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Hi well I just got out of hospital last night after an overdose. Im currently waiting for a psychiatrist home visit tonight and my mom has took the day off work to keep an eye on me. I have BDD disorder, its complicated to explain but you can google it. I see things on my face that everyone tells me isnt their... its like brownish green marks all over my right cheek and well yesterday was a very bad day, I tried to scrape the marks off with a blade, after my face was bleeding and I wiped the blood off and seen I didnt succeed, I took an overdose. Ive been in a mental ward for a year back in 2004. They dont want to do that to me again so ive finally been pushed up the waiting list for the best psychologist in my area who deals with this stuff. Everyone says my face is clear... im good looking etc... but I dont see it and see marks on my right face when I look in the mirror... Im scared as my face has been cleaned and theres cuts on my face and im scared they may scar. I feel stupid and sellfish and ashamed. I dont if what I see is their or not, I see them crystal clear so when everyone tells me theres nothing their and try to convince me... its very hard to believe them.... I just hope people will take the time to look up BDD disorder as people out their suffer from it look like the most ordinary people. But inside they have something that torments them every second of the day and never leaves your mind unless your asleep. Thankyou for listening! Cant wait for hair to grow =)
Whoa mate, Take it easy. I am really sorry about what is happening to you. But you have to understand that nobody's perfect. Scraping marks off your face with a blade wouldnt help even if the marks were real. It will just add more marks on your face. I would suggest u try to take ur mind off of these thoughts and keep urself occupied with something u love. And dont be ashamed of urself. As i told u nobody's perfect. Everybody has their dirty little secret. You shuld be proud that u r able to face it. Good luck.
Cheers!
Kumar
Oh Adam, there are so many things I could tell you hoping to reassure you about your face but I will skip that because I know Body Dysmorphic Disorder is not logical. You need treatment by profesionals and it is so important that you are going to be getting that help.
You are certainly not stupid and selfish, Adam. In fact, you are doing a wonderful thing to mention BDD here. I had no idea BDD comes in other forms than weight preoccupation. After looking it up I learned it can even take the form of concern there is too little hair on a person's head. That was very helpful information because every once in a while there may be men who come here for reassurance that they are not losing too much hair or balding but will not be reassured no mater what. Now we have an understanding that sometimes it isn't really about hair at all.
I'm rooting for your full recovery, Adam!
Elizabeth
Adam,
What you have explianed to us all shows your courage, and definitely not something to be ashamed of. Its a disorder, and disorder means that you lack the control to deal with it yourself. And you have acknowledged that already with your seeking treatment and talking about it here. I commend you!
I couldn't imagine having to deal with such an issue. And taking your concerns out in a physically destructive manner is the textbook symptom of the disorder. I am very pleased to see you are getting the right kind of care!
Hang in there. There is support for you on this board :) Although I'm pretty sure that most people here don't have the understanding that you might hope for (and If I wasnt going into grad school for this myself I wouldn't have a clue either) support is support, and care is care. Take very good care of yourself, get the help that you need, and realize that no one is judging your actions.
My prayers are with you,
~Rome
Sorry to hear about your ordeal with BDD, Adam.
I do hope that, though professional help and your own self-discovery, you get things under control.
Best wishes,
- Oren
Take it easy man. I hope your CBT works out and you get better soon. I never realised that BBD is a form of OCD. This website has alot of info on BDD.
BDD Sounds a little like a condition which I suffered with for about 4 years.
I'd fixate that there was something wrong with my hair, maybe it was cut unevenly, or bits stuck out, it drove me nuts, I'd go out and get it cut to correct the problem, but I'd come home and find the problem still persisted or I'd find another thing wrong.
At its peak, I was getting my hair cut 6 times a week! Or I was trimming my own hair and making things worse.
I was diagnosed with OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder) because I became ritualistic in my approach to my hair, I couldn't leave the house until I'd checked every strand was right. I would also suffer massive anxiety if I felt something was wrong with my hair. This anxiety would not dissapear until I'd had my hair cut.
OCD and BDD are closely related and often studied together. So even though I may have been misdiagnosed, the treatment is the same. Basically you have to face your demons.
The only way through the illness is not to give in to the compulsion you are feeling to correct the percieved problem.
I only recovered from my problem after I grew out my hair - I forced myself to live with genuinely bad hair (Awkward Stages) for 18 months before coming out the other side. This kind of 'flooding' was what I needed to get over my fixation with what I percieved was wrong with my hair.
I hope you feel better soon, you can beat this problem, but you are going to have to take that leap of faith and trust people who tell you there is nothing wrong with your face. That's the first step to recovery, the next step is learning to live with your face inspite of what you see in the mirror. This is the hardest part, but if you push yourself through it, with a bit of support from your friends and family & a good therapist, one day you'll look in the mirror and see the perfectly normal face that everyone else sees.
Good Luck -
David.
