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It's been a while since I have posted. I turned 41 2 weeks ago, and my girlfriend and I were at this nice Italian restaurant having dinner. The maitre d' escorted us to our table and said, "Ladies, would you like to hear our specials?" I, after hearing this countless times, smiled quizzically at him until he realized I was a man. Next, he apolgized profusely, and of cours, I didn't take offense.
The only thing that truly bothers me, is the occasional catcall from a crowd, where the offender hopes I heard the insult, but not noticed who said it. At the movies today, I passed a group of teens and someone yelled, "Hey, why don't you get a haircut?"
I turned around, and of course, they looked at me innocently. The girlfriend, enraged, yelled "Who said that?" Of course, no one was really going to own up. I pulled her away, saying "If someone has a problem with me, he'll have the stones to say it to my face. Don't worry about it". I wasn't even miffed by the infantile comment, because longhairs do learn over time to let ignorant remarks roll off their backs.
The cost of a man having beautiful long hair is learning to shrug off the ignorance of others. In the long run, longhairs gain respect because they do not capitulate to the whims of the majority.
...so we might as well get used to it.
Some people believe that everyone is 'accepting' of others--that being gay is okay with most people...or that long hair on a guy is just fine.
Well, even in this 'day and age' don't go walking down a dark alley alone...
...or you might find out otherwise.
It's sad but true.
And the worst part is that things may always be this way...forever and ever...
...with each new generation.
One thing I've found is most people who do criticize others openly find something lacking in themselves. With most, what is lacking is courage.
Most peculiarly, the 'longhair' bias is a 20th century phenomenon. Check out old Civil War pics and you'll see many long haired soldiers. In fact, the 'Roman' buzz cut you see today is a result of World War I, when soldiers entering the army had a huge problem with headlice. Of course, since the 1890's, the 'buttcutt', or the conservative coifs you see today were all the rage among professionals, along with pince-nez spectacles. Unless you are into the Gothic movement or rapper experimenting with a new look, such spectacles are rare :)
I wouldn't worry too much about being targeted for assault for having long hair. Most young punks don't need a real reason to beat up anyone. But sadly, their preferential excuse is that they suspect someone is gay. That could be ANYBODY who is in any way different from them.
Hey I am 43 and just started growing last year, so far have not had many comments negative or positive. Not sure how I will react when the negative ones hit, although I have heard that older guys arent bothered as much, but I guess its not true from what you have found.
Thick skin is something I will need too and many people on this board have been tested many times. Hope I do as well as they and you have :)
I do think things will get better overall, there may be fewer and fewer ignorant people as the years go by. I do think that trend will continue.
More often than not, the best way to weather ignorance is to refrain from responding to it. All it does is reinforce their position in their own minds, erroneous as it is.
Most older people usually have thicker skin to begin with. They've 'heard it all' and 'seen it all', as opposed to young adults who are still 'wet behind the ears'. When I was younger, I had a foul temper, but eventually there came a time when I realized that anger only ages you prematurely.
I've gotten more positive compliments than negative, so I'm sure you'll do just as well as other longhairs ;-)
Funny story. Some woman at work had a crush on me except for the length of my hair. Because of the long hair, she thought I was gay and therefore she had no chance with me. Talk about rushing to judgment! I overheard her once ask another female co-worker if I'm buying panties and Barbara Streisand albums. I couldn't let that one go. I politely informed her that she has a double standard on hair styles, given her own hair is shorter than most men's. In truth, she had the 'flattop' and 3' braid. She obviously didn't think her comments through. She responded that it is okay for women to do anything they want with their hair without fear of being categorized, but MEN SHOULD LOOK LIKE MEN! What a hypocrite! Her buddy told her that I'm the only one in the company who knows she's straight and most men are afraid to approach her.
Long story short, the braid was gone (pity, I rather liked it) and a few months later, her hair grew out. Although she isn't as openly critical as before, she still gives me dirty looks in the hallway once in a while. Oh well...can't change the world.
You are so right, that was a great story. I would think the women who got the braid cut would be grateful to you for saving her reputation :) , but she's obviously a homophobe, or maybe just angry at you for being so clearly right. Few things tick people off more than being caught using a double standard.
Great summary and ever so true. If at all possible, (and this can be so hard for some to do), is simply NOT allow anyone to get to you. They are idiots! They need something better in life to do than to mock others. Perhaps (in a twisted warped way they are jealous) and don't themselves have the guts to grow their own hair long because of "what will so and so think?"
Your hair looks fabulous. The B+W photo a sensation! You in no way look like a Woman. Of course, quickest way out of hearing comments that bother you is to grow a beard.........but some guys just don't want one. So be it! So what? Do what you yourself like.
And in closing, one really has to pity those that mock and make fun. What a horrible opinion and self-image they must have of themselves. Anyone can be a critic, and I have yet to see a monument built to date in honor of one.
Thanks! It is quite a bit longer now, and this pic is 2 years old. My skin looks better these days, too. I'll post a recent pic soon! :)
Well said! If critics were honored, most societies would not have advanced. God bless!
WOW great pic.......lol you look like a younger version of rickG
lol is that right then :-)
Great story. Good to see that you aren't phased by a petty comment from a delinquent. Your hair looks really awesome too. I don't know how old that photo is but you sure look great for someone over 40 years of age. How long is your hair presently?
Currently, my hair is mid-back length. This photo is 2 years old. Since I rely on "Oil of Olay", my skin is even better now. I've been lucky not to have gone through hair loss, too.
Well a happy belated birthday to you as your hair looks GREAT in that pic even though its not current.Regardless it is nice to know you can be 40+ and still have great hair as I'll turn 44 next month.LOL.My pic was taken last August but my hair hasn't changed all that much as its only gotten longer.No trims since that pic was taken. Anyway I enjoyed reading you posts about your experiences in the restaurant and that situation at work.Just keep the faith as there is no good reason to feel bad about your hair based on those unfortunate experiences.Do what makes you feel good as thats all that really matters anyway.Good to see you on board here.Mark
