new thread
In my school many guys make fun of me because of my hair and because i'm lonely... But yesterday my music teatcher(female) went off topic and started talking about "How men with long hair look "womenish". She used to get me on my last nerv when she used to tell me to put my hair off my eyes...
So the guys in my class started making fun of me because of my hair... I got so mad that im thinking about revenge...
Hey Vytautas (cool name),
Stop that thought my friend, unless if you wish people to further relate "long hair" = "violence".
That's the world bro, it's stereotypical, superficial and hypocritical.
You may get back at these bunch of people, but do you think you can get back at anyone else, and everyone else, when they begin to make such comments on your long hair?
Take a breather friend, be confident of your looks. Think about it... at least you have the courage to be who you want, the rest are simply pathetic souls who get bounded by their stereotypes.
That makes you a real, living, thinking human and they... ROBOTS :).
BTW, I always get such comments, and I simply look at these people with sympathetic eyes.
Finally, nice hair!
Revenge is **never** a good idea. It's certainly an understandable human emotion, and sometimes even VERY tempting to consider... but, to act out and go through with it only spirals the whole situation downhill into greater and greater darkness and chaos, --- just take all the wars in the world as an example (and this planet has PLENTY of 'em)!!!
Learn to be stronger than that, --- and, if necessary, compromise when it seems to be the nearest right thing to do under difficult circumstances (for example: I would NEVER cut my hair as a compromise; but if my hair being in my eyes annoys someone, it won't kill me to try to comb it back and keep it more off my face)...
I *do* think your teacher was wrong in going off-topic like that, though. Speak to her in private about how it affected you, --- and that it unquestionably turned into feeling like a personal attack. For you to approach her like this shows both inner strength on your part, AND great maturity (and commands respect, instead of forcefully trying to "demmand" it).
If you know anything about the life and example of Martin Luther King, Jr., and the tremendous obstacles to overcome during that era of being discriminated against solely on the basis of race, you will find great comfort and courage to do the things you'll need to do in standing up for your rights, but WITHOUT violence. It is unquestionably the only way I recommend making real progress out of discrimination.
- Ken in San Francisco
Revenge would be like a tug of war with a Boeing 747 taking off... you'd be dragged along for the ride.
I don't see the comparison myself!
John.B
Well, tie a rope to a 747 that is taking off, and you hold on to the rope and never let go... revenge would be like holding onto that rope because you can't forget what the other guy did to you but in the end you get dragged along for the ride with bad results.
I'll think I'll pass on being dragged down runway 27L at Heathrow!!! I don't think the BAA would like to clear up the mess either...
John.B
Sometimes that is the whole idea. There are plenty of people who are out just to get a rise out of you.
JeffL
Vytautas,
Your thoughts of revenge are understandable, but DON'T do that. You will end up paying for it, and live to regret your actions.
Is there a counselor at your school that you could talk to? Another adult somewhere that you trust? A favorite teacher? Vent here all you want, but don't take out your anger on the people at school. That will only end up making things worse for you.
Robert
You guys didn't understand what i meant. I'm weak. I wouldn't go for revenge with violance... I meant that when I will be writing a test(I get good grades) and they will want to look at my test I will give them wrong answers :)... Besides that music teatcher just doesn't like me at all... Not just because of my hair but everything i do is wrong for her and when i say something to correct her she always gives me a bad grade...
So don't think about me as a troubled kid... ;)
EXCELLENT grades, because you wrote down all the right answers, would be exactly the kind of "revenge" I would encourage you to indulge in!!!!!
Prove your teacher to be the idiot here; not you!!
- Ken
Hang in there man! I had a very rough time in school as well. My problem was not hair, but I am very very nerdy and I did not fit in with anyone or anywhere. Plus I have / had ADHD and some learning disabilities. My childhood was a living hell and caused a lot of emotional pain for me.
However, through hard work and dedication I am far better off now then those loosers that put me down over the years.
Just concentrate on your studies and work hard. If you are having a problem with a teacher, try talking to her and find out why she has a problem with you. If you have no luck, talk to the prinicpal.
Hang in there, it will get better,
Mike
Hey I'm from Estonia and we don't usually get that here, and it varies from school to school. In some schools there are lots of mohawks, long hairs, gays are accepted and so on, but in some things are more, so to say, conservative, and virtually every guy is a standard shorthair. Teachers, even the older ones, don't usually risk saying or doing something to students. A teacher was fired somewhere for touching the students on shoulders etc, not deliberatly.
What I would and wouldn't do in your place:
I would be myself.
I would certainly talk to the teacher, preferably privatly, no big emotions, just straight to the deal. Making fun of students is not a good thing. (It would help if you study well)
As to other classmates, try not to overreact. Revenge will make you look worse than them. There are always lots of weird people in public schools, but these who accept you for who you are are usually the best friends.
This will pass man. Don't do anything for revenge. Just live well and try not be concerned with what others think about your appearance. As you get older, you'll see it is soooo much easier (at least for me) to not care about what other folks think.
Vince
You are owed a safe learning environment in your school. Courts are starting to agree with this concept more and more, so if you are going to get revenge, I would start there. [grin] Attacking any student based on his gender identity or perceived gender identity is nowadays a legal no-no, as is any action that eggs on other students to harass a student.
Tell her that her comments about your hair and sexuality are unwelcome, and that if this harassment recurs, she, the principal, and the school board members will find themselves in court. Add that you are entitled to a safe learning environment and that you expect to get it. I would tell her orally in private first, and if that doesn't put a stop to it, I'd follow up in writing with copies to the principal and school board members. No one likes being seen by their bosses as causing the bosses trouble, and first mention of how you will get your "revenge" may well put an end to the problem. If the prospect of going to court does not seem to faze her, mentioning that the court may end up emptying her bank account may get her attention.
Good luck! And let us know how things turn out.
Bill
Gee, Bill, back when you and I were kids, I never remember hearing of any kid or his parents taking a school or teacher to court, --- how wonderful to read your comments here (and how wonderful to think that this is indeed an option he can pursue)!!!
Thanks, Bill. Yes, I hope he keeps us posted...
- Ken
As long as you ignor the comments of your classmates and don't let them get to you, eventually they will get tired of picking on you. But if you try and defend yourself with them, then they KNOW that they can get to you and will keep it up.
As far as your teacher is concerned, she is completely out of line and I would be tempted to lodge a complaint about her to the Board of Education............and I would tell her directly to lay off verbally abusing you ever again about your hair.
Is she crazy? Long hair looks rockin on a guy, and furthermore, has she not looked at any of the great composers' pictures?
Bach
Couperin
Vivaldi
Beethoven (not very long, but certainly wild)
Mozart
Berlioz
Liszt
Mendelssohn
Leoncavallo -- OK, he's got short hair, but check out the MOUSTACHE!
OK, I could go on, but my point on the music scene is that these long-haired composers didn't look like women. And to offer an alternative viewpoint, would it then be fair to say, based on her argument, that all short-haired women must therefore look manly? What male teacher could ever get away with making a statement like that? There are many examples of gender inequality and they aren't all about men repressing women.
A tactful approach to discuss in a calm manner how you feel about her comments regarding your hair. Perhaps you should also discuss the other areas of your student-teacher relationship that seem to be preventing you from getting the most out of that class.
Regardless of the class, the teacher's beliefs/convictions, subject ,matter, etc., the focus should be on student learning. If there are obstacles in the way, they need to be identified (speak to her) and removed (suggest what would help you to have a better, easier, more educational and less frustrating time in class).
Best of luck You have great hair!
Mr. Crow
I am sorry to hear of your troubles, Vytautas, but the others are right in saying that revenge is never the solution in cases like this. Definitely try to speak with your teacher in private, or if necessary, have your parent or parents speak with her. When the parents get involved, the teacher will back off and the solution will be resolved peacefully. At least, that's what I've found here in the States.
Best of luck to you and I hope things are resolved soon. =)
-James
Take no notice of them at all! I know it's hard i went through a lot of crapola during school when i was growing out my hair and i gave in a cut it, i regret this so much now as my hair could have 2+ years worth of length on it now :( but seriously school will fly, you'll be finished in no time and you won't ever see most of the people in your school again so don't cut off ya hair!
ouch...it sounds like you had one of those days where you feel like crawling under a rock or somethin...
great advice has already been given...I'm just gonna reiterate what everyone said here and say that revenge is NOT the answer...if you're seeking for revenge...than you are TELLING your subconcious that these people are able to get under your skin...remember...the subconscious can NOT tell the difference between reality and fantasy...it does whatever the consious mind tells it to do...so therefore..think positively!!just think that these classmates of yours don't have the balls do be themselves...and you'll immediately feel better!
just think that these classmates of yours don't have the balls do be themselves...and you'll immediately feel better!
Well said...
i'm in 10th grade now and it does'nt go a day without someone commenting my hair.I even hear them lay plans on how to cut it off.
after i heard that i have been very nervous when sitting in front of they who said it.Cant concentrate anymore when doing tasks.
a.
DONT listen to them. They are just brainwashed sheep. Ignore them and keep it as long as you want. In my honest opinion , You do not look like a girl/woman. Just hang in there and let all the comments slide. Dont let any obstacles stop you. As for your teacher , That was very unprofessional of her. Perhaps a meeting with her and discussing the situation would help.
If this is a college level class, you need to talk to the dean. You have a serious case against this person, no matter what level of education you're in, enough to cause serious action against him or her.
I don't advocate revenge, but you are entitled to make it known how unprofessional this person is.
JeffL
College? I'm in 8th grade. ;)
You are the same age as my son. If a teacher were making fun of him, for any reason, I would be at the school demanding to speak to the principal. Unfortunately, if your parents don't support long hair that may not be an option.
You should ask to speak to the school counsellor. It may not work, but that's your first line of attack. If not, maybe you can take it higher up the chain of command. I know it's not easy.
My son has had some kids making fun of the way he dresses. The other kids are black, so it could be construed as racial harassment. They aren't saying anything about him being white AFAIK, just hassling him for not conforming to black ideas of fashion, even though he is white.
The main thing is that they all wear their clothes way too big for them, because it is in fashion for them to do that. We got him clothes that fit, and basically they make fun of him because his clothes fit instead of being too big. This never happened when he was in a school where most of the kids were white, because frankly they don't dress like that.
I only wish his problem was with a teacher, because I could probably do more about that.
BTW, he is growing his hair out, but that isn't an issue with anyone AFAIK.
Hey Vytautas,
I had serious problems with bullying and discrimination at school too - so much so that I still have anxiety problems that originate from when I was at school. The guys have already pointed out that revenge is not the answer, one particular guy who bullied me provocked me and I swore at him infront of a teacher, I ended up taking punishment from the school, having not explained that this person was bullying me. So, it's best to try and ignore what kids say - afterall most kids don't think about what they are saying let alone the consiquence of what they're saying. As far as your teacher is concerned, she is out of order and she DOES need sorting out and like Justin has said, you NEED to point this fact out to either your head teacher or even someone in a higher position of power. Your teacher wouldn't make comments about kids of different ethnic origins or religions, and neither should she on physical appearance. Teachers are paid (and hopefully want) to teach and SUPPORT kids on their journey to adulthood and not hinder their time at school. Hang tight buddy, don't let anyone get under your skin.
Neil
In my short experience (22 years in this world), I think you do not have to do everything the people says, since it will make you really unhappy not being able to please them. I live a similar situation: I always try to please everyone, and it is impossible to entirely please them all; you give them a hand, they take your feet; you offer something for free, they want it now... They do not even say "thanks!!", not to mention the fact that when you really need something, they are not there. I was also growing my hair six months ago: I paid attention to some people's dumb thoughts, and I am n unhappy kid with short hair now.
People like you and I are really smart, as far as I have read your post. Honestly, I think you are far away from your classmates already, and you will come with an classy and unexpected response, which will keep them thinking for a while!
On the other hand, I am a kind of perfectionist, but I have learned to shut up my mouth when people is not willing to listen, or when they think they know it all: If people just talk, they do not deserve to listen. So, let them speak, ignore them and (silently and privately) laugh at them. If you can learn something, save that part.
Thinking on revenge, no matter how "peaceful" or "highly intelectual" it may seem, usually makes people become obsessed. In my opinion, if they make fun of you, join their laughter, make fun of yourself; if they say you look like a girl, ask them if you attract them (like implying they are the gay-ones) If they see their comments are not actually affecting you, they will understand you are stronger than them, and will eventually resign. You will be the winner of the fight, without breaking any noses or jaws at all.
As for the teacher, perhaps she is also a perfectionist. And it is certainly painful to admit we are wrong. So, the final blow for her would be precisely talking with her: Ask her to tell you what seems to be the problem, what does she hate from you, what does she want... And peacefully expose her your situation, tell her how much you like your long hair, and perhaps you can get good feedback, and a convenient agreement. (Classy and unexpected outcome)
Long hair looks really cool on you, so do as you feel right, but do not desperate: keep in mind that Rome was not built in one day. Good luck from Mexico!
Man, I feel for ya. I get ragged on all the time for my hair, from both the students and teachers. I'm also threatened by other students, they say they'll gang up on me cut my hair and beat me up. To top that off, the teachers won't do anything about it either.
At my school, male students with long hair are not allowed to participate in any extracurricular activities. This coming from a school that has a "No Tolerance Descrimination Policy." It specifically states that no child should be desciminated against because of race, gender, etc... If you come up with any good ideas for revenge, please post them.
Make it known to the public what is going on?
Speak out!
You ARE entitled to what you want, but you have to work at it in a "positive" way.
Find people who support you and are willing to make a difference and you stand a chance at getting the policies that are there to protect you enforced for what they are, and not just superficialities which are there to make some clueless idiot in some random white office somewhere happy.
Sitting on your ass and striving for your personal "strength" is fine, but trying to will yourself as stronger than someone who wants to tear you down is only admitting to yourself that you need more support and to take action.
JeffL
I haven't been "sitting on my ass." I have been trying for months talking to all the school administraters that I can. I've also contacted the ACLU and GPAC as Robert suggested to be before.
The GPAC has said that they will sue the school for me, but I want a court case as a last resort. I do admit that I need more support, my family and friends have been against my hair since I started growing it two years ago.
I have also talked to almost every politician in Illinois, the Congressmen and state representatives included. they all tell me the same thing, that they cannot do anything, that it is up to the school to decide on their policies.
I'm trying to get my story known publicly, but I don't know where to start. if you have any suggestions, they would be appreciated.
I got a lot of s*** in high school too. After I graduated, there were a few people that I still kept in touch with, but I never went back to any of the reunions, and I never think about school anymore. Most of this stuff will go away when you attend college (but there is still a jerk remnant, even there). When you find your niche in the world of work, none of this stuff will matter--especially not if you decide to persue music as a career. What planet is your music teacher from, anyway?
I wish I could say it's going to be easy; but I don't believe in sugarcoating. Easy? No. Survivable? Yes way! And, you'll be a better man for it, I think. I hope that where you are, this discrimination is only social and doesn't have the weight of authority behind it. If it does, you may have to make an awful choice; but if you do, when you find your wait out of that environment, and even while you're trapped in it, there will always be people who support the real you. Don't forget that, but whatever you do, don't take revenge. Focus elsewhere.
"Anger... is not the way of victory."
I agree with some of the other posters; I would speak with a counsellor, or a teacher that may be sympathetic toward your situation. I think you will get some positive results. Please, give this a try and do so promptly, so you can get on with life and not worry about this. Best wishes.
There is one more thing that I forgot to mention. Your teacher stated that men with long hair look womanishly. Well, if your teacher, whom is a woman, thinks that you look better than she does, then she may have a problem with that. On the other hand, if that is the case, then there you have your revenge. Perhaps you've had your revenge all along and never realized it. She is simply jealous.
"How men with long hair look "womenish"
That is incredably offensive. It could also come under race, religious and sexual discrimination and a 'teacher' should never be allowed to get away with any of that.
I have many male friends with long hair (and a lot of the guys have serious beards). I can assure you none of them look like women, far from it.
Remind your 'teacher' that Sihk (religion) are not allowed to cut hair, that Celts/Picts/Vikings/Heathens of the past and present were and are hairy (race) and that men have as much right to be themselves as women (sex).
She sounds incredibly stuipid and I'm so sorry you had to put up with her. She is also using her power as a 'teacher' to manipulate and embarress young people who are supposedly in her care and that power is being abused. Certainly not something a 'teacher' should be doing.
Complain, write to the school, get it on record. Sue them!!!!
grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr I hate, despise and loath stuipid people like her