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I'm sure this topic has been done before, but just out of curiosity, how many on here have had friends or family treat you differently because of your hair growth?
I don't mean necessarily them making comments to you about getting a haircut or criticizing you directly because of it, because we've discussed that many times. But just in a general sense, in what ways have they treated you differently or talked to you in a different way that you feel is influenced by your long hair?
Some of my high school friends seem to act strangely around me. Many of them are not my close friends, because my close friends accept my hair growth and say nothing about it usually. But some of my other peers that I've had some good times with before have started to just nod or say "yeah" whenever I start a conversation. They don't seem to acknowledge me as much, and a few of them will just not say anything and I'll see their eyes quickly glance up at my hair before they look back at me. And then they act like I've become a new person... I guess I have in many ways, and some of them don't like to accept a transformation in people.
How about the others on here?
Most of the adults are fine with that, but I have roughly the same situation as you in the school. Surprisingly, there are more girls that aren't acceptable (and there are those who are, of course).
This is exactly what happens, more or less. Sometimes it's hard to tell by looking at someone, sometimes it's obvious, sometimes it's really rude, such as "Get lost from my eyes, uhhhh!"
Here are some other typical comments:
"Get a normal haircut."
"Look at your last year's photo - you look much better then!"
"How can you have your hair so long - it gets in the face!"
"I think a good man should have his hair clean cut." (attitude of buzzboard-type guys)
I really like this one:
"Why are you growing your hair? It's not like you play guitar!"
I don't know why, but although there aren't SO many comments, I remember each one of them. They'll never change my decision(s) though.
This is a complicated issue which admits no easy solution.
Most people do not comment because they arealize it is an issue of self definition, which is not threatening to them
Others make derrotary remarks because they are so unsure of themselves that they have become cheeeleaders for conventionality, even if they do not knnow what that is.
Others comment perhaps clumsily do not convey their basic intention which is to make contact with another long hair and ask for help in following.
The best strategy is to respond as though every question about our hair were a friendly one, and responding accordiongly. Rufusng to finght will take their power away.
More can be said if requested.
Here are a couple of thoughts that have helped me:
1) "What a person says or does says more about that person than it does about you."
2) "If you can interpret a comment as a compliment, do."
Examples: "You have long hair." Response: "Thank you."
"You haven't cut your hair in a long time."
"Yes, I'm proud of myself."
Also, I've noticed that people treat a person differently based on all sorts of physical changes: overweight to skinny, brunette to blonde, etc. Humans have a natural tendancy to categorize people. This ability is used often to figure out the answers to primal questions like, "Am I safe around this person?" or "Is this a person with whom I could mate?" This ability is helpful in such situations and explains why humans have it; however, like many things, it can be taken too far and result in making incorrect and/or hurtful conclusions. The hard part is that sometimes you just don't know what is inside a person's head, and it's a bit awkward to ask, "Did you just rush past me because of my appearance or because you're running late for a meeting?" Last week I was faced with such a question. I didn't know whether the judge rejected my legal argument because he didn't agree with my perspective, because I didn't present it well, or because he may have concluded that petite blondes aren't intellectually astute. Honestly, I don't know, so I'll just have to go forward in life as the person I am. Changing myself or getting upset about it are wasteful pursuits. Plus, I know that as people get to know me, they'll go beyond stereotypes.
Finally, while I strive to treat every human being with grace and respect, I confess that I treat longhaired men differently.
Example:
Man with buzz cut: "Perchance you and I could venture to the pristine islands together in my yacht?" My response: "Sorry, I'm busy washing my hair."
Longhaired man: "Hey, they're having two-for-one lunch at the food court. Wanna go?' My response: "Oh, yes, I'd love to!"
Enjoy your hair.
peace and happiness,
Rainbow
Good answers, certainly well thought out and astute.
So you are a lawyer? Impressive.
The following that you wrote is just hilarious; I love it!
Don't be too harsh on those buzzed guys though, some of them are probably sweet-hearts too!
Although I do not know completely why, I have always been treated with respect and been given no problems.
Same here so far. Everybody I know says it makes me look more mature. Friends that I haven't seen in a while are just surprised, but nobody says I should cut it.
In my experience, the worst reaction to a change in hair style came when I shaved my head - my boss had a fit.
As for growing it out, early on in the awkward stages my wife was not pleased, but now that it's past that things are better. She still isn't 100% crazy about it but she has grown to accept that I am going to keep my hair.
As for outsiders, I haven't really noticed a significant difference.
-m
Hello Everyone,
It was back in 1977, I had the most hassles, in high school about my hair being shoulder-length. Paradoxically, this was the seventies, but shoulder-length hair that was taken for granted in 1975 was suddenly out of style July 11, 1976. In 1977 most had hair not touching the collar, and earlobes exposed.
Fortunately 1977 was the last year of high school, and I found some comfort when I attended the Pink Floyd Animals concert on July 5 1977 at the Olympic Stadium in Montreal. There were a lot of guys with hair much longer than mine. When I started college, I felt quite respected by fellow students, and it was much easyer to live. I stayed at home during my college years, but my mom was a bit bitchy about my long hair (Whereas before July 11, 1976, she wasn't). She was worried about who would hire me, and felt that I wouldn't adjust to the cultural shock that comes after college.
In my last year of college, my hair got down my back and quite thick, and my job councelor was the one hassling me, saying things like: We are no longer in the seventies, times have changed, and no one hires guys with long hair. While I was fed "anti-sexist" ideologies during my college years, where girls refused to wear makeup, dresses, and where guys could choose the hairstyle they liked, I found that the corporate world did not seem to follow the new mentalities that were "trendy" during my college years: Gender equality.
In the eighties, after I graduated I found work quite easily, and had no complaints about my hair in my jobs. I frequently changed jobs in the early eighties as layoffs were frequent. However from 1982 to about 1985 I was frequently yelled "Hippy!", or "Jesus!" from drunk college students in passing cars.
From the mid eighties, to now, I can count on one hand the times I was dissed for my long hair. I am able to take jokes, like at time a balding guy could say things like "could you spare some hair?", and the one that I do find condescending at times, is "I used to have long hair". I heard that one so often that I use it myself, just to get people confused. I often use that one on a new long-haired student I encounter at work. Sometimes, I will say, "When I had long hair" to put emphasis on a time when things were more slow-paced, less expensive, and more human. For example : "When I had long hair, there was no admission fee for the arts museum".
What is great today, is that a lot of people say that my hair looks great.
Have a nice day,
Georges in Montreal.
With long hair I had a lot more female attention, so I think it made me more attractive, but a few people did seem to be surprised when I told them I don’t smoke weed.
Many people assume I'm really into music, but I take music far less seriously than most people.
In rural areas I get more comments, nut thankfully I hardly ever get offensive remarks. I have had assumptions that I smoke cannabis, all right.
I don't really give a damn about soccer, but with so many players sporting lengthy locks, I think it's helped make long hair more acceptable again.
