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Ive been growing my hair out for a couple years now, with regular trims every 3-4 months. Right now its been about 6 months with no trims. My bangs are 2-3 inches past my face and in the back its finally reaching my shoulders. My parents didnt really mind my hair until recently theyve been harassing me to cut it saying "all youre friends hate it, it looks disgusting, no one likes it, no one thinks its cool". This is really, really stressing me out. I like my hair but Im honestly starting to believe maybe long hair just isnt for me anymore. I dont think ill ever find any girls go for guys with hair like this either.
i'm sure it can't look as bad as you say it is. and i wouldn't worry about getting a girlfriend because many girls like guys with long well-kept hair
Hi Karma Police,
if your parents didn't mind your hair for quite some time and then suddenly started harrassing you - that does smell fishy. Did they listen to some weird "cultist" who told them that they'd better stop ignoring your hair and start doing something about this? Some misguided "religious" advice perhaps?
Especially the line "all youre friends hate it, it looks disgusting, no one likes it, no one thinks its cool" - this line is maybe not an idea of your parents. Someone told them that they need to use this line. They may have been advised "hey, if you just tell him that I don't like it, the kid won't be impressed. Rather, you have to impress on him that his PEERS don't like it!" They try to take advantage of the fact that, at age 14, or 17, or 20, we all want some approval from our peers, rather than from our parents. - What's your age?
You may tell your parents that it is not their business to gauge what your friends think - they won't use YOUR parents as THEIR spokespersons, they will tell you directly.
Also, you might point out to your parents that they are so emotional about it; they should tell you openly WHAT they are REALLY scared about.
You also could tell them that you are keeping up with your school work (make sure you do), that you don't drink or smoke (make sure you don't), and growing your hair doesn't mean that you stop being a good son. Or do they think that long hair makes you vulnerable to "homosexual temptations"? That would be the absurdest thing they possibly could tell you - there's a discussion of that issue further down on the hyperboard.
If they still bug you, you could leave the room whenever they start. If they require you to stay and listen to their nonsense, you just give them a blank stare and wait until they're done.
Later, spend some moments mentally throwing out their lines from your mind, so that their lines don't act as "posthypnotic" commands several years later.
Most important, make sure you keep good contact with those friend of yours who support your wish to grow your hair. - Feel free to post some follow-ups about what your parents say.
In any case, best wishes, and don't let them scare or push you into ANY kind of unwanted haircuts or "trims". Grow it, brother, grow it - it's great, and it's YOU!
Hans-Uwe
Why don't you try to post a pic for us all to see. Maybe the more experienced can offer some tips if need be for maintenance etc.
Hmm. My parents said the exact same stuff to me when I just started growing out, but as my hair's got longer and heavier, they've begun to accept and even like it. Girls show great interest in my hair, and in long hair in general. The concept that girls don't like long hair is a terribly innacurate generalization. I know girls on both sides of the spectrum, and to be honest, the pro-longhair side is really much heavier on the seesaw. I assume your hair is at least kind of curly/wavy if that's the length after a few years, which often adds to a girl's interest. The extreme curliness of my hair, for example, really seems to intrigue girls to touch and examine my follicles.
In short, love doesn't happen overnight, dude. Long hair is not widely accepted among parents and society in general, but that doesn't mean it's not absolutely ADORED by tons of women out there. Heard this a million times already? Well, that's because it's true.
Show a pic!
"all youre friends hate it, it looks disgusting, no one likes it, no one thinks its cool".
"I like my hair..."
There's your solution right there.
It's clear that ONE person likes your hair. YOU. Which is what matters most.
Don't give a stuff about other people's opinions, and certainly don't cut your hair against your will.
I imagine if we saw pictures of your friends' hair, we could possibly hate theirs.
Nobody is the same.
Ultimatly its up to you - forget the oppinions of those around you for a moment and ask yourself if long hair is something you really want? I've done just that myself, and the answer is 'yes', and i am now past the stage of caring about what others think.
I'm sure if you post some pics you will receive a lot of encouragment from the board and perhaps we can offer some advice?
Mogh
Mogh and Luke have great points.
If you cut your hair, then TRUST me, you'll regret it, not feel yourself again and probably end up growing it again.
Listen to this:
Your soul is on the inside which sums up how you are on the inside and how you feel. By the clothes we wear, we are showing people on the outside how we feel or who we are in the soul (on the inside). Same goes for your hair. Your soul will probably be incomplete if you cut your hair.
All I can say is that there are definitely girls out there who like long hair on guys...
And maybe your parents just say things like that to get your hair cut, do your friends really hate your hair?
Hi Karma Police,
if your parents didn't mind your hair for quite some time and then suddenly started harrassing you - that does smell fishy. Did they listen to some weird "cultist" who told them that they'd better stop ignoring your hair and start doing something about this? Some misguided "religious" advice perhaps?
Especially the line "all youre friends hate it, it looks disgusting, no one likes it, no one thinks its cool" - this line is maybe not an idea of your parents. Someone told them that they need to use this line. They may have been advised "hey, if you just tell him that I don't like it, the kid won't be impressed. Rather, you have to impress on him that his PEERS don't like it!" They try to take advantage of the fact that, at age 14, or 17, or 20, we all want some approval from our peers, rather than from our parents. - What's your age?
You may tell your parents that it is not their business to gauge what your friends think - they won't use YOUR parents as THEIR spokespersons, they will tell you directly.
Also, you might point out to your parents that they are so emotional about it; they should tell you openly WHAT they are REALLY scared about.
You also could tell them that you are keeping up with your school work (make sure you do), that you don't drink or smoke (make sure you don't), and growing your hair doesn't mean that you stop being a good son. Or do they think that long hair makes you vulnerable to "homosexual temptations"? That would be the absurdest thing they possibly could tell you - there's a discussion of that issue further down on the hyperboard.
If they still bug you, you could leave the room whenever they start. If they require you to stay and listen to their nonsense, you just give them a blank stare and wait until they're done.
Later, spend some moments mentally throwing out their lines from your mind, so that their lines don't act as "posthypnotic" commands several years later.
Most important, make sure you keep good contact with those friend of yours who support your wish to grow your hair. - Feel free to post some follow-ups about what your parents say.
In any case, best wishes, and don't let them scare or push you into ANY kind of unwanted haircuts or "trims". Grow it, brother, grow it - it's great, and it's YOU!
Hans-Uwe
Some people do not like long hair. Some people do not look that great with long hair, but neither situation should influence your choices for what YOU prefer.
I would probably ask a couple of close friends their truly honest opinion if you are concerned about it. If your close friends tell you in confidence that your hair looks less desireable, then maybe it would be something to consider. Long hair need not be long down to your butt to be cool or "long". Find a long hair length that you like and that others seem to resonate with as a being "better" look for you. I personally find some with ultra long hair to be less good looking than a medium or shorter long hair length based on their face structure and hair texture.
Maybe you could provide a pic to solicite some honest opinions here.
Tyler
Trust me by saying there is no girl out there that likes a guy with long hair then you are so very wrong. i know alot of girls that like long hair guys. also its about personality you could be the most ugliest person in the world but have a gr8 personality and girls will like you. Thats how i have always seen it. Dont cut it because you will feel incomplete.
post a pic so we can see what it looks like.
Dont cut your hair.
Darren
{1month 11days.......and counting :) }
I want to thank everyone who left me advice here. Id honestly rather not post a picture just for privacy reasons. My hair is as you guys probably guessed wavy/curly. I think one big issue my mom has is that it gets VERY greasy and oily after only a day. I wash it every other day(everyday drys it out too much) and have been using clarifying shampoo to solve the greasy look problem. As far as my parents saying my friends hate it, I think its just an assumption on there part. Most of my friends like it and would be extremely shocked if I cut it. The few that I suspect dont care for it dont really say much about it. Im pretty sure that if I was forced to cut it at this point I would just want to grow it out again. I do get good grades in school, and I dont drink or smoke but this arguement doesnt work with them. "while youre living in our house you have to have certain standards of what we think is acceptable."
One thing that might help is if I start tying it in a ponytail. My Mom used to always bug me last summer to tuck my bangs back behind my ears but it just wasnt comfortable at the time. Since its quite a bit longer now Ive started doing that but now shes saying I need to tie it back.
I don't know about this every-other-day washing business. Curly/wavy hair tends to do the exact opposite of what you say is happening with your scalp. Why don't you try washing your hair every 3 - 4 days, at very least, to see if there's an improvement? If nothing's better after around 2 weeks, then go back to your routine. Also, clarifying shampoos can be harsh stuff, dude. I would suggest not using them so frequently, if I'm correct in assuming that it's the shampoo you're using every other day. I always thought clarifiers were primarily for people that have buildup that shampoo can't get rid of (not mere scalp oil) and/or for those that don't use shampoo. But I could be insanely wrong.
Also, make sure you're conditioning your hair enough.
It would be nice to put up a pic sometime, dude. No one's going to tear it apart. I don't believe I've ever seen a truly negative comment on someone else's hair. But it's up to you.
And yeah, go for the ponytail. See what your mom thinks, and let us know.
You're right about the clarifying shampoos. Most people use them once a month at the most.
If I go without washing my hair for even 3 days it gets unbareably greasy, oily, and itchy to the point that other people can cleary notice.
That gets better as you get older, and oddly enough also as your hair gets longer. When it's longer you have more hair but only the same amount of grease. It's hard for anyone to say how often someone else should wash their hair, as it's a function of both oiliness and length.
The above picture was drawn by my cousin Luc, and represents me dressed like one of my ancestors in the 17th century
Hello everyone,
On July 11, 1976, my mom had second thoughts about my long hair after finding it beautiful until that date. That caused me a great shock, and it took at least 10 years before she finally accepted that I wouldn't cut my hair just because she decided that it was out of style, and that I should cut it.
In my more immature times, I called her a traitor, and was very argumentative. I changed my mind on things she liked to se if she liked it when things change. In 1977 after a major argument over my hair, I left a suicide note and spent the night at a friend's house. The next day, I returned, and my mom, in a guilty mood, paied back $250 of back allowance, and became nice again.
I stood my ground about my hair, and was very strict about her going back on nice things.
Because of my asperger's syndrome, (One of the symptoms, is a fierce resistance to changes), this made matters quite bad. It caused a period of depression, and a longing to live in a time when long hair on men was acceptable, like the days of Louis the XIII (before the wigs were in style), or the middle ages. I wished for a time when styles stuck for a life time.
What motivated my mom to go about turn was gossip at work, as the disco trend was growing, hair on men got shorter. On TV, actors had shorter hair.
Another motivation was that because of my Asperger's Syndrome, my mom found that I was too stuck in my ways, I liked my routine, and did not like to change what I did not like to change. My mom desired me to change with the times, and adapt to new fashions.
Eventually the dust settled, when I found a job despite my hair, and showed her that the world wasn't cookie-cutter perfect like she liked to believe. My mom had a collection of books written by historic longhairs, like "René Descartes", and I told her, that if long hair went out of style, so are the authors of those books, and the books would have to go, as well as the art books with long-haired men in the paintings. I would simply take these books and sell them. My mom cherished her bookshelf, and at the time it was more or less tit for tat.
I never had to sell her books, fortunately, and eventually my mom accepted that long hair was part of me. I do have a strong personality, you might say, that "Gascon Pride", since those are my origins. I do find pleasure in watching films about Dartagnan.
As I got older I got more flexible in my ways, but not enough to cut my hair. However, in my environment, it is understood that people accept my hairstyle the way it is.
Have a nice day,
Georges in Montreal.
"I like my hair but I'm honestly starting to believe maybe long hair just isn't for me anymore."
You may be one of those guys whose life is being made WORSE by his long hair.
The pressure may just not be worth it--at least right now.
Sleep on it and then LISTEN TO YOUR HEART. The do what you've GOT TO DO.
Good Luck
This is largely standard parental nonsense. I know it's hard to ignore, as you probably spend a lot of time with them and can't get away from it, but that doesn't mean there's any truth in it. Hair styles should be seen as a matter of personal preference, and it's truly sad that some people can't see that.
Lots of girls and women like long hair, and most of them couldn't care less how long or short your hair is, honestly. They do care about whether you take care of your appearance, but that's a very different thing. If your parents think that having long hair means you aren't taking care of how you look, then they may think that no girl would have you, but as you aren't trying to date your mother that's not a problem!
Just suck it up and deal with the harrassment. Make it clear that you will not cut it no matter what. After all, it's your body, you have the right to have long hair. Don't let other people pressure you into cutting it. Unless you cut it of your own accord, you will seriously regret the decision.
After a while, people will realize that it isn't just a "phase" you're going through, and they will take you seriously and not bother you so much anymore. I've been growing my hair for about three years. People finally stopped harrassing me last year, although I still get rude comments every so often. Most people like it, as a matter of fact. I get compliments on my hair everywhere I go. So really, just stick with it and don't cut it. It will be a great reward in the end. Just remember the two week rule.
