new thread
Here is me in April of this year and me today. Slowly but surely, the hair returns. With all constraints having been removed by me concerning hair length, I think I may to find out what all this talk about terminal length is in a few years. I’m goin’ for the gold!!! Yeah, I have a “high forehead” (HAHAHA!!!), but that won’t stop me either!
IÂ’ve lately been refraining from using any other hair products than shampoo, conditioner, and leave-in conditioner. TodayÂ’s picture may not show it, but I think itÂ’s been beneficial for my hair. IÂ’ve been using leave-in conditioner in lieu of gel, and seems to work better.
Note: If you only have a minute to read, stop here ;-)
And so it has been nearly five months since I had a severe hacking of a haircut done at my former employerÂ’s behest. Well, a lot of things have changed since then.
If some of you remember the post I made back in May after the day I got the haircut, you will remember that I was exsanguinating all kinds of intense emotion in my initial post and in some followups. I was distraught and angry. I was upset and unsure. I was hurt and lost. Everything seemed wrong.
I have had lots of time to think about what happened since then. I have had lots of time to think about why I felt that way then, and to think about and within my thinking. That simple act of a haircut, a common-place, everyday event, turned out to be the catalyst for a catharsis of sorts.
In ’96 I graduated from college and went straight to work at the bank I had worked for part-time during the summers. For a while I was a teller, then a loan processor, and finally a loan officer. Really it was not a bad job, but something kept telling me that this was not really for me. The bank however is a little stressful. Collecting loans, repossessing cars, bringing in new business. I was the youngest and least experienced of all the officers in the bank. I frequently had to deal with the worst customers since no one else wanted to do it. I was getting more and more stressed. This went on for about six years. So, then about two years ago in July of ‘04, I transferred from the bank to the bank holding company into the position of internal loan review. I first thought this move would be a good one. However, this move was the beginning of the end for my banking career. This is the job I just finished August 10, 2006. This is the job where my supervisor was the “hair-cut inflictor.” Loan review isn’t such a bad job if you enjoy traveling every week and sifting through stacks and folders of loan documentation all day looking for mistakes. It isn’t such a bad job either unless you are working for an a-hole.
Well, this ties into hair growing how? In May 2003, I had finally resolved that I would try to grow my hair long again. I had tried in 1995 and caved after about 18 months. Well, by the time I transferred to loan review, I was getting some decent length. I should have known that this would be a precarious situation hair-wise. Why did I not see what was happening? I guess I thought the new job was the path of least resistance. And so, the “hair talk” came around. I agreed to go and get a trim. Not so bad. I continued to get trims every six months or so and was maintaining a hair length somewhere between neck and shoulders. Not really what I wanted, more of a compromise to mediocrity really.
So fast-forward to March 2006. I was getting some good length, especially when wet, about shoulder length. I was not consciously hating the job, but an undercurrent was brewing. I was growing tired of traveling, and some of my workmates were trying my patience. IÂ’d received no more demands for haircutting. IÂ’d been asked to be a moderator of this very board. With me having received no complaints about my hair from my boss, and with me believing that I was a valued employee, while not really satisfied with everything work-wise, I continued on as I was. Then came May 9, 2006.
For illustrative purposes, I insert the discourse from that day here:
On this day, I got up and went to work. I arrived promptly on time, and began work.
This week I have been working at one of our bank’s branches, actually very close to my home, so therefore, a very short drive which was very nice not to have to get up so early. Right after lunch, my department head, by whom I am directly supervised arrived. He first talked to several of my other co-workers, then he asked me that if I had a minute, he would like to meet with me. Of course, I say, “Sure.”
We go down to the bank’s conference room, and the door is shut. He begins by saying that he does not know how to tell me what he has to tell me. I was caught rather off guard by what followed. Shocked and upset afterwards. He began by saying that I HAD to get my haircut immediately, saying that a trim like I had been customarily getting every six months was no longer acceptable. The words, ‘severe hacking’ and ‘something drastic’ were used in the course of conversation. I just sat there with a sinking feeling in my stomach and started getting hot and red in the face. I could not make words come together. When he finished, I just somehow got the words, “OK” out of my mouth.
After that, he goes into talking about how our annual performance evaluations are going to be on Friday, and follows with saying that he has recommended me for a larger percentage raise than would normally be done. I did say thank you for that. But, I donÂ’t think anyone could be so emotionally dead not to be able to see through my anger and dismay. Dangling a (bleep) (bleep) carrot in front of me to ostensibly make up perhaps for what had just passed. Not bloody likely.
(End)
That week, that next day, that very moment my hair was being cut, my mind started reeling with thoughts. That haircut set me off. Lots of things happened quickly. A crescendo of emotion concerning not only work had built. A function of all this was what you gentle readers who read the board that week in May might remember with what responses I posted.
What built this dam?
I’m reminded of a scene from “Out of Africa.”
Karen Blixen was desiring a pond be built on her coffee plantation in Kenya. A dam had to be built on the little stream. Sabu replied, “That water belongs in Mombasa, it does not live here.” (paraphrase)
How could one endure for so long with such a dank miasma of conflicting emotions stirring? In my first college experience, I had initially wanted to get a minor in Classics/Latin (even had a frikkinÂ’ scholarship for Latin!) and wasnÂ’t sure of a major. I was led by parents and advisors to go the business route. I ended up with a degree in Finance. I think, had it been up to me, IÂ’d have gone the route of something like English, Geography, perhaps even a Classics major. But, I didnÂ’t do it. I was young. I thought they were right. I really didnÂ’t know! I didnÂ’t know I had to listen to myself. At 18 or 19, for some of us, we donÂ’t know ourselves yet. For all that, I was on a road in the business world I had never earnestly wanted to be on. What else helped put up the damn? I had just gotten out of a girlfriend situation a good many months before, and there were lots of unresolved issues with that that would amount to a novella.
By this past June of this year, I had decided what must be done. I had applied and been accepted into college. I had rearranged finances. I had talked with family and friends and been encouraged. I had decided to go back to school, get an English B.A., do some work in Latin, and work towards being a teacher/professor as I went forward with advanced degree work. By July, the time had come that I had to break the news to the boss. I was nice and gave three weeks notice instead of two. It was hard, but I summoned all the Bene Gesserit* emotional control that I had read about. Our conversation was me with a display of mellifluousness and silver, and the boss feigning composure but belying shock. I had already broken the news to two of my co-workers whom I considered and still do consider friends. The ending was really a non-event. I signed off my computer and said bye and left three weeks later. The boss wasnÂ’t even there that afternoon.
*Bene Gesserit – in Frank Herbert’s Dune, a female religious order of sorts formed after the Butlerian Jihad. They concentrate on both advanced physical and acute mental training, with a program in place to create the Kwisatz Haderach, a male Bene Gesserit who will be the “One who shortens the way” and bring order to the galaxy.
So, now, IÂ’m back in school full-time taking four English classes and a Linguistics class. I have always loved stories, novels, poems, writing, all the panacea of literature. ItÂ’s a lot of work. I really spend more time with this than I ever did with work. The semester is almost half through already. ItÂ’s tough, but a good tough. And what else?
Did I really do all this to be able to grow long hair? I donÂ’t think I did. I have basically turned my life upside down. ThatÂ’s a lot for a few inches of hair. Now, it seems that the haircut or desire for long hair led me to where I wanted to be and should have been all along. So, you know what - the long hair that I am re-growing each day, each moment, will be a bonus. It will be a reward for following my heart and listening to myself.
Now, if you made it this far, you may want to know why I posted all this. Not so much is it an admonition as it is a parable of sorts. What should come of its reading? I can’t say for anyone else. But, I learned from it all that I must listen to myself, that I must call a spade a spade when I FIRST see it, and that I must not always take the path of least resistance. If you are of a bent to do it, read Robert Frost’s “The Road Not Taken.” Good stuff.
DonÂ’t feint and parry with shadows.
Bye for now, Bragi
Well I did read all the way through and I really enjoyed reading your story. Funny because the entire first half I was thinking, wow this guy is a great writer whats he doing in business. Makes sense now seeing that it's your real interest. Being that I just turned 18 about 2 weeks ago, half way through my first semester, it is nice that you shared this story. It'll be something I think about when I choose what I'll be majoring in, currently I'm just getting my random mandatories out of the way. Good luck with whatever path you follow.
Thanks for the complement and glad you enjoyed it. Yes, do remember to consider all your option when you choose a major.
Later, Bragi
Matt, you will have to excuse my jubilation here, but I have waited 34 years for a practical application of my high school Latin, and you have given me that opportunity. One of the few things I distinctly remember still holds true today.
Veritas numquam perit
And if your not true to yourself, what else is there. A lesson it took me a while to learn also.
Congrats. Your probably on both the road to what you really want to do, and the road to happiness. I know it sounds corny, but I know way to many people who have never achieved this simple place in life.
Big George
Latin always comes in handy. If you try hard enough, you can relate anything back to it!
It's funny, it's simple and yet so hard to see.
Thanks!
Bragi,
What a beautiful communication. What Bank? Back channel me if you hesitate to name to culprit. If it is any bank I deal with I will immediately close my account, as well as write their top HR office and tell them how foolish they are.
Please tell me that it was not Bank of America. Once known as North Carolina National Bank, because of unique banking laws our NC banks have come to maja\or national prominence second only to the NY banks. Please tell me it was not Wachovia. Whatever, I pomise to give them a little grief.
C.
Caledonian
Hi Caledonian,
It was neither B of A nor Wachovia. While both of those banks have branches here, I have never worked for either. My bank was a smaller regional holding company with offices in east Alabama, north Florida, and south Georgia.
No use to close your accounts. I remember right here on the board that a fellow who worked for BofA had no problems with long hair there.
Bragi
Hey Bragi, I very much enjoyed reading your post! It's obvious to me now why you've adapted the handle Bragi.
Not much more for me to say other than that I'm hoping you do very well with your new career and manage to get that hair as long as you could hope for it to be.
Hej Gylfi,
I'm certainly no skald, but I keep trying! Thanks though, and best to you in your studies. You are going to have to post a quick primer on Icelandic when you get into studying that.
Bye, Bragi
It does my heart good to read this. I am so happy for you and proud of you and wish nothing but the best for you!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Thanks, Dean! And I hope for all the best to you as well!
G'day!
Hi Bragi,
your experience seems to turn into a healing one in the end. It seems that your wish to grow your hair in a long-hair unfriendly environment really seems to have done something great for you - even if it is costing you money (which, philosophically AND financially speaking, I'm sure, will turn out to be a highly meaningful investment).
So, hair is not only, as Wolf from Estonia put it one day, a "bad-people detector", but, in a sense, an antenna or a pointer that we use to detect our path of growth.
I'm also thinking of Jason, who on his internet site, describes his growing his hair also as a journey of personal growth.
Besides, I'm thinking of a long-haired good friend of mine who has gone into language teaching against the recommendation of certain advisors (he was supposed to study law), and he is happy and successful; while his short-haired brother, who had gone into law as he was told, is unhappy and doesn't even make much money (we have a flood of law graduates in Germany these days, and market forces prevail).
Finally, I am thinking of good Jesuite friends (short-haired, but that doesn't matter here), who tell me and others, that, more often than not, the best advice comes from inside ourselves.
In any case, "sifting through stacks and folders of loan documentation all day looking for mistakes" wouldn't amount to really "having a life", would it...
Congratulations, it seems you've gained tremendously, and you're on your way.
Best wishes,
Hans-Uwe
A bit off-topic: I just started reading the book "Shadowplay - The hidden beliefs and coded politics of William Shakespeare" by Clare Asquith, who seems to summarizes some interesting new research results concerning the great Bard (who had longish hair and an even higher forehead than you ;-)
Danke schon, Hans-Uwe!
You always know how to say what's appropriate. Filled with tact and knowledgable are you. Thanks for the affirmation of your observances as well. There are lots of lawyers here too, not only in Tyskland.
Well, thanks, and best to you as well.
Bragi
Hi Bragi,
Thanks for sharing your emotional experiences in a long hair unfrendly environment.
All the best in your new endeavour in languages and teaching.
I'm not financially trained but I would not be able endured that many years of financial work as you did.
I'm sure teaching, especially of English will give you much opportunity to travel around the world and teach.
However, unless you run your own school, will teaching be much more long hair friendly than the bank?
Perhaps you could also try journalism. It's definitely more long hair friendly. Like I was in Wien for the launch of the Siemens U15 3G phone some years back before journalists from around the world and one one of them, I don't know from where, had really long hair almost to his waist.
All the best
Charles
Thanks Charles.
I have good reason to believe that through both personal acquaintances and personal observation that teaching as a profession on both the primary and secondary levels is indeed friendly to long hair.
There are even several board posters here who have lengthy strands and teach at the same time. HAHAHA!
Bragi
Hi Bragi,
Actually I've been thinking of taking a course in Teaching of English as a Second Language or Foreign Language and teaching English in some resort area in Thailand or other parts of Asia, though they may not all be long hair friendly, though, unless I start my own school.
Would be a nice retirement job though.
But on the other hand I'm a terrible procastinator.
Charles
Nice hair and you look better with straight hair i think!!!! try it!!!!!!!!!
Thanks for the compliment, Christian, but I'd fain not straighten my hair as it is both very fine in texture and prone to breakage.
I failed to tell you so several days ago, but the last picture you posted was a nice display of hirsuteness.
Bragi
looking good!!! You look 100% better when you use a hair straightener for straighten hair!!!!!!!!!! try it, you look better with straight hair!!!!!!!!!
and good luck!!!!!!!!!!
Like hell he does. His hair is NATURALLY curly, and all the artificial methods of making one's hair look like somebody else's will never look as good as what Mother Nature gifted all of us, --- whether curly or straight, leave it be!!!
Bragi, you hair looks simply awesome, exactly the way it is!
End of Cowboy Sermon.
- Ken in San Francisco
I AGREE with Ken! Your hair is beautifully curly and that look, when long, can be gorgeous. Straightening it, especially if your goal is really long hair, damages it and makes it like straw. Your curls are awesome Bragi and, when you reach your desired length, they will be even more impressive because you'll always know you have more hair than it appears to be! Isn't that a nice thing to think about? You'll have the "Look Length" you want and you'll always know that there's even MORE there than meets the eye! The best of all possible worlds!
Keep it growing...I've enjoyed viewing your progress over the past couple of years.
And remember...you deserve whatever good comes your way...and MORE...and I hope some of that good is a mane that will make you feel GREAT.
Pass the collection plate Ken!
sorry i did it
It's OK Christian. You are entitled to your own opinion. It is up to me to decide what I want to do. While I respect your liking for straight hair, for me, I differ in opinion. Curls are my favorite.
No worries, mate!
Thanks Guymarch for the kind words. I love the curliness so I have never even thought seriously about straightening it. Can't wait thought to feel the hidden lenght sentiment you so eloquently state!
Bragi
Thanks Kenny! Your just being nice right now ;-), but just give me a couple of years and you can be truthful hopefully to the good!
See ya, Bragi
It took me many years to realise it, but the best career advice is - never listen to career advice!
Sure, info about what a job is actually like, or what you need to do to qualify for a particular profession is useful, but if someone says you should do x instead of y, don't listen.
That's not the same as if they say you would be good at z. That you should listen to, and then make up your own mind.
I've often been told often that I would be a good teacher, and I would, but I am also very bad at managing money, making living on a teacher's salary just not a realistic plan for me. I have trouble making ends meet on much higher pay!
I think you are correct! How many other aspects is this same sentiment applicable to? Many.
Bragi
You're welcome, and thank YOU for reading. Be true to yourself? Of course!
Bragi
[ cut ]
well said.
I am glad to partecipate in a board, whose users are so wise...
My dad's brother's daughter had similar experience - went to study law (told to do by his father) and took all first year exams *perfectly*, all A+ . But it wasn't what she wanted. One day she said 'thanks a lot, goodbye' to all her professors and went to Medical University because she always wanted to be a nurse...
You are corageous, Bragi, good luck in a right way...
It wasn't too late to change your life.
PS. Keep your hair curly, curls are great !
Don't straighten 'em !!!
Adalbert
Thanks Adalbert. There is no chance in me resorting to straightening. I love curls.
Your cousin probably did the right thing to switch professions.
You've got some cool curls too. Post a picture anytime!
Bragi
Bragi,
Thank you very much for sharing your experience and valuable insight. I too have gone through a similar evolution and it feels so good to be following the path that one knows is right in their heart.
Best wishes on your journey to finally achieving the long hair you want and that will make you whole.
Jason
Hi, Jason. Thanks for the best wishes. I have followed your posts and journey as well, and congratulate you too on your fortitude that you have exhibited in your travails with hair growing.
Thanks, Bragi
Your writing is always profound Matt. Your posts go straight to the real meaning of what this board is about, so much more than just the length of ones hair. That is merely the tip of the iceberg I suspect for many people here. I am envious of your passion for your individuality as expressed by your hair and otherwise. I sometimes don't feel as I belong here as I don't have the same passion for things (hair and beyond) as most people do here. Self realization is the most important thing one can do for oneself, I am glad you are achieving it.
I am delighted that you found your way out of the tunnel going the wrong way and found the right road. I suppose your old boss did you a favor when he forced your hand that day, although not in the way he meant to :)
Best of luck to you Matt, your an inspiration to us here!
Hi and thank you, Chris.
I am not sure if there is much difference sometimes between profundity and insanity, but while sometimes hair is just hair, sometimes it's not. I think for some of us, it is just hair, and that is ok too. There is certainly always room for everyone at the table here. By coming together here and expressing all possible viewpoints and experiences, we find that while we do share certain recurring characteristics, at the same time we are individuals, most of us displaying that passion for individuality that you cite. In some cases, passion may be an understatement; there are hardly words to describe it. Even an absence of passion for a thing is a realization through itself freeing you to pursue and know that which you do love. But, the passion for a thing does not diminish the value of wanting a thing. We may not have a passion for our automobiles, but surely we want and need it. Passion for hair works the same way. You may not be as passionate about having long hair as some others, but that does not release you from wanting and needing it for you to be you. Many things that make us who we are are not sacred or venerated, but at the same time are essential.
While you may say you envy my passion for things, would you really want to know what it is like? I cannot find words to describe the machinations of a mind that is not only chained and tortured, but also freed and wild-spirited at the same time. The mental energy expended on these passions and quests increases and expands exponentially over time and thought. Contradictions of thought abound in all corners and collide with each other creating constant dissonance. Concentration is compromised, and logic becomes convoluted. Happiness and joy are nigh well impossible except when felt after a fashion tinged with sadness and more of a wistful longing for an ideal condition you know is fleeting. It isn't what its cracked up to be.
Bragi
Your hair is coming back quickly and very healthy looking.
Thanks for sharing your story.
And once again, I am amazed at the depth of self examination we go through during our hair-growing experience. This is truly an incredible community we have here.
When I was a teen and had a talk with my father along the lines of wanted to pursue education in Architecture rather than take over his electronics company, he fully understood and told me that a person HAD to enjoy your work, otherwise it would only be a
"job", not a career.
Congratulations on your decision(s). Good Luck and Keep us posted.
Walter White Tail
Thanks White Tail.
Your father gave you some good advice on that day. I'll be sure to keep posting. And you too must do the same!
Bragi
Very moving and well written. Its is such an emotional journey, I have had long hair in years gone by but since then have cut it shorter and shorter until I ended up with a skinhead. At this point I was at the end of a dark alleyway with nowhere else to go. I decided to grow it again and I must admit I feel the real me coming out more and more, and I am much calmer and happier and less stressed.
Best wishes on your continued journey.