new thread
Wow, I actually made it this far. Seems like my headshave was yesterday. Eek. So here is just over two years. I can tie back all but the very front bangs, which irritatingly blow around a lot. I always have it tied back for work (paint delivery) but the bending, lifting, driving, and being outside really pulls hairs loose.
Sadly, this just might be my last update. I have become increasingly anxious about my hair. I will start the job search in the fall, to graduate in December. I am the best man in my younger brother's wedding this month. I have encountered exponentially increasing opposition from my family. Dad has always been indifferent. Mom, upon hearing how I, by choice, tie it back at work responded, "Well, that's too bad." Brother said, "So you're going to cut your hair for my wedding, right?" I am tired of the three hour drying in the morning. I kinda miss the days where I could get up a half-hour before work/school and go.
More importantly, I am starting to not like the feel of the hair on me. Me touching it is fine. To be frank, I have nice hair. I prided myself on taking good care of it early. Lesson to all you new longhairs. Take good care of it! It pays off! However, it touching me is different. I just can't get used to the feeling of my tail sitting on my shoulders and whapping me in the neck when I turn my head. I'd like to take a few inches off, but then I wouldn't be able to tie it back, and I'd be where I was a year ago...ackward phase, hair in the face.
Lastly, and what I've been feeling most strongly is that, I can't live the longhaired life. I thought I could be different, and stand out a bit. I did, for awhile. I know there are negative stereotypes of the longhair. I thought that by being me, I could shake that and have it not apply. But I find that I am increasingly self-conscious about what others are saying and thinking behind my back. I don't subscribe to or stand up for any of the stereotypes associated with long hair, whether it be drugs, being female, being gay, being a dropout, rebelling, being a hippie, etc. I know that's a horrible list and that it certainly doesn't apply to everyone. But I feel that everyday. I'm a middle-leaning-right conservative, don't use drugs, and I'm not into metal. Even the drummer from my church is a longhair, and I happened to watch it grow out. But I guess that it IS for him but maybe not for me.
I have one friend that is partly hippie. We share taste in music (Zeppelin, CSNY, Hendrix, etc.) and passion for cars, but that's it. Social and political views are problem areas. He's growing his hair out, and he was mortified when I told him I was thinking about cutting. I thought of that CSNY song "Almost Cut My Hair" and the lyrics, "could have said it was in my way", "feel like I owe it to someone" etc.
There's my thoughts. I'd like to hear what you guys have to say. This has been and is a great resource for support and advice. I just feel like I enjoyed the journey more than the end result.
Me in happier days: my band.
This is us covering and me singing "You Shook Me All Night Long" by ACDC. Yes, it was in in the right key, and yes, I can and do sound like Brian Johnson.
...will come again. Every new year holds many surprises to come. Never look back, except to smile. Look ahead to happier times!
All of the pics look great: very nice length in 26.5 months!
Ponytail looks great too!
Good Luck...
I imagine that you're probably going to hear from a lot of guys here -- myself included -- who will tell you that you should keep your hair long, if only because it looks so darn good. That said, you have to do what you feel is right for you, and what you're going to enjoy. I would only like to caution you to think hard about cutting it before you actually do it, because if you decide afterwards that you really wanted your hair to be long after all, obviously you're going to have to wait a long time for that to be the case again. But whatever you decide, make sure that it's for you and nobody else. Don't cave in to pressure because other people tell you it's what you should do. How you look and how you feel about your looks are solely your choice.
(As an aside, my own personal perspective with growing long hair is that it has been more liberating, not less, and quite frankly, that feels great! I've always been an independent type, but I feel even less constrained as my hair gets longer.)
Whatever you do, I hope it makes you happy. In any case, you do have beautiful hair.
dino
I really am trying to make the decision for me. The problem is that I'm having a hard time discerning what is the real me and what is the pressure I am facing right now. I am also not as free-spirited and independent as you are. I initially felt more free when I started growing, but I have started to feel more and more stress about it because I'm constantly worrying about how it looks and what people think. That's just how it's gotten to be. I was never like that with short hair.
I don't subscribe to or stand up for any of the stereotypes associated with long hair either, --- and, just for the record, most gays don't like long hair either (I'm most definitely a minority within that minority... in my San Francisco community of gay C&W dancers, of which there are over 500 local members, I am one out of only two longhairs). I don't do drugs (never have), don't smoke (either cigarettes or marijuana), don't like metal music (prefer Frank Sinatra any day!), don't ride a motor cycle, was a "goody two-shoes" as a kid, and in fact have never even been drunk in my entire life (was raised a Christian Scientist, and even though I don't go to that church anymore, I have no interest in puking and falling over at my age now - lol!)... But, I most definitely have ALWAYS wanted long hair (from as far back as I can remember)!!...
But I hear what you are saying. And, it's OK, --- long hair is not for everybody. Some of us identify with it very deeply (for whatever the reason); while others find out after a bit of a journey of trying it out, that it's not really for them after all.
Personally, I wish I could talk you out of cutting it (I have been supposedly credited with talking a fair # of guys out of cutting it in other cases). And you certainly have a fantastic-looking head of hair! But, this is YOUR journey, not mine. I cut my hair short in Y2K, and regretted it very deeply (an understatement!!); but not everyone that cuts off their long hair regrets it afterward... So, my advise is: think it over for awhile, first (hair is very easy to cut; but takes a long time to grow back). But if your feelings remain unchanged, then you must of course, "follow your heart"...
Thanks for saying that, --- and I most definitely agree with you about this place being a great resource for support & advise!
My best to you... whatever your end result may be.
- Ken in San Francisco
Ken, you've talked a great deal about how you seriously regret your year 2000 haircut. How bad was it? what did you do to manage? Why did you cut it in the first place?
By most of the male human planet's standards, it was just an average, so-called "normal"-looking guy's haircut (bangs at eyebrow level, or slightly above; just touching top of ears on sides; cut short at neck, etc.). It's just that it put me into shock, to have gone from waist-length one day, to that short the next... which reminded me of my childhood with my militaristic father, who gave us no choice every summer in his giving all us boy buzz-cuts the day school was out. I absolutely HATED those haircuts.
what did you do to manage?
I cried (lol! It sounds funny now; but it's true!!)!!!
Why did you cut it in the first place?
Well, I was going through a lot of mid-life crisis issues at the time... Funny thing is that it only sunk me down into a deeper pit of dpression, once I fully realized what I'd done. It was a VERY impulsive decision to cut, --- I had to learn the hard way, I guess, not to act on whim or impulse whenever it comes to hair... I thought I was "ready" to return to short hair; but what it taught me instead is that I should be a longhair for life!
Thanks for asking, --- take care!
- Ken
If it what you really want deep down then you must go with it.
But, the length of your post, and the way it is worded as if you are looking for reasons why you shouldn't keep it suggests that pressure may be the reason.
Your hair looks great and I am absolutely sure that it would look very slick and neat for the wedding and you would really look amazing (Dino and Nyghtfall have proved that).
Music, drug-taking, sexual orientation etc have nothing to do with it, its a feeling from the heart to be the person nature intended.
I sincerely wish you good luck with whatever path you choose.
Thanks, Nuttidave.
MY take-based on my own personal experience as well as some of the members present and past on this board-is that you will regret it if you cut your hair off from outside pressures (such as what are they thinking about me, what my family thinks/wants etc.)but will not if that decision comes from within you.
Yet with you it isn't so black and white as you say that you don;t like how your hair feels when it touces you etc.
I guess then that you must extrapoltae how you feel about your hair from the 'outside' stuff and then weigh up which way you are personally leaning towards (maybe do a personal pro and cons lists?) and then make a decision. You can choose to follow the 2-week rule, but ultimately your decision must come from an initial personal analysis followed perhaps by a bit of time, not the convenience of time by itself.
Also you say that their is no journey left, but is that becuase you had an orignal goal that has been fulfilled, or because you have reached terminal? At 26(.5!)months the latter is not likley and as for the former...maintenance may be less exciting, but yet can be rewarding if you have reached stage where you are happy with how you look.
Again though, only you can determine that.
What I think you’re saying but not saying…
I think I remember you posting once that you were looking to do an internship, and were worried about having longer hair. Didn’t you get that internship and do fine with it with your hair? Usually, an internship is similar to a job that you would later obtain. If this is a field in which long hair is acceptable in the internship, wouldn’t a permanent job be much the same way?
The fact that you mention the family comments says that you develop agitation at the comments. If you like your hair and want it, would these comments have bothered you if you truly were committed to cutting it now? Do you want to cut your hair for the wedding of your brother? Why does he want you to cut it for a 30 minute ceremony and reception? Two years of hair growth tossed for the events of one day? That is out of my realm of understanding. How would your hair diminish his wedding? Not likely. It’s not like you just have to sit for three hours while your hair dries. You can do other stuff while it’s drying, really whatever you want to do and would have done with it dry. This is obvious though.
Yes, you do have nice hair, and have taken care of it. If you don’t like it sitting on your shoulders or touching you, why is this? Is it annoying like wearing a ring or a watch or something, or has the urge to cut it made you go from liking the feeling of the hair tickling your back to being irritated by it? If you like the shorter length from a year ago, then go for that trim of a few inches. There is certainly nothing wrong with that, and if you find you like a slightly shorter length you can maintain that. If you don’t like the shorter length, you are then less than a year from where you are now, versus two years to get back to where you are now if you go for a short cut. Being able to tie your hair back is nice, but there are many longish styles that look good too that you might like.
What in the heck is the longhaired life? This sentiment is the reverse of the programmed thought pattern that gets us into trouble and some of the situations we are in to begin with. If you believe that the stereotypes are being made and adapt yourself to this, then you have perpetuated the belief in the stereotype by living up to the stereotype although you don’t fit it. If you feel that you are being stereotyped, why do you feel this? Have you modified your behavior subconsciously and bought into the mode of behavior that would put you into one of these arbitrary categories that may or may not apply to you? Are you being stereotyped at all really, or is the perception by you of the stereotyping that may or may not be taking place a factor? Categorization of people is a natural thing that is encoded into our brains since without this, we are not able to evaluate what is dangerous, safe, marginal, etc. in a global sense. All snakes = bad, all kittens = good, etc.
I don’t see how political affiliation could be a factor in deciding what hair length you should have. Surely, although not apparently obvious, within any political group, or any group for that matter, all members of any group are never consistent in hardly anything, and even to believe that all members of the said group really and truly share all beliefs in common is a farce at best. Longhairs surely are not a monolithic group, as are not hippies, or neo-conservative republicans, or whoever. Any group who dictates either blatantly or unsaid by innuendo that you must be this or that to be in this group or that group, well for me, those groups aren’t something I want to be a part of for sure. What’s worse is to categorize yourself as this or that, and since I’m this or that, I must always do this action or believe this or that. By categorizing yourself, and saying that you must do this, that then seals off and cuts off a path that could lead to possibilities that you never knew you never knew.
I’m not sure if you have written all this in an attempt to convince yourself to cut your hair, or convince yourself to keep it, or get response to persuade you either way. Whatever you do, do it because you want to and you really and truly think it is the best decision for you given the information that you have with which to make a decision. The best hair you can possibly have is the hair YOU want on your head regardless of length.
Good luck with it all, whatever you do!
I did get the internship and it worked, and I was able to weather the negative comments a lot better than I can now.
-Earlier on, I was able to handle it, but now it has just become so debilitating.
Do you want to cut your hair for the wedding of your brother?
-I hate to say it, but yes, a little bit.
-That's why I don't wear a watch anymore. That feeling with the watch comes and goes, but I haven't worn one for over a year now. And I would say, yes, the urge to cut it has really made me dislike that feeling of it on my back.
It is all about the journey.Don't fall into the trap of living the Longhair life style. That's what YOU make of it. And speaking from MY experience--always wanting to please others and do the 'RIGHT" thing---if you're feeling uncomfortable about what others are saying or think they are saying then the answers lie within yourself. Changing the outside doesn't mean anything unless the inner man is changed first. Trust your heart. You'll make the decision that's right for you at this time..If you want personal connection-ask the drummer at your church if he has had to deal with this. As for being conservative. There is no pattern just a stereotype. Take care. AJ
I AM going through some things right now that are turning my life around. I have also made some mistakes and almost want a more symbolic way of leaving them behind. There are just so many various thoughts and reasons going through my head right now...
Hey Sigurd...
I gotta be honest with you... I think it's a shame that you've spent such a long time to grow your hair and now you want to cut it because what other people may think... You're giving up with what you obtained so far to make other people happy... but will you be happy with your haircut?? I don't think you shoulc cut it, as I think that, from what you typed, you are really proud of your hair...
Anyways, despite the fact that I think your hair is lovely and would look really nice even if only a couple of inches longer, I think you gotta do your own thing... But I have my doubts that your own thing would be cutting your hair... Good luck fellow =)
That's part of my battle now. It HAS been a long time. And it could be gone just like that. Cutting would make certain other people happy, but I think it might make *me* happy knowing that it's not driving me crazy anymore.
....so I will mirror the majority sentiment here:
Only you can know what is truly the right thing for you; you must follow your own path. You may make the right or wrong decision in either cutting or continuing to grow, you will be the one in the end to determine that and bear the outcome.
My thoughts on the matter, as others have said, it sounds an aweful lot like you've looked for reasons to justify cutting it in order to satisfy outside pressures. I've been through that - I shaved my head of two years growth for the sake of a job, my wedding, and pleasing those around me. After several years, it became overwhelmingly obvious to me that it was not the way for me. I can't say I'd change what I did, it's useless to think that way. But I occasionally still feel resentment toward those who urged me to do it then, and would urge me to do it again.
Longhair lifestyle? Stereotypes?
While I am into metal, I'm also into classical, opera, blues, country (stuff like Wayne Hancock and Hank III), classic rock, punk, post-punk, proto-goth, industrial, post-industrial, electronica, experimental, noise. I'm not a heavy drinker, a smoker, a user of any sort of drug, a hippy, a slacker. My political leaning is radical center, my character type is chaotic neutral. I'm an entrepreneur, a SysAdmin, a luthier, a guitarist and songwriter, a husband and father. I've worked in factories, high tech retail, IT, music, property management. I go to bat for my kid against the fools that run the school, and I win. I wear jeans and t-shirts, I wear khakis and polos, I wear dress pants and expensive-as-hell ties. I wear combat boots, all-stars, sneakers, low-top Docs, dress shoes...
What does my hair have to do with any of it? Nothing. I just like it long. What does your hair have to do with who you are? How do you like it?
Do I fit a stereotype? Not really. Do you?
Introspection will show you the answer more than querying others. Our place is not to tell you wether you should grow it or cut it, only to offer advice on caring for it and support you as best we can in whatever decision you make.
Good luck, and whatever you do, do it for you.
-m
Dude, it looks very professional and neat in a ponytail. It looks neat and professional down, too, but people should be more accepting with it in a ponytail. Ignore what your brother says, and if you need to have short hair for a job interview, then the manager is overly strict and you won't want to work for him/her anyway.
Dude, it looks very professional and neat in a ponytail. It looks neat and professional down, too, but people should be more accepting with it in a ponytail. Screw what your brother says, and if you need to have short hair for a job interview, then the manager is an jerk and you won't want to work for him/her anyway.
The way I see it, having long hair doesn't have anything to do with living a "longhair" life. It's just a style choice. It looks good.
I am not expert on facial hair, considering that I still cannot grow any being 28 years old, but it seems to me that you could make a significant difference in your appearance just by getting rid of the beard. That alone could please a lot of people. How much time does it take for a beard like yours to grow?
You know, I hadn't even really thought of that. My beard was rather obnoxious around Thanksgiving. My wife and the wife of my best friend conspired against me and put my friend up to pressuring me...I resisted at first, but in the end shaving made a big difference and I didn't feel like I'd sold my soul - I still had my hair, and around Christmas I discovered I could pull it into a tail. Granted, shaving made me look like I was about 15, but now I have a neater beard and that works out okay.
I don't know how fast Sigurd's beard grows, but the beard as seen in these pictures would be roughly two weeks growth for me.
-m
Hi Sigurd,
I think your hair looks astounding - it blows me away! You do look like a cool, self-assertive guy who has a good idea what he wants from life - you certainly don't show off that self-consciousness that you seem to feel at this time. Do you remember the post about Jonathan Schwartz, the long-haired and highly successful CEO of Sun Microsystems? You made me think of him. I suggest you do a search and find some pictures of him.
You name several explanations for your (hopefully temporary) urge to cut your hair. Apparently, it's not a definitive decision at this day. If that urge is really a part of your personality, then, of course, I don't have the right to interfere - it's all about you, and not me.
However, several signs suggest to me that it is not that simple:
- First, and foremost, you do bother to confront us with all of that - that's great, and that's one of the reasons for the existence of this community. You do want to give it a chance before you do something that'll be irreversible for a long time.
- Second, a good deal of the explanations of that urge obviously are related to outside influences (parents, brother, others). This means they are not really part of who YOU are.
- Third, your descriptions of your feelings and expectations (without being disrespectful of your feelings) suggest to me that currently, numerous "lines" in your memory have been activated that you had been fed earlier by mother, by society, and by others. That's the hardest to deal with, because such lines we've been fed in our earlier years strongly shape our feelings, rather than our reasoning. Often enough, our reasoning is molded to give justifications to our feelings.
- Fourth, you present practical problems that seem to favor short hair, but they are all solvable. For example: As far as drying your hair and other practical aspects are concerned, you could experiment a bit, like washing your hair in the evening - you don't have to wash it every day, as you know.
Let me talk about "posthypnotic" commands: If we get to hear a statement often enough, then it sinks in our subconscious, and over time, we tend to forget the source. This means, these lines are no longer amenable to reason and conscious criticism, hence "posthypnotic". Parents and others do use these techniques a lot, i.e. they tell us something often enough, then stop, and many years later, for no good reason, we start saying "It really is like that after all". One example of such a statement is the line "Why would you want all that hassle and trouble for yourself?" (They wouldn't say that to a girl growing her hair, by the way; what they really mean is "I don't like the look of your hair").
We don't even remember having been fed these statement, we only notice feelings of "trouble" and "hassle" being associated with our long hair. After our backbone has been softened and moulded all the time, mom gives us LOTS of straw "that breaks the camel's back". Then we are made to feel insecure, get worried about jobs - even if there are plenty of job opportunities with employers who don't mind long hair on guys. (Think big - think e.g. Jonathan Schwartz!)
I'm not infallible, but could you be experiencing fall-out from a multi-pronged attack that has lasted over many years? Something that e.g. your mother is re-inforcing because she senses that you are in a process of reflection and therefore vulnerable to be pushed into her and your brother's direction?
If that's the case, you should not even start to consider a haircut until long after your mother and your brother have stopped bugging you - so that you have the chance to come up with a decision that is really yours and not 10-70% your mother's. (You know, in close elections, a possible manipulation of less than 0.1 % of the votes makes a huge difference for the outcome! Don't get me wrong, I was just trying to make a point. I have no hang-ups on US politics, you're cool, no matter whom you voted for.) Don't let your environment push you into overvaluing arguments in favor of short hair that you may be considering at this time!
As far as the strange ponytail feeling goes, you could try putting in many hair bands and then chopping off just one inch at the lower end of your pony tail - then it will swing around and touch the shoulders much less than before, so that argument would be gone - and you still could tie back your hair. (But then, for me, that's half the fun with having a pony tail in the first place ;-) - I suspect that strange feeling will change into deep satisfaction once you ride out the current attack.
As for your feelings, I can't change them, but I just can share my feelings with you if you want. Here they are: You are a really cool guy, you look great and certainly VERY presentable. You don't have to be a hippie in order to have long hair. Your hair suits you really well - yes, and you do look conservative! Personally, I'm a conservative guy in many ways, and as an employer, I'd hire you right away, because in your case, I have the gut feeling "This is a reliable and hard-working guy"! A lot of short-haired employers will experience similar feelings once they interview you!
Well, you did make it pretty damn far, you have set an example concerning good hair care, and it would be a pity if you "fell" for reasons that seem to come from outside!
Give yourself AT LEAST two weeks to think, and that should be two weeks during which you can think CLEARLY, WITHOUT being harrassed. In other words, I recommend NO haircut decisions until LONG AFTER the wedding! (Wear a short-hair wig if you REALLY have to, they're not that expensive to borrow; one of the board members has experimented with that).
One more piece of advice: By all means, spend more time with this friend of yours who was mortified when you explained your plans for a haircut - and with other male long-haired friends. That's the kind of friends we need - friends who counteract the manipulations that have taken hold within us.
Think positive, you are great, your hair is great, and you will be highly successful! You have lots of reasons for being very self-assertive. That kind of thinking is REALISM in your case.
I just hope, in the end all that's left will be no haircuts, but just that song, "I ALMOST cut my hair"... Well, enough said - you'll have to do what's right for you (independently of your mother or others) - and that's what I really wish for you.
Best wishes, happy growth in every respect, and lots of hair peace unto you!
Hans-Uwe
I just looked him up....I'm a geek and occasional Sun user, and I was completely unaware that he was a longhair.
Are there other good examples of (North American based) CEOs or other high profile successful professionals? This could make for good ammunition...
-m
There's Richard Stallman of the Open Source revolution...
http://static.flickr.com/5/5592199_ac1aa14374_m.jpg
btw, i read some news report a few weeks ago about some executroid at a trade show telling people linux isn't accepted in the industry because of its "sandal and ponytail image." had to laugh at that--guess that's the kind of image i like : )
To summarize some of my feelings, yes, I am facing an incredible amount of pressure from my family, certain friends, and my own perspective of the world and what it thinks right now. Part of me does want to stand out from the crowd a bit but that is getting overshadowed by my desire to also fit in.
I feel like a life chapter is closing. I am moving in with only one roommate for the fall, and then back home if I don't get a job. Then the job search. I am aware that my hair doesn't have to be a detriment, but then the part of me that wants to fit in doesn't want to take the chance of being rejected for something like a hairstyle. Then if I get a job, I'd move and start a new life with new surroundings and new friends and such. I could start over and I feel like leaving this all behind.
I did have a very good talk with my mom last night and she was very receptive to my concerns, for once. I just can't shake that feeling that I am doing something wrong. I don't mind people not liking me for things I can't change, like my personality. In fact, I just move on from that. But when concerns about my hair show up, my insides are saying "No wait! Give me a chance! I'm not your stereotyped longhair!" But of course, to disprove that, the person has to know you. And why would they want to get to know you if you fit the negative stereotype? See what I'm saying? It's been a vicious cycle in my life.
I've been thinking about it for almost a month now, and it's only getting worse. I think maybe even a little bit that I want to be shorthaired again. When I came bake from break last January, I saw two longhairs that I knew had cut. At first, I couldn't believe it, but then I saw one of them a few weeks ago and I thought he looked pretty good with it.
This is such a hard call right now. I hope it made some sense.
Some clarification. I don't live at home. I see my family once every six weeks, if that sometimes. When I leave and drive back to school, my head clears, and I would be fine with my hair again. It was always like that. But now the concern and worrying is coming from within. I'm starting not to feel very attractive, and I don't know how to shake that.
As others have said, there's no correlation between hair and politics/religion etc.
Ask brother if he'll shave off his eyebrows for wedding. Makes as much sense.
Ponytail wapping you--that's the only solid reason for cutting in your post--if you really don't like the feel of long hair, then maybe it's not right for you.
Forget about other people. Chances are that they aren't thinking of you at all. Especially in Boulder Colo. I mean, when you used to see longhairs, how much thought did you give to them?
Not trying to pile on, just a few points.
This doesn't make sense to me... if you only wash your hair 2-3 times/week (the average longhair wash schedule), then you should only have to worry about giving it a quick comb, and tie it back. I wash my hair 1-2 times/week, and get up 30 minutes for work, comb it a little, and tie it. Easy!
Anyway, your hair looks great man... I think you should keep it going a little ways longer, but it's up to you. I don't give the "do what makes you happy" pansy spiel... If cutting your hair is best for you, then maybe that's what you should do... but I'm pretty sure only you know what's best for you, and the only thing we can really do is shout "Don't do it!"...
-Ardroth
One thing to think about is why exactly you value something so simple as hair. To many it means a lot, while to others it's simply a pile of dead material that is either annoying or can be used for some practical purpose. I have many friends with short hair who are just as respectable (hoping that word wraps up all the positive traits of people) as ones with longhair. Long hair is just a look, and unfortunatly it has more negative than positive connotations with regards to the general public. It sounds like at this point you would rather just fit in than deal with it, but maybe the phrase "what doesn't kill you only makes you stronger" might apply? I know that growing mine out taught me to think and stand up for myself.
I'm facing a similar dilema (and also live in Boulder, am in school, not much of a hippy, and have been growing for ~28 months) but am driven even more by the practicality issues and less by the social pressures. My main fear is that I tend to look over the fence and see greener grass, and might do the same if I cut it off. There was, after all, a reason why I grew it in the first place. What I have not been able to do yet is figure out that reason and if it still applies, and more importantly if it outweighs the drawbacks I am experiencing.
I hope that helps a little, and best of luck to you in deciding. I have a feeling making the decision will be the hardest part.
Just to buck your "middle leaning right conservative" situation, I am a 52 year old conservative republican who was a "suit" for many years. I own my own business; I'm a General Contractor in South Louisiana. I am growing my hair out for the first time in 30 years (boy, that makes me sound really OLD).
I have been getting some of the negative reactions you mention. My issue is that I really don't consider "people whose opinion of me changes with my haircut" important. My friends, and the business associates I trust are with me fat or skinny, long hair or short, happy or sad, etc. It's just another version of the "fair weather friend" syndrome.
I also don't use drugs, don't smoke, drink socially, enjoy classic rock music and good guitar music, play the guitar (quite badly actually, but I have fun)and attend Church regularly. So throw the stereotype out the window.
About 18 months ago I had a heart attack. Almost bought it. Sometimes it takes something like this to reestablish priorities and realize what is really important in life.
I haven't had long hair for 30 years because of the business environment I was in; because of the family dynamics I had; because of the sensitivity to what others thought of me, etc. Now I realize that what I want to do is as important, if not more so, than all of the above. I can still be successful in business with long hair. I can still have a loving family. I can still have friends and attend church. But I do it because I want to do it, not because it's expected.
One or two questions. When your brother asked you to stand in the wedding, was your hair already growing out? Did he put the condition on then that it had to be cut to be in the wedding? If it was and he didn't, it's not a fair request. Otherwise, it may be. That's for you and he to discuss and decide.
I love the feeling of hair on my shoulders. I sometimes sit and shake my head back and forth just to feel it move across my shoulders. If I didn't like the feel of this, I would probably cut it shorter.
Just as I mentioned to another young man on here recently, you can take these problems you describe and turn them into something positive. Many people never learn to handle adversity. Learning to handle it in a positive manner will be a life lesson that will stick with you for a long time.
You just have to determine if that is the road you want to take.
Big George
Hi Sigurd,
I thought it all over once more. You wrote "I did have a very good talk with my mom last night and she was very receptive to my concerns, for once. I just can't shake that feeling that I am doing something wrong."
This is very different from what another guy wrote who grew his hair out for a time, his name was Helgast. After growing his hair, this strong-willed guy really wanted to go short again - all by himself, there was no manipulation involved, and nothing stopped him - it was that "clear-cut", and simple. From what you write, I pick up something totally different.
To start, it's good that your mother has been receptive (also finally accepting??). But, you know, good mothers instill values by signaling what the "right" behavior is, what "loving" behavior they expect in return for their love, and by giving the message "I still love you, even if you go wrong.", implying that certain things are still unloving and morally wrong after all. And with that experience, what half-way normal guy could still go against the good values instilled by his good mother? It would wrench his heart, right?
I'd consider this "method" quite normal and certainly loving "mothering". Mothers HAVE to use their love to instill good values. But then again, what kind of value is "short-hairedness"? You also wrote: "When I leave and drive back to school, my head clears, and I would be fine with my hair again. It was always like that. But now the concern and worrying is coming from within." If your worries are really you, why DID your head still clear on the earlier occasions?
I'd say, this shows that your mother has not only instilled a good deal of great and necessary values, but finally, she has been successfully instilling this "value" of "short-hairedness". I suspect, that's why it currently is bearing on your "guts feeling". On a non-rational "feeling" level, you finally have been made to internalize a value that is NOT really necessary, and that is NOT really you, as I suspect.
You said "I just can't shake that feeling that I am doing something wrong", at least, you don't seem to be able to shake that currently. Sticking to your hair is NOT wrong and NOT unloving! Please accept my apologies if I am presumptuous, but it does seem to me that some kind of external "hypnosis" is about to take hold of your internal feeling. You did try (or are still trying) to shake that off, so far.
Just lets be VERY clear about that: If you want to be a good Christian (you mentioned the long-haired drummer at your church), a good and productive member of the society (I mentioned Jonathan Schwartz), and a loving son, WHY would insistence on long hair be unloving, or morally wrong, or sinful??? Loving does NOT mean to melt into one - PROPER love requires that you be a person that is separate from your mother, and that your feelings are separate from her. In the bible, it says "and they become one flesh" for man and wife, NOT for mother and son, or brother. If you want to stick with YOUR choice of hairstyle, you are NOT unloving, and NOT sinning, you are just being YOUR TRUE SELF!!!
You also said "But when concerns about my hair show up, my insides are saying 'No wait! Give me a chance! I'm not your stereotyped longhair!'" Let me ask: Would that mean that your inside requires you to prove that you are a conservative short-hair instead? What kind of people would refuse you a chance because of your long hair? Conservatives? No. Decent conservatives don't do that. Jerks (both liberal of conservative jerks) do that!
I'm conservative in many ways, as I said, and I know lots of conservatives who do NOT judge you by your hair. I wouldn't want to depend upon people who only accept me into their "fellow conservatives" drawer as long as I have short hair! This one of my reasons for wearing it long and state my (conservative) political and social views in a respectful way at the same time. And I have lots of GREAT friends who share my values! Talking in terms of the political spectrum in the US: Think of the Republican former U.S. Senator Ben Nighthorse Campbell!
If you have to wear your short hair in order to avoid stereotyping by certain people, those people are not worth your friendship.
Sigurd, you have all the right in the world to shake again - to shake off ALL manipulation that has been inserted into you. You will keep your good and legitimate values nevertheless! And, you do NOT owe an apology to your mother or your brother - it is NOT unloving to keep your hair for now! Don't decide anything until long after the wedding! You do NOT owe them any apology! No apologies for being yourself!
By all means, spend some time with any of your long-haired friends and let them "bless" you and your hair. We all need symbols, so, have them touch eg your shoulder or your back, or have them hug you, if that's the thing to do, and have them say to you something like this: "Sigurd, you are a great guy no matter what. Yor values are good. You do NOT need to cut your hair in order to be a good and loving person. Your hair IS good. You are good. You are a loving person. Whatever is part of your self, is good. Live it." In any case, that's what I'd offer you if you were one of my close friends.
If this post is a bit manipulative - well, I'm trying to counterbalance some other manipulation that seems to be taking hold of you. (If I come across as disrespectful, I'd want to apologize.)
I wish you inner peace, all the happiness of the world, and the strength to stay true to yourself, whatever that means. It is not always easy.
Hans-Uwe
The thing that most struck me about your reasons for wanting to cut was when you said you were looking to have some kind of external marker or symbol that this was a new era in your life. Well last year I also thought the same thing. I also thought I wanted an external symbol, something to mark the boundary between the old me and the new one I hoped to be. My symbol was growing my hair out. I had been sick and depressed for quite a long time but last year had just enough relief that I felt that good things were possible and that I wanted to lose the person who was sick for so long. I wanted to see someone new when I looked in the mirror.
This was great for awhile but my sickness caught up with me again and now I must confront the strangeness of seeing this longhair self for what it is, a disguise. Now if I am sick I must confront the truth that the hair didn't make me any better and now its almost harder to reconcile the old felings of being sick with this new longhair that I somehow hoped (sounds crazy I know) would prevent me from ever going back to how I felt before.
These are the times when I most think I should just cut my hair since I feel so crappy anyway. I am not where I hoped to b last year a this time. But I realize that if I cut I would still be sick and also have wasted a lot of time and effort growing out. So I guess I am saying that I would not use hair as a symbol of a new beginning because it may not be a new beginning if whatever you are trying to "begin again" from is still present within you or others.
I think you have littlest to lose by cutting back to where you remember being happiest with your hair, if you can't tie it back well you managed then somehow too. It sounds like you need the 2 week rule applied at least twice. Once before you cut any, and then again after you cut back a year or so's growth.
I wouldn't cut anything before the wedding though, family is important and that should go both ways :)
It looks great, you should stick with it!
Great Hair goes without saying !!!
Btw thanks for sharing an excellent set of pictures
Axel
