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Hey all. Well I'm feelin' kind of down. Went by to get my car inspected from a "friend" and he totally slammed the hair and beard! He was like "so where do you work again...and they let you look like that?" He is my age, gray hair too but always gave me grief about my hair and when I cut it last time he was like "you look so much better and maybe now you'll get a date." If that wasn't bad enough I called my bud up North to see what he was up to. I had sent him a recent pic (same one here) a week ago and he was like "so, what's up Willie...when are you going to cut that hair and shave cause you look OLD!" Newsflash, you're older than me squid-lips! I got almost the same reaction from my own brother. Some of you know that the last haircut I had we did together before he was deployed. He's like, "nice picture...isn't it about time you shaved it again?" CRAP! I feel like I'm getting it from all sides today and from people I care about. SUCKS! Kind of makes me want to cut it just to get their approval...NOT!... but it does. Then I check in here and see the "success" stories and raging hair and feel the support and it's cool but MAN what a dose of negativity and resistance coming my way today! Peace - Be Strong - Thanks - Bruce'ster
Persevere Bruce! Once those locks begin to split across your shoulders the naysayers should be dumbstruck. Forgive the pig-latin, but, "Non illegitimi carborundum."
Wise words.
Yep, family and friends can be the worst. I think that they say and do these things because they need us not to change. If we change, then that somehow implies something for them. Too bad. It is difficult, but getting clear about what you want for yourself is ultimately very encouraging all by itself. Hang in there. I think your hair and beard look great.
Robert
Excellent answer by Robert, and I would also add that the changes that you have made to your appearance defy the categorization that your friends and family have made for you, and an adjustment period will be needed for them to recategorize your appearance in their minds. This dissonance that is caused by change is an inborn trait and not necessarily a faulty one. We all instinctively seek to place things into groups and systems in order to make sense out of the world. For instance, by placing snakes in the category of 'dangerous things', our ancestors, and even we usually avoid them. Or the knowledge that certain things that smell a certain way are poison or unsavory usually would make one sick. And then even when presented with a stimulus that is not poison or illness-causing, the same assumption is made.
An unfortunate side effect of the tendency to place things into groups is the unacceptance of certain people based on physical characteristics that are seemingly deemed negative by influences diverse and manifold. Whether it is aversion due to race, size, hair length, color, or speech pattern, the inability to see past these things cannot always be blamed upon he who casts the aspersion your way. From upbringing to societal influence to mental persuasion, the causes are many. But, for you who has changed, the fault lies not with you or who you are becoming. You have it totally within your domain to grow your hair and beard as you see fit. How much more human and legitimate could it be than for one to allow that hair and beard that you have to grow so long as you please? How much more centered and peaceful could one be than when he is contented with who he is and how he looks? And who could argue that the personal peace that comes from a centered mind could do nothing but enhance mankind and that which radiates out from within to points all abounding are not things of value? So grow that hair till your heart is warm and content! And grow that beard to a length wizard-like in its span if you do please! And looking old, not hardly. Looking excellent, wise, and astute are you.
ha! i've gotten those kind of comments before and i think it's funny because i know they're just p***** off and jealous!
Hi Bruce, You have to get an attitude towards people like this, it is none of thier buisness what we do with our hair styles.
If they don't like your style, then they can just look the other way, friend or not! A true friend would not harp on you for your hair style.
I have told everyone that has been negative at me that this is my choice, my experiment and my dream to grow longer than I ever have and I alone will choose to cut MY hair only if I want to do so.
Guys like us on this board should expect negative comments and negative looks from chicken (crap) people because WE have the balls to be different than the average joe shmoe!
Now days when others show disapproval of my hair style it strengthens my resolve to grow it longer to spite them!
Keep your determination strong Bruce and do exactly what you and only you want for your hair style. It suits you very well and will only get better as you overcome the awkward stage.
I am almost out of the awkward stage myself and find that my hair is more managable and damn I am proud to stand my ground!
Later,
Chris
Your hair looks great on you, goes well with you and is beautiful long hair. There is simply no question about it. As far as those giving you a hard time, I rather pity them for having nothing better to do.
For the younger guys getting a hard time I always suggest that they agree with the person which leaves them no place to go to continue with argument. They soon know that they can't get to that person and go off to attack some other person.
If possible, perhaps just block all of this idiot talk out of your mind. And certainly, try not to defend yourself as this will prolong that they know that they are getting to you.
Next time something like this comes up, perhaps a good comment would be: "Thank you ever so much for your concern and I really appreciate it."
or:
"Don't you have anything better to do with your life? Have you ever though of puting your energies into something in the community to help the poor and needy?"
And finally:
completely ignor whatever they say, do not respond and simply smile your brighest smile at them without comment.
Eventually you will get these fools off of your back. And really, IF you DID cut your hair to please them, what would be next that they can find fault with about you that they would want you to change?
With all good wishes,
Justin
Yeah man, it sucks when people bring you down just because their personal preference is different. I used to get it a lot from my parents stuff. Every time a formal event was around the corner the first thing they said was "we're gonna have to get your hair cut for that thing next week" Which is kind of a bummer because it makes you feel like your appearance is embarassing to them. I also have a friend that gets crap from people like the normal stereotypes (hippy, you look like a girl, etc...).. The best thing to tell yourself is "Screw them, I do what I want and if they don't like it, it's their problem. Not mine." and that's ben my outlook upon the whole thing.
Hey man .. I didnt read that long note ... just ditch it !!!
Your hairs are great and look awesome and thats the fact. Don't care about all those silly stuff ... by the way is that guy bald?
I impulsively cut my hair short in Y2K (a stupid decision, and another story altogether, in and of itself...), and the reaction I had from several "friends" really angered me at the time. Several people told me "you look 10 years younger!" One friend even said I looked "20 years younger!" I snapped back at that one, telling him I was sick & tired of those comments, and that I was growing my hair back, regardless, because long hair made ME happy. There wasn't much he could say to that, --- in fact, I later felt bad that I snapped so harshly at him!
Sometimes the only thing one can do in the face of such adversity is to just quietly continue growing your hair out... Over time, your true friends will either just quietly shut-up and just accept, or seek to understand you in a more respectable manner. And anybody that isn't really a true friend will eventually drop by the wayside. Sometimes things like this "test" our friends and family as much as ourselves. Brotherly love should never be dependent on outward appearances, --- it is too deep and precious to be limited to such shallow interpretations!
- Ken in San Francisco
I get comments like this from my dad and older brother all the time! I finally got my brother to admit his girlfriend begs him to grow his hair out at least a little longer than it currently is (he's in the Army, so it's really short), so I think jealousy has something to do with it.
Just always remember that it's your hair and therefore yours to do with as you like!
Anyways, it looks awesome. Keep it growing.
Kenneth
Yes, it does suck! But, remember that these people, whether family or friend, are influenced by society's predijuce against men's long hair. They don't see you as a man with a head of great hair, but someone who doesn't fit the mold and is different. (I think difference is good!)
Bruce
Just tell them that you almost cut your hair until you realized that you would look a lot like them, and that scary thought stopped you cold!
Hi George,
that's a great answer!
Hans-Uwe
another one is to say, "um, not to bring you down or anything, but you're not part of the demographic I'm listening to."
or
"Thanks, I was worried that you might like it."
Hi Bruce,
sorry to hear that your acquaintance behaves like a true bastard. You probably were too surprised to tell him to mind his own ****ing business - but that's what he really needed to hear.
The idea that men at a more mature age should look more "conservative" is sick, in my eyes. At many times and in many cultures, longer white or grey hair plus beard at a more mature age would express and radiate dignity - and you certainly look well groomed.
One other thing: Apparently, your work is of such a high quality that you do get away with a "non-majoritarian" hair style - and that bastard delivers only average quality at work, so that he has to comply with all those petty rules. Thus, you got your life in order, and he doesn't!
For goodness sake, keep your hair (and beard) growing, it looks good, and it suits you - the most important thing is that you feel good about your looks when you see a mirror!
All the best,
Hans-Uwe
Yo Bruce! dont care what they say about ur hair mate! i feel it luks ossum!
Hey all. Just want to say THANKS for all the responses; a great collection of wisdom, wit, experience, humor and (at times) profundity! It did, and always does, strenghten my resolve when I check in to this site and find other men going through the same stuff (sometimes CRAP) as I am; young or old we're all on the same journey and it's nice to have company! Today I proudly wore my hair in a tail behind my baseball cap for the first time at work. So, after that brief "set-back" yesterday and thanks to your support, as Kramer would say, "I'm out there Jerry - and I'm loooooooovin' every minute of it!" Peace - Bruce'ster
Aye, you don't need their acceptance. The important part is that you are happy with yourself..and I think your hair looks just fine! It looks nice and soft to me!
Bruce,
I do not know how I let this go by without responding. Many people are stuck in conventinality, and do no think about what they are saying. Creativity involves the ability to step outside of convention and do somthin innovative. I am glad you have been able to crawl ashore and begin to walk on dry land. I hope your detractors do not attempt to stop you for otherwise intelligent life on earth would never have evolved.
Caledonian