new thread
Since I've joined this board, I've done my best to participate, to respond to other's posts, and to generally remain active. However, from the lack of feedback I get when I update (1 or 2) compared to when other people update (teens or 20's), it's obvious that I must really look hideous with long hair.
It's hard to put into words how I feel when I put my self-esteem on the line by posting, then being completely ingored. In many ways, that's worse than being insulted...at least then I know I'm not irrelevant.
How sad that I must be such a terrible person that I'm not even worth responding to. Well, going forward, you'll just all have to ignore somebody else.
MODERATORS, please delete my membership from this board. We don't want to litter cyberspace with my hideous image any longer.
Brad
When I update I'd be lucky to get any feedback too, I wonder whats up
You do have nice hair. In Korea I admire the long black hair on the women here, and yours looks just as silky.
Hey Brad,
Don't go. Not without thinking about it. You're not alone in how you feel.
We get a post like this about once a month. I'm one of the guys who seldom gets more than a post or two commenting on my "look" if I post a picture, so I can empathize.
Guys get lots of comments for two reasons. One is that their look is truly outstanding. The other is that they have lots of friends here.
I haven't looked like a gorgeous teenager in over forty years. Hell, that is to be expected since I am sixty! Outstanding hair for the most part is a gift that comes with being very young; nobody is gonna oooh and ahhh over mine! I don't have long hair because it is pretty. I have it because it warms my soul.
To have lots of friends here you have to compliment others a lot on their hair and otherwise engage them in conversation. That takes a major investment of your time. To paraphrase the Beatles, "The keystrokes you take are equal to the keystrokes you make." Clicking the "other posts" link by your name doesn't bring up a huge number of posts, but that is true for lots of guys here. They likely have decided they have better things to do with their time than compliment others on their hair.
Indeed, those of us who don't have gorgeous hair or lots of close buddies here are probably in the majority, so I sure wouldn't fret about it much. If you enjoy having long hair, that is what matters!
Keep the faith,
Bill
I couldn't have said it better myself, Bill! I'd also like to add the following comments to Brad...
Dear Brad,
I was one of the people who DID comment to you about how nice your hair looked on you, --- although I admit that may have been several weeks ago.
I read you post to my partner, who agreed it was heart-breaking to hear; but he also made the following comment that I feel is imortant to consider... I'll quote it as best as I can remember:
"One should never entrust one's self-esteem to a bunch of strangers over the internet. If long hair makes HIM happy, then that's all that should matter, --- and to hell with everybody else!"
I'd also like to add that I don't get a whole heck of a lot of praise, either, whenever I post pics of myself. The praise I do get tends to be from other fellow-moderators who know and like me, or are regular users who've known me for a long time, and/or are around the same geezer-age as I am. Other than that, I don't get much feedback. But, you know what? I post my pics, anyway!! It makes ME feel good, --- even if I ain't young & glamorous & slim & all that stuff...
I hope you'll reconsider leaving; but, ultimately it's your choice, of course.
- Ken in San Francisco
hey Ken,
it's a shame that you don't get much feedback...I like your hair!!I've clicked on your avatar and looked at the pics...I like the waviness of it!take care..:P
Ken,
I think your hair is absolutely outstanding. Its thickness, color variations and length are all fantastic. It was your awesome braiding technique that really pushed me to learn how to braid.
Jason
I've told you a couple of times that I liked your hair :)
Hi Ken,
I am really surprised at the lack of positive comments regarding your hair from other guys here. I have not been a member long enough to have seen one of your recent updates, but have admired yours as the hair I would love to have myself someday. (I am looking forward to your next update) I am one of the "old farts" here, and your hair type is extremely similar to mine in its degree of waviness, etc., (although the colour is something I can only dream about) If I could achieve your length in a few years time, I would be one happy camper.
David
Ken I gotta agree with you that its best to grow and post for yourself, I post for fun too but I would be lying if I said I didn't enjoy the positive comments back. They have kept me going onward as I get no postive comments in the real world at all, which if I didn't have this board I might just assume there was no point in growing it out. I am unsure of my status as a "botn longhair", dont think I am one of those lol
Bill,
I think you have a great look. I'm not personally into long beards but I think it's cool you're experimenting to find its terminal length.
Perhaps because your hair is already at terminal, it garners less comments? I don't know. In any case, your sage advice regarding all issues connected to long hair is second to none. You speak to the soul of longhairs and have had a big impact on my own growing experience. I'm sure I speak for many here who would say the same thing.
Thank you for your contributions! They are appreciated!
Hey Bill You got groupies!
I really admire you and I know I am not the only one. Long hair is really cool on everyone of any age. It wasn't the young kids who inspired me to grow out, I expected that when I first came here, it was people like you who did and grew it out regardless of what anyone thought that inspired me to break out of the commonplace i was stuck in :)
I am very grateful for your inspiration! You're the best :)
Hey, thanks man! As one other guy said about himself, I tend to especially support guys in my own generation. Older guys face hair loss, and declining length, thickness, and beauty, while the internal spirit that drives one to be a longhair can remain as strong as ever. Also, younger guys don't particularly value support from guys old enough to be their dad or grandpa; they most strongly want validation from their own generaton. Meanwhile older guys do like hearing from others their own age. I am always pleased to see an older longhair, so I am drawn to offering my support there. He and I have likely traveled the same road.
MOST of the users are quite a bit younger than I am, and that is one reason I don't clutter up the board with "you look great" comments that will pack less punch than those from guys closer to the poster's age.
I also am more driven to give support against anti-longhair bigotry than for how great one looks. That is an area where I have more experience and where an older longhair's experience is valued. There are times a younger longhair harassed by his parents or teachers needs to hear from someone their harasser's age, or old enough to be THEIR parents. [grin] That kind of support can be gotten here, and the older guys here who've been around that block can provide it.
So I tend to support older guys with their looks (they don't tend to need anti-bigotry support) and younger guys with bigotry issues (because they, after all, don't care much whether a man my age thinks they're attractive or not).
All of us surely find our own niche here. That's just mine.
Bill
Right on there, Daddi-o
I've been on this board for a few years...mostly lurking, but posting about once every month or two. When I do post, the responses come from the few people whom I've gotten to know on here. And trust me, those responses are very few because there are few people on this board whom I've engaged in coversation. That responsibility falls squarely on my shoulders, and that's fine by me.
Another reality is that you can't let a bunch of strangers on an Internet bulletin board determine your worth in this life. There are far better and more meaningful things to base your value on.
Cheers,
Jeremy
I also so don't get much feedback. It may have something to do with me not posting much. Are you still going to keep your long hair? be a shame to cut it after all this time.
I guess my first responce was not worthy?
I get the same treatment......Cause i like a MULLET and still keep mine cut that way..And everybody is so << Hate the mullet style on here >>... ......No one talks to me to.....BUT Bill has talked to me some about it some ........HE a nice person. And always say somthing nice .I still like to meet him soon.......
if i'm one of the ones who ignored your stuff i apologize. can't speak for everyone but my time is limited and i normally don't respond to every single post. I compliment a few people when I can, but I actually try to deliberately not get into sending out opinions about photos because i want to avoid feeling like i'm part of a popularity contest. I understand that the board isn't really like that but I wish to be balanced and so I pretty much use it for trading tips on hair care and avoid compliments unless I can compliment everyone which I can't, so in an attempt to be fair i'm pretty stingy on the photo responses.
and yes, as a result a lot of my posts don't get answered but that doesn't bother me because mostly they are intended to transmit information and not get answered but also because we have a lot of lurkers who are reading for the education re long hair and have nothing to say.
also, look at the no. of registered guys vs. the no. of regular responders at any given time. most guys are not very communicative, we're all in a hurry, so your posts are probably getting read by a much larger number of people than you think. so stick around already.
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Hey Brad, I had the same feelings also on this board but you can't take it personally. I don't because "it just doesn't matter".....
My posts are short and few cuz I am anti-social, and I can live with out feedback from a bunch of strangers.
Anyways you just can't take it personally.
Chris
when I post a picture, it is nice to hear what people think, but I don't expect alot of responses because I haven't had the time to offer alot of responses. The guys that have dozens of replys have historically been very prolific.
In the end, this is what matters, do you enjoy long hair? Does having long hair make you feel good? If so don't cut it off!
Image is more than what is physical, it is the confidence you show in living every moment.
Take care,
Bruce
Wow Bruce that is profound and I really like that sentiment, it really is true
I've posted 2 pictures here since i joined, the first with about 5 posts and the second with 2 lol. The people who get the most replies to their posts are people who have updated a lot and who have made friends with a lot of the other posters here. I don't think it's a matter of how you look with long hair, but rather how much you get involved in the forum. I get very few comments on my pics, but the ones I do get are very nice. Especially the ones from Hans-Uwe lol. But i think if you stick around longer you'll get more and more replies to your picture posts over time.
hope this helps.
I agtree with Devin that the longer you stay the more replies you will get just because you get to know more people and they get to know you too. Another good way to get acquainted with people here is to start up a chat in the MLHH chat room. I used to do that a lot and I have made good friends here because of it. Getting to know people that way is sometimes easier than just by posting alome.
Hi Brad,
Don't let an emotional hiccup get the better of you.
You're one handsome fellow!
I sure did enjoy your most recent update.
- Oren
Don't let it get to you.
I rarely get responses to my posts but I'm still here.
When you have long hair you need slightly thicker skin.
I post a fair amount on here. I find that the posts I make either in response to another or to express my viewpoints or feelings on things tend to get a lot more response than my pictorial updates. On those I have noted the same thing as you have.
I'm not on here to solicit praises over my looks; I'm on here to get support and reinforcement for growing long hair. I'm relatively new on here; within the last year only, and don't know as many people as some others do. There are two or three that I feel I have gotten to know a little better on here, and two or three that I have gotten to know over differences we have in our political beliefs and communicated privately about those. I have also hired one person I met on here.
I'll admit I'm not one to post a comment to a pure pic update unless something really strikes me about it. In all honesty, some of us are not totally comfortable gushing over another guy's hair or looks. It has nothing to do with you or anyone else on here.
It's your decision to make. My recommendation is to stay and benefit from the discussion here. And I plan to grace this board with my updates only on select dates; 1 year, 18 months, etc. You may be in the same boat as me; too much of a good thing . . . . . . . . . . :o)
George
Even if I am only a casual visitor/poster I think you have wrong expectations if you are active here mainly for the reason to get a feedback how good looking you and/or your hair are. Its for longhair-related questions and advice (I think).
In a certain sense this board (and similar ones on the net) are as "cruel" as nature is. The mainstream value of "physical beauty" is working here as it does in real life. If you are posting a pic readers will see ONLY this pic, they dont know, what type of human being you really are, what qualities you may have, how intelligent, charming, smart, engaged etc. you are.
Its like meeting a good looking girl on the street/in a bar ... she will get more "feedback" than a less good looking one. Thats cruel, but thats how natures mechanism of attractivity are working.
But this experience you are sharing with 95% of the "not-perfect-model-looking" rest of men in the world, I think.
Check the members of this board - maybe Joao David, SITM and Wishmaster have that look you may call "perfect"/model-like. But nobody else.
So dont overestimate it. There are other, far more important, values in life beside "good looking".
Leto, you bring out some good points that are worth noting about human nature. We may like to think we are not succeptible to it, but we often are.
A quick story: Once, a few years ago, I was dating my friend's sister. She was/is a very attractive lady (I have no idea what she saw in me!). Anyway, we were at her cousin's wedding at a large hotel. We were walking to the rehearsal dinner which was outside the hotel in a garden. To get there we had to walk through a large corridor, and off to each side there were four large meeting areas which were open to the corridor. Only one of the meeting areas was occupied by a corporate-type reception which was probably 99% men.
She had on a rather short red dress, her hair was a little past mid-back, dark brown, straight. As we passed by the meeting area, as the guys caught sight of her, all of them fell silent. By the time we had passed the meeting, for about three or four seconds, there was complete silence. It was an interesting phenomenon. All as they had caught sight of her (us) walking by fell silent for a few moments. That's a testament to the way that one person finds another certain person striking whereas the next person, he passes by. I certainly can't explain it all. I guess it is called a million years of evolution of something.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!
Sorry Leto but....Your comparison of quote:
"Its like meeting a good looking girl on the street/in a bar ... she will get more "feedback" than a less good looking one. Thats cruel, but thats how natures mechanism of attractivity are working."
Is'nt really the best of comparisons. A severely unattractive girl will gain MUCH more positive feedback then an attractive girl (sorry does'nt work the same way with guys though). For example i had a female friend ...let's call her girl A (dont like giving real names on the internet) She was undoubtedly attractive...she was semi-tall....thin...cute face...everything. she was hit a good bit but...
Then there was another girl ....over 300lbs a face full of acne YELLOW teeth, smelled horrible....and she was approched by guys ALL the time....MUCH more then girl A who is model quality. Now you might be thinking as a joke but no...she got pregnant by one of the varcity basketball players...just goes to show you...oh yes and also she was'nt that nice a girl...she was very loud and it was well known she cheated in like every relationship she had....while girl A was a sweetheart...so girl A has the looks and personality advantage..
The reasoning behind this is fairly simple...guys will give positive feedback to ANY girl just to try and get with them...even if they really think they are ugly they will compliment them in hopes she'll "fall for him" it's all due to the fact that in the younger generation there's FAR more males then females so the males are smart enough to know they can't get a female that is even AS good a looking as themselves...let alone someone better looking...so they must settle for a female far less good looking then them.
In my close observations....most relationships i see in the young generation...%98 of the time the guy is far better looking then the girl. I wish i had a nickle for every skinny pretty boy i've seen with women that could eat them as an apatizer....but i almost never see it the other way around
Sorry, i'm just a very cold observant logical person....and when I see a comment that is'nt exactly correct I feel the need to correct it..its part of who i am, many people see that as a flaw in my personality trait but....i think it's the right thing to do..because now you know more then what you knew before
Now if you would have said pretty guys get more positive feedback then ugly guys...THAT one wouold have been correct because it's different because girls have a MUCH higher chance of getting a pretty boy since there's 3 guys to every girl in the younger generation..so they dont have to settle for less, and 9 times out of 10..the girl gets a guy FAR better looking then she is.....it's all supply and demand.
Note: is said there's much much more guys then girls in the YOUNGER generation....1-35 .....now 35-45 is even and in 45+ there's more women then men and there's alot of baby boomers around so that statisticly it looks like more girls then guys...but in any college or high school it's %75 male or any bar or party that younger people go to it's %75 male.
You might want to review some of your statistics. Here is one web site that might help.
75% male to 25% female sounds a little skewed to me.
http://nationalatlas.gov/articles/people/a_gender.html
1. Generally speaking a lot of people growing out their hair (especially those doing so for the first time) are faced with a range of social, cultural and familial pressures against their doing so. Feedback then is as important to the process of growing longhair (especially FOR MEN) as are tips and advice on taking care of that hair.
2. Not everyone who posts pictures/updates of themselves gets 'hundreds' of posts of feedback. The reasons behind why not can include the fact that those who do not respond may not have anything positive to say. Yet THIS IS NOT to infer that those who DO respond are being fake. MANY, MANY of us feel that longhair enhances the appearance of MOST men. Of course there are exceptions and most often when that occurs that person gets little feedback.
(However there are confounding variables at play here, such as the fact that those who participate more on the board usually receive more feedback generally, and of course newer members posting for the first time often have not had the chance to establish themselves yet-thus they often get less feedback).
THE POINT THOUGH is that people on this board are NOT being dishonest, they just usually prefer not to express negative sentiments as this is a supportive place in a world that often lacks such support (+ as I've already mentioned , most of us think that longhair on men is generally an appearance enhancer)
FINALLY: don't be so blatant and cut/dry on who fits into the very good-looking/model category here. Not only is such an opinion inherently subjective, biased and thus unfair, but it also disregards ME, bloody gorgeous me!
thanks for your reply. I see your point... the viewpoint of demography
well, maybe thats depending on where we are living, I am from europe/germany
life experiences can be so different. I frequently notice the exact opposite of what you are describing - gorgeous women being together with (at least) mediocre looking guys. I often wonder "how the hell did that guy get this girl?". but maybe thats getting off-topic...
I only wanted to point out, that the attractivity-based feedback mechanism is in my opinion also working on this board (but thats completely "normal" basing on human nature) - even if its not female/male attraction but something like male/male comparison. but you should not overestimate it since this small facette doesnt represent your value as a human being, of course.
Hi Brad,
I would hope you stay with us. I agree with the others that the board is not intended to be a "popularity contest", but is intended as a support group for guys growing out their hair. In fact, I did comment on your recent update (thought your hair looked great), and hope that you do keep your long hair.
I know that there are guys here who are deeply respected by all the members of this board. Thes guys support the other members not only when they post update pictures, but assist other members with hair growing tips, issues that may be affecting their lives associated with having long hair, etc. This is always a great place to come when friends, co-workers, family nag you about your hair. This is a place where you know others always appreciate long hair.
As an older guy and fairly new member, I don't get a lot of feedback, but I still get feedback when I post questions about hair care, etc., and like to give tips to others who may be dealing with similar issues. I only plan to post update pictures every few months and although compliments are certainly appreciated, I don't expect the same level of feedback as the long term regulars would receive.
Again, hope you stay with us,
David
As others have said, this isn't a popularity contest, and don't let your self esteem depend on others.
I typically don't post on update pics simply because I don't spend a lot of time here...I'm more likely to respond to a post about something I have direct experience with.
Absent my cheating, I would expect far fewer responses than I now get. Cheating, that is, meaning showing up with really long hair...which gives you instant high status (of a sort) on long hair boards.
Enjoy your self, enjoy your hair, compliments are nice, but they are only a bonus.
Hey man, that sucks! Sorry no one responded! It seems you have more than a few to read now... *grin*
I think if you're here purely for comments, you may be in the wrong spot. Sure, everyone likes positive comments to their growth, but that's not the primary reason I'm here. I'm here because I want to start my journey again.
Afterall, this isn't "hot or not" lol.
- Brian
I always admired your hair mate - would be a shame to cut it off in my opinion.
Hey Brad , I don't think you should leave this board. You do not look hideous with long hair. As a matter of fact , I don't think anyone in this board does. Don't feel irrelevant because others don't reply , It has happened to me before. Last time i posted my update pics , I got a few replies. After all , I'm new here , but!! those few replies provided greater support, advice , and reassurance than 40 post's could've provided. I feel grateful for those few replies. I have only been a member for one month and feel extremely welcomed. If it wasn't for this community , i would not be enduring this hideous look i have. ya know , the awkward stage. Don't believe me , click on my avatar and look at this bird nest i am currently sporting!! Well , I hope you don't leave and think it over. It'll be a big mistake and you WILL regret it!!
~chris~
I just want to say that if I don't relpy to a thread it is because I drive a truck and I am on the road for several days at a time. I Just thought I should mention that.