new thread
Hi guys omg i havent posted here in ages, well buisy with college and what not neway, well i thought id do two posts in one
1. i will attach my progress pictures which is one picture i took myself which i like
2. I am getting depresed latly about not having a boyfriend, I really do feel this is because i have long hair, i am on two dating sites and well i just have no other way of finding a partner and it is just drpressing me so much because i really want somone in my life. It seems that they wont look past the hair, i mean i think i am fairly good loking. I mean i was thinking about cutting it but i just know i will miss it and i am stuck like in this circle. But if i did cut it and i got a boyfriend they wouldent be getting me they would be getting a me who had changed their apperance if u get me??
I really need help so please help me
Ben xxx
Ben,
First let me say great photo - your hair is awesome and suits you very well - keep growing it!
Second, I can relate to what you are feeling. I'm 51 and have yet to find that special someone. I too am alone - but cutting my hair would not change that.
Unlike myself, you still have a chance to find someone while still young. There are other young gay guys who like long hair - I did when I was younger.
Trying to "comform" to what you think will get you a boyfriend will not work. Your Mr. Right will be someone who accepts and loves you for who you are - not for what you think they want you to be.
I hope I made some sense in what I was saying above - and someday you and I will both meet someone who will make us smile and happy.
Karsten
Hey Ben,
I sympathize with your dilemma and have faced something similar in my life. I've cut my hair short in an effort to meet guys -- and it worked. However, the guys who liked me with short hair weren't all that interesting to me.
Some gay guys don't like long hair because they see it as feminine. In my opinon, they're probably more scared of being seen as "gay" than having a problem with long hair. We all know that long hair on men is also unusual -- and I think most guys are conformists and are frightened by guys who are self-expressive.
Don't get down on yourself. I've also found that there are a lot of guys who like long hair. It's more important that you enjoy your life than be worried about finding the right guy. When your life is good -- full, meaningful, and positive -- the right guy will appear.
Good luck with school and all the rest!
cheers, Pete
I thought you had a boyfriend? did you break up with him? anyways I think you look good, if you want to chat with me on email feel free to do that...
First of all Ben, don't be somebody that you're not.
You HAVE to be happy with yourself.
I personally think that you are very good looking and your gorgeous, long, blond hair is a bonus!
To bad you're so far away.
Good luck and KEEP your long hair!!!
Hi there - if I have learned two things in 56 years it is this. You have to try very hard to find yourself and not be what other people want. The second is that the special person comes along when you are not looking and when you lest expect it. Wait and see................
Good wishes
It has always been a mystery to me why "gay culture" is as much or more so anti-longhair then "straight society". I have had guys on dating site say straight-out "not interested in guys with long hair". But I refused to change myself to attract some one. Eventually I found someone who feels just like me, has long hair and finds it a major turn-on in guys. We have been together for 4 years now. Your hair is beautiful and it would be a major mistake to cut it just for this reason!
Awesome hair. Its very rare I think to see hair that good on a guy. Looks like a stylist spent hours on it ;)
I'm not gay so I don't know about finding a guy, but I sure as hell wouldn't cut it for anything.
SITM
first of all-you have awesome hair and are very handsome :)
about not having a boyfriend-I too get depressed about not having a girlfriend...what I've learned is that you have to be happy with yourself FIRST before having a succesfull relationship.Now,having said that,you SHOULD not give up hope...there is a guy out there that will accept you for who you are :) hang in there :)
Wow, Ben!
You have great hair! Reminds me of what I thought the Elves should look like when reading LOTR (not the wiggish-ponytail of some of Peter Jackson's variety). Very nice!
About the whole finding someone issue:
I heard a line on a movie recently (Cassanova - some nice long hairs on that movie, btw) that really sums it up:
Be the flame, not the moth.
As long as you are putting out there that you 'wish you had' a boyfriend, you're going to find more of that same feeling -- not because of some magical, mystical universe, law of spiritual attraction stuff (which many, including my wife, believe in), but simply because you are more likely to act in subtle ways that suggest neediness. Who wants to partner up with 'needy' save the obsessive compulsive 'fixers'?
The more you are sure of your self, your choices, your life....the more you live with a sense of purpose that revolves around you making choices for your own sake and not for the purpose of conforming to the anticipated wishes [real or imagined] of others, the sooner you will BE the type of person that others will be attracted to.
If you are afraid the issue is only your hair (and YOU obviously look great with long hair and seem to be a big fan of long hair, yourself), WHY ON EARTH WOULD YOU WANT TO CUT YOUR HAIR? It would only attract someone who is, himself, fond of short hair? If you really are a longhair -regardless of your tempory venture back into shorthairedness- wouldn't it be a tad dishonest to sell youself as a shorthair?
Just my thoughts...
I wish you continued love of your hair, yourself and, when the time is right, of your new longhair loving man.
Shawn Mr.Crow Crowell
I have to admit I prefer long haired women to short haired ones, so I guess I can see why someone who is into men could prefer short haired guys. That should go for both women and gay guys. OTOH, when I was single I did date some short haired women, and some women who preferred short haired guys dated me. IME most straight people don't really select a partner just for the length of their hair.
Maybe the problem is that people on dating sites specify some ideal person instead of being realistic, or maybe it's that there are fewer gay partners than straight to choose from, so it exacerbates the difficulties that would exist anyway.
Hi Ben
Guess if you're living in the UK I could help you out. Otherwise feel free to have a chat about stuff anytime you want
dx_241@yahoo.co.uk
RM
But if i did cut it and i got a boyfriend they wouldent be getting me they would be getting a me who had changed their apperance if u get me??
Bullseye. Not the real you. Dear Ben, I tried to send you an email but couldn't so i'll send my abbreviated comments here. The good news is that surely, in a city of what, 9 mil. people(?), there _has_ to be _someone_ for you. The bad news is it may take awhile. But don't give up on your hair man, unless you genuinely want to. Everyone deals with loneliness of some sort sooner or later and eventually, somehow, things improve. the whole online dating website scene never worked for me either; I basically think it makes it more difficult because it makes people more critical and picky. maybe you have to try other methods but something will happen eventually, perhaps after you graduate and find employment. maybe then, you will have more free time (it sounds like school sucks up your time) to get involved in organizations--they could be anything...hobby clubs, art type things (theater), political/social justice to name 3, where you might meet someone. xxx back
You're really getting some great length. Nice job.
If somebody turns away from you just because you have long hair, then it's a lot better to be done with him now instead of later. You'll find somebody, probably when you least expect it. You have to be true to yourself, first. There's somebody out there who will love you for you...not somebody they're trying to make you into.
Your intuition may be correct. Many men and women do not like to 'hook up' with people who are different. They consider their friends and family when selecting partners. It's just a fact of life.
But I know some people out there ARE attracted to longhaired guys. The only thing is if you ever cut your hair, they might lose interest in you.
Complicated.
Follow your intuition and your heart.
Good Luck!
You have amazing hair!!!, i am straight dontknow much about finding a guy but If my hair was half as nice as your... well I guess I would have pretty good hair. Anyway, the right person will show up eventually, but please don't cut your hair, I would love to see some more pics. :) peace
Thanks for sharing your pic.
Tell us more about the guy your looking for ,maybe we can help.:
BTW: your hair is fantastic ,please dont cut it
sammy
Hi Ben,
you and your hair, you do look phantastic - and I'm surprised that you are having a hard time finding a match.
Much has been said already, and I'm probably not good at giving you advice here. First of all, you are absolutely right: Keep and grow your hair, you need to remain YOU - Don't change just to please someone who isn't even in your life yet. Don't pretend to be a kind of Ben who is NOT.
Why don't you just do a bit of travelling - and, try to meet as many long-haired men as you can - and, by all means, be yourself, let your hair even grow longer, no need to force the boyfriend issue.
Even if you don't find "Mr Right" soon, you might find one or several close friends who appreciate you as a cool long-haired guy and who enjoy spending LOTS of time with you. Even if they don't want to get intimate (eg because they are straight) - they still might happily fulfill some of your needs and wishes for human closeness.
You look absolutely great - keep it growing and flowing! Wishing you lots of happiness on the way,
Hans-Uwe
Re traveling - any chance of an exchange program through school or working holiday abroad? You would have good luck in San Fran, Seattle, Vancouver, or Portland. I was in San Francisco for only a few hours when someone gave me a business card for the "SF Queer Longhair" club (seriously).
Hey Ben. First off... DON'T CUT YOUR HAIR! Secondly, I can totally relate to the situation you're in right now. I've been waiting a long time for that special someone. I was engaged in high school, but we broke it off, and I've been single ever since. Anyway, the only advice I can give is to do things that better yourself, not just for other people. For example, I've been working out a lot lately and have lost a bunch of weight. However, I'm doing it simply because I want to, not because there may be a girl or guy out there wanting me to.
This is echoing a lot of what everyone else is saying, but they're right. Be yourself and the right guy will come to you.
Hope that helps. Best wishes and keep a positive outlook. You're too good-looking to act otherwise. =)
-James
First....You hair looks great !! and longhair seems to suit you......from following your progress that is the look that you are comfortable with.
Second....as you and others have pointed out, if you change "who you are" you will not be meeting the type people who may be your "soul-mate".
Live your life the way you like, doing the things you like and eventually you will meet that right someone. Maybe try some new hobby or adventure.....dating sites, single cruises, etc always seem frivolous to me.
Cheer up, enjoy life, enjoy your hair.....and keep in touch with us.
Cheers
Walter White Tail
You've had some great advice here, listen to them
Your hair is an assett to you, not a hindrance, it really is gorgeous and a very unusual colour, be yourself and leave it long as i suspect that is 'you'. You should never try to be anything that you're not.
As for a boyfriend (dam he's gay she says lol) I have a lot of gay freinds, male and female and they have long, short, no hair, its all down to the individual as it is with straights too.
There will be someone out there who is right for you, you maybe in a rut but it'll be ok in time. Just go out with your mates and have fun, mr right will appear when you least expect it and he'll want you for who your are.
Hello
Ben ( Nice to See You again )
I though you had forgetten about us here on the Board as its been such a very long time Im sorry to read you are in a depressing state of mind !!
I have to tell you that you have to be the way you are more comfortable with yourself as you will regret it in the long run and if that means keeping your Fanastic golden locks of hair then i wouldnt cut it of besides you have already said you will miss it !
Another thing to if a guy cant accepeted you for the way you are then thats there problem NOT YOURS you have to make your own mind up and NOT let others do that for you I myself would hate to see you make the wrong decision about your own appearence especially when you know you love your hair long and this is comming from a guy such as myself that is straight !!
Your long blondie hair ROCKS !!!!!!!Feel free to e-mail me if you need to talk
Axel
Hey Ben keep the faith... your hair is awesome. Don't worry about your love life, it'll come good and I'm sure it has nothing to do with your hair. You are probably just not mixing in the right circles...
If you compromise your sense of identity just to meet someone then you are gonna feel awful when you realise it hasn't helped. Focus on people who are more interested in your personal qualities than your hair. Ever seen the film, Shallow Hall? Well it's accurate... it's amazing how much better looking a nice person is when compared with a complete jerk.