new thread
A different perspective.
I’ve been reading this board for 11 months now and I must say, it’s very caring and supportive. It’s great to see that you’re not the only one growing your hair out, with all the problems and annoyances included.
However I sometimes feel that everyone is being “too nice” on this board. Everyone always tells everyone they have great hair, and they should keep growing their hair out. I do not always agree here.
Everyone is doing it and everyone is doing great, keep up the good work, boys. Whereas some hair doesn’t really look that great, or someone could use a haircut to get their now semi-long hair in better condition, even if that means cutting of 0.5-1”. Why should something you love and care about look messy and badly taken care of?
This actually brings up my second point. Everyone here advices against getting a haircut, because you’re going through the akward fase etc. Whereas the akward fase is pretty annoying, it doesn’t mean you have to look like a bum. I do not advice getting your hair cut every month, but a maintaince cut every 4~ months does wonders to your hair. Of course it’s important to find a good salon who can and will take care of your needs. Obviously your hair won’t be as long in the same amount of time, but I think it will look a lot better in a lot of cases plus the condition will be conciderably better.
Just trying to show you guys a different perspective, from a lurker and someone who cares about appearance as a whole (body, clothes, hair) . I should add that my hair isn’t that long (front bangs, reach my bottom lip), but it’s getting there, although not as fast as some of you guys.
With this rable I tried to show another way of growing your hair out and I hope the board will give a little more honest advice.
I also hope that no one is offended by this post and I'm looking forward to the replies.
Good luck,
F_the_Facts
Ps. Forgive my poor language, English isn't my mother tongue.
For some people this is the only place one can get positive comments about their hair, and it really means alot. But I can see what you mean, sometimes long hair doesnt look good on someone. But that is also only one person's perspective. There will always be someone to compliment/bash one person's hair. But its nice to know that if you come here you can get some positive comments or constructive criticism.
-Caesar
Completely agreed.. thats what we're here for to support eachother, because we get enough bashing on a weekly basis in the world from conformists. Any supportive words to someone who wants to grow their hair out sometimes can mean the world to someone.. Maybee long hair doesnt look the greatest on some people.. but if THEY like it... thats all that matters.
Matt
Two things:
1) It's been my observation that men look better with long hair. I've never seen one who's physical appearance wasn't improved by growing their hair out.
2) How would you feel if, after posting a progress pic as part of a message complaining that you're getting pressure from friends and family that you need a hair cut, people here posted replies telling you they agreed with your friends and family? Where's the support in those replies?
There are generally two things being complimented when someone tells another they have great hair - the length, and how good it looks after futily attempting to style it while still in the awkward phase. In my experience, keeping hair looking good when it's just starting to grow out - especially during the awkward phase - is an exercise in futility, even with maintenance trims.
Would you care to name names as examples of hair you felt needed a maintenance trim? I'd like to get a better idea of where your subjectivity lies.
Tell your hair that.
;)
That's why we always advise against maintenance cuts. Most stylists, despite what is instructed of them, have their own agenda. Or have you never read any of the horror stories?
Ah, I get it, you're someone who believes hair is healthier after a good snip. That's nothing but a myth, my friend. Trims do not improve the condition of one's hair. That's because hair is dead. It dies the moment it grows out of the scalp. The only thing trims is shorten hair and create the illusion of healthy hair while prolonging the length of time it takes to grow long.
No offense taken.
Hi F_the_Facts,
I feel there are two things noticeable about this site.
First, there are ways to say "well it doesn't look perfect right now" - just add phrases like "IMHO" (= in my humble opinion) or "I personally like ... better". That way you disagree, but you're still being nice. Phrases like "gorgeous hair" do not necessarily mean that it looks gorgeous right now - and everybody knows that. Growing out hair means putting up with the "awkward phase", which in most eyes, doesn't look "sexy" but "awkward".
Secondly, I can see that there are situations where a *slight* trim improves the looks - temporarily. However, most of us advise against that, partially because many hair stylists (should I say "barbers"?) just don't listen or have their own agenda. You tell them to cut two centimeters, and they cut two inches (5 cm) - even "metric" barbers do that.
Thirdly, many people who are in the process of growing their hair tend to be extremely self-conscious (as opposed to self-accepting or self-assertive) about their hair - and that kills the path of growth. "Growing hair out" is not an active process of our conscious mind, but, as we say in German (my native language), it's "letting the hair grow for oneself", i.e. we let the hair do its thing, and we don't cut it down every time it "misbehaves".
This is why "letting one's hair grow" can be a metaphor for letting go (as opposed to total control), and being self-accepting, relaxed, and openminded.
By the way, are we seeing a very mild cultural clash? This board does give honest advice, in my eyes. If, for instance, someone who always has had short hair, starts growing it, and is about 3-4 months into the process, that's hardly impressive long hair, so I say "You're on the way", or, "That'll look GREAT when it's 5 inches longer!" That's honest, and it helps the other guy NOT to give up on his goal, even if he hasn't got the great looks yet he's shooting for. I'm trying to be honest but to remain constructive and helpful at the same time - specially in terms of the personal goals of any advice seeker.
As Matt Nyghtfall said, people get enough s*** elsewhere. Let's be different and constructive.
A last thing: Your English is quite good, and I'm NOT just being nice. I'm not 100% perfect myself, not even when I type something in my native language.
Hasta luego!
Hans-Uwe
you need to remember 2 things:
1) one's opinion is nothing more than that--one person's opinion. you may think someone's hair looks terrible, but that doesn't mean you have to tell him so. i'm from the "if you can't say something nice, don't say anything" school of thought.
2) you really don't know anything about the background of the person you might be criticizing. you may be dealing with someone whose entire self-esteem is wrapped up in his hair and in such a case, suggesting that he cut it off could be devastating. again, best to say nothing. bottom line, be supportive or keep quiet.
That is a big assumption you are making that people who post here are not being honest. Now I cannot of course speak for anyone else but I have always meant every word of every post I have made here. When I compliment someone its because I am trulyimpressed with what they have done. Either with simply the decision to grow out in the first place or the considerable difference (and improvement) that long hair bestows on just about everyone. If I didn't feel comfortable saying anything than I wiuldn't post. Is that dishonest if you say nothing, I do not believe it is.
And if you are an expert in what we should be saying, how come I have not ever seen you post before to show us how it is done?
[OK no more ranting. If you have posted before and I missed it I apologize but your alias is not familiar to me and it seems strange to have a backseat navigator on a forum :) Something about your post just set me off, I'm better now :) Seriously please come post and if something bothers you about a pic it seems only natural that you be the one to say it, right?
Welcome if you are new
You do have a different perspective, but that's because this isn't the "Men's Mid-length Hair Hyperboard". I've nothing against medium length or even short hair on others (can't stand shaved heads, but I'd be too polite to say that to anyone I met with that style).
"Shaggy" hair can look really good, but it has it's problems. Such as, the trips to the barber for maintenance trims can easily convert it to an uncool short style, and it looks a mess five minutes after combing. I can look at old pictures of myself where my hair looked perfect, but know that thirty seconds later the wind came up and I looked like a haystack. The reality was not as much fun as those old pictures.
This is why so many guys give up and cut it short. OTOH, if you carry on growing it out those problems go away. They may be replaced by other problems, such as retaining hair in good condition when the ends of it are many years old. Frankly, many of us are too traumatised by the hairdressing profession to want to have trims, but there are other things you can do that are actually more effective. There are different routines and products to use, and many of us cut split ends ourselves.
I have good and bad hair days depending on the condition, but when my hair was mid length I still had as many bad hair days, but those were the days my hair wouldn't lay correctly and stuck up or out at odd angles. Don't say your hair never does that, but mine doesn't because it's too long!
I generally advise against cutting any hair when you're trying
to grow it. I've had too many experiences where you tell the
hair care professional you want xxx inches trimmed from the
existing hair and they automatically assume it is their
duty in life to trim xxx+20 inches completley forgetting it
is your hair, they seem more concerned with their ego.
I've been growing out my hair for five years. I have it trimmed and colored at the roots every three months. I look forward to a day at the salon.
Everyone around me knows how conscientious I am regarding my hair, and I think it has in many instances preempted any form of discrimination. Women and men at my work and school know I take far better care of my hair than they do, so they don't even go there.
I realize there are people on this board who think differently when it comes to maintenance trimming. They choose to have a different relationship with their hair. It's their hair. They have that right. I respect that. Life's rich tapestry and so on and so on.
Well, you are certainly welcome to disagree and that is fine. I am glad you are here. And if you do choose to get trims along the way to growing your hair, well, that is fine too.
Not everyone likes to travel on the long hair interstate highway, some like to take the scenic two-lane road, and that is cool too.
There is so much negativity surrounding many of us guys growing hair or having some long hair that you must realize this place is somewhat of an oasis in a desert of shorthairedness.
While you may see a comment here that someone's hair looks great or whatever praising word, to the person that said it, it may very well look great. It is all very subjective and there are lots of different types of folks here.
Your English seems fine too me. Please stick around and show your hair. You know we all will say it looks fantastic ;-)
