new thread
i have growing out my hair for a year and a half and I am getting married in jan 07. my fiance has hated my hair since I began growing it out. when we met i had short hair because I had been working in a corporate environment as an accountant and that is just the style i had. i also was thinning up top a little and had some transplants to add to the density and all of a sudden it started growing in so thick like the rest of my hair. i was so amazed at how good and healthy my hair was growing i let it go. i had shoulder length hair in college. i can tie it back but i dont, only when i am working in the yard i tir it back samuri style but i wear down. i have always hated short hair which is why i hated corporate park america. i work in government where there is no dress code. i wish my fiance and mom would lighten up and they have both began cutting their hair so mine is longer now. i have told them i am onto their game. any advice?
I just got married in June and decided afterwards to start growing my hair again so I'm in a different boat than you. My wife has said before that she wouldn't have cared if it was long for the wedding but only if it looked nice and was in a ponytail. Seems like a good compromise. Why should you have to change who you are for just a day when you are going to be you for the rest of your live(s).
Have a serious yet non-confrontational talk with them expressing your desire to keep it long as it is now. Don't go in with an attitude of you versus them, if that is the case then both sides lose. Relationships involve compromise always, but not servitude. If you really do want to keep your hair, then you will find a way. I am reluctant to even suggest a 'deal' with them, but maybe say if they let go of making entreaties for you to go back short then you will do 'x'. For instance, clean up the kitchen every night or keep the lawn mowed, etc.
Beware of a fiance that hates something about yourself with Marriage plans coming-up.
And now you find that your potential wife hates something that means alot to you. Is this a sign of love?
If you were REALLY LOVED for who you are, none of this nonsence would be happening. Wishing is nice, but it WON'T make the reality of what you are pitted against vanish.
I would never tie the knot with someone that did not respect me or love me for who I am. My ex girl friend started getting on me about my hair being long and this got me thinking. A couple of months later I dumped her like a CX-500 SAN drops a bad hard drive. She was also very controlling and could be plain out rude at times.
If I were you, I would do some serious thinking. If your "to be" wife really loved you and cared for you, she would not care if you chose to be your self. She should support you and be at your side.
Tell her she should shave her head for the wedding. :-)
This will be the first of many issues you face together. Can she support something that is important to you? Can you support something that is important to her? THese are basic to the chance of a lasting relationship.
It's not just about hair. It's about respect, dignity, support, compassion. All ingredients of real love. Sounds like time for a very serious conversation. It's a good time. You have almost 6 months till "the day". A counselor might be a good move, too.
Robert
If there's something your girl dont like about you and you are marrying her... prepared for a future of fights and possibly divorce (and child support and alimony)
"Hatred" of long hair by people close to you is usually not a dislike of the hair or of you but a fear of what people will think of them being close to you. Like most fear, it is usually overblown and based on false assumptions (e.g. people will think I'm lower class if I marry a guy with long hair). You can help her through that fear by showing her that lots of mature, reliable and competent men choose to wear their hair long, and that you are basically the same person you were when your hair was shorter. You can also both try some premarital counseling to help her express her fear and work through it.
And if none of that works, you probably should reconsider the marriage.
"i wish my fiance and mom would lighten up and they have both began cutting their hair so mine is longer now. i have told them i am onto their game"
sounds like they're ganging up on you and, tbh, adults should not be playing 'games' like this, you've had the best advice possible already here from the guys on this board and, as a female, i agree with every word they've said
you obviously love your hair, its something you've always wanted and if she respects you she'll see that and drop the subject, if she does not then things will only get worse
i keep thinking if you go along with what 'they' want resentment will slowly creep into you and thats no start to a couple planning a life together, people/partners need to trust and respect each other no matter what, ok so she hates it, tie it back but does she hate it enough to eventually hate you too? will she compromise on this one thing? the 'games' thing bothers me tbh, the word manipulation comes to mind
but its your life, wish you all the best whatever you decide