new thread
Hi folks - not posted in a while and sorry I still haven't got round to getting new prog pics posted
Just finding life in general really difficult at the moment. My workplace has become a hellhole and my social life is non-existent. Too much political bling bling in the workplace is making me frustrated and angry outside of the workplace as well as in the workplace and I do not know what to do to stop what people have said to me during the day from reverberating in my head long after I've clocked off at the end of the day. Too much more of it and I think I'm just going to go absolutely doolally. I've never felt like this before - I feel angry and frustrated all the time about things, and I don't like it. I don't know what I can do to stop it.
Out of work I am finding my old friends are either too busy with other commitments or more interested in getting as drunk as they can at the pub. As a non-drinker, non-smoker and generally not much of a pub person I am finding it increasingly difficult to find anyone worth associating with outside of the workplace. I live on my own, I go for walks alone because I don't know anyone else fit enough to join me.
My hair's actually okay through all this. In a similar vein to Joao David even though I've actually been growing my hair for the best part of 6 years it actually stopped getting any longer about three of those years ago. It's around middle back, maybe a little higher, but I'm happy with it.
Thanks for reading folks. I'm not asking for miracle solutions or anything, just an outlet really to let you guys know what's going on.
Cheers,
RM
Hi RM,
I am also a non-drinker and non-smoker; but I'm grateful & feel lucky to say that over the years I've found plenty of "kindred spirit" friends to associate with, --- but I think this is because I "accidentally" found out a secret of how to accomplish this, going back to when I was just starting out in the workforce as an adult.
Your job and your social life are 2 separate issues (not that one doesn't sort of spill over into the other at times; just that solving the unhappiness of one may not necessarily solve the unhappiness of the other)... Here's my thoughts for helping you out in your off-work times, though:
Sign up for a class or join a club connected with an activity or topic that you are interested in, --- a hiking club, for example... or an art class... or dance classes (my thing!)... or a photography course... or go on a city tour... or a garden tour (again, my thing!)... or a yoga class... or... (you get the idea!!)
When I was in my early 20s, right after I had moved to Calif., I saw an advertisement for learning how to dance Jitterbug. The picture totally intrigued me; but I didn't know anyone else interested that would go with me, so I walked in there alone. I took the drop-in class before the dance that night; but was too shy to stay, --- and yet, I came back for more classes! Soon I started forming friendships with a few of these people who were also taking these classes. Some of these people stayed more in the "acquaintences" and/or "dance partners only" category; while others I eventually became very close to. Over the years, a sparse few close friends grew into a fair # of friends; then as more time passed, I was shocked one day to realize just how many friends I had, --- and often felt unable to keep up with the social life, and even longed for more time alone!!
The job situation might be just an issue of looking around for a new one. Many jobs eat mealy bugs, BIG-time, --- I know plenty of people that hate hate hate their jobs! But good jobs actually DO exist, --- it's just a matter of either a lucky break, or keep working harder until you find one! The interesting thing is that I have actually found some of my jobs through dance friends (not a usual avenue to find gardening work, which is one of the things I do to earn $$)!!! Had it not been for the fact that I have a large social connection in the dance world of the city I live in, I never would have learned about those jobs...
My point is this: get out there and be SEEN and KNOWN by other people, --- in any possible way that comes to you!! The pay-off will not be "immediate". But, trust me, it WILL happen.
And one more comment: most of my friends are short-haired. They love me for me, and I love them for them, --- exterior appearance should never get in the way of true friendship, and I truly feel lucky & grateful that this is the case of what I've been privileged to experience myself. I can't believe how many kind and interesting and funny and fun people I now know, --- most of whom are either total non-drinkers, or consume very little alcohol (not enough to even think about). Your friends are out there... they just haven't met you yet, because you're spending too much time alone!!!!
- Ken in San Francisco
Hey Ken thanks.
Yes I'm thinking of joining a rambling club. I live in the UK which has lots of lovely places that I would like to walk in and share the experience with others who feel the same. I experience a confidence hiatus at times but I guess, like you said it's just time to bite the bullet and see what happens.
Cheers,
Mark in England
Hi Mark,
I have experienced job dissatisfaction and loneliness at times, and I have found the following coping strategies helpful:
- Making phone calls to friends who will listen to me. This has helped me a lot when I had to vent about unsatisfactory situations at work.
- Taking time on weekends to visit friends. If I suspect that a friend or an acquaintance might like me coming over to visit him/her, I call him/her up and ask whether it's o.k. if I come for a weekend (or evening, depending upon the situation). Well, I have to admit, that's possibly a bit easier in the US and in Germany than in England, where I have lived, too. However, you'll be surprised how many acquaintances from earlier occasions actually WILL take up your suggestion, invite you, AND enjoy having you as a guest - even if you have to spend some time talking in order to vent some frustration!
- Keeping a calendar of my friends' birthdays and calling them - they will LOVE you for that! Also, you can use most any other pretext for calling up friends for a brief or a longer chat. Plus, with today's cheap dialaround traiffs, phone bills are no longer an issue...
- Scheduling weekly or other regular contacts. This can be anything, a hobby, a church parish or nonreligious group etc.
- calling up friends who live not too far away and tell them that you'd like to try out this or that restaurant, or watch this or that movie / theatre performance / concert etc, and ask if they'd like to join you.
- Internet contacts: If someone lives at a place you'd like to visit, send them an e-mail and ask whether it's o.k. to visit them. I know, it's pretty bold, but it works - you'll be surprised how many people actually will be happy to have you!
- Travel buddies: It's amazing how well you'll be able to talk and possibly strike up a friendship with total (hitherto) strangers if you arrange to do a trip together that interests you both - e.g. to the South Pole... (I like your internet site!) If it's a long term project that takes months or years of preparation, that's all the better!
- One more thing: Contacting acquaintances also has helped me to meet other good friends through them. "Meta-friendships" mean even more friendships. - In Europe, some of us tend to make remarks about how superficial social contacts seem to be in the US. However, my experience with the US is that having lots of superficial contacts increases the chances to meet those special people whom we want to be friends with on a deeper level.
Hope this helps a bit... You're a great guy, and, if more people get to know you, that's all the better for them, too!
Hans-Uwe
Man, I am like that too, and what's worse is I am stuck in a country that I didnt grow up in. I grew up in Texas where even though they might have some BS politics or whatnot, at least people tried to be themselves. Then now I am back in Taiwan, pretty much unwillingly, now I live alone, work alone (im graveyard shift at a convienence store), and I dont know where to meet people that understands me. Seems in Taiwan people are just you know, sheeples. If you thought Americans are sheeples wait til you get to Taiwan. Here the TV rules everything, if it says it on TV, it means its unquestionably true. Then people have really weird superstitions like ghosts and stuff so they pollute the enviroment by burning paper money. People are like zombies here. Plus im not even sure where to meet people cause i dont like pubs either, i usually hang out alone because I got no one to hang with (anyone I know is "busy") and etc.... not sure how I can even deal with it.
Hi Tai
Yeah that sounds pretty bleak. I live in the UK though, not America. Sometimes I'm better than others. I get downers and I found out that since I went to live on my own they were more difficult to get through. When I'm okay, I'm okay. I enjoy good books and music. I play keys and piano too which most of the time I use as an outlet rather than the pub. You said you hang out on your own and 'don't know how to deal with it'. Do you have any hobbies or interests you can use to divert your mind?
Thanks Tai, hope things get better but it is disheartening when your mates all start saying they're too busy and stuff. A lot of my friends have girlfriends too. I admit that I am singleton because I do not have the confidence to put myself forward. I am paranoid that I will just be boring or get on their nerves. Maybe I'm just be stupid?
Cheers again, thanks for taking the time out to read...
RM
Yea man, I do tons of things like play computer games, build guitars, play guitars (if im any good at it...), things like that. However I felt lonely all the time cause everyone else they got girlfriends or boyfriends but no one wants to be anywhere near me. I plan to try and migrate to the UK as soon as I finish my degree on the University of Phoenix Online, but I dont know how hard that will be and all these terrorist scares isnt going to make it any easier!
Hey Tai
Yeah if you ever come to the UK we could record a song together. I find all my mates already have girlfriends and stuff too and nobody seems to notice me. I try not to think about it too much and most of the time I would say I am quite good at it. It's just the odd time when things really get me down it can start a cycle which is difficult to get out of.
RM
Sounds like you need a vacation!
Don't know what to do to stop it? Just stop it. All that stuff that goes on at work is just stuff. It is insane all the little games that are played in the office environment. See it for what it is, nothing. Unless it is going to effect your job or your continued employement, then it is something to separate yourself from entirely. Go in, do your work, ignore those who are trying to run someone else down with their negativity, all the talk about how they don't like someone else or whatever. If you really can't stand it, there is always more than one place to work.
And as for the friends, if they are too busy, there are so many people out there you haven't met that are not busy, who do not hang out in the pub all the time. Strangers are just friends you haven't met yet.
Maybe anger is an emotion you cannot afford to have. try telling yourself "I can't afford the time and energy and stress of anger so ____ it." I don't know what the political thing is but try to stay uninvolved and neutral and accept and let go of anything you can't change or do anything about. try a hobby--how about cooking? photography, writing...? activities make it easier to not let stuff from work rent space in your head.