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My son is a high school student and we live in a small town in Denton County, Texas. For a couple of years now, we have had trouble with the school administration giving him a hard time about his long hair (touching his shoulders) and sideburns. Their emphasis on conformity over education has been really frustrating for us. Unfortunately, since we do live in Texas, we don't have much legal recourse (as you may have seen in other posts -- ie. Toungate v. Bastrop ISD, I believe it was). Again this morning, he was sent home until he cuts his hair to an acceptable length, which is often arbitrary based on our past experience and the hair lengths of other male students at the school. At other times, he has been given in-school suspension until he complies. This whole thing has become a major issue -- he is strongly opposed to cutting his hair and I try to support him in standing up for what he believes in. He feels like it is a violation of his privacy and of his personal rights. We have decided to appeal to the school board to try to get the dress code policy changed, although we don't hold out much hope for that since it is our rural ISD school board that instituted the rules in the first place. Along with long hair and sideburns, other arbitrary things have been banned -- like black or camouflage clothing -- in the wake of Columbine and other incidents. We see this overreactionary stereotyping as inherently unfair. I have said many times that a disturbed individual could just as easily shoot up a school or a workplace wearing a suit, tie and buzzcut if they were so inclined. Anyway, as I said we have decided to appeal this to the school board, if for nothing else than to give my son a constructive outlet for his opposition. We plan to discuss how men how worn their hair long for much of human history with examples like the ancient Mesopotamians and Persians, Hebrews (including Jesus -- a point hopefully not lost on the predominantly Southern Baptist school board); the Germans, Celts, Vikings, Dutch, Italians and others from medieval,Renassaince, and 17th - 19th century Europe; the Chinese, Japanese, Sikhs, Native Americans, etc., etc. In addition, since part of the school's rationale is that they are doing this for his "own good" to prepare him for corporate America, my son wants to include modern examples of men with long hair in various professions (including photos of his grandfather in the 70's and of my husband who currently has hair down to the middle of his back). We wanted to ask if anybody else would be willing to submit a photo and short job description for my son to use in his speech. If so, please email both to precis71@flash.net. Thanks a bunch for your help!
Hi there.
I just wanted to tell you that I am very touch by your post and agree with you with the action that you are taking.
I am a 52 y/o school director and have my own hairs down in the middle of my back. I keep them very clean and neatly attached them in a pony tail all the time when I am at work.
I can't say that this isn't giving me some problem some time but over all this is well accepted (my student think it is pretty cool...). The only problem come from my boss but that express is disagrement but I am concentrating in doing a good job and things are OK this way.
Long hairs are often perceived as being sloppy so it is why I think that it is important to keep them clean and dress neatly in order to make it accepted more easely.
Good luck in your quest.
Yours
Jean
Dont come to Jacksboro Texas you should see our dress code . We cant even have our shirts untucked. We must have a belt on at all times and alot more. I am trying to grow my hair out and thank god its my last year or else i would have to cut it. Something needs to be done.
Jean wrote in much edited part:
Dear Jean: What a lucky guy your son is to have a parent like you in his corner. He's right, of course; the school dress code is impinging into an area of his personal discretion that has nothing to do with health, safety, or education. What it has to do with is power.
Actually you might say they *are* educating the kids, in a way: They're being taught that you can't be different; that society is threatened by people with values that differ from the mainstream. It's the same mentality that recently caused a family in Mississippi to be ostracized both at school and throughout the community because the mother challenged the school district's (unconstitutional) injection of Christian prayer into the school day.
In fact, I think it's likely that the hair-length rule in Denton has more to do with religious conformity and "faith-based" homophobia than preventing future Columbine-type incidents. In fact, if you look back over the past few years, I don't recall that any of the troubled kids who were involved in these shoot-em-up school tragedies having particularly long hair. And of course Tim McVeigh, like most American assassins, has always favored the clean-cut look. And isn't it odd that the same worship of conformity that makes it dangerous to be a longhair in some places, also makes it *safe* to be a Klansman or just a gay-bashing thug?
Good luck with your fight. You're not going to win, but the principle (which could hardly be more noble) deserves the most vigorous defense you can muster. Human rights (even those that some might call trivial) should never be meekly conceded to bullies -- even if the bullies sit on the school board.
. . . JP in san diego.
p.s. I'd take a picture of my mid-back hair and send it to you, but I'm afraid it wouldn't be helpful. Yeah, I'm a 50-something manager of a high-tech firm -- but it's in Southern California, so I'm pretty sure that would cancel out any positives. [smile]
to change its 1950's attitude.
A school's job is to educate the student. That's that.
Frankly, I have to disagree with you. The most significant problem facing our society today is a lack of discipline. Parents who spend their time challenging the school rather than supporting the school system and reinforcing discipline in their children are not doing their job as parents. I have seen this evolve in schools over the last 40 years. It used to be that schools were a place where children were sent for education--not just to learn facts but how to think, values and discipline (something that also USED to be taught at home). Now we have parents and teachers who lack discipline themselves. If you child's school says he needs to have a haircut to be there and to fit in with all the other boys, then you should be supportive of the school and make him cut his hair. After all, if hair length really is not an important issue compared to education, then why are you fighting a haircut? Stand up and be a parent. The roles of parent and friend are incompatible. And who knows? Maybe you are just acting out your own rebellion through your child. Don't make him the victim.
Frankly, I have to disagree with *you*. Is our society facing a problem of discipline? Maybe- it's definitely an arguable point. However, I fail to see any connection whatsoever between "discipline"- which to me means the ability to work hard, concentrate on the task at hand, delay gratification in favor of duty, etc.- and the length of one's hair. I went through a similar situation in my small school in south Louisiana. It was very ironic- I was valedictorian of the class, with scholarship offers all over the place, but just the previous year I had been under threat of expulsion for my hair length- a threat not placed on the (shorthaired) boys who fought, used narcotics, stole, and in some cases were arrested by the civil authorities. Today, after years of hard work and discipline (and, I should add, consistently long hair), I am a practicing industrial engineer, making a decent living and doing useful work. I just passed the GRE with flying colors, and next fall plan to start working on a master's in the evenings after work. I happen to know exactly where my shorthaired and undisciplined colleagues from high school are- every time I visit my hometown, I am likely to see one of them taking orders at McDonald's or sacking groceries. In short, while I agree that discipline is important, it is also important not to confuse conformity with discipline.
Well said man, well said. I've been a longhair for about nine years now and I've been an IT writer for over six years and without wanting to boast, I believe I'm doing a good job and am a responsible person.
Discipilne, as you define it has nothing to do with the length of one's hair, whether long or short and successful long haired and short haired artists, musicians, skilled craftspeople, technicians, graphic artists, animators or factory workers all had to have discipline to get where they are today.
Bravo!
Charles
Sorry, I have to agree with Robert,
The issue of discipline is rather more complicated when you choose to cover all aspects of child-rearing and schooling.
Long hair may have a high priority, but maybe not the absolute topmost. Getting your children a good start to life is what I would class as more important.
John
Ah, but standing up for what is "right", or what you believe in is the most important lesson that can be taught to ANY child. Mindless
conformity instead of thinking for yourself is at the root of a lot of troubles in our modern age. Can you say "peer pressure"? I was immune to it as a child, because my parents gave me the GUTS to stand up for what was right, not what everyone else was doing. 'nuff said...
As for the matter at hand, I'd fight it, but I'd also be prepared to move to another school (if possible) where the rednecks were a little more under control. There's nothing worse than an ignoramous in a position of petty power who panders to the ignorant. It is, however, next to impossible to fight ignorance...
I don't think caving into ignorance gives a child a "good start to life", rather, it propagates the problem! I don't think schooling my child in such an environment is a good idea...
-Zorba
John wrote:
Please elaborate.
How would protesting a school's misguided or biased rule against longhair have anything to do with discipline. On the other hand, if the school administered corporal punishment a child for an relatively minor offence like say coming late or failing an exam or test, would you keep quiet?
I see your line of argument as saying that if the parents intervene, the child would get the idea that they can get away with defying the school's rules but on the other hand, in your reply to Redwingchowtaw, you pointed out that if the rules set by the school were unreasonable, the children would see it as bul... and well they would lose respect for authority which could very well have the same affect on them.
If a responsible parent stands up for the child in cases where it's just and right to do so and sides with the school in cases where it's correct and just to do so, I think the child would have a better idea of the boundaries.
I had very strict parents whom I felt were totally wrong about long hair and the schools sytems was also against longhair and as a result, I'm contemptuous of authority until today -- I'm 46 now, going on 47.
On the other hand, I should thank them all for not letting me have long hair then, otherwise, I wouldn't be a longhair today.
I don't have kids but if I did, I'd let my son, if I had one, have longhair but I would maintain discipline in areas that mattered.
There is a problem of discipline in many countries in the world inlcuding in Malaysia and I think it arises from the teachings of Dr. Benjamin Spock who told parents to allow their kids to do anytthing they wanted and to not spank them at all.
That might explain the current discipline problems in the US and I can see it happening here in Malaysia and in Thailand.
There's also the issue of consumer culture which creates peer pressure between children to conform to an alternative consumer culture which only makes the companies rich.
Charles
very correct... and when those in authority aggressively pursue such rules of conformity it is seen as the bullsh*t that it is by kids- and the credibility of those in authority is -gone-.
if hair length really isn't an issue then maybe schools shouldn't be making it one.
I don't agree with your post. Schools should not be totalitarian institutions where our children are processed through without any opportunity to develop the critical and creative ability to think for themselves. I think *that* is the larger problem in our society.
I was told at one point by our school administration that ours is a conservative community and that they are bound to uphold "conservative" values. I strongly disagree. A school, as a public institution, should be bound to respect and uphold a plurality of values, not just those of one group. As a parent, it is my right and my responsibility -- not the school's -- to inculcate values in my children. Ironically, the more conservative members of my community and my school board would agree with that, at least when it comes to *their* belief system.
As far as "fitting in", should that really be a priority for our children? On the one hand, we urge them to resist peer pressure and negative influences. On the other, they are pressured to "fit in". My son has no desire to fit in with the other boys where hair is concerned. The kids don't see his hair as a problem among themselves -- my son has a wide variety of friends who accept him for who he is. In spite of negative stereotypes that he has faced because of his appearance, he is often the one in a group of kids to resist peer pressure and to urge others to do the same. Other parents have told me what a good influence he has been, for example, in encouraging their kids to abstain from alcohol and drugs when they have all had the opportunity to do otherwise. My son is a well-behaved, independent, responsible, thoughtful, creative, considerate young adult. His personal preference for long hair has little to do with rebellion.
Furthermore, discipline has nothing to do with hair length. I am all for supporting the school when it comes to real discipline issues, but hair is not one of them. The district policy, in support of the hair length rule, claims its goal is to promote "respect for authority". Well, respect is a two way street. I agree with a previous poster that this is primarily a power issue. Forcing male students to cut their hair against their will fosters not respect but *resentment*.
I believe as parents that we should choose our battles. I am rather strict when it comes to *behavior*, but I respect my son's privacy and his personal decisions when it comes to his appearance. As a consequence, I not only gain his respect and trust but also a greater measure of credibility when it comes to taking a stand on the really important discipline issues. And he knows that he has my support on what's important to him.
That's why he has my support on appealing to the school board (his idea, by the way, not mine). I am not "acting out" through my son. I am supporting his effort to work for change in a positive way.
bingo
What does this have to do with the price of beans?
I agree that our society today lacks discipline - largely from lowered expectations...
-=BUT=-
What in all the Gods and Goddess' names does this have to do with hair length!?!
I think ANY parent, or anyone else for that matter not only has a RIGHT, but an OBLIGATION to challenge and resist what I call 'arbitrary authority'. I suppose you support banning women from wearing pants as well. Same idea...
We've been fighting these same tired battles since (at least) the mid-50's. Most countries of western Europe have laws prohibiting nonsense such as 'no longhaired men', 'no earrings for men', 'no pants on women' and even 'no skirts on men'. But not here in the land of the 'free'. The same lower middle class, redneck 1950's mentality not only still exists, but is still the law of the land any many cases. Some people would claim this mentality came from the Puritans, and perhaps some of it did. But I also know that Puritans often had long hair.
I cannot grok mentality like this...
Sign me "Disgusted"!
42?
But, if we raise our expectations then the stupid kids would be complaining and becoming frustrated trying to comprehend the situation. =)
It doesn't, but that won't stop people from making bizarre and baseless statments when they are afraid that their beleifs might be proven wrong.
The problem most likely has its origin in the colonial period. Many Europeans found the Native American lifestyle quite appealing because it was much more democratic and open than European society. The Pilgrims passed laws against men having long hair and even hunted down and killed anyone who desserted them for a lifestyle they considered to be savage.
If you don't mind, I'd like to see citations or sources for this. My major was history, and I've never heard anything about it. Of course this doesn't means it didn't happen . . .
BTW, If anyone hailing from the D/FW area knows of a long-hair-friendly company that needs a PC support person, I'd appreciate a heads-up.
Thx,
Scott
------------
If we can send a man to the Moon, then . . . why can't we send one BACK to the Moon?
I got the info from "Lies My Teacher Told Me", specifically the chapter titled "Red Eyes". If the book does not contain accurate data then I apologize for my mistake.
Just because everybody else does it doesn't mean that you should do it. If all the boys jumped off a bridge would you do it? People should be allowed to be themselves if it is not hurting other people. The school does not know what is best for the kids only the parents do. Its not the job of the school to tell children how short or long to keep their hair. This should be the parents job. I would suggest just going to another school if you lose. Most schools in Texas do allow boys to have long hair.
I am a teacher in a high school and have been for 12 years. Go back and re-read what you just wrote. School is a place where young people learn to think. Requiring conformity is not teaching anyone to think, in fact it is precisely the opposite. This young man has every right to think his way through this close minded system that his community calls a school. The most important thing I do each day is to help kids learn how to think outside of the box. Not only am I a teacher, but I am a parent. I have been to bat for my three kids at various times when they come up against a teacher who thinks that responsiblity and conformity are synonyms.
To the student who is going up against the school board: be sure and ask the board members to take some paper money out of their wallets and ask if the men whose faces appear there would be allowed to attend school in your community.
I growing my hair out, but I want the top of my hair to get to about 6inchs first, so it can catch up with the sides and back a bit first. Then I plan to let it all grow out and tie it into a pony tail. Can any one suggest what style's I could go for to do this??? My hair is fairly straight and medium thickness. Also i think it will be a subtle change since I have had my hair fairly short most of my life.
Iam 22 years old as well
Thanks to who replys
ROB
Good luck with your quest!
Here's a corporate example. Gordie Hormel the heir to the Hormel Meat fortune wears his hair down to his waist. He hangs around Phoenix, AZ a lot. Lives in a mansion and donates a lot to charity.
You should be able to do a search on Gordon or Gordie Hormel and get some photos.
Honeywell think tank types not only wear their hair long they can decorate their offices anyway they like, which is usually with throw pillows.
Good luck convincing the backwater locals though.
I work for a company that has three locations and a lot of programs working with government. The owner has hair down to his butt and wears it in a pony tail. He had some expensive silver hair clasps.
I'm changing jobs and will be working up in Page, AZ...as rural a town as any in Texas. My new boss there has long hair down to his mid back. Sometimes he wears it in a pony tail, sometimes it flows free.
I have a master's degree and my hair is down to my butt, usually in aa pony tail, but not always. I've worked in corporate America for 37 years. Neat part about it is I'd never want to work at a company that wouldn't hire me because of my long hair and beard. The ones that do turn out to be great companies.
Your Texas nemisis' are dead wrong about corporate America and long hair.
Correct spelling is Geordie Hormel...he ran SPAM for many years, now lives in a mansion in Paradise Valley, Arizona...very wealthy...and very long hair...