new thread
Hi everyone. Thanks again to all of you who have been supportive (you remember I'm the 17 year old whose Dad cut off my long hair because my grades were dropping below 90). I thought I'd tell you what happened on Thanksgiving. My parents had all the relatives over for dinner, and I wanted to hide out in my room, cuz I look so bad with my buzzed head. Dad & I haven't spoken a word since his "hair attack", until Thanksgiving morning, when he told me I WOULD be joining the family for dinner, and I WOULD NOT mention to ANYONE what happened to my hair. Everytime a relative arrived, they commented on my stubble, and I wanted to die each time they did. During the first course of dinner, my favorite Aunt Karen asked me why I decided to cut my hair short. I felt myself starting to shake...and sta there silently, until my Dad started to say "DENNIS! Answer your Aunt". I blurted out "My Father attacked me in my bedroom with scissors and hacked off my hair because my grades fell below 90, even though I'm in the top 10% of the senior class." I got up from the table and went up to my room, knowing my Father was gonna kill me now. a few minutes later, Aunt Karen came up and told me I cold stay with her until I graduated high school, and she also told me that she toold my Dad that if he tried to stand in her way, she'd report him to Child Welfare. I don't know if I'm going or not...i have to decide. I turn 18 on March 17, so I don't have much time left here anyway. I work part time and have saved enough money to get my own place with a few of my buddies. Thanks again for all your help. Dennis
i suggest taking your aunt up on her offer & remaining there INSTEAD of moving in with some buddies. use the opportunity to redouble your efforts on your studies. be a productive member of your aunt's household.
you need to find ways of getting past this incident-
You have a grest aunt. Live with her for awhile - it will be better.
You can be who you want to be - let that hair grow again - Much luck to you..
Dennis, the problem is that we couldn't really help you and so I think something went wrong. Maybe your aunt should have been consulted before your father had the possibility to cut off your hair. So I am sorry that I can only think about what should have been done. Now your father has no further power about you why the other family members know about this situation. But nevertheless I would leave this house immediately.
wolfgang
That, pretty much, is a "no brainer", Dude. Move in with your aunt. Having said that, I still have the feeling that this story is fabricated, and that we'ree all gullible enough to believe it.
NO DOUBT NIGGA!?
'at a girl Aunt Karen! I say move in with your aunt. Right now you need an adult on your side. Starting out on your own is not easy and it's best to plan it carefully. I suggest not getting a place of you own until you get a full-time job with good training options. In time you'll show the old man you can run your own life the way you want it and run it well.
Hi again, and Thanks again for all your help and support in this really bad time. I have decided to take my Aunt Karen up on her offer of staying with her. My mother was very upset whan I told her I was leaving, but then I thought about it a lot, and realized that my mother didn't help me when my Dad was attacking me with the scissors. I turn 18 in January, and I'm leaving to go to school in Paris next semester (i got a full scholarship, and even with that, my Dad thinks my grads are bad!). But, at least I know that between January and August, I'll have a safe place to live. My Aunt won't let me pay any rent, but I will babysit her 7 year old (my cousin) on weekends to thank her for putting me up. As for school...when I went back after Thanksgiving break, reactions from my friends were mixed. Some thought my new 'do looked cool..others gasped when they saw me. It was humiliating. I didn't tell them how my head got shaved...i lied and said it was a whim. Only my best buddy Tom knows the truth. Thanks again. Dennis
A black eye is not a mark of shame if you earned it defending yourself. Nor is a butchered haircut. One could say such is a badge of honor. Imagine what people would be thinking of your father if you had NOT gotten his butchery cleaned up, and were wandering about the streets of your town for all to see what he did! They'd be thinking a lot more about him than they would be thinking about you.
If you want to sweep what happened under the rug for purposes of getting it behind you, that is cool. But be aware that shame does not attach until the victim does something that shows he accepts it as shameful, such as hiding it.
What happened to you is horrible and it marred your appearance for the next three years. You have been terribly wronged. You did all you could do to defend yourself, and you can be proud of that. To cash in on that pride, though, and the respect that comes with it, you may find you have to level with those around you and tell them what happened. If you do that, the shame will be shifted from you to your father. The sooner you do that, the more pronouced the effect will be.
Word will probably get out. You showed up butchered at the barber shop, and that tale is awful enough it is going to get told. People who know you aren't going to believe something didn't happen against your will. They will also wonder why you're suddenly living with your aunt. Before they figure this all out, if you have been forthright about what happened, you will be seen as a man who stands up for himself, and among the circles you run with, that is cool.
Good luck to you man. You have the support structures in place that you need. You will do okay.
Your suffering has not been in vain. We have learned some things from it that will help others:
When a young man is undergoing such threats, it should be his decision whether he cut his hair or leave. This is not a decision to be quickly made. After all, we advise adult longhairs to wait two weeks before cutting hair because the effects are long-lasting. And a youth's leaving home also has ramifications that are long lasting, so decisions about that should not be hastily made either. As well, a young man needs time to explore options such as living with friends or relatives, as you ended up doing.Sadly, these youth do not have that much time. You were mutilated within 72 hours of contacting us, and more often than not, this happens even sooner. Sometimes it happens within hours.Youth need to leave home temporarily until they make their decision. We are not recommending a young man decide one way or the other when we say this. What we are saying is that the decision is his to make, and that the probability is high that he will be robbed of his right to make his decision if he does not take this step. This advice is different than what some abuse lines may say to a youth where their experience is mostly about other kinds of abuse because long hair can be taken from you and not readily replaced. If a youth's identity issue in question is running with certain friends, wearing certain clothing, etc., he can spend the two week decision time at home abstaining, and always pick up those activities promptly if he decides to leave. You have chosen to leave, but your mane was stolen from you because you did not get to a safe haven during the decision period. We've learned we must counsel other youth to not make that mistake.Youth who see such a storm brewing should line up a refuge of two-weeks' duration with friends or relatives in advance. A longhaired youth needs a place to go immediately when a threat arises. We can encourage a young man and give him advice, but our advice posts were still trickling in at the very moment you were being mutilated. What you needed was a physical refuge. That is something a young man must arrange himself. We can only advise a young longhair of its need; it is not something we can provide with a web board.
That's good to hear. Concentrate on going forward with the positives of your future. It sounds like there will be plenty of them. A few months in Paris and this nonsense should be ancient history. Good luck!
Dennis:
Hi everyone. Thanks again to all of you who have been supportive (you remember I'm the 17 year old whose Dad cut off my long hair because my grades were dropping below 90).
I'm sorry to hear that you've been raped by your father in this way. Move out immediately and forget the loathsome pleb ever existed. Your complicit mother is about as unworthy.
If your parents decide to produce a replacement offspring (without a breeding licence, even!), they might be tempted to learn from their mistake.
I hope things work out better with your aunt.
Regards
- Blancmange
Dennis
As a parent and an educator, I was horrified as I read your post. Central to a healthy parent/child relationship is the concept of “unconditional love, support, and protection.” My adolescent daughter may become extremely annoyed and frustrated with her parents; but she knows that we will never fail to love, support, and protect her. I wonder which was the greater shock for you; the actual attack or the fact that it was your father attacking you.
A few readers have expressed doubts about your account, after all, the net does have its fair share of tall tales and impostors. It is possible that all of this is a work of fiction; but unfortunately as an educator, I have seen too many cases of children who have been emotionally and/or physically victimized by their parents.
You need to have a place where you are safe and you are fortunate to have an Aunt Karen to provide that for you. You have a lot to deal with and it will take time to heal. Don’t be afraid to ask for help! Good luck.
I believe the story to be true. If it isn't true, it was written by someone who has experienced similar abuse or who has talked with many people who experienced this kind of abuse. Discussing it should help bring awareness and power to those who confront those who use denial to hide the abuse. If anyone reading this doesn't believe it's something more than a tall tale, then look at the statistics of teenage runaways, the percentage of people behind bars, the percentage of people in mental institutions or on the street.
Even it the story was fabricated, I sure the discussion would help readers who experienced similar abuse and many more who witnessed similar abuse but didn't recognize it. For every one post, there is probably about 50 who read it but didn't reply.
correction:
Even if the story was fabricated, I'm sure the discussion would help readers who experienced similar abuse and many more who witnessed similar abuse but didn't recognize it. As readers become aware they can prevent abuse. The audience includes more than Dennis's post; for every reply post, there is probably about 50 who read it but didn't reply.
No one deserves this type of brutal attack - your Dad should thank God that you're not failing, on the streets, or on jail. One day he will regret his actions until then, believe in yourself and be strong. Best of luck!