new thread
I'd like to share some thoughts about surviving the famous "awkward stage" of hair growth that happens to all of us whenever we first attempt to grow our hair long. So, I just decided this morning to simply write an "open letter" about it...
It seems as if more guys than ever are coming to this site now, asking pretty much the same questions re. how to get through this difficult time period, --- especially hoping for long hair intact by the end of their journey! As for myself, I've been through this awkward phase TWICE, --- and, oddly enough, the 2 experiences were completely different from each other... which is all the more reason why I feel my sharing might help someone out here. For example, my "Awkward Phase #1" happened to me in the early '90s. Then after a devastating short haircut in Y2K, exactly 10 years later I had to re-experience the whole awkward thing all over again, --- which I conveniently call, "Awkward Phase #2". But, it's in the hearing of the details of these two totally different experiences that may give the most encouragement and hope to anyone now going through this painful process... So, here goes!
AWKWARD STAGE #1 (early '90s):
All my life I had wanted to grow my hair long... but, it wasn't until the early '90s that my determination became strong enough to "bite the bullet" and ride out as best as I could those wild & weird-looking "in-between" stages of hair growth that happen somewhere beyond "shaggy" but before ponytail...
I had tried many times before to grow my hair out; but had previously always caved in to either work pressures, negative comments from family and/or friends, or last but not least, that nasty illusive "fashion police" that seems so ever-present in our society...
But, for some reason in early '91, things felt different: my gut told me I was ready to finally feel success this time. in hind-sight, the biggest obstacles I had to overcome was really my own self-consciousness. So, I did literally ANYthing to make it to the goal of long hair... I wore hats (LOTS of 'em). I used gel (TONS of it). I used hairspray (YUCK). I went in for frequent trims and several re-styling / re-shaping cuts (averaging about every 6 months). Then in the summer of '93 I had a 40th birthday party, --- and THAT was the first day I remember being able to get it all (or at least, *nearly* all) of my hair back into a ponytail!!!
By the mid-'90s I decided to keep growing my hair even longer, --- eventually reaching my lower back by the end of '99. By that time I had gradually lessened my hair trims down to only once a year's removing of only about an inch (to mostly cut off the split ends, but also to do some minor degree of re-shaping).
I was VERY happy with my long hair! But then one day, the unthinkable happened: I impulsively decided to just cut it all off!! That fateful day happened on June 21st, in the year 2000. It was a stupid decision, unfortunately not thoroughly thought-out very well... Let's just say it was heavily influenced by a lot of "mid-life crisis" issues I was going through at the time...
My decision to re-grow my hair was almost immediate, --- as well as even more COMMITTED to *keeping* it long now. So, by late Y2K and all through 2001, I was once again having to go through those dreaded "awkward stages" all over again...
And now here's the interesting part: this 2nd time around was TOTALLY different for me. For one thing, because I had already been through the experience once already, i without a doubt **knew** I could make it through the difficulties of seeing my hair go through all sorts of weirdo looking stages, --- and, quite frankly, could have cared less what other people thought this time around!! ALL I CARED ABOUT WAS GETTING MY LONG HAIR BACK. Period! So, I went in for very few trims. I also rarely used any gel, as well as rarely wore hats. And i NEVER used any of that nasty, sticky hairspray! The only "aide" I did enjoy using, however, was that of wearing bandanas, --- which, in fact, I still think they're a hell of a lot of fun, and look very cool on me!
In both cases of growing my hair out, I did not know about this hyperboard (in fact, didn't even own or know how to use a computer until '03).
Currently, my hair is just now touching the very top of my belt (so I am looooooong past any "awkward atage" by now - lol), --- which is even longer than my old record from late '99 and early Y2K!!!!
So, here's my conclusions and a summary of how to survive the awkward phase of growing one's hair out: EITHER method (method #1 or method #2) will get you to where you want to go... So, whether you decide to use hairspray or not, gel or not, hats or not, go in for trims or not... it just won't matter! BUT, the FASTEST way to get out of the "awkward" and into the loooooong part I would have to say was my method #2. But, it's really all up to you. Everybody is a unique individual, which includes a unique set of life-circumstances, --- as well as totally different hair-types, different economic circumstances, job situations, social pressures upon them, different personal pholosophies, set of aesthetics, etc., etc... So, in a nutshell... Do it YOUR way! And then when you're all finished feeling "awkward", please come here and then tell us all about it!!!
Hope this helps the many who may be tempted to cut, to fight the good fight instead, --- and keep it growing!!
Sincerely,
Ken in San Francisco
Hi Ken,
Great post for all the newbies out there, and all dealing with the awkward stage no matter how far along they are! My hair always seems in the awkward phase lol! I was wondering when you plan to post an update--I want to see that belt length hair! I yearn for waist length hair myself but don't know if I'll ever get there. I'm dealing with the fact that I have been diagnosed with early MPB, naturally I'm a little down right now, as I don't know what my hair has for me down the road. Anyway, keep it growing!
David
Thanks, David. I'll do an update with pics probably in Jan.
- Ken
I´ll definately go for hats and possibly a little gel later on. The only problem with hats is that I can´t use them at work, which really sucks since I work i a restaurant, around lots of people. >_<
Hey Ken - I've just finished (and love saying it) my 3rd awkward stage! I'll spare you all the details of the first 2, but this last one was a breeze. Like you, after my last (and final) haircut I knew the very next day (maybe sooner) that I would grow it back. I was so determined to do so that I could care less what other people thought and enjoyed (well not every day) every little bit of growth nomatter how insignificant. I actually looked forward to the awkward stage! With my prior experiences, both pro and con, in addition to what I'd gleaned from this board, I did a few things differently (or not at all) this time around and my hair and the whole process turned out a little better. Don't get me wrong, I am still FAR from where I want to be (at "only" 17 months.) It's not Looooooooong yet but it's getting there and the future (of my hair) is bright. As you said, having done it before we KNOW we'll get through it, that's a fact. We're also more determined perhaps, than a "first timer" because we've had it, loved it, cut it, missed it (a lot) and have committed to growing it back. There's also something to be said for the process itself. Though loooooong hair is the goal, the act of getting there has many incremental steps, rewards, rights of passage and milestones along the way: many of which are shared here with are fellow longhairs. Thanks for sharing your insights and experiences. It gave me a chance to reflect on my own unique process and feel conected to someone on the same road. Bruce'ster
extremely well said!!!there is more than one way to do things...it's people like you that make me keep comin back here everyday!!
I'm currently using method #2,even though I'm going through the awkward phase for the first time.I've never gelled,hairsprayed my hair,nor wore a hat...I guess I'm lucky that I have easy hair to work with!! :)
First time growing out - used tons of gel and other stuff to try and keep it neat.
Second time growing out - left it alone.
I suppose the first time is the passage of uncertainty - you don't know what your hair will look like long, and you're uncomfortable about it looking messy, so you try and keep it neat.
When you go through it all again, you know exactly what you'll end up with at the end of the journey, so it's less of a worry, more of a - "Get me that long hair now!"
This is my second time also, and I agree with your notion that you just don't sweat it having already done it once before.
Happy Holidays,
Bruce