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Hello!
I don't think anyone remembers me, as I posted only once at the beggining of this year asking for help. Was lurking around to this day. Well, anyway, I've finally done it! I've passed the awkward stage, and the hair above my forehead is about 1-2 cm past my chin. When I find it annoying I just put it behind my ears and it actually stays there xD This is almost a 1 year progress, as I actually did start at New Year's Eve.
I'll probably not post any pictures yet, because it's not really my aimed length (if I do it would be on 1 year mark). Besides, I like it so much I don't need anyone's opinion about it :)
BUT... I have some trouble. My parents still don't seem to accept my new image. They always make up comments like "You would look better with short hair", "I wonder how you would feel when it starts falling off", and "Your hair is all over my vacuum cleaner" and doing everything in their power to undermine my hair growth (99 % of this is only verbal, but annoying). You get the whole picture.
How to settle this with them? I'm turning 18 soon so if someone with the same experience, and possibly the same age could help, please do! Thanks.
I just turned 18 myself, and has shoulder-length hair until quite recently (I decided to cut it to a relatively short length until after college interviews), so I know where you're coming from. The best method I ever found to deal with parental disapproval of long hair is a simple two-step process:
Step 1: Keep your mouth shut, at least for a while. Don't argue with them; just ignore the criticism. About the most I ever said during this stage was a simple, non-confrontational "No" (when my mom asked if I was going to get a haircut soon) and "I like it" (when they asked why I refused to cut it)
Step 2: Study/work your butt off. By far the most common negative stereotype of a young person with long hair is "slacker". If you can consistently pull down "A"s and "B"s and/or hold a good, solid job while you have long hair, one of two things is going to happen. Either your parents will see that they were wrong and leave you alone about your hair, or it's time to stop keeping your mouth shut and start defending yourself. And if that's the case, now you'll have all your hard work and success to defend yourself with, instead of being forced to attack their viewpoint with no argument other than that their viewpoint is ridiculous. It is, of course, but odds are they'll be much more receptive to you saying "I have long hair and straight 'A's, so apparently my hair is not making me lazy" than you saying "You think my hair is going to make my lazy? Wow, you're stupid!"
Look, if your hair really bothers your parents as much as you seem to think it does, it's probably because they love you and they're misguided and worried about your future, not just because they don't like how it looks on you. I would be willing to bet that if you have long hair and are making the best grades of your life, they'll lighten up.
My mom's comments about my hair stopped after I got an engineering internship and I was making more money than my older brother who was a full time engineer with a degree (I had only finished one year of college). I was going through my awkward stage during the interview, but I guess my school record was good enough that they didn't care.
Salut Darien,
I haven't been 18 for quite a while, but I'd say, ignore the comments of your parents. Also, do a little mental exercise where you just imagine how you "clean out your mind" and throw out all the poisonous comments that you have heard.
I'm saying this because many of these comments linger on in our unconscious and may create strong "short hair urges" even years later. Some psychologists call this phenomenon "delayed compliance". It has to do with the fact that we remember content (i.e. what we have heard) a lot longer than sources and circumstances (i.e. who said it etc).
And, our critical faculties are all at the conscious level. Our subconscious does not differentiate between "wanted / good" and "unwanted / bad", but only between "strong feelings" and "week feelings". Therefore, even comments that made us angry at the time might influence us several months or years later.
One thing: Cutting your hair short will NOT stop it from falling out! And, IF MPB should strike some day, you'd have foregone a great experience while it could have lasted! Conversely, wearing your hair long and appreciating your body may even foster growth - via a mechanism that's called "biofeedback". Therefore, grow it while you have it! -
If the vacuum cleaner is a problem, just buy your parents a few cleaner bags and do some of the cleaning yourself. Then you can say "Stop complaining, mom, I'm HELPING you!" -
Then again, there may be a time where you need to consider moving out - for the sake of your well-being. You are NOT in this world in order to make your parents feel good about your hair. Being different and keeping a degree of distance is part of growing up and being an adult.
Just spend a couple of minutes every day, and, in your mind, replace the bad comments with good comments: Say to yourself: "I do look great with long hair (that's very true, by the way), and I choose to feel great about it! My Creator endowed me with hair, and I honor my Creator by letting it grow!"
Grow, brother, grow it long, let it flow, be yourself, and feel good about it - now, in 10 years, in 20 years, and forever!
Best wishes,
Hans-Uwe
that sounds lot like meditation!!I've meditated a few times...and I have to say that it works wonders!!!I remember this one session where I felt really sleepy and tranquil immediately afterwards...and then I lit up a cigarette and it was like smoking for the first time!!that cig was so sweet..erm..maybe I shouldn't be talkin about cigs since I've quit!!LOL..
Hi Cerebral,
I'm sure you have heard about George Harrison (former beatle) who wrote "A hippie is (...) someone who becomes aware - you're hip if you know what's going on. But if you are really hip, you don't get involved in (...) things like that [he's talking about drugs]. You see the potential that it has (...), but you also see that you don't need it." I have shortened the quotation; what George Harrison talked about is true for both illegal and for legal drugs like tobacco - and George Harrison didn't even talk about the detriments of drugs on that occasion.
In that sense, to reach awareness and "hippiedom" (does that word exist?) I'm certain that you don't need any after-meditation ciggies - just try meditation without it! One of your "mantras" could be "I'm great, my hair grows, and I'm free!" You get the idea, fine-tune it as you see fit.
Wishing you a phantastic satori, beautiful oneness with a great smoke-free and growth-fostering universe, and hair down to your butts....
Hans-Uwe
Guten morgen, Hans-Uwe.
I have no intention of being contentious, but sometimes when MPB "strikes," there are certain men among us who do not believe that this is the end of having/growing long hair. I am sometimes amazed that many men among us believe that a little or even a lot of balding is such a bad thing. While I am not happy that my temples are bare nearly back to my ears, and while I am not happy that I have an approximately two inch diameter thinned out bald spot on my crown, I have nontheless decided that I am not going to give up on re-growing, keeping, and enjoying my hair as long as I see fit. And, I believe I will see it fit for quite some time! And while I do realize that there are ways through various drugs or other means to prevent (in some cases) further balding, I am just taking it all as it comes.
Now, some may say that they would not keep their hair long were they faced with MPB. But, statistically, 63% of men, if they live long enough, will experience some degree of hair loss. And this may scare some. This is a high percentage. But why? I think that it is largely cultural bias that has vilified the balding male. And the roots of the bias run deep. Even back in the ancient times of Rome and Greece, there were "recipes" for all kinds of concoction to regrow hair, and I am sure that few of them worked.
But no matter how ancient an idea, or how engrained one thinks it may be, sometimes, taking a step back and looking at and trying to think of a reason for why you think what you think you think can bring a new or better, maybe even different perception than that one first held.
Hi Bragi,
you are not contentious at all, you are right. And, in a nutshell: MPB shouldn't stop anyone from growing his hair, if that's what he wants and enjoy. Even a "horse shoe" grown long can look very cool.
All the best,
Hans-Uwe
Ah man i know how it is. I turned 18 last January but during the time I was growing my hair and still 17 years old they were constantly asking me if i was going to get it cut anytime soon and "how long are you going to grow it" as if I were going to cut it short the day i got to my target length lol. But what I did was just ignored anything negative they've had to say about it. i like to say to my dad "you're just jealous because you're balding" haha.it kinda turns the tables a bit. keep in mind that may be a bad idea to say that to a parent depending on the person. But as Hans said "Grow it while you can." you might as well grow it out at least once in your life. The best time to do it is when you're young. Don't let comments from anyone steer you into doing something YOU don't want to do(cutting your hair in this case.) hope this helps.
Thank you all for such a supportive reply. This is just what I needed to renew my confidence and interest in growing my hair out. There are only a few of my RL friends that support my hair growth and honestly say it looks good on me. Of course, some don't think it looks good on me, but in most cases you can see a malicious comment triggered by a sensation of jealousy.
To some of you who've said I should study and get a job... well I did get one, and my grades are always around B's, but long hair seems to make my parents a bit more strict when it comes to my life. I basically work as much as I did when I didn't have a slightly longer hair like a year ago, and they weren't so strict. Probably because in their age, long hair was considered as a rebellious act with the appearing waves of rock, metal and punk music, and with those came drugs, alcohol and such. Of course, I didn't live to see that age, so I wouldn't know. And yes, I am considering to move out very soon.
I'm quite informed about MPB, considering seeing this board every week for almost a year now. Reading a lot of facts here made me positive that long hair doesn't affect balding at all, and besides, even if you are balding, there are some wicked things you can do with your hair anyway (if it happened to me, I would consider growing only the back of my had and then tie it in a tail).
Anyway, once again thanks for all of your replies. I'll definitely turn to this board when I need some positive support or answers :)
...and there are several reasons for this:
First of all, parents want what THEY think is best for their children.
They want you to 'fit in' for any number of reasons like getting a good job,
having the best chances for finding a spouse, etc. They think that
if you look different, you will end up having more trouble than the 'average' person.
I doubt very much if this 'picking on you' will ever end even
when you are no longer living with them.
So you are going to have to decide if the 'hassle' of having long hair is worth it to you.
accept my new image. They always make up comments like "You
would look better with short hair", "I wonder how you would
feel when it starts falling off", and "Your hair is all over
my vacuum cleaner" and doing everything in their power to
undermine my hair growth (99 % of this is only verbal, but
annoying). You get the whole picture.