new thread
Hey you guys, long time no see. These past months I've spent on different University projects and with friends. The reason I post here now despite all the stuff I need to finish these last day of the semester is considering my looks. Lately I've been giving comments like "womens first" and "that dress would look nice on you!". Most of them from friends I know well and I deeply respect and love, and they don't of course mean anything bad. More a confirm on the simple fact that my hair is long and curly and yet doesn't fit in to a rib all to well. But, here's the thing; right now it seams I'm sending out certain signals and the people responding to those are often certain men. There are several times I have felt those men hitting on me. Allthough flattering in a way it is a bit scary since I feel no attraction in That way. That was not my intention growing it long but to fit my personally and musical taste. I also notice people treat me in a, well, feminin way. When you get that special smile from the seller on the grossery store. Or when people of both sexes and ages look at you admiring and kinda of a liking way. I also notice women feel comfortable talking, just talking to me. And I'm not sure whether they look at me like a man or more lika a woman. Certain things seem to be happening in my head as well. It just feels all wierd but kinda exciting in a way. I feel cute in a girlie kind of way and a part of me seem to be enjoying it. Almost like becoming a teenanger all over again allthough this time the opposite sex. I guess I feel a litle confused right now. So, what to do? I'm seriously thinking about getting rid of it as it messes up my self image and even gender, allthough I like all to much. Does anyoneelse in here have the same problem?
I post a couple of pics for you to be the judge on.
Okey. This one i partly done on purpose but you get the picture
Perhaps the "signals" you are sending out are merely happy vibes. People really gravitate to those. There certainly is a big lack of it in the world as it stands today.
Girl......Lady? Come-on, these people are either very stupid or are simply trying to pull your leg. Pay them no attention and do what is most natural for yourself.
Luckily, in my entire life nothing like this ever happenned to me.
First off, you look very little like a girl, particularly because of the facial hair. There's a slight femininity/androgyny to your appearance, but so what? You should be proud. It's a trait many a girl absolutely LOVES. And if you think long curly hair is feminine, I must be the girliest guy on Earth, eh? lol, exaggeration, but the point is, curls aren't necessarily more "female" than straight hair. It can go either way, honestly. Tight curls are often associated with "gangsta" guys, but with sweet ones at the same time. Your hair is more wavy than anything, and the wave is probably likely to make people think of the stereotypical longhaired dream guy of many a girl. In short, I think wavy is probably more percieved as effeminate than curly, but your hair just doesn't strike me as feminine at all, waves or not. I just don't get the comments. Like Justin said, they're quite ignorant.
I understand about "feeling cute" and girly and embracing your inner female and the like. It's not your hair causing it; the hair was just an aid to starting it. Dude, being secure in how you feel inside is a great thing, and people admire it. There's nothing wrong with feeling sensitive, emotional, even what we ignorantly today call feminine. I'm straight, I'm not a transvestite or anything, but I wholeheartedly embrace both genders of my personality, and people respect me for it; many even like me for it. It's a GOOD thing to do. Not many guys have such a side to them, or they choose to suppress and suppress it until it's been stuffed so far inside them they can't even find it anymore. Don't become like that.
The fact that I'm not the most macho-looking guy (I've been mistaken for a girl even with short hair, lol. It's a good thing my voice is so deep!) around means I get lots of looks from people, many positive. It may be overwhelming at first, but it's a wonderful thing in the end. Would you rather people glared at you wherever you went and no girl felt comfortable talking to you? Be serious. I don't like attention; I try to hide as much as I can, but I much prefer getting positive attention than negative. Just stick with it, and you'll get used to it. And you don't have to pay attention to all these people, anyway. Just because people take notice of you doesn't mean you're gonna become Mr. Popular. All that matters is how you feel about yourself, and cutting your hair in this situation doesn't seem like substantial enough a reason. The "girly" pic you posted looks more masculine than anything.
To sum it up, I don't think you should cut your hair, but that you should intimately explore these feelings you have, learn from them, embrace them, become them, live with them, and let others live with them too, because it seems a lot of people like 'em. But if this is causing too much of a problem for you, go ahead and cut your hair. It's just hair, after all, and how you feel is far more important in the end.
Good luck with your decision, man.
Peace
Dude, you look really cool just the way you are now. Not even remotely feminine, you have a rockin look. Now I can only say that if you had not said anything about feminine the word would NEVER have crossed my mind. It is not your look that is feminine any more than anybody with longhair would be said to be feminine by an ignorant lout. I cannot say any more on the other stuff, maybe somebody here with more knowledge will be able to help. But trust me you look great i wouldn't mind looking that cool, you are fine.
People are always too hard on themselves.
Your hair looks great. Stop worrying.
Good Luck!
First off,
your hair is making excellent progress.
You are well on your way to becoming a REAL longhair very soon.
Secondly, i love the brown colour and wavyness, perfect hair texture you have, i'm sure many females envy it. Your hair is going to be majestic at mid-back length, and longer.
I don't think you look feminine at all. Maybe others are jealous because you are so good looking and have beautiful hair?
i don't know much about psychology.
You also have very nice eyes.
Nothing strikes me as effiminate, in the least.
Maybe your friends are struggling to come to terms with the fact that you are growing your hair? Maybe they aren't comfortable with your new image yet?
If i was you i would keep growing that mane and facial hair and ignore these silly comments. You have a great image going and i'm sure all the swedish ladies are after you ;)
When i look at you i see a handsome man with long hair, not as being effiminate. If you want androynous/feminine looking males then check out the 80s glam rock bands "Poison" and "Cinderella". hehehehehe. I made my point.
I made my point.
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i hope my arabic letters showed up right (and more importantly that you understand me lol)
It would be a shame to cut such fantastic hair. I don't think it looks girly at all. I wouldn't worry about 'unwanted attention' from certain males either. When I had my hair short I've had gay men try to hit on me so I don't think hair length has much to do with that! If that bothers you just do as I do and make it clear that you're straight and only interested in the ladies! :D
You look very much like a man in your photos.
I'm guessing that you're liking your "new" looks. It sounds like you're having fun just discovering what it's like to appear a different way to the world than you're used to. I'm kind of going through the same thing myself, i.e., being more conscious of people's perceptions of my appearance. And that's a good thing, because, for one thing, it encourages you to pay closer attention to your grooming and wardrobe. People, both men and women, appreciate well-groomed people. If you look nice and presentable, you're far more likely to be received and treated well by others than if you don't take any pride in your appearance. And it's flattering to be hit on by people, regardless of what sex they are. I know some men get weirded out by being hit on by other men, but I think that's only because they let other things -- insecurities, prejudices, misconceptions -- overshadow the pleasure they derive in receiving a compliment.
You're your own person, so just be yourself, and have fun along the way.
Oh, and keep posting progress pics!
A couple of points.
1. maybe you need new friends.
2. your hair does not look femine. maybe your friends need
glasses.
Maybe your mistake is saying you respect and love these "friends." With friends like these who needs enemies?
I can quite honestly say that you don't look even vaguely feminine. What that means is clearly that the guys who are saying you look like a girl are only doing it to annoy you.
As for gays, I don't think you really need worry. Just let them know that you are only into girls. They are human like you and I.
Long hair is very sensual. That is, it feels nice to have long hair, irregardless of whether you are a man or a woman. Maybe you think that is a 'girly' feeling, but I can't say I personally care either way if it is or not. Nobody is really 100% of one gender in every aspect of their personality.
As for what the girls are thinking, that can vary. Some are apparently turned on by guys with long hair, whilst others may just envy your hair. I get lots of compliments from black women, but I don't necessarily beleive that it means they are attracted to me. More likely it's because they just like my hair. Being an old married guy, I am just pleased they like my hair and leave it at that. However, I think most women who are looking for a partner actually don't care whether your hair is long or short, so it honestly shouldn't be a factor in whether you grow it or cut it.
Your hair rocks, and it doesn't look feminine at all. Don't cut it. It looks great. Don't think anybody considers you to be feminine or gay. Long hair really isn't even popular with gay guys, is it?
He he, cool pic 80's. :D I would like to give a big thanks to all of you for your kind response. It's a nice thing to know you're not the only, well straight guy out there having these feelings and that some of you, like I, enjoy them. I feel deeply touched by your concern and I will try my best to remember your good words whenever I feel doubtful about my looks. And since you've expressed you're interest I will try and keep you updated with my progress more often.
Hej, Herr Metall-Svensk,
This is a very interesting post. Besides, what some others have said, I would suspect that a lot of the comments that you are getting are just for the sake of giving you a hard time like a close friend does mostly just in fun, but at the same time displaying that ever-so-slight tinge of jealousy.
Maybe people are friendlier to you and smile at you more because they do like your look. Well, isn't that a good thing! If you feel better about yourself with longer hair and you get a positive response from it, then that is plenty reason to keep it. Anyone coming on to you in a way that you do not like, well, surely you know how to dispatch them. I hope you do decide to keep your hair.
Your hair does have kind of a 'big' look with lots of volume, but there are certainly lots of us who would like that. Now you know that as it gets longer it will lie down and be less big, so that is something to look forward to as well, and I imagine that you can tie it back now as well. The beard also removes any aire of femininity that you may think is present.
Våren kommer dit på Luleå nu? Österbötten är inte frusen?
Hej då, Bragi
Yep, somewhat
Well actually it's Norrbotten and, yes, spring is here but it's really cloudy and windy. I'll be leaving south soon fourtuently
Ja, ja, Norrbotten, ursäkta!
Österbotten ligger i Finland, jag tycker?!
Vet faktiskt inte. Talar inte finska. lol Tack för komplemangen förresten
Nice ponytail too. You will be able to tie all the hair completely before too much longer, maybe by the end of summer.
Hi Metal-Swede,
I just used up all my Swedish, but that's what I'm trying to say: You strike me as a very masculine man - those guys are just joking! There is nothing feminine or even androgynous about you in my opinion.
I'd be VERY surprised if our neighbors in the north (I live in the North of Germany) really were uptight about old-fashioned gender stereotypes - I'd be very surprised if that were the Swedish reality of today.
On the other hand, maybe certain men who are insecure in their gender identity or sexual orientation are checking you out? (Avowed homosexuals almost always prefer short-haired men, as you may know.) In that case, just relax and say something like "Sorry, dude, but I can't offer what you are looking for."
Keep that mane up and keep it growing, man!
Hans-Uwe
Haha. You might have point there, never looked at it that way actually. :) I'll keep that in mind. tackar för din välformulerade kommentar. Ich wunche dir eine gutes Abend!
J'adore cette communauté multiculturelle!
Feminine??? With that beard???
Your friends are pulling your leg. Unless their definition of feminine is a bearded lady at the carnival. In which case, they have issues.
