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I would like to ask other guys if they have had the same problem as me when growing their hair. My hair is now about a couple of inches short of shoulder length and covers my ears at the sides - I am growing out the layers. Recently, I have started to be addressed as miss or madam by sales people etc when they see me from the back, or sides but even from the front - now I am not feminine by any description - 6' tall and weigh around 200lbs and very broad - so what is it. Initially I thought they may be sarcastic but it has happened too often and somethimes you can even see confusion in peoples faces. It is just the hair length, or is it the way it is cut or is it something else about me that I don't know about. Has this happened to anyone else. Obviously it is embarassing for both parties so I am keen to find out if I can do something about it. By the way I am not exagerating, recently this happened every other day over a two week period.
I have wavy-permed hair down to the small of my back, with bangs down my eyebrows in front. I wear it either loose, ponytailed, or with the front pulled back to a braid or bun.
I often get mistaken, particulary from the back and sides. Sometimes I enjoy it, and other times it is bothersome. My personal taste is to have a somewhat feminine look, but still appear as a guy.
Easy solution: grow a beard. It doesn't work 100% of the time, but it cuts out most of those comments. I've been addressed as ma'm or some such only a few times, whistled at only once (by some guys in a pickup truck who were very disappointed when they passed me walking on the sidewalk) while I've had a beard. Although the record length for a beard on a woman is 14 inches or so, most people assume you're male if you have a beard.
Yup, works every time from the front and never from the back, but I'm your typical nordic-looking 6' 200 lbs man (and no longer living in the mid-West, where nordic-looking is the standard) who couldn't be mistaken for a woman from the front in any case.
Oddly, in my case, this *only* happens on the street, and those people quickly apologise (I have a large frame and tend to dress in leather - it's funny how eager some people have been to apologise, like I was threatening them, when I simply turned around to figure out who they were talking to).
Although the funniest single instance was on a cold night when I lent my heavy leather trenchcoat to a female friend (making her look like she had my shoulders from behind), a woman made a comment on the bus to her that "his" hair was as nice of a shade of red as "his sister's" and that more men were growing their hair long these days...
it took us a moment to figure out what they were talking about (since our first reaction was that she was addressing me (since people have thought we were siblings before - I guess redheads not related to each other never hang out together), and once we did figure it out, we were laughing too hard to even catch her apology (for getting both genders wrong).
-Coyote Pup
I think I'm going to save certain selected messages for a sort of scrapbook down the road. This one is an obvious candidate. If anybody has any other candidates they'd like to suggest, please e-mail me. This is an open-ended invitation. One of these days I'll post a compilation of these just as many sites have FAQs.
I get that a lot myself. Basically, I see it this way:
MOST men have crew-cuts, hence, they're easily identifiable. Women, by "tradition", have always had the long hair; hence, it's understandable to have someone mistake you for a woman when approaching you from the back or the side. Personally, I laugh at it, and assure whomever addressed me that their confusion's ok, and perfectly understandable. I have yet to be offended by it because I know where it comes from. You just have to take it in strides. You get used to it after a while. It all boils down to how comfortable you feel with, and how humorous you find the notion of being mistaken for a woman; and, if you like your hair well enough, you'll find that it really doesn't bother you as much.
On a personal note, I was in the same position you are now when I first started growing my hair out in high school. When it was finally long enough to pony-tail, I was SO unbelievably self-concious. I wasn't the least bit comfortable with people looking at me as some kind of female wanna-be. It took a few weeks, but I finally settled with it, and have kept it growing ever since. I even moved "up" from the typical "manly" hair-tie (your basic elastic band with the metal connector) to a large black velvet scrunchie (which I absolutely LOVE), mainly due to the fact that as my hair was getting longer, I was pullling more out with the band. Scrunchies are very soft, and thick, and just sliiiiiiiide off (grin). The only time I wear an elastic band anymore is when I want to keep the pony tail firmly in place when I wear the black silk ribbon I bought at a craft store a year ago. (ribbons in men's pony tails should've never died out. They look and FEEL *SO* schique.) I do not, however, wear one of those white colonial whig with it. ;)
Granted, neither the ribbon nor the scrunchie help lesson the risk of being mistaken for a woman, but I love the two accessories so much that I really couldn't care less. I am what I am, I look the way I want to look, and if I confuse people, well, gee... darn. What's a long-hair to do? :)
All the best to ya, and don't sweat the mistaken identity. You know what you are, right? Well, then, that's all the matters. :)
Just a quick story to share with you (this is really funny, too). :)
When my wife and I were still engaged, we were at Dillards one afternoon looking for items we wanted to register. I had my pony tail in, with the ribbon I mentioned earlier firmly tied into a basic shoe-lace knot. I was wearing a pair of jeans, my biker boots, a white t-shirt and a black sport coat (tapered in the back). My wife was wearing one of her dresses. A store clerk came up behind us and said, "May I help you ladies with anything?" We both chuckled as we turned to face the clerk. The look on her face was priceless. It turned a bright red, and she apologized for the confusion. We assured her it was ok, and that no offense had been taken, and she wound up being the one to help us select our wedding gifts.
To this day, my wife and I look back on that moment and just laugh. If anything, and assuming she thought we were gay, her confusion told us she was quite comfortable with the possibility that we were a couple of lesbians shopping for our wedding gifts, and wanted to help us anyway. That's a point on Dillards's favor for customer service. hehe
I have had the same problem.. Salutations as "ma'am" and "miss" are rare do do happen. Once, several years ago, I was in the hospital with blood poisoning.. They actually had 'Ms. VanEmerson'
on my wrist!! I'm six-five and just over two hundred.. DUH!!
I Have straight hair, all one length, past the middle of my back. I take very good care of it. Every now and then someone calls me miss too. I am not offended. I take it as a compliment on the way my hair looks.