new thread
That's me about three weeks ago. Now it's just about an inch long. For weeks and weeks I'd have to deal with the abuse from the people around me. Most of the popular kids calling me "faggot" and this new term they came up with "gayboy" one word. The school had been hasseling me about cutting it. They told me they wouldn't let me walk when i graduate if I didn't get it cut. They threatened to send me to school suspension. And on top of it all on the day I got it cut I was having a bad hair day, very humid.
I always though I had beautiful hair. I always kept good care of it. shamppoed and conditioned it. Straightened it. The girls loved it, the guys hated me. My best freinds held me on high as being the coolest dude ever, the rebel, the one who broke the system. Well when I came to school with it cut I wore a baseball cap, becuase I was deppressed. I hate to say it, but when I got it cut, I actually began to cry. All the things added up from the past weeks. All the discrimination all the hate and I said "Shave it all off Im tired of being called gay" and as soon as I said "Shave it all off" I had a great sinking feeling in my stomach.
I feel like I've lost my identity, like I chopped an arm off or somthing. I actually set down with a ruler and calculator within five minutes of getting it cut do see how long it would take for my hair to grow back. (12 months)
The really bad part of it all was my best friend, one ive known for about 14 years, starting calling me gay and started doing these "imitations" of me where he'd flip his wrist and whoosh back his imaginary long hair then flutter his eye lids. "What the hell am I supposed to do? let it hang there in my face?" Plus when I got it cut he said he'd start punching me for every month I let it grow out.
Well the point is I cried when I got it cut, is that normal? Sorry for boring you with my long story. hanks for listening if you did.
First, all the emotions you've been feeling are perfectly normal. When you identify with your hair as much as some of us do, you're very protective of and attached it. To cut it off can be quite devastating.
Second, verbal abuse can be very debilitating, and I'm sorry you have to go through that. But if your best friend is doling out abuse as well, that's not much of a friend.
Third, when do you graduate? I'm guessing it's soon. If that's the case, just hold out until then and let it start growing back after you graduate. (Heck, if you graduate in the next few months you can start now without having to worry about it being too long when you graduate.) You didn't say anything about your family giving you a hard time about your hair, so it sounds like they're supportive, or at least tolerant.
Finally, I know this isn't any consolation right now, but when I was in high school I used to get verbally abused on a daily basis. After high school, things changed dramatically, as they do for most people. It's an entirely different world out there where the majority of people don't focus on petty stuff such as your haircut or what clothes you wear. And for those shallow people who do harp on that stuff, the tables are turned and suddenly they're the ones people are often laughing at.
Hang in there; it *will* get better. Much, much better.
Cheers,
Jeremy
PS: And for what it's worth, when I went to my 10-year reunion, the jocks who gave me hell in high school were all frumpy, bitter people who had gone nowhere in life.
PPS: You look great with long hair, and the sunglasses give you a rock-star vibe. When you start growing again, I hope you'll share progress pics with us.
What has happened to our schools in the US?
I started growing my hair in the 60s when the Beatles started growing there hair. I never got hassles from the other kids,
many of them were growing their hair too.
The only hassles I got was from the teachers and school
administrators who weren't thrilled with the idea. All the
kids in my school thought it was great that people like
me were growing our hair long, many of them were following
in my footsteps.
So what happened in our schools to change this attitude?
This was in the United States in the Dairy state.
Hello
It's totally ok to cry. I got bullied a lot at school, and was often threatened with violence. This was because of my aspergers' syndrome. But no matter how many times I told the teachers, they did nothing. if anything, it got worse. I often felt suicidal, but didn't end up self-harming.
Hopefully the teachers at your school will be more helpful than those at Castleford High School (must go there when I finish my course at uni and demand an apology).
What I'd do is report your 'friend' to a tutor, and see what happens. If that doesn't work, maybe get your parents involved, and then that could have an effect (possibly exclusion for the culprits). They're the one's with the problem, not you.
Luke
The ones who picked on me were the popular ones. Now, I don't think any of them managed to get into FE college, let alone university :)
Grow it back to send a message to them
Luke
just out of curiousity, whats FE college??? is it like community college here in the states? if you arent familiar with community college, you can go there and earn a two year degree, and from there move on to a bigger college or university. i was just wondering.
FE: further education. it's sort of an intermediate gap between school and university. it's not compulsory, but if you want to go to uni, you have to go there and get 'A' levels
luke
Sounds like a nightmare story, im sorry you gave in to the insults but i wouldnt say its bad at all to cry. If a woman had her long hair chopped off due to depression and on going insults, she would do a lot more than cry! Woman with long hair are no different than men with long hair! Im sure if someone cut their hair off or they were reduced to cut their hair, they would be devastated too. Just because men in society nowadays are seen to supposedly have short hair doesnt mean its for every male and im sure any long haired male who loved their hair long would love tokeep it that way! I hope you feel better soon and maybe this is just a stage to help you figure out which is best for you, short hair or long hair... and if you were happier with long hair along with insults, grow it back and dont let anyone change your mind! Its your body and therefore your hair to grow and do as you please. Just let this be a stage to help you decide if short hair is for you or if you are happier with long hair.. if your happier with long hair then it will grow back :D
Definitely a cool image in that picture...hopefully the 12 months needed to regain that image will pass quickly. My thoughts are similar to the encouragement already expressed. Just wanted you to be absolutely sure that you realize one more thing: your best friend...ISN'T! Never was and perhaps never will be.
I'm 21. I'd cry if my hair was cut. Then I'd start hitting inanimate objects and swearing!
School can be a tough, tough place. Most of those idiots are probably just jealous of your hair and your ability to stand out and rebel. Remember, you're smarter and nicer than they are.
People have a lot of thoughts and opinions. Many of which are wrong.
Also never forget that hair grows back!
It is very normal to cry when one loses something very dear to them.............in this case it was your outstanding long hair. Holding tears back would be to go against the "release valve" in the body. To hold something in, or several things that really bother you can very well lead to severe depression. It is the bodys way to try and get it out of your system.
Summery of your story:
Your best friend is really your enemy. NO best friend would ever have mocked you in this way. I would discard him. As for the comments and teasing leading up to this self-forced haircut, it is easy for myself to see why you did it. But now you know in the end that even that didn't stop things.
What I would do:
Start growing your hair back and never ever listen or take seriously what these fools say to you. Ignor them all and their nasty accusations. It is a shame they have little else to do than to pick on someone who they know they are getting to. The "trick" here is to not show any reactions or try and defend yourself in this all lose situation with these "excellerated morons." When the mocking goes on long enough and they receive no response from you other than a smile for no matter what they say, their little cruel game will move on to another victum.
I am very sorry to read of this and how you have been hurt. As difficult as it might be, it is only yourself that can put an end to trying to please others that will never be pleased. Live your life for yourself. And, always feel free to come to the Hyperboard for support where you will be excepted by a swell bunch of guys that appreciate long hair and will side with you.
Good luck in growing out that hair again. As in all cases I have ever known of, once a guy reaches a long enough length the jeering stops and suddenly out-of-the-blue compliments come your way.
Justin
Well, what the hell is normal anyway?
Crying is a very real emotional response that anyone who claims they don't do it is most likely telling a story.
I'm sorry all that happened to you, it is like it's too terrible to be true really.
Cry, learn the lesson from all this, tell your friend that he doesn't need to be making fun of you. He probably just doesn't understand. People make fun of what they don't understand.
I'm no instigator and promoter of violence by any means, but punch him right back if you're big enough. If my best friend punched me, I'd punch back. We'd fight and then make up and give each other a hug ten minutes later and be crying probably. A good knock down fight among friends will either end your friendship, change it, or take it to a higher level.
Tell him to that most gay guys have short hair cuts (like him, if he has short hair, I'm guessing he does).
I kind of know what you went through.... I went to a strict private highschool and was always being hassled about my hair (back then it was curly [accutane turned it curly]). anyways, i realllllly wanted to grow it long, but the school told me I had to cut it for graduation, or just like they said to you, i wouldnt be able to walk. soooo, i cut it, and what do you think happened??? it didnt go curly! it was straight!! i guess after i stopped taking the medicine, my hair straightened out, but it was still curly on top, so they cut all of that off.
anyways, i told myself i wouldnt get it cut anymore after that point, and i didnt. the summer went by, and then i started my first semester of college. are you gonna go to college??? because if you are, oh my god are you in for a treat. everyone is totally different when you get to college. even the jerks in highschool change (well, some of them). if you live in a dorm, and you have the luck that i do, youll meet some of the greatest people youll ever meet.
just dont sweat it about your hair. i went through the same thing you did, and look at me now. im in my second year of college, have almost forgotten about all of that highschool crap, and look how long my hair is!!! highschool is a stupid thing we all have to go through.... sure it has a lot of fun stuff, but its like a TV show on the WB, drama drama drama. So you cut your hair, big deal! dont let it get you so down! I mean i know it was already gettin long, and BELIEVE me, i know that sucks. i dont know what i would do if i had to cut my hair now. but if you are going to college, forget all of those a holes that called you those names because you are gonna meet sooo many more, and better, people when you get to college.
sorry about this LONG post, but i think it might help.
I totally agree with Weston on this one. College is so different from high school it's not even funny. No one really cares anymore, or at least, people are less immature and they keep it in. College definitely will have its share of juvenile jerks, but where won't? You'll find college to be a sort of haven of liberty where you can do whatever your merry self desires. People will joke and poke fun at your hair, perhaps, but only an asinine few will say anything mean about it, and these are people you probably won't encounter often, anyway. College is big. You can play stealth easily.
And if girls showed interest in your hair in high school, imagine them in college!
I was bullied, teased and beaten up without my hair becoming much of an issue. At it's longest in high school, it could go in my mouth (I assume 5 inches lenght) and nowadays that's kinda short compared to what's trendy at school (back in my high school days, shaved or very short was typical, nowadays shoulder lenght is more common).
I was beaten for various reason, including because I wouldn't fight back (physically), wouldn't let myself be beaten if I could help it, but I never threw a punch to anyone ever. I was a foot shorter than everyone else until 11th grade, yes girls were also taller than me as I wasn't even 5 feet tall until turning 16. My voice was also considered too high-pitched and it didn't change at all before 16 and then not that much (though now I'd rather it not changed at all). Add to that I had no friend and kept to myself, had rather good grades in even the highest difficulty courses...then again I was only doing school work (not studying, but nothing like hanging out after school, as I was alone)...
I was just so glad high school was over when it was.
Sara
That's exactly what happened to me - ruler and calculator thing. I had my hair cut 5 years ago after I got some way into it (probably about as long as yours) and I worked out what it would grow daily, and kept adding it up and working out each day how long was left before I was back to before the chop.
I also experienced the sinking feeling and did shed tears. What made it horrible was that every time I saw another guy with long hair the pang of regret would keep coming back. At the time I worked with a guy who had about two foot of ponytail. It was awful
Hopefully as it starts to grow again the pangs will get less until they stop. Good luck, you're in good hands with the people here since we've all shared similar experiences at some time or another.
RM
GreenbirdJazzFreak,
While you might not be able to fight the school on the hair rule they do owe you an environment where you can learn. That includes freedom from bullying. Here's a quote from the Gay, Lesbian & Straight Education Network's (GLSEN) 'No Name-Calling Week' project site- "Words hurt. More than that, they have the power to make students feel unsafe to the point where they are no longer able to perform in school or conduct normal lives." You are not the only student with this problem and your school administration needs to hear from students like you that it is going on. If they show concern for this issue then also explain how the discriminatory hair rule enforcement had the same effect.
Great name by the way, you have goten me happily humming Green Bird from Cowboy Bebop now. That scene where Spike gets shot makes me cry sometimes and it is just a story. There is no shame in you having a real reason to cry, it is a natural reaction to all the stress you have been under. It may have seemed like it was just the haircut but it was probably so many things- giving up rebel status, submitting to the school authority, and hopefully an end to the taunting and threats.
Knowing how the gay bashing has had an effect on you, consider it may have done the same to your friend. If students are calling you gay, what does that say about the boy you hang out with the most? Either people are calling him gay too or he is fearful of that label and he sees you growing your hair again as bringing that stress back on himself again. You guys need to talk about this since it seems you both are having the same problem.
GLSEN communications director Josh Lamont points out that "most victims of anti-LGBT harassment are straight." You deserve a friend that can quote that at anybody who would call you names. If he is getting the same treatment you can do the same for him too. If the harasser even gets the point you can also add on that being gay wouldn't make bullying directed at them okay either.
Elizabeth
Hello GreenbirdJazzFreak,
I do feel sad for you - you've been victimized by a bad kind of abuse, and the high school doesn't seem to stand up for you. Where were your parents, by the way?
Give yourself some time to mourn - it is normal to be sad for a while. By the way, among the traditional East African Massai, it has been customary for young men to grow their hair for a few years while they are "warriors". A few years later, for some reason to be analyzed by ethnologists, their mother (!) cuts off their hair, and then they do cry!
Your life will go on, however. As soon as you can, try to do things that you enjoy on a regular base again, and make contacts with some new friends. I do pray that you find good friends who accept and support you unconditionally.
In any case, your hair will grow back, and I suspect it will grow even better than before. Once you are out of that high school, things will be better anyway.
Best wishes, and "keep on truckin'",
Hans-Uwe
That is just disgraceful! Not only where you getting bullied and teased by other students but the school gave you an ultimatium to cut your hair or else. I feel so sorry for you man.
That must be the hardest thing to do in the world when you love your hair so much.
So your hair was only chin length(6 inches long), despite not having very long hair it is the issues at hand that is more important.
Your school sounds like a very depressing place with many ignorant people. You should find a new school and new friends dude. People that actually treat you with respect.
Also, there is nothing the matter with being gay and there is no relationship between long hair and gay men , so dont worry about those losers.
Yes, It is perfectly normal to cry. I have cried many times myself. Never hold your feelings in, you will just become more sad, angry, bitter, and lead to emotional break down.
I have had a very hard time growing up. I was bullied from elementary school all the way to 10th grade. The last two years I did at home through correspondence. Why was I bullied? Because I am very different, because I think differently, because I never follow the crowed. School was not only hard with bullies, but I also have ADHD and learning disabilities. I have copped with the ADHD, and have learned how to get around my learning disabilities. My learning disabilities is not even an issue these days. Now a days people are normally shocked when the learn I have ADHD and learning disabilities. As for being different, I was always been into my own things. Pretty much the same things as I do now.
I never really had any friends in school, and that is an awful feeling to have. To make things worse, I was even tormented outside of school. I remember being in Boy Scouts and being tormented so bad that I one time found myself in the woods at a camp out walking in circles panicking. Heck even adults treated me like I was inferior. To heck with them!!!, I am not inferior!!, they are for thinking that of me!!
There were days when I would think about death, but I managed to stick it out, got my high school diploma, took some classes at a community college and have been a huge success. There were times when I thought I would not make it. Now look at me, I am successful.
I was told by family that those jerks that pushed me around are living the best years of their lives in school, where as my best years started after school and will continue on...
If you ever feel down, feel free to talk to me. I know how hard crap like this is. The best thing to have is to have someone to talk to in times like this.
One more thing, continue with higher education. A lot of those jerks wind up in lower end jobs. While doing home study, I work part time doing fire alarm and system installs. It was living hell. It was like school but 10 time worse. The job wasn't the issue, the jerk I had to work with was. I could probably do that job in my sleep. I do know that high schools will try to make college seem like hell, but it is not!!
ESDI
I'd say that you were upset because you were abused and you gave in to it. Men cry, we just don't want people to know about it.
High school in the US sounds like hell. I am from England, but we live in the US now and my son will be in high school next year I think (I really haven't got your system worked out!).
Why is America so backwards in that respect? Taiwan has already made it illegal for schools to regulate or require haircut. America keeps writing country reports critisizing other country's human right status and stuff like that, but why dont America ever look at themselves? I mean if I were to write a country report it would be something like this: While USA respects people's right of speech and stuff there are lots of problems in many areas, such as people get killed for being gay, black, whatever. Blacks are generally sentenced harsher compared to whites, school dress code is so facist one has to wonder is America truely the "land of the free, home of the brave"?
America is judging a lot of countries by writing country reports of human right abuse but by the same standard America falls short too. Like Jesus told the pharisees when they wanted to stone a prostitude, "Let any man that has not sinned cast the first stone", and they remained silent.
...the issue is not about regulations on hair length, its about this poor guy that has been bullied and tormented by others.
You need to find better friends and if you love long hair then you owe it to yourself to grow it how you want it.
At this point in your Life, do you really need extra grief? No really...
I mean, long hair is great...and for some a very important part of their lives
but you have to step back, sometimes and look at the bigger picture.
You wept when you had your hair cut off because you were emotionally attached to it. After all, YOU 'made' it; you grew it out. It held many memories for you--both good and bad ones...
But you are young and (hopefully) have many years ahead of you
in which you will be free to grow your hair long. But maybe NOW
is not a 'good time' to stand up for your rights. Some would disagree with that statement but then, maybe they have more of what it takes
to do that.
Okay, let me just say this: I think you did the RIGHT thing--at least for now.
That's just MY opinion but I believe it is true--at least in YOUR case.
Hope you feel better and make a quick adjustment to your ne hair length.
Good Luck
I'm sorry to hear of the abuse you've had to endure. It's a cliché, but school kids can be so cruel. I think it's because they have some uncertainties of their own and they feel the need to pull others down in order to pull themselves up which, of course, is wrong. This act of school boys calling others "faggot" or "gay" is really pretty stupid. They also like to call anything uncool or undesirable "gay", because they have no imagination to think of any other word - a distinct lack of vocabulary. I don't think they realise (or even care) how offensive that is to gay people. And, of course, it was understandably offensive to you, whether you are gay or straight.
And you will again.
Though my hair is not yet very long, and I'm growing it out for the first time, I understand (or rather, I'm understanding more and more every day) why you cried. It was a special part of you that took so long to attain, and it was all lost so quickly. If it only took a week to get it all back we wouldn't be the slightest bit upset, I'm sure. But it takes months to years, so it's no wonder when a longhair becomes a shorthair in an instant, it's devastating.
Don't beat yourself up. Once you get through this bad patch you can concentrate on getting back what you lost, and this time, all those people who gave you hell can go to hell.
I wish you all the best and hope things improve. Take care :)
LukeB
I`m sorry to what`s happened to you man. Yes, it is normal for a man to cry.
Dont worry, your hair will grow back again and this time, you`re gonna look after it even better.
That's funny... it was the opposite for me. I was called a fag and a queer and whatever other derogotory term the whole time I had short spiky hair and wore *sigh* abercrombie way back in the day... it seemed no matter what I did with my hair, SOMEONE had to comment... I buzzed it: faggy, I spiked it: queer, I grew it out and made it "messy": gay... so finally, after putting up with that for 2 years I just stopped getting haircuts altogether, and the comments changed from the above to: "scissors!", "get a haircut!", "hippy!" etc.... BUT, as my hair got longer, the comments diminished... I never once cried about it thougha, and now, people don't mess with me... or at least not to my face. I haven't had anything but a positive comment for almost 3 years (been growing for about 5). People are just plain retarded for the most part and will do anything they can to make you feel lower then them... and that's because most people are nothing but pathetic, souless, degenerates... you just need to accept reality and go with it. No matter what you do, SOMEONE is not going to like it... so do what you want, and tell everyone else to ___ ___! well, you know what goes there.
Good luck...
-Ardroth
Follow Ups:
Follow Ups:
Follow Ups:
That's so true. My father always says to me that the only reason we're bright is because most people are thick. He also beleives that we should be thankful for being smarter than average.
Maybe this isn't PC. I suppose I should say 'intellectually challenged' instead of thick.
However, once you realise the world is full of idiots so much else just falls into place and suddenly makes sense.
In fact, for some people I know, it's too nice a description!
Thick people make me sick--literally.
Nobody comments about my hair, at least (like you) not to my face, anyway.
Sometimes I think people don't want to say the 'wrong' thing,
so they say nothing at all.
You made some very good points! Thanks!
Yeah, if there's anything that really offends me, it's anything negative about my hair, especially about the length.
What country are you from? USA? UK? Austrailia? I live in the USA and I think teenage boys with long hair is more common here than what your school seems to have. But I grew up in the 70s when long hair was "in".
Hey.. you stole my nickname. :P
