new thread
Well it seems to me I've been seeing a lot of depressing stories on here lately from guys getting abuse about their hair or pressure to get it cut for work (80's metal, bragi) and I hate to contribute to this trend, but I'm afraid it's happened to me as well.
I got my hair cut on Wednesday night, and it's now Saturday night and I think I just might be recovering from the trauma, despite my excitement for the ensuing growth for this next year. Believe it or not, I wanted the haircut myself for about four different reasons, and I think it may have helped these things but I'm not sure if it was worthwhile.
First of all, my hair was about 1.5 to 2 inches short of shoulder-length, and around April, I was getting a lot of verbal abuse about it and people (literally) yelling at me in the school hallways to get it cut. The second reason is that it was a pain to maintain and I was utterly sick of the flipping in the back and the strange waves on the side of my face that seemed to curl inward, looking very feminine. Basically, I dreaded the two hours following my shower as I monitored it and kept combing to avoid bad air-drying. Of course, once it was dried, I still loved it like usual. The third reason is that I'm back in physical education this fall for my junior year of high school, and guys with hair my length (of which there are very few) have been getting discrimination from the male PE coaches and demands to get haircuts or tie it back in a ponytail. Though I'm aware many of the members on here wear their hair tied back, for me and my longhair friends, it's not something we're really looking forward to since we see the ponytail look as slightly effeminate and would rather wear it loose. No offense at all to any of the members on here with ponytails, it just doesn't seem to look right with us. The fourth and final reason is that I started work this summer outdoors with my dad, and long hair makes it much hotter, and the humidity has been bad some days. Considering all of these reasons, I had my mom cut my hair on Wednesday. Oh man...
Well, having had bangs that extended past my chin, I now have bangs that just barely hang in my eyes. My hair covers the majority of my neck, but much of it is still showing, unlike my previous hair. It is also layered in the back now, so I'm embracing some of my natural waviness by letting it flip out in different spots. Think of it as Jim Morrison's hair on the cover of The Best of the Doors. Except mine is thinner, and I've convinced myself from looking in the mirror that I'm wearing a Beatles wig on the top of my head with thinner hair hanging down below, resembling two conflicting styles. Though it really was not cut wrong, it still looks horrible to me because of what a huge change it is. The depression I felt on the night of the cut is indescribable, though you might have an idea. I was so distraught over it and so overcome by the anxiety that I was nearly on the verge of abusing my mother's prescription tranquilizers, just to put myself into an altered state of mind. Yes, that is how bad it got. Since it's been three days, I now see that the main advantage is that my hair is now easier to maintain and I don't have to watch it closely while it's drying. However, that does not make the haircut worthwhile, and I'll continue to kick myself for the next few months for cutting it. I can't wait till the bangs grow back, and I'll have to see about the back.
I'm not sure if having layered hair will make it look strange or unruly as it gets longer. My mom said we can just keep clipping it off till it's one length as it grows. Anyone have an opinion on this?
Sorry about the long read, but I had to write about it in one way or another. Yes, I know the cut was my fault, but I never expected such intense separation anxiety. I realized that it seems to be worse the longer I've gone without a haircut. I got it cut last summer after about six months of growth and was pretty depressed but not for a long time. This time, it was cut after a year of growth, and the negative emotions were almost unbearable. Thanks for the time.
It is common for men with longhair to tie it up in a ponytail or whatever in order to please an abusive superior. After all it takes only 5 minutes or less to do or undo a ponytail and one could always tie a tail if it is required then untie them after work or school. However you do need to put up more of a fight, like agree that you will keep it in a neat manner. Most will probably not give you much trouble anymore if you are willing to compromise.
It may take a few minutes to do a ponytail but it takes years to grow hair, so dont do it unless it is a must (like military)
Thats bad that you did cut it and strongly regret it now, but while you are growing it back, you might want to consider how you will handle the four problems that got you to cut it in the first place so you dont just end up in the same fix all over again.
Best of luck growing out again, though.
Yes I have been considering it but when it does get really long again, I'll be a senior and I doubt I will get as much abuse :) I also hope to have a different job by next summer that doesn't involve working outdoors. This job with my dad is just temporary and part-time. With PE, I'll probably just wear a headband to keep the bangs out of my eyes since I think that is acceptable. As for the annoyances with my hair and maintaining it, I plan on toughing my way through it this time. After all, it feels a helluva lot better when I do make it through different awkward phases.
Just look at it this way, any mistakes you did on this time growing your hair out, you can avoid this time. And the best part, you're stronger. You're probably used to the unnecessary discrimination trying to break you down. This time, you already know what you have to go through.
And yeah, I don't know all about that layered hair sh*t. I just let it grow.
Sorry to hear of your loss.
The fact that you were devasted and upset after the cut shows that you are a born longhair. Without longhair you feel rather empty inside, like something is missing. This is what you call a 'true longhair' or a 'longhair for life'.
For these people, growing longhair is more than just the physical attributes, it is about fulfilling your spiritual and internal needs for long hair.
I wish you best of luck in your re-growth and as ChrisG already told you, make sure you fix up those 4 problems in the meantime.
A ponytail is not effiminate, far from. Some guys look so darn intimidating and just plain tough with a ponytail. If you can tie a low ponytail it will look great.
I also think you need to do some growing internally aswell. Don't let authorities dictate your life and how you look/act/dress etc. You have to conform, to an extent, but you should stay true to who you really are and make a stance. It is hard in this society with all the judgemental attitudes and discrimination but you gotta stand up for yourself. Good luck, Jean.
Me too - sounds awful :(
I've been told that when I wear a suit with a ponytail I look very intimidating.
Well, that's rotten news. But, there are things that you can take away from the experience to keep the whole thing from happening again.
Taunts and abuse in school-halls is a part of growing up. Teenagers are notoriously conformal (even though they try to strut about like individuals) and anything out of the "norm" is automatically open to ridicule. So long as it's just verbal, you can safely ignore the taunts as wind from idiots. Physical abuse is something altogether different, but if you project an air of confidence (hard to do sometimes when you're in your teens -- been there, done that) you're not likely to get picked on (bullies are usually cowards of the worst sort).
Two, it sounds like you have "problem hair" and were enduring the ravages of an extended "awkward phase"; this is not fun. The thing to take away here is that you have a very good idea how it's going to progress the next time you have to transition that length, and you can start looking around now for a stylist or someone else you can trust to help you through next time 'round.
Three. In the US of A, "physical education" is mandated by the federal government. If you don't put in four years' worth of it you don't graduate high school (It'd be nice if they instead taught rational thought, mathematics, and physics, but that's a pipe dream.) and no attempt is made to winnow the jocks from the everyday blokes; this leads to all sorts of problems with the jocks usually winding up bullying the regular joes (see my comments on bullies above).
And finally, manual labour in the heat. With unrestrained hair, I heat up faster than I can deal with, so I just tie it back. If it's really hot, I'll tie it up in an ersatz bun. There's nothing unmasculine about a pony-tail -- take a look at the image on the back of a US two-dollar bill; it's a depiction of the signing of the US Declaration of Independence. Those don't look like girly-men to me.
So, you're actually in a pretty good state right now. You know that cutting it was a mistake, but a mistake that will remedy itself in time; you understand the drivers that caused you to cut it, and can better deal with those issues when they arise again; and you'll have an easier time navigating the "awkward phase" that you'll go through again. For all the immediate trauma, I'd call it a "win" in the long view.
