man would be upset I said lovely instead of something macho, maybe a guy hates his hair because he only is growing it to keep his wife happy, or another might thinks I am coming on to him and not respecting his orientation. Has any of this ever happened? Nope, guys generally grin, say thanks and maybe we do talk for a bit or not. Besides, if one day someone does take it unwell that says more about them than me.
In most cases somebody has to be looking for an insult to distrust a message of kindness. Even I who would rip someone up for the implication I can't do what I want with my hair smiles given the comment, "don't ever cut your hair" because I know what they are really saying.
When my Bill compliments people he is a bit of a worrier. What he has found works well for him is to point out that he has long hair too making it a shared interest compliment rather than one of hidden motives. He tends to use variants on "Wow, your braid is beautiful, I wish mine was as thick!" Coming from a guy with a skullet and a laugh in his voice it is taken for exactly what it is, admiration from a peer.
One last thought. Do you ever worry a woman is going to take it as a come on if you said something nice about her hair? I bet not because you know you would be able to explain to her that you weren't looking for a date if there was a misunderstanding. The same just goes for straight, bi, or asexual guys and all the gay men you aren't hitting on either. Don't let "what if" fears stop you from having the friendly interactions you want.
Elizabeth
I used to give compliments all the time to complete strangers who had good-looking hair, but the guys always managed to work in the conversation that their girlfriend/wife liked/hated their long hair. I always felt like they thought I was coming on to them. I wasn't, just complimenting them on their nice-looking hair. I no longer say anything to anyone anymore about their long hair.
Tom
I think I understand. I don't mind if someone that I know who I also know is gay compliments my hair, although that has really only happened with one guy that I can think of in RL. As for a gay stranger, I guess it would depend on how they said it, but I might not even know that they were gay, and most people probably don't realise that you are.
The other side of the coin is that, being straight, I worry that guys might think I'm gay if I compliment their hair.
We probably both worry too much!
