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I've wanted to grow my hair long for many years now. Probably about 12 years ago, my hair was at it's best. It had grown out at one length to chin length and I could have let it keep going from there and been just fine. But, NO.
I let my Mom talk me into letting her bleach it, twice, for hightlights. Then, some time after that, for reasons only God can possibly know because I really don't, I got a perm. Yes, a perm. It didn't take long for me to realize that I didn't like the perm and the way my hair got tangled too often. Which I'm sure was purely my own fault since I probably wasn't giving it proper maintenance. But, I decided to have it straightened. Starting to get the picture? Well, I didn't stop there. My stupidity grew. Later on, I decided to try... another PERM. AHHHH!!! And guess what? I still didn't like it. What was I thinking? Well, I got it straightened yet again.
As you can imagine, by this point, my hair was so dried out and burned up from the many many chemical treatments I had allowed to be put to it that I really had no choice but to cut it short again.
Eventually, it got healthy again, of course, but I sometimes have this fear that I ruined it for life with all the mess I put into it those years ago. I know that sounds silly, but it's my paranoia, I guess. And during that time, I exhausted myself so much with the desire to grow my hair long only to have it not work out in the end that I just kept it short for the next several years.
Now, I'm trying to grow it long again. In fact, I'm in the process of trying for about the third time in the last three years. I'm now married and my wife doesn't much like long hair on men. She isn't vicious about it and I'm certain she would never try to shave my head while I'm sleeping, but she doesn't encourage me in my endeavors either.
I understand that some people don't appreciate long hair on men. But, if you love someone enough to want to spend your life with them, why would you want to change who they are in any way? I've never made any demands on her regarding her appearance or anything else. I've always done my best to accept her as she is because I believe that's the way it should be. I only wish she could return the favor.
So, in the last three years, I have given in to her a couple of times and eventually had my hair cut short again. But, I've decided that this time, I'm going to go through with it and I will stop letting it grow only when I'm totally satisfied with it. No one should have to go through life feeling like they're living in a box. Time to step outside the box.
I'm glad that you've finally decided to give yourself the long hair that you've always wanted. It's your hair, your appearance, and you're the only one who has any say-so about it. If your wife truly loves you, she won't make any demands about your hair, just like you don't make any demands about her appearance.
Enjoy watching your hair grow longer, and please post progress pics here so we can see how it's coming along.
dino
P.S. When I was like 16 or 17, I also got a perm. It was horrendous!
You wouldn't.
Hmmm if you love someone, you love them, you can advsie them on changes but with me, it all boils down to what makes them happy, if i was with a girl who wanted to shave her hair off... id probably be a little against it, infact i have to be honest, id be totally against it but if i knew it would make them happy, id be happy too and if she did it and was happy with it... then i wouldnt be against it because id see it made her happy and whatever a loved one decided to do to make themselves happy, id back it with a 100 percent... same goes with men wanting to grow their hair out, she may be against it at first, but once it has grew out, and she sees how happier you are.. if she loves you then she will mostl ikely be happy too!
Exactly.
has your wife actually asked you to cut your hair in the past, or have you done it just because you think it's what she wanted? you don't say how long you're married or how long you've let your hair grow before cutting it, but i suspect if you stick with it long enough, she'll come to accept it as part of who you are. if not, then you've got a problem--no, she's got the problem and she's the one who will have to deal with it.
Hmmmm...I had kind of the opposite problem being married to a guy with long hair who forced me into cutting it for him due to his paranoia about going bald at the crown. It started with the ends, as they were getting wispier, then he made me go to chin length and there have been various other stages, the "worst" of which was almost the equivalent of a buzz cut (shock, horror!). I dislike short hair so much that even when my best girlfriend has her hair cut I can't bring myself to join in the compliments that normally ensue (thankfully she understands), so to see my husband lose his locks wasn't easy. Since he doesn't trust anyone to cut his hair I had to actually carry out the evil deed too!
It's not nice to have to admit, but when his hair was short it just kind of made me sad to see it that way. I suppose I was similar in that I had a non-supportive stance on his choice, but it's his hair and his decision. Perhaps she is just going through an initial phase of adjusting to the change. After a while I grew accustomed (resigned?) to the short hair look on the basis that if it made him feel better, then it had to be done.
I suppose the problems with a wife objecting to long hair are rather different but hopefully her attitude is not bound up with external pressures. If it is purely to do with how she sees YOU, she will deal with it in time, as I did. After all, you are still the man she married and change is inevitable in all aspects of a marriage. Hair length, when all's said and done, is really a very minor thing between people who love each other.
Wow, with the exception of the perming and straightening, this almost mirrors my first post on this forum some time ago.
My wife really couldn't stand the thought of me growing my hair out. She gave me grief about it on a daily basis, and often said hurtful things. This was mostly while I was going through the so-well-documented Awkward Phase which seem to draw people to this forum in the first place. Let's face it, it's when we all need the most support, and with good reason.
My advice to you, having been through this, is to tough it out. Talk to your wife - don't argue or fight about it, that is the worst thing you can do - but talk to her. Explain to her the importance of this to you. Explain to her that it doesn't change who you are, and that you are still the man she married, but that you need to be able to do this. Explain to her that you would never presume to tell her what she could or could not do with her hair, but that you would support her in any endeavour she chose.
She may not listen, but she will hear.
And in time, your hair will pass the awkward stage. There is no way around it, to get from short to long you must suffer the in-between. We all know how difficult it is to make in-between-length hair look "good." But in the end, it is worth it.
I was so happy when my wife finally told me, "You know, I guess it's not so bad now that it's longer."
Best of luck to you,
-m
