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Another example today at the check out in my local Sam's Club. I standing there minding my business and the line is very long....the comments start. Daddy why does that man have hair like a girl? Reply: He is a Hippie who never grew up! I'm getting steemed.Next comment, You have beautiful hair but it should be on a woman, this from a woman with a bee hive, teeth are gritting now. The line is about 25 carts deep and the buzz is spreading, Why would you do that?> He's a man with a daughter, she must be so embarassed, Damn look at that freak. Now my blood pressure is rising qickly. I start chanting silently, some relief. Then a guy at the end of the line Yells and I mean yells You a hippie dope smoker boy?. Yeah you! . I don't turn back I am tring to find peace and tune it out. Now it's my time to check out. The hottie check out girl says ..pay no attention I realy like it, it looks great and they are stupid people.Hearng positive words col me off I'm feeling better, my daughter is clinching my hand in support... I say Thank you Have a Hapy 4th. To good to be true ...Then I here You don't belong in America, get a man's haircut. That was it I wheeled and yelled at him to get some teeth, take a bath, stop wearing overalls! My inner strength snapped! Security was called and I was escorted from the store as was toothless bastard. Any situations in yor lives like this. I'm sure you all have had similar experiences, How did you handle them? Makes life hard to be a longhair day to day. But I will not bend, I will not breakand most important to me and my sense of self i will not fight! Eat A Peach For Peace! RedTail Wolf
Wow, I'm sorry to hear this. You can maybe expect one comment but to have the whole shop gang up on you and with your daughter aswell, thats absolutely disgusting.
I am growing mine out so I don't have the problem yet, but I have had people in the office upstairs saying I am turning into a tramp, almost implying that because my hair is not short cut and I have a beard that I don't wash.
To be positive though the people who I care the most about are totally with me so the narrowminded idiots can take a long walk off a short plank.
Best regards and keep the faith.
I'm so sorry that happened to you,
It made my blood boil just reading your experience with those idiots. I've been very fortunate so far, I've had one child ask me why my hair is so long but I do sense an uneasiness when I have to go to Walmart(I hate that place!) to shop. I've been thinking of a line just in case I've made fun of like..."Jesus would not approve of mean spirited behavior" or "Why can't we just live in peace with one another?"...Even if it didn't work I think it would make me feel better, to hopefully to calm down the situation...
I hope your feeling better after getting your feelings out,
David
Hi Red Tail Wolf, nothing this severe has ever happened to me. I live near San Francisco, which is quite long hair friendly.
Recently, I leaned my bicycle up against a wooden fence to remove my shirt, as I have done many times in the past. This fence is about 4 feet from the street. The owner of that property happened to be setting up sprinklers to water his yard. He asked me what I was doing. I told him I was putting my shirt away. He just stared at me like I was from Mars, and did not say another word to me. His behaviour seemed almost psychotic. I just rode off after putting my shirt away, and that was that.
It is sad that some folks in Georgia are not as long hair friendly. I have a hunch most of those who give you a hard time are people over 50 years old. I would think that most younger people are more accepting of long hair.
Absalom
Hi RedTailWolf,
I'm really sorry to hear about the harrassment you received - what's that "Sam's Club" about - and what region was this in, if it is o.k. to ask? And, was that old person suffering from MPB?
I think, the remark "You don't belong to America" would have prompted me to say "How about the Founding Fathers? They didn't sport your hairstyle." or, eg "You mean, the Founding Fathers never grew up?"
I'm not American myself, but I really want to keep some respect for the oldest working democracy in the world (besides, perhaps, Switzerland). I'm not entitled to give any advice to the US, but I'd want to say this to America: "Be true to yourself, and remember your roots." - At least, on my numerous visits to the US, I have never been harrassed because of my long hair.
In any case, hope you have a great July 4.
Hans-Uwe
Sams is this discount warehouse club in the U.S. and perhaps a few other countries, and is owned by Wal-Mart. You pay $35/year and get to buy merchandise at a discount. On large items such as tires, washing machines, television sets etc. the discount can be substantial. They also sell food in bulk.
Good comment about the MPB--I suspect some of the negativity about long hair comes from people who can't grow it themselves. Anyway, now that I've had more time to think about it, I think the best thing to do in these cases of "drive-by" comments is to ignore them. These people have minds that are closed shut--nothing you can say in a few seconds is going to change them so I'd just forget them and move on, although I know that's hard to do.
Did you forget England?
Well, let's include constitutional monarchies, and besides, England is the home of the habeas corpus act. Therefore, I'd say you're right. Thanks!
Hans-Uwe
England? democracy? ( this is where i would insert one of the confused smilies, u know, the 1 where the guy is scratching his head )
Haha yes we do have a democracy, although it is deteriating at a rapid rate.
People in a group are like cattle. What one does, most of the rest will follow. (I'd wager that these idiots would also think that gay marriage is a threat to them and their children and that Saddam was involved in 9/11.)
You held it in better than I would have. I think I would have responded to the first comment made by a so-called adult.
You hair is great looking and many of us here are envious of what you have. I have found that longhairs are generally nicer people too.
Karsten
Thanks for the story. I hope telling it helped you blow off steam. Makes me so glad I don't live where there are rednecks. I get comments but they are the polite chiding said with a smile type of comments so I can tease them right back. Always from men and women who are around 60ish or older so I can say, "You know, I'm sorry to tell you this but the fact that you don't think I have sex appeal doesn't worry me that much" or something like that. I don't know what I'd say to rudeness. Maybe "Hey baby, love the diverse free country we have here, don't you?" Except my mouth might get me shot by those guys. Oh well it's easy to think of something witty when you aren't in the hot seat. Man, I don't know--if this bad noise were a daily part of my life I guess I'd start thinking about moving. Good luck and whatever you do, don't get a haircut : )
Sorry to hear that, man. You can't blame the little kid though. I can't understand what's so wrong with long hair! How can anyone be so narrow minded? It's a good thing that nothing extremely severe happened.
Hmm... sounds to me like they're the ones who have in fact not grown up, and probably never passed 4th grade. Funny how the lamest, most mentally-ill nutcases always seem to think they run this World. I actually have a membership at Sam's, and I've gone in many times with my hair down, and I've never had a single comment... I usually wear it up though. Sometimes the rednecks stare in disbelief like "what the heck is that?!" but they never say anything. I commend you for not causing as big a scene as was totally possible... that's exactly what those ignoramuses wanted, but you didn't give it to them. You must be from the south? I truly was in disbelief when I read that... couldn't help but respond! Up here in the North I don't think it's as much of a problem I guess...
-Ardroth
This sounds awful! I can't believe it happened! Was this at the Sam's in Macon? What astounds me is the rudeness and lack of personal respect that these people had toward you which is so wrong. I'm sorry that happened, but don't let a thing like that cause your resolve to be yourself to waiver. Well, at least nothing really bad came of the situation. This however is just another indictment of the way that the American South can be which sickens me as one from here, as it would be so easy for us to portray a much better image with very little effort.
Happy 4th of July to you too!
Thanks, yeah in Macon. I usally disregard any negatvity, but with my dauhter hearing it and the continued barrage got me, I'm a very laid back passive person, but enough was enough! I vented there and here and I'm cool now, the hair is gonna stay till it all falls out!Peace and Eat A Peach For Peace! RedTail Wolf
Hi RTW and first of all hope your 4th is a better day than the one you just described.We have Sam's here in New Jersey but I'm actually a Costco member. Honestly I can't really recall receiving such rude comments from people I don't know like that just because they are bored standing in a long line.I do admit a lot of the time I tie my hair up and keep it under a ball cap especially if its windy or hot and humid due to the extreme length of my hair.So thats probably part of the reason for lack of comments but the hair sticks out anyway.When I do wear it down in public I just seem to blend in as this state is quite diverse anyway with its mix of cultures.Anyway I'm sorry to hear you had to deal with that and hopefully it was an isolated incident.I think you restrained yourself the best you could before finally lashing out as you are only human.I person can only take so much negativity.Your hair is fantastic and nothing to be ashamed of.HAVE A GREAT HOLIDAY!!!!Mark
Hello Everyone,
I remember in the eighties, I used to get a lot of these slurs from strangers, and that diminished radically by the 1990's.
What I can't stand is not really those slurs, it is when I approach someone who is supposed to be a supportive person, like a relative, or friend, and he sides with the nutcases by saying something like "If you had cut your hair like everyone else, you would be more respected."
When someone commented about my hair, I often go along by saying something like "I used to have long hair, and now I go with the flow". I tend to humour them. In Quebec, people tend not to attach too much importance about hair length, and look more at the "inside". Long hair is so common place, (I mean a visible minority), that no one will care if you walk with loose hair.
When that happens, it happens about once in five years, and the funnyest one I had, was "You look like Louis the 14th".
Have a nice day,
Georges
Thanks for sharing your story....hope it helps you calm down.
Some people are so ignorant that you almost have to feel sorry for them......Along with many , I was "invited" to serve in an unpopular war in the '70's. Upon returning, some of the folks in the Heartland of America took it upon themselves to refuse to serve us in restaurants and some even felt obligated to spit on our uniforms. Guess those folks grew up to be Sam's Club customers !!
Your daughter is fortunate to have an intelligent, thoughtful and sensitive man for a father......Imagine what sort of an upbringing "Toothless Joe" is giving his kids.
Enjoy the Fourth !!
Walter White Tail
Dude, you are way too sensitive and easily offended. Aside from the store clerks, is there a chance in Hell you're ever going to see those people again? The odds are extremely remote.
Years ago, I decided that Earth is the "back woods" of the universe. If I ever get a chance to ask a representative from an alien race a question, it'll be, "You have the technology to travel billions of light years, anywhere you want to go. Why the hell did you want to come here?"
That attitude, more than anything else, has helped me take anything negative that anyone has to say about my apperance with not even the slightest hint of a grain of salt. I can't remember the last time I received a negative comment from anyone, but I just smiled and brushed it off.
People like that are simply not worth getting angry over, so there's no point in justifying their comments with any kind of response. The last time someone did say anything to me, I just replied, "At least I'm not a fashion victim," and left it at that.
Here's an idea: Put your favorite CD on, kick back, and relax.
For what it's worth, I'm sorry to hear that that happened to you. I have never experienced anything that extreme.
I can completly relate to that redtail. a few months ago i had this little kid say mommy he has hair like a girl LOL that i just laughed off because it was just a little kid. but i have got a few comments from older people around my age and older and have got in a few pysical fights over these comments. my problem is i get set off very easily and any nasty comment from some dip$#it will und up in situation of me kicking their @$$
People's behavior can be so shockingly rude sometimes. I notice that people are often that way when they don't have to deal with you face-to-face, such as in driving situations (where most people are incredibly rude, it seems). The people you encountered at Sam's Club were rude in a face-to-face situation, which is far more unusual, but they were emboldened by other people's negative comments, and once the ball is set rolling, the mob mentality kicks in. It's perhaps a good thing that security got involved.
That said, I think you probably did the best you could have done in dealing with them. It's one thing to have in your mind that you're going to handle every negative situation with grace and humility; it's quite another to have what amounts to a mob of people shouting at you and mocking you.
How was your daughter about the whole thing? Was she scared? If she felt threatened, I'd imagine that you'd be much more on the offensive against these closed-minded bigots. To try and intimidate you is one thing, but if you're with your young daughter and they're still relentless about it, I'd say your anger is completely justified.
On the flip side, you occasionally encounter unexpected kindness. Here's a cute story that happened to me fairly recently in my hometown of San Jose, California (just an hour south of San Francisco). I was walking around a somewhat yuppified neighborhood -- trendy shops and restaurants, lots of people with baby strollers, a few too many SUV's, etc. -- and, as usual, I was barefoot. I walked up to the ATM to get some money, and a little girl who was probably all of four years old tugged at her mother's skirt and said, "Mommy, what happened to that man's shoes? How come he's not wearing SHOOOOOES???" The lady glanced over, saw my bare feet, and, to my surprise, turned back to her daughter and admonished her, "How come you are wearing shoes? I think you're the strange one, young lady!" "But, but, ..." the little girl blubbered, and her mom flashed me a friendly smile while she reassured her daughter that everything was OK.
Finally, I just want to add that, paradoxically, it's perhaps good in the grand scheme of things that you experienced this, because you'll be better prepared to deal with similar events (not that they should happen often!) Dealing with unpleasantness, difficult as it can be, makes us better people.
Just be safe and happy. I think I'm going to go eat a peach now.
peace,
dino
Well, i guess people in The United States seem to be far more negative against Longhaired men than what they are here in Sweden where i come from..
i've gotten some comments from some folks, like isn't it time to get a haircut, but i tend to just ignore them..
Wow, that sounds horrible. I give you props on holding back as much as you did. I don't know if I could have done that.
The worst thing is that they did that with your daughter right there. That is just crazy. I live in the south as well, and I see my share of the idiotic/redneck type. They seem to be very threatened by anything different and not "normal" in their eyes. Of course what is normal to them is buzzcuts, beer bellies, overalls, budweiser hats, and Larry the Cable Guy =P
I would have just smiled and laughed, probably they were just trying to make you angry.
tell them they should grow their hair long, it might look well on them...
That really sux man...
I had my fair share growing up and in my late teens. Although it was not about hair since mine was short at the time. I was put down hard for being different, nerdy, smart, etc... I've have people put me down hard because they knew I was smarter then they were so they would do their best to make me look bad and feel like an @ss.
What's funny now is that I have long hair and people respect me and like me for who I am. I seem to always have people smile at me and enjoy my company.
I know it is very hard not to react to ignorant jerks like this, but try not to let them get to you. When I was a kid and in my teens, I was made out like I would not be successful, (even by adults), because I was L.D. and had A.D.H.D. Sure I was not into the "cool" things that everyone else was. And yes, I come across as slow at first, but I am not, I am very bright. I am very gifted at things that are technical, yet growing up, know one seemed to realize this. One thing I have learned from a lot of the above is to get to know someone before judging them from the outside. I enjoy meeting people that are different from the norm, makes them a lot more interesting. :-)
I doubt those bastards that put me down could not have figured out an EMC CX500 SAN. <-- Makes me feel all the better to say this. :-)
Hang in there. :-)
ESDI
Ah man, sorry to hear it!! Don't blame you for losing it- I wouldn't have lasted that long.
This is typical herd behaviour of the conformist masses. Another example that you can feed them any b/s, and if enough people accept it, it becomes 'truth'.
I haven't had any experience like that, but then I don't live in USA. At least you got a positive comment as well - and she's right, pay no attention. These people aren't worth your attention.
I think Hitler once said (not sure if he REALLY said that though) "If you tell a lie long enough, loud enough, and often enough, the people will believe it." I think this just shows if the majority believes something it somehow becomes truth. The "majority" decided to rebel against Moses in the Old Testament, the "majority" rebelled against God in the Genesis time... Just cause the majority thinks so it doesnt mean they are truth. I think someone else said that a minority may be wrong, but the majority is always wrong.
Tai Fu, you are totally right. The majority is always wrong. I agree with you on that.
Wow, I'm appalled. This is definitely one of the worst cases of non-physical discrimination I've read on this board. I think the insulters are the ones that need the peaches. A couple of those huge estate orchards, maybe. :P But seriously, in a way you should feel proud, particularly of the "girl" comments - it means your hair looks totally healthy and awesome! Which it most certainly does.
But as Dino eloquently said, this is just another example of the "mob" mentality, where people are in a sort of mutualistic relationship - they feed off each other's statements, but they become stronger and empowered by them as a unit. I'm still really shocked at the crassness, childishness and just plain absurdity of some of the statements (hippie drug associations aside, the dope statement was really idiotic. The speaker himself sounded more like the dope smoker; maybe he's desparate for company.:P And why "dope," anyway?).
But even if someone could find justification for any of the statements, what could justify all of them being hurled at one person in such a barrage? Apparently these people differ not merely in mentality and manners, but morality as well. Does a part of you not even whisper that it's cruel to pour salt on someone's wounds, not even wonder what it would be like if you were in the insulted's shoes? Incidentally, I was reading briefly about empathy and empaths last night, and perhaps these persons would fit into the category of purely self-emotional people (I made that category up, in case you're wondering), that is, people that can't sense what someone else is feeling. Or perhaps it hearkens back to a primitive culture where an ugly mammoth is wounded, and the visceral urge is to just spear it more and more, to finish it off. In other words, RedTailWolf became a despicable creature, something lower than the people in the line (perhaps not to all of them at first, but egged on greatly by the mob mentality effect), and they tried to strike in all the right places and finish him off. I admire that you did not fight back harder and/or sooner than you did. It's just what they wanted you to do, and you proved yourself to be better than them.
And the hot girl at the counter with the compliments...:D It's people like that that make the long hair worth everything, or even just experiences like that, with or without people. Your daughter staying strong was another.
So keep your hair, RedTail, and always walk with it proudly. An insulter's words are meaningless, and it's what you think that matters in the end.
Peace
...in a peach!
I used to live as a walking encyclopedia for responses to the various long-hair insults, some which I was quite proud of and, in a twisted way, was actually quite eager to have to put into practice. But then I just stopped caring. Now my universal response is, said with a smile, "I'm sorry you feel that way."
Dude, I salute you. You have more patience than me.
I have found that if you let the pack start taking little bites at you, it always turns into a feeding frenzy and the rent-a-pigs are always on 'there' side.
I tend to bark back at the first hyena that shows his teeth. I tend to point out how he is a neutered clone and I would be more than happy to take the conversation to the parking lot if he would prefer to examine the options. Then the cowardly little twerp backs down and the incident is over. (except the migraines I deal with for the next four hours)
But then again, that's me. I'm too old to care what they can do to me.
Hang in there. We all have to fight this battle in our own way.
They laugh at you cause you choose too be different , you should be laughing at them cause they choose too be all the same. You did nothing wrong , dont even sweat it.
Nothing quite like that has ever happened to me. Maybe I've sometimes encountered one a***hole at a time like that, but not a whole crowd of them. Are you sure they weren't all together? The checkout girl was cool. Your response was pretty mild.
Where do you live? It sounds like there are a bunch of ignorant rednecks there.
If growing up means conforming to what others want you to do, for no other reason than knowing that they have you in control, then just don't do it, man. Don't let your mind rot. :)
You don't belong in America, get a man's haircut
Really? America? Land of the free? Justice and liberty for all? That place? It just shows you how stuipid some people are
wasnt it the king of france who burnt his hair in the mid 1500's that started the short hair trend in Europe, before that men wore ponytails (wasnt America populated by Europeans in the 1500's??, so wouldnt they be long hairs?)
Wow, that sounds like a horrible experience! I'm so sorry something like that happened. No one should have to put up with that, regardless of hair style or appearance.
Anyone who made those rude comments toward you obviously isn't very mature themselves. Or open minded. You know what? Someone once told me that whenever you point your finger at someone, you have 3 fingers pointing right back at you. I would've loved to have said that to those people, and walked away. At least the lady at the counter was kind about it.
Whoa. It's hard to imagine people're STILL so disrespectful in this country, esp. w/ all that's going on in the world. Don't we all need one another's moral support? Where, pray tell, do you live? I'm in the Northeast, New Yorkish, and I've had short hair for two years, sixteen inches long before that, and I'm regrowing it, despite whatever uncomprehending blather & side remarks I'll be subjected to! I think the absolute WORST one I had ever received, from a known local clinically insane old man, was "Boy or girl?", as I walked one of my pets.
Wehyulllll, since I WAS walking my smooth-coated female Border collie, K'Ehlyer, at the moment, I replied, "Oh. She's female", to which Mr. Clinically Insane retorted, "I didn't MEEEAN the dog!", before limping away, back to his Section 8 housing.
So you see, Mr. Red Tail Wolf, take it from an old Elven, when peops HAVE to put in their two cents (witness the grocery store altercation w/ Mr. Smelly, Senile, & Toothless and you), there's usually a certain amount of "lack" that they're feebly attempting to cover up w/ their tragic appraisals.
Also, you mentioned chanting, as an aid to center yourself. I've found Pranayama is good. (K)not only is it helpful in grounding oneself, it helps to make you more psychic and, hence, less reactive to caustic sentiments and the calumny of men (and that means women, too). Best wishes!
Yours in hirsutism,
Anadae
