new thread
i know you guys get posts on t all the time....but now im at about 8 1/2 months im starting to ge those snide remarks or just plain ignorant ones from people.
This guy at school told me i look like a girl from behind...
then when i told my cousin i intend to grow it she said "But if you wear it in a ponytail it means your gay" Huh? whered that come from?
....WTF im getting these kind of comments from people id never have axpected to care or dislike it...........my mum keeps saying things like "hed look better with a haircut" and the first thing she says when someone asks how im going on the phone or something is "Hes got long hair now" witch i dont think it is yet and the way she says it first off like its the most important thing and the tone shes says it is really getting on my nerves
and now shes saying she expects me to get a haircut for an interview with a colledge becuase she thinks it looks bad or something
i never thought these things would bother me but the stupidity and ignorance of my family is just ridiculous.
Hi there =)
First of all, you've got to keep calm... I think that it's better to find a good way to inverse your family opinion than to start a war from where you'll certainly get out with your hair cut... I myself had some big troubles geting trough the awkward stage because of my parents... they tough that my hair looked unmaintained and crappy and unhealthy... my mother tought I was waisting my hair (she loves my hair type and colour, similar to hers) by growing it like I was (and am)... But now, despite all that has passed... My hair is 20 months old =) And with no trims... when your parents talk to you about your hair, you should try to explain them that you want to keep it healthy and want to grow it long. You should teel them that it's normal that it looks strange now in the awkward stage but that things will eventually settle down and it will look really nice, and compromise to take care so it looks mantained... I'm sure you'll have no problem at all growing it, you'll se =) As long as you understand your parent's side and make them understand yours you will get what you want... I wish you good luck =)
And for an example of how things went good for me, my mom now coments more about my hair (in a good way) and looks at it with a slightly happy face... I'm sure anyone can get this =)
yes ive already been conned into a trim a while ago (2-3cm off all round......never again :P
Hi Muffinman,
sorry to hear about your mother's habit of making negative comments. Chances are that she'll ease up over time if you stand your ground. It's YOUR head, not hers - or would she accept complaints from you about HER hair style?
Don't let her talk you into trims! You know, "trims" is a synonym for "setbacks", and parentally ordained "setbacks" of this kind usually turn out especially bad. (Perhaps, you can ask her whether she would like a rainbow-colored mohawk better - lol :-)
I'd like yet to hear about college admission boards who turn smart students down because of their hair styles - that's absolutely not what college is about. Even IF hair styles DID reflect maturity (they can, but in the opposite way your mother probably thinks), college interviews are not job interviews. At college interviews, you're better off displaying growth potential, rather than short-haired pseudo-maturity.
Depending upon the situation, you might even tell your mother to stop talking about that topic, and you might leave the room if she doesn't. Or, you might ask her what she is REALLY worried about. (Oh no, not that old and absurd chestnut about long hair fostering "gay tendencies"!)
Wishing you true "hair peace" and happy growth,
Hans-Uwe
I don't think your long hair is going to be a problem get into college, but your spelling might be. If you want to go to college you should at least be able to spell the word college correctly...
Hi Long Hair Lover,
I wouldn't bother picking out mistakes, even if Muffinman happened to spell "college" phonetically. He probably typed his post rather quickly and didn't proofread it before hitting "Enter". He'll pick up the lexicographically correct spelling as soon as he reads follow-up posts that include the word "college". (Someone else used to write "definately", but now, he correctly writes "definitely".)
Since English is not my native language, may I just ask you to help me with this: Is "... (your spelling) is going to be a problem get into college" correct as far as grammar and style are concerned? Or, should it read, "...is going to be a problem WHEN GETTING into college", or, better, "...is going to be a problem WHEN TRYING TO GET into college"?
Sorry, I'm nitpicking. We all makes mistakes, including our presidents and chancellors. I'm sure, you'll find lots of mistakes in my posts, too. Let's see that with a bit of humor ;-)
Best wishes, and let's all have fun furthering our growth, hair-wise and personality-wise.
Peace,
Hans-Uwe
Thanks hanz........and yes we all make mistakes i am especially lazy with spellchecking when computers are involved
i dont know where that comment came from long hair lover
jealousy perhaps?? probably not, but comments like that will start to make people think so. :P
Nah dude, the same crap happened to me while I was growing it out. In fact, to this day, my mom will tell people in front me that she thinks I'd look so much better with a "nice haircut," and I just don't know what to say. Sometimes I tell her in front the other person that she shouldn't be making subtly hurtful remarks like that to me while the other person is still there. You've gotta take a stand sometimes. Tell your mom that you want to grow your hair long and that it's your decision, not hers. I mean, you haven't changed...your hair's just a bit different now.
Oh, and ever since I said I wasn't cutting my hair, my mom started telling people that I have long hair and that I look like a girl (well, more so).
Don't sweat it. You'll be in college soon enough and you'll have a bit of breathing space. Just keep growing it and don't worry about what any ignorant person tells you.
Just about to her dying day my grandmother was saying that about me, and it cut to the quick each and every time ('cause otherwise she was a very intelligent and wise lady). I just refused to give in, and whilst toward the end an "armed truce" came about, the "fight" persisted for a good 25 years. My grandfather never relented, and I finally had to get up and walk away one time when he particularly savaged me about the length of my hair (I understand now it was dementia in action, but at the time wasn't certain).
Now that may sound pretty depressing, but throughout the whole ordeal I maintained *my* identity -- through several jobs, I might add, which entailed several job interviews. I blundered once and cut my hair for a (now ex-) girlfriend -- a mistake (I didn't follow the "two week rule") -- but have returned to longhairdom and don't have any intention of leaving again.
Let the comments roll off your back as if they didn't happen; trying to keep witty rejoinder on-hand at all times is more bother than it's worth -- the good comments are easy, and pleasurable, to deal with; the ignorant ones are just that, comments by ignoramouses and don't deserve validification by a response.
Don't think it's because your young. I am 52 and just attended a family reunion. I was asked several fairly ignorant questions, but the winner was from an aunt who told me I needed to make a visit to the beauty parlor. I had a pretty snide remark on the tip of my tongue, but refrained.
Once you slip out of the mainstream you will get comments. No need to react; be prepared for it. I actually find it humorous some of the things people now say to me.
Handle your family gently. Let them see that it is still you under the new growth. Keep up your grades, make a little extra effort to help, and things should be fine.
Big George
Hey dude, my hair's a month longer than yours and i've noticed the same exact remarks ever since my hair started to get that longish look. Think of it this way...it's like a game or challenge of some sort, to prove to yourself and others that you want something bad enough, you have to go for it and never stop at anything, no matter how painful the path is. Being a longhair(or anything that is not mainstream) is a real challenge...but if you win the challenge, in the end you will feel much better about yourself.
...I tried to think of it as this sort of challenging game...and i just don't care what people say about my hair, be it a stranger or my very own parents.
hope I could help
-Oleg-
You know your hair is getting long when you start getting comments about it.
Here's the part where you start getting to decide how much of those comments you want to take personally. My advice? None of them. Instead of getting angry or feeling offended, I just got creative. Here's a poem I wrote in response to some of the same comments you're getting now, just a couple of years after I started growing my hair. It helped give me the strength I needed to perservere and not let people dictate what I should look like:
"Unwanted"
by Matt Hutchinson
----------
Persecuted, mocked and scorned...
For who I am
The torment never ends
Everyone is the same
A clone of the acceptable society
I am my own
And for that I am unwanted
I take a stand for individuality
A disease infecting the norm
No cure to be found, thank God
And it's spreading fast
People fear me because of what I represent
They think I'm trouble
A virus walking the streets
But I'm quite the contrary
I am my own
And for that I am unwanted
I will speak my mind
I've nothing to fear
I am my own
And for that I will survive
I will be strong
I will be proud
Of who I am
--------
As an aside, I had a Philosophy Professer in College who had shoulder-length hair. His class was the best fun I'd ever had in College.
Quick to judge Quick to anger Slow to understand
Ignorance and prejudice And fear Walk hand in hand
- "Witch Hunt" by Rush
wow those poems are really nice thanks!!!
cool avatar pic too :P
I've never understood why someone would need to tell what sex someone is just by looking at their back view. I've never understood why someone would want to. Maybe you could ask them:
Them: "Hey, you look like a girl from behind!"
You: "So what. Why do you need to tell what sex I am from behind?"
Them: "Er..."
You: "I mean, seriously, what difference does it make?"
Them: "Um..."
I'm sure I could make this longer, but I've got a sod of a headache right now and am just off to bed.
That's mad. Any college that makes a decision based on non-academic criteria like hair length or style isn't worth attending, full stop.
I would say, why, you wanna go out with me?
Firstly, you can explain that you're growing it out and it will look better when it's longer (they might have to think about that for a while).
Also, no college will ever care what your hair looks like. It's not like applying for a job, where sadly there are some issues (even so, nearly all of us are employed, so we all found employers who don't care).
From complete ignorance. She may also have said that because (like many young people today, sadly) she is lacking in vocabulary and cannot find a more suitable word to express her dislike of your hair. The use of the word "gay" is commonly used to describe anything uncool, undesirable or otherwise negative to the person using the word. Being gay myself, I don't think people realise how stupid they sound or offensive they are being when they say something is gay.
Anyhow, apart from all that, it's totally ridiculous to say you're gay because you have a ponytail because only a tiny proportion of the gay males has long hair. The bulk of us have our hair somewhat shorter than straight guys.
So her comment makes no sense whatsoever.
Keep your chin up. It's your hair and nobody else's.
LukeB
You need to get used to them or learn to ignore them altogether.
People don't like things that are too 'different' from the 'norm.' That's life.
Good Luck!
I'm getting the same thing. Just ignore it for now, and if your parents are at a college interview with you maybe they'll back off a little if they see you presenting yourself really well verbally and such. If the admissions guy walks away with the sense that you have some good skills to contribute he won't care much about how you look.
Hey Dude, if people have ignorant, incorrect opinions, it's their problem, not yours.
Ah yes, with hair comes wisdom.
