new thread
GeorgesÂ’ post made me remember something I wrote a while back and forgot about it. I have too much time on my hands sometimes. It follows for your entertainment. I imagine that the reverse of everything could be as draconian what it mirrors. For a thought exercise...
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Re: Dress Code
To: All Male Employees
From: HR Director of Mega-hyper Corp.
Date: 7-2-06
As director of Human Resources, it has been brought to my attention that the minimum hair length requirement is not being observed by the companyÂ’s male employees. We must all strive to maintain an image of professionalism in appearance at all times since we are the premiere manufacturer of flux capacitors in the market place. We must strive to maximize shareholder return, maintain customer confidence, and improve vendor and distributor relationships. That being said, I have attached a copy of the revised menÂ’s grooming standards.
Supervisors: Please share this message and revision with those employees without e-mail access. A picture of our ideal company standard appearance for male employees is included in this memo. These are our "Best Attitude and Appearance" award winners for 2005 at our annual banquet. Who will it be in 2006?
MenÂ’s Grooming Guidelines:
Hair: The minimum required hair length for men is to be no shorter that the lowest point of the shoulder blade. A V-shaped end is preferable to a blunt cut. Hair is to be worn loose as much is possible. Frequent trims are discouraged except in extreme cases.
Ponytails are permitted from April through September for front office personnel, although unrestrained, loose hair will be expected for all male employees at company functions such as luncheons, company picnics, seasonal parties, etc. This also applies to business meeting with outside associates, sales representatives, etc.
Appropriate hair tie colors include but are not limited to blue, red, green, yellow, and black. Scrunchie type hair ties are permitted for excessively thick hair, and multiple ties are permitted when hair is greater than waist length.
Ponytails, braids, and buns are appropriate styles for those employees in positions which lifting, bending, or any activity where moving machinery is present. It is required that any position in which an employee works where the primary job function involves moving machinery, that said hair be bound at all time securely by any means so that there is no inherent danger in the hair being caught in any machinery.
Note: Curly or wavy haired employees: Minimum hair length is to be determined by hair in its naturally dried, not wet, state, unless the length diminution ratio is greater that 3:1. Length diminution ratio is determined thus: if a 24 inch strand of hair retracts when dry to a length of less than 8 inches, then the LDR is greater that 3:1. If you are unsure about your LDR, please submit a shed strand of hair to your immediate supervisor for forwarding to the HR department for assessment.
Trims: Trims are permitted under certain circumstances. Permissible circumstances include but are not limited to the following: excessive blow drying, coloring/bleaching, or straightening, excessive split ends, or excessive tangling problems. If you think you need a trim, please also report to your immediate supervisor for advisement further by the HR director.
Beards: Facial hair growth of any sort is permitted but not required. Beard/facial hair of a length greater than collar length is also required to be bound in such away that there is no danger of entanglement for those in positions of working with moving equipment as specified earlier.
Allonge to policy: In extreme cases of recession, thinning & balding (ie: MPB), all previously cited requirements are still in application, unless it is determined that the maximum follicular attainment length (MFAL) has been diminished as a result of the MPB. In these cases, a case by case evaluation will be done. Those who have a diminished MFAL as a result of DHT will be subject to random testing to determine if hair has reached its MFAL or has been trimmed, if that length falls short of the minimum length requirement.
I particularly liked this part. :D