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I go to a school which has a very strict dress code and forbids long hair. I've gotten to the stage where I've had enough of this because every time I get a haircut I feel as if I'm mutilating myself. Other people who have to get haircuts can just cut deal with it and get on with their lives. But I can't because I have an obsessive need to have long hair. I feel it is the only thing that makes me attractive in any way and people have told me short hair makes me look like a little child. I am now at my wits end. I could go to a different school(but my parents spent a lot of money to send me there and it is a good school)or I could just put up with it, which is becoming impossible to do. What should I do? If you know any other way of getting around this problem pleas tell me.
try to put your hair under a wig as it grows out...maybe that would work :P
Sounds to me like you are unquestionably a true longhair by nature on the inside, and you simply no longer can tolerate being a short-hair on the OUTside. I totally understand, --- and used to feel the exact same way when i was a kid (only in my case, it was my father that prohibitted long hair in the house, rather than my school's regulations).
You're in a very tough spot. But, you DO have some choices in the matter, --- it's just that they aren't *easy* choices...
One choice is that if you decide to stay at this school, the good news is that there is an end in-sight. You will graduate, and then you can move on with your life (and your choice to grow your hair out). Many more jobs accept and hire longhairs than they used to do back when I was your age, and many more careers are longhair-friendly than used to exist as well. So, you can eventually wave good-bye to your short-hair school with confidence and ease!
Another choice is of course talking to your parents about switching to another school. There are thousands upon thousands of schools to choose from... so, see if you can research ahead of your parents what other ones out there that you might be interested in, and then speak honestly with them about your unhappiness with this current school.
The 3rd choice is not one I really "recommend"; but I will state it, anyway... And that choice is to simply stay at your current school, but not comply with cutting you hair. You will be labelled a "rebel" and a "trouble-maker" if you do not do what they say you must do. And you will have to become incredibly strong in order to withstand all the pressure to conform and not give-in to their wishes. And... it's quite possible that they may even kick you out of that school until you DO comply. BUT... if you tend to have excellent grades at this school, and are considered a "model student" by your teaches, let's say... then you will be making a very important point to ALL who attend this school, --- and they will begin to see the stupidity of this ridiculous hair-length rule!
Choice #3 is by far the roughest road to follow, --- and as I said before, it is NOT a choice I personally recommend for someone who'd probably rather concentrate on their studies than on being an ob ject of loathing and controversy! BUT, if you feel "stuck" and unable to do either choice #1 or #2, then you now know that you still have one more option that you could consider... In which case... YIKES!!!! (And good luck!!!)
- Ken in San Francisco
(home of many a left-wing "trouble-maker"!)
I agree with Cowboy's post, and I'd like to add one thing: for me, option three DID work.
I went to a very strict high school too. Not a catholic/religious school, but a famously strict one; strict but academically very good. They had a hair code too, and not only with lenght, but style too. No odd haircuts, no tiny braids at the base of the neck, no shaving anywhere but the face, nothing remotely fancy. Well, I was a straight A+ student back then, and as everyone knows, kids with good grades do get special treatment regardless of all the talk about equality. I live in Mexico, not the US, but I'm pretty sure it's the same thing everywhere.
One area where I was treated differently to other students was indeed hair: one day it ocurred to me that I wanted to cut my hair mushroom style (this was the nineties, you know =D ), 2mm long on the sides and back of the head, and about 5cm on the top. To my surprise, upon showing up at school with my new cut, nobody said squat! Not teachers, not the principal, not the prefects, nobody. Well, actually only a couple of kids in my classroom complained vocally, but a little bit of physical subjugation was all it took to quickly shut them up (hehehehe, ever heard of a straight A bully?).
Bottom line is: depending on your personality, option three might not be as hard as it seems at first. You just need good grades, and if you really can't conceive yourself as anything but a longhair, then it should be worth the effort.
In other words: privileges, as opposed to rights, must be gained.
Andrew,
You are caught. It seems to me you have few options, but before I gave up, I'd try both of the following.
1) A serious conversation with your parents about what growing your hair long means to you and how miserable you are. Are they sympathetic to your hair? If so, then this talk might focus on changing schools.
2) A serious talk with a school administrator. This talk might include the following:
a. how your hair makes you feel.
b. what others tell you about your short hair.
c. your willingness to keep your hair clean and neat and in a ponytail once it gets long enough if they can make an exception for you.
Without knowing more of your situation, I think your best chance is with your parents. They are free to make changes. School administrators are often bound by a board of trustees, or religious superiors who call all the shots.
Best wishes to you. Do let us know how things go.
Robert
Hi Andrew,
I can feel with you. When I was a high school student, my parents applied a strict hair code, and a a teacher who also had the role of a counselor had to convince them to ease up on me. My situation was different from your situation today, but there is one common element: I needed allies, and you need allies, and this is not a simple one-week project. And, to find possible ways out of your dilemma, you do have to do a bit of homework:
1) Try to find out which teachers / conselors are sympathetic to your wish and which of them are not. At first, seek direct contact with those who are probably sympathetic, and wait & think for a moment before you talk to those who are not (probably those who have ordered you to get a haircut before). And, try to find precedents (that might include students, teachers, or other school employees). Also, do some research in local newspapers - have there been other stories about this school or other schools and haircuts? (perhaps it's better not to ask them directly, but just ask their librarian to let you search their archive on their computer - unless their archive is online, in which case you could do it while surfing elsewhere.) Also, try to find out what reasons your school gives for that stupid hair code.
2) Assuming you live in the US as most board users: Try to find out a few things from the American Civil Liberties Union ( www.aclu.org ) and talk to someone from their local chapter if this is possible. You also might want to check out the "Gender Public Advocacy Coalition" ( www.gpac.org ) - some of their info probably does not apply to you, but some men grow their hair to show their masculinity - hence, a case of "gender expression".
3) Armed with some more knowledge, you could post again, which would allow us to advise you about possible next steps. - or, you could drop an e-mail to anyone of us if you want to talk more, just click on the user name.
Just a few questions: What state/region do you live in, how far away are you from graduation, and what kind of private school do you attend? How do your parents feel about the school and about your wish to grow your hair? Are there any religious reasons to be against it? And, how is your situation academically?
I know, your situation looks quite tough, but examining it closer might really help to find an unexpected solution.
Wishing all the best to you, our long-haired brother at heart!
Hans-Uwe
Going to ACLU over a private school isn't going to work because private school isn't mandatory, you can leave if you dont like the rules, and also since they are private they don't have to follow government regulation.
If this is a public school then you'd have a case with ACLU.
Hi Tai Fu,
As far as the legal principles are concerned, you probably are correct. However, even if the school is private, Andrew should still check with ACLU, even if he is in a private school and even if the case is more difficult - e.g. there may be some obscure clauses in state law. And, maybe the school applies the hair code and/or similar rules in an inconsistent way or makes some other legal mistake, or the ACLU has some gender discrimination lawsuit going anyways.
Hans-Uwe
Well, I went to a Catholic Private high school which had a very strict hair policy, "Cant cover the eyes, cover the ears, or touch the collar in the back."
The faculty and administrators said that this school is a priveledge, and I am set to be in a distrcit public high school, if I don't like the rules I can happily leave. Its not a rights infringement because I am not forced to go there.
Now this school was a fantastic high school by education standards, but It meant for 4 years I couldn't begin my growth of long hair. I traded the long hair for a lifelong educational preparation experience. Now while I know this is harder for some than others, I believe one has to weigh the options. A good high school is a great thing for college prep and such, and keeping oneself out of the public high school scene in my area is always a plus.
As already posted look into what you can do about it. Also, is it a private highschool or a private religious high school?
...you will be able to have your cake and eat it too.
A tail allows you to look somewhat like a shorthair so you 'fit in, nicely.
If your hair is too short to make a regular tail, then try making a high tail. Use gel and well-hidden bobby pins.
When you are not in the classroom...you can wear your hair in any hair style you like.
Try to see if there's any possible way around the rule. Talk to the administration, talk to your parents, just see if there's ANYTHING you can do. My old Catholic school forbid long hair on men, but I gre it out anyway, and was allowed to keep it. I had to do some ridiculous stuff to it (pull it back and pin it up) but I kept it. It's worth a shot.