new thread
There's a personal trainer who I occasionaly see at the 2nd gym that i sometimes go to.
As an amateur (and natural) bodybuilder I have told myself repeatedly that its gonna take time to get quality size and definition. Lots of time. I have accepeted that.
But what i find really frustrating is that this trainer walks into the gym tonight with the body that I want to create for myself (very big, but not massive. Probably around 90kgs with excellent symmetry/proprtions) PLUS with the most beautifully straight and shiny and long (about 2 inches past mid-back) dark ponytail; casually strolling around with a backwards baseball cap.
He looked so striking that I saw many other (short-haired) men just staring at him. In fact a couple of guys unconsciosly ruffled their hair while staring at him.
(I'm straight, but it was impossible not to stare at him, especially if you think long hair on men is a great style).
Yet I began to feel terrible envy while looking at him, which is very unlike me.
And intense frustration too. I mean, here I am, I do all the 'right things': I condition, I occasionally deep condition, I frequently apply a leave-in treatment to my hair. I air-dry. I'm starting to have little trims every 3 months now.
....and yet my hair is often as dry as straw, it often gets tangled and looks 'ratty'.
I mean I know there are plenty of different hairtypes out there and it would be silly to compare myself to a man who has straight hair, but still!
Heck, even many metal musicians generally have long WAVY hair that looks to be in tremedous condition most of the time.
I'm hoping that added length and continued care will resolve my concerns, but will it really? My hair is about mid-back when soaking wet, what else do I have to do!!
P.S. For those who are new(ish) around here, I want long hair not only for the look of it, but also for various other reasons as well, e.g. it 'feels right', I love how it feels on my body, e.g. when running, the variety of styles, it celebrates freedom etc.
But I still wish it would be like the that trainer in the gym, even a fifth as good, or at the very least not feel like straw or be ratty half the time.
i.e. that it would reflect the effort that i put into it.
Hi Dean,
since you have shared a number of photos with us, I can tell you that you, too, probably get some admiring and possibly envious stares from men, straight men included. Plus, having a terminal length that is less than I'd like to have, I also understand your frustration. However, I have found that I can discover self acceptance and happiness, by thanking for what I do have.
Even without being Jewish myself, I'd think that this is a good time to chase the goat that carries all our self doubts, and our feelings of "not being good enough" out into the desert...
We are certainly good enough the way we have been created, and you do look phantastic! Besides, you'll gain even more length...
All the best to you and your family & friends!
Hans-Uwe
Hans it is always a pleasure to read your insightful comments, and your appreciation of who I am. You are completely right of course and with one day before Yom Kippur begins I guess my original post here was an acknowledgment of that brief envy that I had felt, and now I can say-with your post reminding me-that I am sorry for that sentiment in hindsight.
Why even in Year 12 (in 2002), while in my last year of High School I got my final year school jumper. Do you know what the front said? : “BwhoUR”
I occasionally tend to forget that, so thank you for reminding me.
On another and related note, I also wanted to ask you a question.
After I got my longhair all cut off in 2003 I remember being in the gym and seeing this man with a short fringe and a VERY THIN ponytail in the back that went to his waist. Coming off the sadness of my haircut it was the image of that thin long ponytail that I kept visualising throughout my 2nd awkward stage.
Yet I find now almost 3 years in that my hair is getting thinner and thinner, almost as if it was morphing into a wavy version of that ponytail that I had so admired in the beginning. Do you think its possible that subconsciously I have created this result? And do you think I can change that by first acknowledging it (as I have now done) and/or by visualising my hair as it should be (thicker) or as I would like it to be (fuller and more together i.e less ‘locks’)
P.S. IÂ’m not balding so I donÂ’t think that is causing the thinner tail!
Thanks again Hans and I wish you a prosperous, happy and rewarding coming year (you may not be Jewish, but Judaism is a welcoming religion e.g. see the noachide laws)
Hi Dean,
First, you did NOT unconsciously cause a thinning of your hair - I'm certain of that. Nevertheless, visualizing yourself with a thicker pony tail might be helpful. Having had an intermediate vision probably was helpful, too, to get closer to your goal.
The thinning might only be an impression, and, as a Chinese proverb says, "Memory uses a paintbrush of gold to depict the past". Did you measure or record the circumference of your pony tail, eg 5 cm below your neck, over two years?
Second, even if your hair has thinned a bit: some thinning does take place over the years, but you are probably too young for it to be very noticeable. And, enough sleep, healthy and sufficient food (well, keeping Yom Kippur will do no harm if you are in good health), some exercise, staying away from smoke, being more and more comfortable with yourself, all these things help. You are probably doing them already.
Thanks for your appreciative comments. In case you wonder why I have an interest in Judaism: As a Christian, I see Jews as our "older brothers in Faith", that's where our roots are.
All the best,
Hans-Uwe
I agree with Hans Uwe's comments. Based on pictures I've seen of you, and based on about 20 years of regularly working out in order to have a health, fit AND good looking physique, I suspect that you are also the envy of many.
And, that rarely makes us feel any better, except that it might just help you realize that investing too much in perception can be a crazy-maker. How often do you really look at yourself and SEE yourself. YOu are the only self you will ever get. Your plan and approach to body-building is the ONLY one worth pursuing. Others are either silly or dangerous.
Last, what are the chance that this guy got himself all primped for entering the building and parading for a while? (I'd say very good chances). You were there to work out. He was there to parade--at least first. You could do the same. You could go to the gym knowing that you wanted to parade first. Put on all the right show off clothes, really fix your hair in a slick ponytail and backward cap (btw, often code for "I'm going bald"), and strut around before you work out. You'd get the looks and envy, too.
The envy is pretty normal male stuff, if you ask me. Best approach, when I find myself doing it, is to laugh at myself a bit, and as Hans suggests, offer a little gratitude that I'm healthy and able to work out and enjoy my body.
Robert
Thanks Robert, that means a lot, especially from someone such as yourself who really invests in their fitness.
Remind me to provide a 'posing' progress shot next time :)
I'm no saint (& as you rightly say, just a man) I can feel flashes of envy- but only very occasionally, which is why I was a bit surprised by the intensity of my envy (and consequent frustration) at the gym today.
Next time if I see him I will have processed all this and I will just admire his hair and results from training and use them as inspiration and not frustration.
(Either that or I'll laugh really hard!!!)
Finally what you say at the end there really says it all: we (I) should be so grateful that we have full-functioning and can work out in the first place.
These are not things that I didn't know before, but sometimes for others to say it really gives them the reinforcement that they sometimes need.
So again, thank you.
Yeah, I know. I appreciate you raising the issue. The only way I could have responded to it is to know what you were talking about first hand! Another fairly typical male thing is NOT talking about things that we all do, or have in common. Leaves every guy feeling like he's alone, weird, crazy, etc. REsponding to your post this morning reminded ME of some important things.
The gratitude is mutual.
Robert
Hey Dean
I share in your frustration, as even I have experienced to a degree of what you have said. Hans Uwe's and Roberts comments are so on target and I am glad that they wrote what they did. That being said, I'll just add a little bit more:
1. I think it is rather normal for anyone to wish for something they don't have, or have not achieved. And the more that "something" means to them, the more frustration (and sometimes even being jealous) can result. Most likely just part of Human nature itself.
2. People tend to be their own worst critics about themselves..........and yet others they know or see are not even aware of it. In fact, many probably are envious of you right now and you don't even know it. (In their minds all they can think is "I wish" I could look like Dean.) And, they have good reason to be envious as you have what they don't and it looks super fantastic! And to top the cake...superb intelligence!
3. Because you are you, you have no way of seeing yourself through the eyes of others. But I dare say,"if" there was a way you could suddenly be transported into the eyes of someone else, you would marvel at the Muscle Tone achieved so far and be frustrated as hell that the fantastic looking long hair is something you would give anything to have.
For all you know, that guy you saw may have just come from a Salon with freshly done hair. And, being very proud of it wanted to show it off.
All the best-
Justin~
dood! try starting at 46kg like me!
then youll know envy
video is here