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hey there,
i'm 15 years old and up until yesterday i had 20cm long hair. my dad took me to the barber and had me buzzed down to 2mm because he was fed up with my long hair.
i really hate him for that.
thanks for listening
mike
Trying to remember my metrics...is 10 centimeters about 5 inches? Wow, that's about a year's worth of growth...Mike, I am so sorry!
I hate your dad.
OUCH! That really sucks bro:(. My "friends" (:P) wanted to cut my hair in the summer as a joke, and they were pretty serious about it too! Good thing they didn't though. Are you planning to grow it back?
-mihnea
Hey man , That a bummer. No need to hate your father , Good , Bad , Ugly , He will always be your father and you cant change that. Seems to me your father is old-school and doesent like the long hair idea. Wait till you get older and give him some time. Maybe three years from now his mind changes. Be smart and dont rebel against him. Try to explain to him why it is that you desire long hair and why it is so important to you. hope this helps
I completely disagree with this post.
My hair is completely off limits to anyone but myself.
You have 100% all rights to be angry with your father, just be reasonable about how you show it.
JeffL
Yea , He should be angry with his father but shouldnt "hate" him. You said your hair is off limits to everyone but yourself , well , Perhaps you are older and financially independent. Or maybe thats not the case and you happen to have lenient parents. I understand its his hair and he should be able to do what he wants with it , but , as long as he lives with daddy and daddy puts the food on the table , He has to follow daddys rules like it or not. Thats the way i was brought up at least. I am 18 and am going through a storm of poop with my family because of my hair.
I still disagree. Money is not the issue here, and should have no bearing on the length of someone's *HAIR*.
JeffL
I don't blame you for disagreeing, and in *theory*, I disagree as well; BUT... when I was a teen, i lived in a household where my militaristic father made rules that neither me nor my 4 brothers dared to cross, --- including long hair being completely not being allowed. It wasn't until I left home at age 18 and entered the workforce, never asking a dime from my father, that I finally felt free from his control enough to grow my hair more to my liking.
Jeff, count yourself lucky if you have supportive family, --- you would have no idea what it's like to live in a negative atmosphere, if your experience has always been positive and supportive. Unfortunately, it is sad to say that money CAN have an influence on whether a teen can successfully grow their hair out while still living in their parents' home. I know from experience that my father made life a living hell until I became finacially independent from him. I think that is all Christopher is really trying to acknowledge and say.
- Ken in San Francisco
yeah but then there's parents who can't ever let go. when i was in my teens, my dad would open the door to my room and barge in to see what i was doing. i once said, "don't i get any privacy around here?" and he said no, in my house you have no privacy. i was doing something like messing around with a radio, what geeks did 35 years ago. he's dead now, but if he were alive, even at my age now, he'd freak out over my hair. what's different is that at some point, you eventually say, "Look, if we're never going to talk about anything other than my hair, I'll save us all a lot of time by getting in my car now, and going home." It just eventually gets ridiculous.
I don't agree with the kids father. It is completely wrong making him cut his hair against his will , But if his father doesnt allow it , what is he going to do? He should be angry at his father , He has the right to! Unfortunately , He lives with his father and i suppose he is financially dependant because of his age. Therefore , Wether it is correct or incorrect , He has to put up with it. I speak this way because my family is very alike. When i was 15 i wanted long hair but my father wouldnt allow it. I couldnt do anything about it. he would tell me these exact words : " Chris , As long as you live under my roof , You have to follow MY rules like it or not. You want long hair? , Get a job and support yourself so you can do whatever you please." I hated it but what was i supposed to do , Hate him? Now , He cant demand anything because i work and i pay half the rent and support myself. I pay for my car , my food , My internet , everything. BTW , I am planning on moving away from this madhouse. Now that i am 18 almost 19 and work , They still make my life a living hell. I just hate to give people bad advice. I am not going to tell him his father is a bastard , nor that he should hate his father. Teens are very impressionable and the wrong advice could hurt them. I am sorry if anyone disagrees with my point of view. I completely disagree with his father but hey , What is he supposed to do?
I don't know what gives you the impression I live in a "positive atmosphere" and frankly I am disgusted that you would jump to this conclusion knowing absolutely NOTHING about who I am.
However, what happened here I consider abuse, and to have anyone, let alone my father ever touch my hair would not be met without large quantities of protest.
There are ways of finding the support, it is not out of question for a 15 year old. This forum is one example of that.
JeffL
Yea , He should be angry with his father but shouldnt "hate" him. You said your hair is off limits to everyone but yourself , well , Perhaps you are older and financially independent. Or maybe thats not the case and you happen to have lenient parents. I understand its his hair and he should be able to do what he wants with it , but , as long as he lives with daddy and daddy puts the food on the table , He has to follow daddys rules like it or not. Thats the way i was brought up at least. I am 18 and am going through a storm of shit with my family because of my hair.
How terrible Mike and what an awful thing for your own Father to have made you do. I can well see why you are angry as your individuality has been robbed from you by your own Dad.
Sounds like HE needs some counceling...........like right now in respect for others.
No reason to apologise for your posting in the slighest, as we Longhairs would be the 1st to understand this horrible frustration you are feeling at the abuse of not being able to express yourself.
Hang in there
God, I would hate him for doing that for the rest of my life if I were you
Another assault justified on the altar of parental 'rights'. Time he let yopu grow up in your own way.
I'd certainly hate him for the rest of my life for that.
Hi Mike,
That sucks BIG TIME! That in my mind is a true violation of your rights, and I would certainly not want anything to do with anyone who treated me that way, but remember that in a few years you will have your independence and WILL be able to grow it as long as you please. Hang in there.
David
Man, that sux! I'm sorry to hear that your dad fels that he needs to rule with an iron fist. He probebly doesn't realize the effect this will have on your future relationship. It may be the only way he knows how to be. How did his father treat him?
My son presented me with a green mohawk when he was 16. His mother, my ex, totally freaked and TOLD me to talk to him about it (order him to fix it). When I talked to him about it, he called me an "individuality Nazi". I reminded him that his mom was the one who lost her mind. All I said was to let me know when he was going to do something like this. I need a heads-up. I'm old. I can't take the shock. As long as he wasn't making permanent marks or punching holes, I'm cool with it. Hair grows back. Now he's 18, and out of school with a job. What he does with his appearance is his business, but I still need warning about drastic changes, but he still likes to surprise me. I wish he WOULD grow his hair long. He likes to shake it down to stubble. We have exceptionally large, wel, hat sizes, and he really looks strange with no hair, as do I. His friends tell him he doesn't have a forehead, but a fivehead. Oh well, it meakes him happy. THAT'S what's important.
Thanx for letting me vent!
Tell your dad that he won't see you get married and the grand children for as long as he lives!!
Major bummer.
What's most important at this time is that you have an exit strategy. In less time than George Bush has not had one in Iraq, you will be 18 and have the legal right to be "outta there" if that is what you want.
Having an exit strategy, and NOT forgetting what happened to you, are what will assure that you emerge from the experience mentally healthy. Trying to explain away, rationalize, forgive, or worst of all suppress and forget what happened to you may ease some of the pain now, but doing so will really mess you up later.
Been there, done that....
Bill
Your dad is a control freak. I don't agree with those who say it's not OK to hate. Hate doesn't last forever. I'd hate him too if I were you.
Hair grows back, so it could be worse.
Hi Mike,
I only saw yor post today, wish I had answered sooner.
I know what you feel, since I have felt like that numerous times when I was young. In any case, what your father did to you was VERY WRONG - in some states, this could probably interpreted as assault, and, if you were 18, it legally WERE assault.
Your dad can't be much older than me (late 40's), so, he should remember what it feels like being pushed and controlled senselessly by his parents. What happened to him?
And, apparently he has a problem accepting you the way you are - but he'll have to live with the fact that he can't change the personality of his son, whether he likes that or not. It's very clear, you'll start growing your hair back as soon as you turn 18 at the latest. 20 cm is over 1 1/2 years of growth, and if that felt right to you, then you probably ARE a long hair deep down inside - temporarily mutilated on the outside, though.
I can't help it, I feel LOTS of anger towards your dad. I wouldn't blame you for seeing him as a "captor" (sorts of) rather than a true dad. A true dad would love and affirm you nthe way you are.
I do hope and pray that you find friends who accept and affirm you just the way you are, friends where you don't have to live up to anyone else's standards. (Well, the best would be if your dad repented - but that may not be realistic. What he did to you DOES require repentance!)
I hope and pray that this kind of trauma or something similar never again happens to you in your life - this is just too degrading.
I wish you lots of healing experiences, and, I do hope you can continue to accept yourself and to like your body in an appropriate way - even though the hair is missing for the next year or up to three years.
You're a great guy, and your hair will grow back to show that once more and forever!
Have a great Christmas anyway,
Hans-Uwe