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Hey guys, question for you, I have longhair that is about 24 inches long. In a relationship leading towards marriage but my fiance mother said she is not paying for the wedding unless I get a short haircut. What should I do? My fiance wants the big wedding, and I can't afford it..thoughts?
Well if she's the one that wants a big wedding, there is no reason for her to dump the bill on you. And if you're getting married and she wants you to get rid of your hair (which isn't that big of a deal) then maybe you shouldn't be getting married..
Well, my two cents anyway
take a stand, if they make such a big deal about it then it isnt worth your time
My thoughts?
Marry a girl with an obsessively controlling mother. That's a very good idea.
If your girl is more concerned with your outward apprance and is trying to threaten you (like what she is doing now) then you will have a lovely marriage and live happily ever after.... NOT!
maybe you should reconsider the marriage...
...
Get rid of the mother in law!!!
John.B
I dont know man, I mean I dont want to sound un-patriotic towards long hairs, but you can always grow it back. This is marriage we're talking about. You're going to be spending the rest of your life with this person. Its only the mother that cares right? How's she going to stop you from growing it back? If she only means short as in 12 inches or so, thats only 2 years of growth. I think its worth it to cut your hair if your going to get a wife in return. Sorry if I sound un-patriotic or fightless.
That is just the beginning of a LONG list of demands.
Give in now, you'll be giving in for the rest of your life.
and if possible with a "Sweetheart Mother-in Law" such as this..........even in death!
That's is easy one...ELOPE! No mother-in-law, no wedding expenses (to speak of) and best of all...you get to keep your hair...all 24 inches of it!
If she loves you, your fiance, she will back you up for who you are, and tell her mother to back off. Also traditionally it is the brides familys responsability to put on the wedding anyhow, if I am not mistaken....
if she wont pay for the wedding until you get a short haircut then you have to cut it
if your hair means that much for you then you have to postpone the wedding
and of course, consider the consequences of both actions
Tell "Mommy Dearest" that her ideas are out of the question. Tell your Wife to be that just you two go off and get married in private. If she really loves you she will, otherwise with a beginning like "The Mommy demands" who is your future dictator Mother in Law, there is bound too be much troubles ending in a divorace. And, mother-in-laws can do it all the time and make everyones lives miserable as they turn one against the other.
Listen to Justin. If you back down now, you'll live on your knees for the rest of your life. My dad's mother is like this. The entire side of his family is subject to her. My mom used to get into fights with her, so did my aunt. I mean, physically.
Know what, just tell your fiance about this, and then suggest a private wedding. Her reaction will tell you a lot about where this is going.
He needs to stand up to his fiance, and she needs to stand up to her mother.
They need to put their foot down now that they won't be subject to her. It is unbelievably absurd that someone thinks they can control another adult in a manner like that. She clearly has major issues, and frankly, I wouldn't want to ever find myself indebted to a woman like that.
They need to come to an agreement, and let mom know that, if her gift is conditional, then they'll pass, and get married in a small ceremony, surrounded by those who accept them.
Yup, major issues...she needs to get sent to a mental hospital.
Better yet would be a one way ticket to MARS!
Why not put some questions to her:
1. Do you think long hair makes me a bad person?
2. Why does MY long hair have to affect YOUR life so greatly?
3. Do you really think that cutting my hair will make me a better person?
4. Can we not just live and let live?
5. Do you think my long hair is meaningless to me that I would simply cut it all off to make you happy?
Put the ball in her court to (hopefully) make her understand that what she's asking you to do is unfair. In fact, it's emotional blackmail.
Of course, it's your decision, but morally you must not give in to her demands. It's not right.
LukeB
Tell your fiance to give her mom a hard time so her mom will learn how to treat you with respect. Your fiance should do that for you.
Big wedding, big hair.
If you give in now, you'll be bowing to her for the rest of your marriage.
If your intended truly loves you, she accepts you AND your hair. Cut m-in-law out. On no uncertain terms.
Your hair stays. If the wedding has to be postponed and saved for, so be it.
Sherri is right, but being on bad terms with your inlaws isn't a good thing either. Certainly, don't give in to the pressure: 24 inches is too much to lose, but discuss it with your finacee so that you are both speaking with one voice. Then go to the inlaw and say - my hair is not negotiable, if you want us to have a small wedding and spoil things for your daughter, then go ahead - but you will be punishing her and that's not right.
This is your second post on this topic - you're not speaking from experience by any chance? :-)
Mother-in-law jokes are corny and sexist but I think many of them are modelled on my mother-in-law! My wife and I have accepted we can't change her (or her attempts at control and interfering) but we just take absolutely no notice of them! When we moved 100 miles away from her, my wife's grandmother (my mother-in-law's own mother) said 'This is the best thing that could happen to you'!!
I agree with your posts totally, Sherri.
PS How's the aquarium going?
PPS When my mother-in-law bought my wife's wedding dress it turned out she wanted monthly repayments. With interest. I am not kidding.
You have told us part of the story Max, your gal wants the big wedding but has she asked you to go along with the bribe for it? Her response is all you need to know. If your lady tells mom she can't be bought that's promising. However, if the fiancee is asking you to consider the offer then think hard about marriage into the family. This is the way they operate and it would not be over after a haircut. Later it could be 'incentives' to move close to mom, family dinners every Sunday, have grandkids for them....
You can dismiss the mother's offers if you and your wife are a united team. If you have to resist alone against mom and wife then that's a bad position to be in.
Elizabeth
There's been quite a bit of wisdom posted here regarding your current plight -- quite probably some of that wisdom was hard-earned, and I'm writing this from the viewpoint of a "born longhair".
Don't back down about your hair. True, it'll cause some grief, but that grief will be coming anyway; it's best to get it out of the way now. If your fiancee loves you for who you are, she'll be on your side; if she sides with her mother, or says that "it's not that big a deal, just cut it and youcangrow it back later" you will have an excellent glimpse at what the future WILL hold.
It's been said before, and it warrants saying again: "This is not about aesthetics, it's about control". In this case, your potential future mother-in-law is holding your fiancee's feelings and desires hostage in an attempt to control you. Make sure that your fiancee knows -- and UNDERSTANDS -- this; if she doesn't understand the dynamics of what's going on now she'll downplay any of the ramifications the immediate circumstance and set the stage for a lifetime of control by her mother. I rather suspect this is something neither one of you would particularly like.
In short, if your hair is important to you, it should be important to your fiancee as well. If your marriage is to be a healthy one it needs to be free of meddling and external controlling behaviour. If your fiancee doesn't understand this, and understand it now, then the relationship's long-term future looks bleak. Would you rather be unmarried or divorced? Put bluntly, the former is one heck of a lot cheaper than the latter.
Hi LongHairedMax,
CRFriend is right. Even a smart and reasonable short-hair fan should give you this advice, in the interest if a happy relationship. Control from your in-law is unacceptable interference, and it'll get worse over time.
Tell your fiancée that you cannot take the money from her mother under those conditions. If she wants a big wedding, you'd have to get a loan and pay it off during the next few months or years (and that money will be missing in the family wallet), or have her convince your mother-in-law-to-be that she needs to back off from her unreasonable demand.
This IS about control and about trying to make you unhappy - whereas marriage should be about making two people VERY happy.
Best wishes,
Hans-Uwe
This is not an issue about hair; it's an issue about respect. Many years ago before I got married I had some of these respect issues with my father-in-law-to-be. I took him aside and basically told him the following:
"I could care less if you like me or not; you're not the one I am marrying. But you need to show me the same respect that I show you; I've given you no reason not to. And if you don't, I don't need you in my life. "
Needless to say, the initial reaction was negative, but things actually worked out for the best. He and I actually got along better than most people did with him, because he knew I wouldn't put up with any BS from him.
Stand your ground, but calmly and with no malice. Let her make her decision as to whether she wants to see you and your wife in the future.
Big George
You are just as married whether or not you get the justice of the peace to do it, or have a huge wedding with a $100K reception.
You betrothed's reaction to what happens next will give you a good indicator of future events.
If her mother virtually owns her soul so to speak, things may not bode well.
I sympathize. I know the quick, and desperate, answer is cut now, grow later. I hadn't the other post yet. my bad, but i'm heading to bed at this point and wanted to share something. I'll have to dig through my wedding pictures and post for you, but my hair was long at my wedding and my soon to be father-in-law was the minister whom married us!My inlaws never seemed to ob ject to my hair and we get along fine. It is it's natural color and isn't styled to defy gravity, so i guess they could do worse. My son are/were long hairs too. The eldest(11) decided he wanted a "Harry Potter" style a few years ago and the younger(6) only has issues with his bangs but asks for a braid for school(yes it that long). Actually, the hair issues seem only to be with MY father, but apparently not to my face any more and my wife whom hates that my hair can grow longer than hers! (snicker)
Eric L.
Hey guys just wanted to give you an update..decided to cut the hair..love my wife, and will grow again after the wedding..was going to wait till day of wedding..they do something radical to throw of mother in law..any thoughts on what kind of cut I should do?
Tell your fiancee that a big wedding's not as important as a solid marriage to an independent grown man so if she wants to marry you,tell her the two of you will pay for your wedding together and not be beholden to anyone else including her mother! If she can't stand the thought of the two of you independently having a smaller wedding while you two are true to yourselves (and you to your hair) then maybe she's not someone you need to spend the rest of your life with.
