new thread
I just recently migrated back to the United States (after completing my study abroad in Australia) and this meant going back to working a job (full-time right now, as I am on break from collge). I've worked for Starbucks for the past 2 years, and I am going back to work for them now, only at a different location than before. Well, I walked into work today, my first day at this location, and met a new supervisor of mine. And it didn't go well. The relivant part of our diolague went basically..
Her: "So you're growing your hair out to donate it?"
Me: "No."
Her: "Then why are you growing it out?"
Me: "Personal expression."
Her: "So you want to express yourself as a selfish person?"
Me: "How do you mean?"
Her: "Well, since you won't donate it.."
Me: "You have long hair. Are you going to donate yours?"
Her: "I'm a girl."
Me: "And I'm a human being."
Her: "That kind of attitude won't attract many women."
Me: In attempt to help my situation, I quickly asked one of my new cowokers, who I had already met and had introducted herself as a studio-art student, if she would not date a man just because his long hair made him appear selfish...and I was quite surpised to hear "Well, my boyfriend cut his hair for my birthday last month." The other girl just kind of chuckled.
Now I was not happy by this point, but I kept my compuse and immeduately changed the topic to something work-related. Starbucks as a company does not discriminate against long hair or facial hair (if it is "groomed"), so I would never face that kind of a choice with this job, but I am not looking forward to working at a location with such closed-minded people.
This was capped off with an oh-so-familiar "I can help you over here, ma'am" at the supermarket on my way home from work.
God Bless America....sooo great to be home!
It makes me really mad to hear this sort of close minded 'expletive'.
I'm really sorry that you had to have that experience but all I can say is completely discount these people from your mind-view them as co-workers not as people whose opinions matter at all. They don't deserve your personality.
I am glad though that you got to spend some time in Australia. Hopefuly it was a good experience for you.
In no way at all concievable are you selfish and your hair looks great.
Welcome home, Redleader.
If Starbucks has a written policy of not discriminating against employees with long hair, you might want to consider documenting such conversations/incidents -- time, date, who was present, details, etc. -- because if you run into problems with this supervisor in the future that affect your employment status negatively, you may very well have a legitimate legal course to pursue. It's unpleasant and time-consuming, and you just started working there, so you're probably not inclined to rock the boat, but it's worth considering. You can document things privately in a notebook, and no one will know. If you end up winning a lawsuit because of her discriminatory practices, just think of all the future employees you've saved from being victims of her failure to exercise proper judgment at work.
dino
I think dino has offered an excellent idea. Your supervisor has made inappropriate and unfavorable comments regarding your appearance (that have nothing to do with a dress code or your job). As a subordinate you may not have felt comfortable telling her her unsolicited comments are unwelcome and, she being a supervisor, may have been taking advantage of her status. It is a form of harrassment and that can't be tolerated in a workplace. And would she have dared made such a series of remarks to a woman? And for her to retort "I'm a woman" as a reason why she shouldn't cut hers and donate it to that organization seems pretty sexist to me.
So I would be keeping a record of these incidents as they occur. You may not have to use them but it would carry some weight to pull out your notebook with detailed and timely written occurances when and if the situation becomes unacceptable and/or intolerable.
As much as Washington DC drives me crazy sometimes, it seems to be better than some of the things I've heard of other places, from some of you guys. Don't get me wrong, I have gotten the "Are you going to donate your hair?" thing too; but when I've asserted that I like it this way and am not growing it out to donate, they pretty much back off. Maybe being older helps. OTOH, two "African American" women have, in the past 6 months, openly complemented me on it. One even asked to feel it and I let her. Trippy!
As for Locks of Love, you might want to point them here:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Locks_of_Love
My understanding of the wig industry is that India is the biggest source of hair, because it's a consistant quality (lots of Indians with very similar hair) and it takes dye well. I recall seeing a thing about a Hindu temple where pilgrims ritually shear their locks, and this was cited as a significant source, but it's been a long time and I don't feel like doing any more typing tonight.
The temple you are thinking of usually has 40,000+ people in a day during the pilgrimage who ritually have their hair cut or shaved off. The barbers who set up camp around the temple have signs up expressing that the cut hair will not be returned to them and they are asked for a donation.
To me its a rip off of the person during a pilgrimage for spirituality, they get to pay to have their hair cut off (which in a lot of cases is people with very long hair) then they dont get to keep it and the barber sells it on to traders who sell it on to the west for massive sums of money.
I've seen photos of the place, its jammed packed with people who wait patiently for hours in the sun for this 'pleasure' and there's a mountains of human hair.
After the Tsunami, the temple lost a lot of its trade as so many people died in the area and as people from without the area did not come. I dont know if its picked up again. No doubt the price of hair extensions in the west went through the roof due to lack of supply.
Hi Redleader,
good to see that your experience in Australia was so good - that's a great country, isn't it? (So, did you start to pronounce "mate" like "mite"? - Dean & 80s, I'm just teasing ;-)
And, sorry to hear about that silly experience back home. I know that every nation has its share of idiots - and its fair share of GREAT people. I just hope that you run into a lot of the latter kind - and I know there are lots of women who'll find your hair VERY erotic - I've had it more than once that American women said to me "I love your hair!". Having been to the US quite often, I always seem to run into great, open-minded, and tolerant people almost all the time, people who are true to the roots of the US and to its Founding Fathers - and that was the case even long before I was in my 40's.
Good luck and happy growth!
Hans-Uwe
Yes, and I hope that God blesses Germany, too. We need His blessings here very much!
Cartoon - Some company may even ban employees from having a head.
Hello,
I find what your manager says is manipulative, and it seems that circumstances played in her favour (Your coworker's boyfriend's birthday haircut). It seems women's minds are programmed to say at times long hair on men is beautiful, and at other times, long hair on men is bad or out of date.
It seems everyone does something for "a purpose", "a goal", or something "useful". Growing hair for one's self-expression, or because one likes it is selfish. That sounds almost like a cult-induced guilt trip. I grew up in the eighties where a lot of people went to "personal growth" workshops where crap lake that was fed into people. And people paied big bucks to get crap fed in their heads.
Maybe you manager is testing you to see how you stand your ground, to see how you deal with difficult customers. If eventually you get positive comments about your hair, that means you were being "tested."
Have a nice day,
Georges in Montreal.
By having this attitide, you are defeating yourself, and many positive possibilities and ramifications that may come from knowing and working with these people are closed. Let the dissonace go and pass over you; by doing this and realizing you are not in competition with or against these people, and by freeing yourself from that, you then win everything. New options open up; everything is then presented to you. Just be yourself, let them see 'the-light', and let your hair flow and speak for itself. If they are not willing to understand and learn, you can not make them do it.
You have awesome hair. It's all good!!!
What is the matter with you? How could you be so selfish?
** not genuine chiding =]
I hate it every time Oprah does the Locks with Love bit. As a woman with butt length hair I want to tell you that I've gotten similar offensive "you should donate your hair" remarks from people who think it is too long.
So, in case it will help you, here is my standard response to strangers who come up to me and tell me I should donate my hair to Locks with Love to make wigs for children with cancer. It probably wouldn't be appropriate with your manager, though.
Step one: Ask about "Locks with Love" in detail.
Step two: Remark wistfully that I consider my hair to be my best feature and that my husband feels the same way. (I don't mention that his hair is nearly waist length, which is why I'm reading this site.) If possible, I work in how long it took to grown out.
Step three: Ask them if they have donated their own hair to locks with love. (The people who ask me about this always have shorter hair than mine.) They always say "no."
Step four: Comment that that there is a commercial market for hair. Ask them if they know that Locks with Love buys hair on the market, and they also sell hair that is donated to them that they don't think is "suitible" for what they are doing in order to buy that hair.
Step five: Ask them if they have themselves donated any money to locks with love since they didn't think they could donate hair. They always say "no."
Step six (Reel them in): Remind them indignently that your husband likes my hair long, and tell them I'm shocked that they would suggest to a perfect stranger that she damage her marriage by destroying her looks for years to come by donating hair (that will take years to grow back) to a cause that the person accosting me does not herself believe in enough to donate even $5.
If done properly, you can get the person to flee in confusion, never again (I hope) to tell a long haired person to donate his or her hair.
I should add that it's the women (strange men never suggest that I cut off my hair) who come up and say "your hair is too long, it looks bad, you should donate it to locks with love" that get the above treatment. On the occasions when the person asking me seems like a nice but simply misguided soul who hasn't fully thought through what she is suggesting or for some reason thinks I'm growing it out in order to donate it, I thank her nicely and tell her that I'll try to remember about Locks with Love if I ever do cut my hair. They usually are satisfied with that.
