new thread
Hi guys omg its been ages sinse i posted here so first sorry for that !
I am going out of my mind please i dont know who else to go to. My hair is well its just long now.
Still the on going thing of no boyfriend is really getting to me, its just that i do like having long hair but i just cant really take all the looks i get
AND i will be going to Uni next year, i just dont want to be the boy that everyone stares at ! which i guess will happen, and now at college this happens all the time.
Also i went to see casino Royal (this sounds stupid) but i fancy that pants of that guy and it made me so depressed, i mean as if somone like that would ever go for somone like me, and it just sems like long hair is just getting in the way ?
If the kind of guy i go for is muscley and mannley i mean how ever am i going to find somone who wants me?!
i know this is probley sounding really childish but its just really getting to me and i cant stop thinking about it
if i got my hair cut what would it look like? how short shall i go? because i still want to be able to get it in a pony tale but then it that defeting the ob ject of getting it cut ??
oh please somone help, my mum just thinks its a big joke. Im going out of my mind
thanks
Ben xx
hey man remember this , Everyone has their half. Be yourself no matter what. If a person is going to like you , They will like you for who you are and not judge you solely because of your looks. Good luck to you and hang in there , You will find someone eventually.
~chris~
Hell, im 25 years old and I never got close to finding my half... its like if its out there it aint here.
Tell me about it. The very few chicks i have gone out with seem to think very low of me. Once they find out i like metal and horror movies........ Goodbye charly. Its hilarious. Last broad i went out with came over to my house and had a fit. Once she saw my horror/metal paraphernalia.....she went ape-poop. She called me a loser....hahahaaahahahhaha...sorry this story cracks me up. Well , To hell with them. Dont give up TAI-FU , """eventually"""" we will find our half.
hehe...well...at least you did't mention to these chicks that you like chess..like I did...needless to say...I didn't last long with my ex after that.But yeah...it's good that you have a thick skin about it...that's what's needed if we're ever gonna find out "other" half...so I wish you,Tai Fu,SITM, myself, and every body else that we'll eventually find our "other" half :P
Thing is most girls, especially Taiwanese girls hates heavy metal... in fact almost everyone except for the few guys that works at guitar shops hate heavy metal. That and most people dont tear up their guitar and repaint them every 6 months...
Well, whatever happens, please promise that you won't cut your hair. That would be a crime against humanity. I imagine that you'll be just fine at Uni, as the atmosphere there is quite diverse. You'll blend right in and have lots of friends. Quite frankly, I must say that you are quite attractive. But anyway, after two years of college, I can tell you that you'll be fine. No worries. You'll find the right person eventually. =)
-James
Hi Ben,
Hang in there, you WILL find someone. You have a gorgeous head of hair and it would a crime to cut it. I'm sure there is someone out there who would appreciate both your hair and you as a person, it may just take a little time to find him. All the best.
David
Well, I just had to comment on this. If you like long hair and you want to find a boyfriend then you should have no problem. Just remember that long hair isn't really all that popular in the gay community at this time and I really don't know why. A couple of guys that I know say that they like very masculine looking men and they view long hair as feminine. This one guy that I knew woke up and saw my hair and just about freaked! He thought he had went home with a woman! Well, there was some alcohol involved. Anyway, good luck. You probably won't have to look too long to find the right guy. And remember, don't cut your hair, there are a lot of guys that do like long hair.
Hmmm,
SITM, without meaning to soud insensitive, is this really as issue about hair? As many of us hetro guys mentioned in other posts regarding hair length on a woman, although we have a preference for a woman's hair length, it is the woman as a whole that is sought after. Most of us said we'd prefer a long-haired woman for first impressions...then we went on to say that if a short-haired woman with great personality and similar likes/dislikes came our way, we would, most of us, be willing to pursue that relationship.
Having long (or short) hair may get you a second look-over (something you seem to want to avoid anyway, saying that you don't want people to stare at you), but it is the YOU underneath such trivialities that really matters. And, since long hair is an expression of you, what would it serve you to try an attract others with, essentially, a lie about who you are?
If you are no longer feeling like a long-hair on the inside, then please don't keep your absolutely gorgeous head of hair for anyone's sake save your own conviction. That said, if you feel like a long hair on the inside yet feel compelled to cut it short as some imagined sort of magical entry into the attractive-to-other-men club, I think you deluding yourself and being rather hypocritical.
You said you are going to University next year? GREAT! A bigger pond with more fish = greater odds of finding the right person out there who will be attracted to and respect you for having such beautiful manlocks as well as the strenth of character and determination to keep them despite it being against the grain.
I think your hair (in case you didn't get this yet) is WONDERFUL! ENVIABLE! MAGNIFICENT! (And it suits you very well, IMO.)
but,
it is YOUR hair...
and YOUR choice.
I hope you are able to be at peace with either keeping it or with resolving to cut it, as you see fit. This indecision and fence-sitting must be very painful/challenging for you.....and such floppiness and indecision may come across to others whom you hope to attract as being noncommittal, weak.
Wishing you all the best,
Shawn (Mr.Crow)
Sorry to hear of your terrible frustrations. Just always remember that there IS someone out there for you, but you haven't found that someone, nor has that someone found you.............yet.
When least expected, that someone will suddenly appear. Just seems to be the way life works all so often. I don't think cutting your hair would solve the problem as the "right" person for you has to see and know you for what you really are.
Just hang-in there as best as you can.
It is completely okay to be picky about who you date! This leads to a lot less relationships (yes, I would know, all too well as a matter of fact), but I think it's better to be patient and find someone who you truly like and who truly likes you back than having random meaningless relationships.
I've been having the problem recently with finding any girls at my school. A lot of the girls I've met are REALLY cute, but I'm in no way interested in persuing them because they tend to be way too dumb. I met this girl recently who is interested in me and is smart, but I honestly can't say she's physically attractive. It has be bothering the hell out of me for weeks because she's a good person, but her physical appearance is keeping me from asking her out. I know if I did ask her out though, I'd have a little voice in the back of my head constantly bothering me saying that I don't really find her attractive.
Always remember to be yourself in a relationship or else your subconcious WILL start to get to you after a while and it will end up hurting relationships in the long run. This isn't just about the hair, but everything about you. If at some point you must cut your hair to be true to yourself, that's okay too (although I'm by no means encouraging cutting your hair). It's the reasons behind decisions that make them good or bad!
Ben, first of all you look fantanstic! Second, I firmly believe that if you are confident in yourself, in your soul, that it wouldn't matter if you had an extra head attached to your shoulders. Have you ever noticed how some people, dealt the worst set of cards, still walk around with their head held high? They have plenty of friends and yes, relationships that flourish. It is all because of confidence! So beginning now, just believe in yourself and hold your head high! Those stares will be in admiration!
(Remember also that even the most beautiful people can be miserable because of lack of confidence.)
Take care,
Bruce
First, statistics about the prevalence of long hair among Mormons, Gays, or Nascar fans are not relevant. In looking for a mate, you are not looking for an aggregate of people. You are searching for the one or two or three people in your space orbit with whom you can communicate and be yourself.
Second, it is unlikely that you will find your life mate when you are 16. In the meantime, make sure you understand contraception and disease control, and be intimate with those who are open and honest with you. Do not make promises other than to respect and take no advantage, except never stand anyone up on a date. You may be stood up, just never do it.
Third, Specifically SITM, I suggest that you tie your hair up in a tail, a braid, a bun, but keep it still in public. Don't let it be the first and only aspect of you that someone sees. You can always let down your hair in private. Frist show your warmth, your acceptance, your interest, your consideration...
Fourth, Forget about your hair, but do not cut it for you will regret it.
Fifth, be friendly to everyone you meet. Do not fail to strike up a conversation when you are in a cue, waiting for your limousine to come to the curb, nor while at the department of social services applying for food stamps, or in the check out lines of groceries. Groceries are also good places to meet people You can always ask which is the better brand regardless of the aisle you are in. Some will tell you they have no idea and walk away, and others will take you on as their protege in grocery shopping.
Sizth, there are also two long hair gay hair internet sites. One seems more in keeping with this board, and the other seems to contain a bit of - I am not sure of the word -- grunge. No, that's not right, let's say explicit sexuality.
Seventh, it takes time. but be the best person you can be and you will find someone better than you expect.
Caledonian
Wow, great answer, as a gay male, I can tell you long haired guys rock my world!
If you are 16 it is crush time, not mate time.
I have found the more muscle the less they look at anyone else but muscle....
Gay's are no different then any other group, we have clicks to. You are a very pretty boy, and a lucky boy will find you. have no fear! But as said before please play safe your to special not to stay healthy
Paul
You know, I disagree with this sentiment: If you are 16 it is crush time, not mate time. I found my boyfriend (With whom,I've been with for 2 3/4 years **it'll be three in march** When I was 17. Don't take people lightly just because they are sixteen, their relationships can have just as much depth as an older person.
Ben, I know it seems like it'll never happen, and you'll be alone forever Ect...ect...ect. But you have to remember he'll come to you, when it's time, meanwhile, I wouldn't cut your hair, you're gorgeous with it, and did you ever think, that, maybe they are staring at you because your handsome... Sorry I didn't respond earlier, my mac was on the fritz **I had to re-seat my RAM, god only knows why.**
*Shin*
I have to agree with Shin, They probally stare at you BECAUSE of your GORGEOUS HAIR!!! Maybe they are jealous??? (I know I am)
Hi guys, just wanted to say thanks for ur support, i probley did write that message in a rush and not really thought about it but i needed to say it
Well for thoes who are unsure, let me explain
I am a confedent person very open and friendly and get along with people easley, its just at college, i feel that i am judged all the time like people are looking at me and thinking "why on earth has he got long hair" so then that makes me less confedent, Then there is a part of me that sais "be proud to have long hair" and i want to be proud but it is differcult.
As looking for a boyfriend as somone put it lol, well i am 18 not 16.
And yea i find older muscley guys attractive, and i just think to myself, that they wont find me attractive because i have long hair and i am not really really camp but i can be.
Then i think well even if i had short hair would that fancy me, hmm i dont think they would lol, but hmmm its like i am split on the feeling if u get me, omg this sounds well complicated but neway thanks for ur comments,
the only thing i am gonna do is get about 2 inches trimmed off and have it layered because of when i tie it up because it longer its soooo heavy and pulls the hair band out and i have to redo it like 10 times a day lol
Ben xxxx
Hi Ben, sure glad you're not gonna cut your BEAUTIFUL HAIR off. That would be a HUGE mistake, if a guy is gonna like you, he will like you for who you are. I personally get excited when I see a guy with beautiful long hair like yours. How about a pic of the back before and after your trim???
Thake care and GOOD LUCK!!!
Hey Ben!
Your hair is so beautiful!
Please do not cut them!
I would like to have my hair as yours!
You are so ok with long hair, please keep them growing!
Why don't you share us some more pics of your hair now?
Let's have also some pics wearing a ponytail!
DO NOT CUT YOUR HAIR, I REPEAT!
Sim
Ben, a SLIGHT trim might be ok, but DO NOT succumb to the temptation to get layers. People who get layers invariably live to regret it later/ An occasional (even frequent) minor inconvenience in dealing with your hair is worth the trouble.
With regard to the age old question of finding someone, there are plenty of fish in the sea. I know how strong the yearning for a relationship can be, but don't change yourself so fundamentally just to try to fit into a relationship mode. Have trust that at the right time, there will be someone who appreciates and even cherishes you with your long hair. That's the kind of relationship worth a wait. Anything else simply would amount to "filling time" anyway. There are resources out there for gay guys with long hair. Perhaps that would be a good place to start.
http://www.gaylonghair.com/board/
Hi Ben, you will probably like this site. It is the sister board to the hyperboard and is for gay men. Check it out, you will like it. There are currently about 6 members there in the UK.
As for your hair, I would suggest you just let it grow. Cutting layers into it is a very bad idea, and it will take years to grow it out. To get your ponytail to stay tied try using 2 ties. Put the first tie on, then put the second tie on top of the other one, nesting them together. I have to use this method myself due to my extreme hair length. My ponytail is a meter in length, and a single tie does not stay put.
Finally, changing yourself to please other potential partners is a bad idea. Find someone who loves you just as you are. Love should be un-conditional. People who want you to cut your hair, or change yourself radically, are likely to be control freaks, and should be avoided. Those types of people will only cause you pain.
Absalom
Hi
Ben
Well I wouldnt cut it at all it looks superb to me its getting you down your only 18 now there is plenty of time to meet a guy you might end up meeting a guy that has long hair same as yourselfthen again he will probably have short hair i mean have you ever considered that most gay guys wear there hair short because they enjoy cutting it short that way Id be patent as the right guy will come along no matter how you have your hair !!
Axel
I think we all wonder about something that coulda happened if we looked different- (was whatever I'm doing for facial hair at the moment a big turnoff? (or on other days, the lack of it?)- should I have dressed up more, or down more, or just differently, or let the hair down, or ponytailed it, or ordered wine instead of a beer, or what?)
The thing is, there's just no knowing what the other person finds attractive, so just be true to yourself. Show the world the you you want to be, and you will offer something to your romantic others something you couldn't otherwise- sincerity. And the strength and stability of character that comes from being yourself.
Get out, go to dances and pubs and museums and all that. The more you're out, the more people you run across, the more chances you'll have of running into a Mr. Right (or even a Mr. Right-Now ;) ) Don't go out _searching_, mind you, that gets tedious fast. Just go out and live life. I'm willing to be that there's more than one older guy with big muscles out there somewhere who thinks you're hot. (and then, of course, you might just fall in love with someone who's the complete opposite of what you expected...).
My advice on the hair would be to leave it as-is. It looks really good on you. I got layers once, and it was a big mistake. Looked ok for a while, but it got really messy really easily, and I could no longer get it all in a ponytail, and... urgh. layers bad.
good luck!
-sectari