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I believe the social environment is becoming more tolerant and accepting of longhairs, but overall, you cannot avoid the occasional "cut your hair" remarks. I've never had anyone say it directly to my face, more likely, the insulting individual would yell it from a crowd, preferably 30 yards distance from you.
I am taking a new IT job at Comcast in the Network Engineering department, and there are some serious longhairs there. So I feel welcome. I am leaving a company after 4 years, and everyone there loved my hair, with a few exceptions.
What is going on now, is those who are close to me harping on my hair. Female friends are telling me, "You look gay" or "Who are you, Jesus Christ Superstar?" At first, I thought they were joking. Later, one close friend told me, "You should cut it, or you'll never get married and everyone will think you are a bum."
I have endured some discrimination in the past when I applied to work in other companies, yet I overcame that obstacle. Most of the external threats have been eliminated. The internal ones, i.e., friends, family, significant others, have unfortunately decided to take a stand. Being 41 years old, I stood my ground. At this point, getting back to a close female friend who told me to cut my hair, I advised her, "If you are so worried about my appearance, have a look in the mirror". To be more precise, this woman was 100 lbs overweight and was a slovenly dresser. She walked away, embarrassed, and our friendship really cooled. I realized it was rude and insensitive to say that to her, but I said it to make a point.
The message? External pressure is not as insidious as internal pressure. Stand your ground, because the most dangerous threat to a longhair seems to be his own intimates. Don't give in!
You know what, the reason people in power frown on long hair on guys is because long hair on guys represents independent thought. Why do you think the first thing they do once you join the army is to cut your hair? Because in the army you are supposed to follow order, and independent thought is seriously frowned on there. When a man decides to have long hair he is not allowing anyone to control him and people with power have problems with that. Look at 9/11, they would give their life so that they can put you under their control!
...and everyone will think you are a bum."
Ahahahahahahahahahaha
Don't laugh. It's not funny. I've had long hair since the early 70's and haven't got a date yet!! That's why I give two thumbs down to that hypocritical movement from the 1970's that made the statements: "The street of equality is a two way street. Both sexes are equal. There is no differences between the sexes."
I seriously doubt that the sole reason you have not had a date in 30 years is due to your hair.
If you actually believe that to be the case then I have a pretty good idea of what the problem really is.
Big George
...No date in 30 years? Now wait a minute...something is wrong here because I see plenty of girls going out with long haired men.
Okay, I must admit that some women absolutely do NOT like long
hair on men; it's almost as if you crossed the 'gender lines'
or something. But other women think it's absolutely SEXY and
exotic-looking and would actually become upset if their man
cut his hair short.
Takes all types. But honestly, you can't believe your 30
year 'dry period' is due only to the length of your hair!
You know, it is far more important to let others KNOW that you are AVAILABLE. Join a group...almost any kind will do and let
others know that you are receptive to having some sort of a relationship.
Good Luck
Tragic and pitiful that this is all that they can do.
They hardly sound like friends to me.
And where did she get her wisdom, knowledge and credentials from? THE ZOO! A "Close friend" would never make such a remark.
YOU were rude? What about her? "Close Friend?" You have nothing to apologize for and she is way-off base insulting you and especially trying to control your life. Too bad in hindsight you hadn't just ignored her comments.
TRUE friends and intimates do not make negative comments like these to the person they respect for they are. They accept! "Non-untrue" friends do not.
I don't know about getting back at her with the whole look in the mirror thing. ouch...but I guess she deserved it...
Good going. I have been lucky enough to have the support of most people about my hair. The ones that don't support it, don't even make that big a deal about it.
But, in a number of years (I'll be going to grad school... so it will be quite a few more years), I'll have to get a real job, too. I hope I have the courage to turn down job offers if they make me cut my hair, hoping to find a better company that won't.
Like others have said, real friends don't say stuff like that. Look at Sam Walton. Even when he hit it big, he still drove his beat up pickup truck and dressed like a blue collar worker. The way you look is no measure on your success, not if you have enough will power to keep pushing forward.
When you go to grad school, don't worry. By that time, the road will be paved with good jobs, even for Longhairs! I just landed a job at Comcast as a network engineer, and in the coming months, they want me to work in management. I did ask HR there about managers with long hair and they have one or two junior execs with hair longer than mine. I wouldn't worry.
Good luck in your journey towards success. You most probably will find a professional job that you enjoy and keep your hair.
That makes me very happy, and I am thankful that there are people like you who have paved the way for others.
I wouldn't concern yourself with that, either now or in the future. When you get out of grad school, you'll have plenty of interesting credentials that prospective employers will be looking for -- far more so, than the length of your hair.
In looking back over the past quarter-century, it turns out that each and every new position I got I got when sporting long hair -- right from my first gig to the one I hold now. (I'm a computer "techie" that can, and does, do everything from hardcore logic design through sysadminning and on to programming.) I've never worried about it; it came up -- once -- in a job interview and I parried the query with a response of, "Why does it matter?"; I didn't receive an answer, but got the position.
They can, and do -- and it's very easy to tell the difference between real and genuine concern and mere "fluff". When my wife says something about my hair, I tend to listen; but then again, she's not interested in my getting a "corporate cut".
I love to know how many gay longhairs these girls have seen. We're such a rare breed that saying you look gay is preposterous. If you had very short hair, possibly bleached or something like that, then they might make a little sense by saying that. Otherwise, these girls are talking absolute nonsense.
LukeB
Thanks, Luke B!
It is true that there are few gay longhairs. Unfortunately, most people look for ANY reason to denigrate longhairs. Those are typically the "Dateless Joes" who also feel it is acceptable to slam gays to make themselves feel like men. In the case of this freind, "Dateless Jane" :-D
Your argument is 100 % correct, and I think non-discrimination of longhairs is as rare as longhairs themselves.
As Tai Fu said, long hair on men usually does reflect independent thought of an individual, and as far as my personal experience goes, I've found that people with long hair are much brighter than those without it, and almost never cause problems in the society. This is probably because longhairs prefer not to go on with the "flow" and want to try something new and different, sometimes followed by greater care for personal health or a greater interest in music.
I mean... look... what exactly do you think when on the street you see someone "different"? Someone who simply doesn't fit with the rest of the people around him/her? I think it's cool to see something different besides short hair+jeans+every day clothes. Only idiots would say:"Cut your hair!" with no apparent reason except you wearing a bit longer hair. It's your hair, your clothes, your body, and they have no right to lecture you about it.
Besides, I like (and you probably do, too) long hair... I feel my image is now complete, although I'm only at 10 months of my growth. I simply feel a lot better with the extra weight on my hair.
I won't give in... no way. If one judges a person over long hair, that person wouldn't be worth of my attention.
That is an inspirational message to someone who is finally growing out his hair for the first time, although I've wanted to since high school, half my life ago. The pressure from loved ones is always harder to deal with than that of strangers or aquaintances; one actullay cares about the opinions of loved ones!
That said, though, I've finally made it clear that I am interested in seeing what would happen if I grew out my hair and how long it would take my curly hair to actually obey the law of gravity and start hanging down instead of growing out, away from the head in a large fro. Getting morale boosters like yours make it easier to face the trials.
Thanks!
I've only had this happen to me once, and that was from some trucker who gave me a catcall whistle at a gas station from afar when I was stranded due to my car's transmission breaking down.
I gave him my own greeting in reply: the one-fingered salute.
Screw them.
As another poster has said, YOU were rude?
She says that you will never get married because of your hair. She says, without any kind of reservation, that people think you are a bum, despite, as you pointed out, her own appearance.
I envy you for being so polite-minded to give yourself doubt when you made a righteous point.
Took the words right out of my mouth or, rather, from my fingers on the keyboard. - Reinhart