new thread
Ok guys..talked alot back and forth with my wife..and going to cut off all the hair for the wedding. I love my hair, and told my wife as soon as we are married..growing it all back out again. So I told her the day of the wedding, will get it cut off that morning. What do you guys think I should do haircut wise..I was thinking of getting total opposite haircut and shaving it all off..just to piss off my mother in law..or get a bad mullet..and suggestions?
why would you change yourself for someone??? if you wanted to cut it for the hell of it then thats cool... if you go all bald take longer to grow back so why not just cut it round shoulders?
AW MAN! Im really sorry that you're going to seriously consider cutting your mane off after all those years of growing it out. For me, I couldn't part with my long hair (once I have it) because of the effort, time and maintainence put into making it look great, and it being a part of my identity. I'm saddended that your situation was made difficult by the in-laws becuase getting married is very special and important time in your life and it does not need to be riddled with petty disagreements like these. Yes, it is petty for the in-laws to pass judgement on the groom-to-be to their daughter because they don't like his hair. I don't intend at all to be saying anything against anyone, but if I were you, I would be very perturbed if the marriage were to be decided on my hair; a bit superficial if you ask me.
If you must absolutely have to cut it, don't go completely short. Preserve some of the length youve already grown by getting something that gives the illusion of short hair but gives you a head start on growing it back, so I'd say maybe 6 inches (or more?) which seems like a nice length for a 'short hair style' thats been forced against your own will of decision. Find a GOOD hairstylist you can trust. Gather up some pictures of what you might like, and show them and say this is exactly what you want! Avoid the generic shops like Fantastic Sams, Super Cuts and also barber shops too (unless you know a good barber who wont scalp all of your hair off.)
Good luck brotha and congratulations!
Oh I had longhair when I got married to I didnt cut mine off even though it was suggested by alot of my friends & family to get it cut short but i kept it & I wear mine in a Ponytail the day I got married you should do the same as its better wear a tail then having a major haircut !
Axel
I have couple suggestions: one get a slight perm. It will grow out very quickly. two: if its past your shoulders: get it styled and that will grow rather quickly afterwards which would put all parties concerned happy to certain extent. Me personally: perm(light). Good Luck.
As much as you say you do you would wear your hair long the day you got married I can just see your motther in law looking at those wedding pictures saying doesnt he look so much better with his haircut short not like he has it now .
Your Wedding day is suppose to be one major day in your life you should where your hair how you want to and not let anyone influence you to wear your hair or get it cut how they want you to!
Also for you to grow your hair back long it will take you at least a year probably more so id have a good long think before cutting your hair as you are not going to be happy the day you get married wearing your hair short are you !!!!
Axel
I'm guessing you love your fiance too much to make her change some aspect of her appearance just to make you happy, especially on the biggest, single most important day of both your lives. She should feel the same about you.
Unfortunately, I don't have any suggestions, but I do wish you luck.
The rule of thumb I always personally have is never change who you are to appease someone else.. itll only depress you. Just my two cents.. I wouldnt cut it.
1) Don't go bald. If that pisses her off and she says "oh, I said hair cut not shave = no wedding payment" then that will be a kick in the teeth.
2) Cut it NOW. So that you have a headstart on growing it out. Keep it as long as you possibly can without your mother in law complaining.
Cancel the Wedding. With a start like this you are in for a life of misery. If they cannot accept you as you are now and respect your desires of expression in how you like your hair to be, you are nothing more than a puppet to be kicked around.
Haha Quite lol
I agree totally. This marriage is doomed from the start.
That's a bold comment Justin, but very true.
Ok, you cut your hair, get married, start growing it back, it will be long again in a few years, then the nagging and bickering from the in-laws will start again. I can see the future what will happen. This may lead to a dysfunction marriage, not because of your wife, but because you won't get along with your inlaws.
It is sad to see that the parents of the women you love are so shallow and intolerable.
Completely agreed
What was your fiancee's input? What did she think of her mother's demand? IMHO, hers is the important opinion, and you wisely discussed it with her... but your update says you talked to her, and then cut to what you decided. What did she say?
If you love your hair, and see it as part of you or your personality, and your fiance loves you, why are you cutting it in the first place. You are entering into a life-long commitment with this woman, yet she won't accept you decision to have long hair?
My girlfriend asked me a little while back, "If we ever get married, would you cut your hair short for the wedding?" And I said, "absolutely not."
What does hair length matter? A million pictures of you and your wife will be taken. Is she embarrassed by your hair? Does she just not like it and it using the wedding as an excuse to get you to cut it? If shes that concerned about how you look for pictures and in front of people exchanging vows, I would love to know what it matters at all. Love should, and does, transcend all that trivial stuff.
Exactly!
we're dealing with a bunch of jealous sadists
Hi Max,
I don't think you'll grow your hair back after the wedding if you acquiesce now. It seems you will be financially and otherwise dependent upon your in-laws for several other things as well, and they WILL use that to keep you under control - they don't trust you for being a good husband the way you are.
Did your mother-in-law state that it is fine with her if you grow back your hair after the wedding? If it isn't, you know what you'll be in for in the years to come. There'll be many more things you'll have to put up with - regular hair cuts every 4-8 weeks will just be a part of it. Are you willing to wear your hair short for your wife and your in-law for the rest of your marriage - and give in to various other demands as well? Believe me, you'd have to!
I also remember a friend of mine who cut his hair for the wedding - they're divorced now, AND he hasn't grown back his hair for several years after the divorce - he really got used to giving in to the wishes of his relatives etc.
Basically, you seem to think you are just choosing between your hair and your mother-in-law's money. It seems you don't trust your income prospects over the next years, and you think that the banks won't give you a loan to pay for the expensive reception. How expensive is that? $ 10,000? That'd be a rather fancy reception. Still, with $ 25,000 a year you should be able to pay that back in less than 5 years. If your wife is still around and gets a job herself, it may even be quite a bit earlier. - However, this is NOT just about your in-law's money for the reception.
Or are you NOT a long-hair deep-down inside? Well, then, cutting it off should be no problem at all. However, the fact that you bother to post here suggests otherwise.
Here's a possible solution: Why don't you get a short-haired wig and wear that until two days after the wedding? That'll be a lot cheaper, and a "plausible-looking" wig shouldn't cost more than a few hundred dollars.
Whatever you'll do, all the best, and hope you'll be happy.
Hans-Uwe
P.S. Or are you part of a tradition that exists in East Africa? ;-) There's an ethnic group where young men grow their hair long during their "warrior" phase and then have it cut by their mother for marriage - well, THAT's traumatic.
I forgot to ask:
I noticed you're not writing about how much you are in love with your fiancée, and how you have been dreaming about marriage, how much she means to you (and how much your future in-laws mean to you) etc, etc, etc. Did you just avoid writing that in order not to stray off-topic, or is there something else going on? I'm in no position to tell, of course.
Hans-Uwe
Oh, man, is this sad. This points up where your fiancee is on the matter -- both in relation to her mother, but also to YOU! This is going to sound harsh, but since she's not "on your side" in this, I'd run like the wind. Or at least say, "Well, now that it's clear who is dearer to you, I guess I'll say goodbye."
Sadly, that's not likely to happen. Once mummy-in-law gets wind of your growing it back out, she'll put pressure on your now wife (and wives have vastly more power than fiancees), your will will bitch at you about it, and you'll acquiesce again. Is that life?
That's disingenuous at best, and outright nasty at worst. This is supposed to be a happy time for the TWO of you, not a time nor a place for head games.
If you piss mummy-in-law off now, you might as well contact a divorce attorney right after you leave the church; you'll need it. Oh, and be prepared to fork over a good percentage of your salary in alimony at the same time.
All I can say is that it is your decision in the end. And if I was in the same situation I can say that I wouldnt have done what you intend to
I cannot possibly think of BIGGER mistake that the above...
I speak from experience when I say this:
1) You will be in shock
2) You will be pissed at EVERYBODY
3) Your marriage will start off with more stress than you can imagine...
I impulsively cut my waist-length hair off on the 1st day of summer, Y2K, --- and it totally devastated me! Took over a year for me to get over it, in fact.
IF (notice the big "if")... you truly feel you should cut before this wedding, cut it now, NOT the morning of the big day, --- this will give you time to recover (if indeed you will), adjust if you don't like the haircut (glue it back on maybe?), or... decide she may not be the right woman for you afterall.
- Ken in San Francisco
Excellent advice... IF you are going to cut it, do it now. You need time to adjust to the look.
Having said that, I wouldn't cut it just for a wedding. As a yearbook adviser for a high school, I repeatedly tell parents and students to wear the cut the student is used to at the time. Pictures capture a moment in time and I find it ridiculous for someone to get a new look for his or her senior pictures. You want to remember who you really were on that important day... not how someone wanted you to look on that day.
I second that!!! Ken is correct.
Forget the money keep your hair and your wife...report your bitch mother-in-law to a mentally "disabled" school/hospital!
Btw...if you're (future wife) is not going to fight for your rights and not care about your hair then forget hte marriage.
The choice is up to you, im just telling you what i would do.
-Oleg-
my wife's ex-husband insisted that she lose weight before their wedding. she did. she left him a few years later after she had gained the weight back (and then some) when he told her he was ashamed to be seen in public with her. i love every pound of her because that's what a happy marriage is about.
i really think you're headed for trouble.
Anyone who comes here will always be told not to cut their hair. But ... I think quite a few of us are genuinely worried about what you are doing. The whole dynamic with your future wife and mother-in-law reeks of impending doom. I can see only one way you could make it work out, and it has nothing to do with hair. Once you are married I recommend that you move at least 1,000 miles away from your mother-in-law. Find yourself a job in another country, preferably a remote one where MIL would have to travel by mule train to visit you. I only wish I were joking, but I'm not.
I almost forgot to add that one of my favourite pictures is one of our own wedding pictures that hangs upon the wall. We were married on a windy day and our hair is blowing in the wind. It's womderful picture, and you will never have one like it if you cut off all your hair. I only wish I looked as young as I did then! And I did get my hair cut for the wedding, but the style I chose was 'as little off as possible'. You asked what style I'd recommend, and that's the one.
I can't think of a nicer, more romantic image than what you just described above... And I agree whole-heartedly with your suggestion over what style of haircut to get before the wedding, --- just brilliant!! Now, that would be what I would call a "happy ending"!!!
- Ken
I wouldn't cut it at all!!! Your wife to be didn't make this an issue during the time you were dating. So why now does the issue come up now. Isn't she marrying you for being you? If I was in your shoes, I wouldn't care if she puts off the wedding, or decided not to get married to me. I would not cut it period - THE HAIR IS OFF LIMITS!!
