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Hi, I've got shoulder length blond hair but usually wear it in a pony. I've noticed in the last couple of weeks that I'm being mistaken for a woman.
On Saturday, I was in a cafe with my wife when the waitress came over and asked "What can I get you Ladies?'
It's starting to get to me. Is it just part of having long hair? People have this sterotypical view and assume I'm a woman, or is it because I was wearing Baggy clothes?
Do I need to grow a beard, get some tatoos and wear a vest to show off my hairy chest?
Any body had the same experience, or got any recommendations?
thanks Forsen
We recommend dying your hair jet black and pretending that you are "the crow" from the movie, guaranteed to work! We also recommned mouse
Too many people are putting animals such as mouse and moose on their hair. You should be putting on mousse instead.
nm
This is an issue that has been treated on this board before, but since the archive index is broken it is impossible to navigate to the messages where it was discussed. However, the most important points to arise from the discussions were first that a beard or other facial hair is extremely useful in preventing misidentification when you are seen from the front, and second that extremely long hair (i.e., longer than mid back) may increase your risk of being misidentified when seen from behind especially if it is worn "open" and you are of a relatively slight build. The second point evidently does not apply to you now, but the first is one you should seriously consider.
It is an unfortunate but unescapable fact that long hair, in the absence of obvious male markers like a beard or a big, muscular build (or certain other clues when sufficiently obvious), strongly favors a female gender identification in the minds of most observers. This is probably further complicated now that clothing is a less reliable gender identifier than it once was (many kinds of clothes, especially many kinds that once would have been thought of as best suited for males (even including baggy jeans), are now considered appropriate for either sex in most situations). I would say one of the best and most natural ways for a long-haired man to avoid gender misidentification is for him to simply allow the other part of his natural hair complement that is uniquely his -- his beard -- to be expressed even if only as a mustache or goatee.
Archive index has been fixed.
It has happened to me many, many times.
My hair is 2-3 inches below shoulder length and I wear it loose most of the time.
Usually the waitress (or, waiter) is quite embarrased.
I just make light of it and turn it into a joke.
Actually, I consider it a kind of compliment that my hair apparently looks good enough to be mistaken for a woman. (Women usually know how to properly care for hair.)
Hello,
I think you should present yourself how you like it. A beard helps to distinguish you from a woman but it is not always appreciated and it gives another outfit. I also think (as mentioned in another comment) that your hair must be in a very good condition. I remember in my teens and twenties I was sometimes confused with a woman from the back, but I don't worried about that. I liked it to look feminine but I never had doubt about my gender.
wolfgang
Hi Forsen,
This happens to my long haired boys on a fairly regular basis, as well.
What I tell them is to pick their battles, look at the person who's made the error (sometimes it's not an error and is done quite intentionally) and ask yourself, "Is this person worth spending the time and energy to explain things to?". If so, correct them....usually someone who's making the effort will be so embarassed at making the mistake in the first place, that they'll be more sensitve in the future. If not, just chalk it up to human stupidity and forget about it. There will always be ignorant people who make a big deal about physical attributes...but, I honestly don't think anyone should take other people's stupidity personally.
In all honestly, growing a beard or showing off your hairy chest probably won't make a big diffence, unless you have an unusually pretty face.
I've also experienced that several times, and I have slightly longer than shoulder length hair which I usually wear loose. It helps that I have a goatee, people usually only make that mistake from behind and when I'm seated (they can't see my face or build). And I never take offense since it is always an honest mistake - there are very few long haired men where I live. In fact, I almost take it as a compliment, since it means I have arrived as a long-haired man.
I went into a hardware store to buy some staples, and the old man in the background came up to me and said "What can I help you with, young lady?".
I said "Thanks, but I'm not a lady".
He said "I'm sorry, sir. What can I help you with?". I think this is partly because I don't wear my hair in a pony, it just hangs down my back.
Aaaanyway, I asked him about the staples, and he directed me to them.
The thing is, I had on shorts and a T-shirt, and you could plainly see my hairly legs and underarm hair........they still thought I was a WOMAN.
I don't think its thier fault, its just something that's common when a man has long hair.
I try to grow facial hair, but mine doesn't really grow that well, and I look kinda wierd.
I don't mind it, because like I said, it usually not thier fault.....
I've learned to live with it. :)
Never has happened to me. The above is me from the back. I guess I just don't look very female. :-)
I have worked for a Supermarket here in Germany. Some day, a Woman came to me, while i was storing something into the boards. She has seen me from behind, and said : "Can you please help me, young miss !" ;-) I must say, that first i was a little upset, but then i was proud about it, because this showes, theat my hair has grown very good ! :-))
Sometimes I think it is a purposeful insult, whereby the guy, usually, says "miss", "mam". Especially as I have a beard.
Is that your site? Because I get tons of Javascript errors when I open the page. Not to mention the annoying popups.
The Popups came, because i have 2 frames, and the Provider of my webspace likes to make promotion ! ;-)
But Javascript ??? I have not put Javascripts on my Site ! Very strange! I have Jave there, but not Javascript !
But i must tell you, the site is in German ! ;)
Here is the code that is erroring out:
Well, that worked like a charm!
I didn't see any JavaScript on my browser, and I'm pretty sure that it's checked on (and it does work, too!) Could it be that HyperBoard has a security feature that prevents control by JavaScript?
It has nothing to do with the hyperboard. If I type http://www.longhairedboy.de.vu/ directly into the address line, I still get the Javascript errors. Note that I am using IE 5.5. At work I use IE5.0 and also receive the scripting errors.
I notice the JavaScript errors too (if you keep your eyes on the status line).
But I mean that the JavaScript code isn't working on this message!
I have also been mistaken for a girl. Not because my hair is really all that long but because of the cut that I have and the healthiness of my hair. I have my hair cut in a one length bob below my ears with bangs and a clippered nape. To most people this is a girl's style but I love it and that is what matters. I have no facial hair because when I let it grow it is in like patches that look horrible. I don't mid my hair being feminine. Many times someone has approached me from behind and said "Can I help you miss" or "Excuse me miss" I giggle to myself and turn around to see the look on their faces. I actually take it as a compliment for having healthy, shiny, pretty hair which is usually associated with girls. Don't sweat it. Enjoy it.
Be glad that you have long hair, even if you are mistaken for a girl. At least you don't have boring short hair like most other dudes.
It's happened to me once, so I guess that's not so bad. I know there have been several times when I saw someone with long hair and I either thought it was a woman or I couldn't tell. When I noticed it was in fact a man, I didn't think they looked feminine or anything, especially when it's someone driving by in a car and all you can see is long hair.
I was in a very dark, smoky bar once when I felt someone behind me touching or playing with my hair. I turned around on my stool and there was some guy there, with a substantial lock of my hair in his hand (it was nearly down to my waist at the time). He turned ghostly white, and said "Oh! Dude! I'm real sorry!". Then he turned around and headed right out the door, never to be seen again. Happened so fast I never reacted one way or another. But come to think of it, even if I was a woman, he certainly overshot his boundaries. Maybe he thought I was his girlfriend?
ROFL. One time I was walking along the side of a rode and a pickup truck full of guys drove passed, whistling and carrying on. The look on their faces was priceless after they passed and saw my beard.
When I had hair that was waist length I never had the same problem. I also had a mustache (spelling?) at the time which helped. I also wore big jeans (jncos, 50", 40", 36" and 30") which helped too.
I don't know why, but I get mistaken for a girl all the time. Usually at least twice a week. Once I got mistaken 3 times in 2 days. My hair is not that long (not yet shoulder length) and it is not great, yet this is a common thing for me. I overhear little kids occasionally trying to figure out if I'm a guy or a girl, and people when I'm at work always come up to me from behind (or even from the side when my hair is tucked behind my ears and away from my face!) and say "excuse me, miss?" Then when I look at them they look embarrassed, while some just apologize and laugh it off. Some people seem to not be able to tell if I really am a guy! 2 times some older people looked me straight in the face and referred to me as "she" or called me "miss." It doesn't bother me, I don't mind looking feminime (I'm not gay), I'm just curious what it is that makes me look so much like a girl!
well i think that a beard would look nice too i just love blond beards.
I had it happen to me once a couple years back, in the restroom of the CNN Center of all places. A guy came up behind me and adressed me as "miss". When I turned around he apologized and even said his son had long hair. Other than a couple of jackasses who worked at Block Buster once doing it on purpose that's it for me.
I have frequently been mistaken for female, but I choose to wear my hair in feminine styles, and I often go out in large hoop earrings.
I started years ago when I first grew out my hair to waist length and being in the south, was jeered at by rednecks. I noticed when I wore it down I was more likely to be mistaken and then whistled at instead of threatened--okay with me! Then, when I had feathered bangs cut (and the rest still waist-long) I really took on a feminine look which I liked. After that I wore straight-cut bangs with similar results. I think having some kind of bangs makes a statement that you've chosen a style and are not just some kind of rebellious independent. But, it is a feminine statement.
I also enjoy other styles by wearing wigs. I started a Yahoo club for those who like to wear wigs--see the link below.
What part of the south are you in? I'm also in the south with the rednecks. I have my hair cut in a one length bob below my ears with bangs and a clippered nape. Feminine yes. Do I care? No. I love my hair in this style because of the shape movement and versatility. I also have no problem being feminine and have been mistaken for a girl a number of times.
I had longish hair (down to my chin, one length
all the way around) since I was 21. I'm 28 now.
Six months ago I went blonde, and I bleached it another
couple times since then. It was kinda damaged from all
that. I got it cut last weekend with clippers almost
down to the scalp.
The reason I cut it was that female friends were
telling me (in a nice way) that it didn't look good,
especially after the repeated bleachings.
Over the years I've had long hair, I got the feeling
that most women prefer short hair on guys (I'm not
saying all women, but maybe 80%). I just decided
that I want to date the ones who prefer short hair.
Also, I wanted to get rid of the damaged, bleached
hair and start fresh with natural brown.
So I decided to cut it. Now I can't stand it.
I feel naked. I look goofy. I've decided to grow
it back--how long will it take though? I would say
at least a year for it to get past the ears. I'll
probably try biotin or fo-ti to make it grow faster.
Comments? Suggestions? Emotional support?
Andy
Oops!
The bleaching probably didn't help with things...
Ok...
So, you just had a momentary lapse of judgement. It'll grow back. You want to do both Biotin and Fo-Ti to get the proper growth rate. I'd do 3 Biotin 600 tablets and 2 Fo-Ti capsules per day. This time, let it grow longer than just the ears. I'd go for at least the shoulders, maybe longer.
-J
One piece of advice, don't bleach it again. That can be very hard on both the hair and the scalp. Besides, there's no point in being a blonde if it doesn't look good.
Sorry Andy, but why would you want to date only chicks who are turned off by the way you look? Even if we accept your premise (which I do not), and eliminate that 80 percent, that still leaves a potential dating pool of millions and millions. It may take awhile, but it *will* grow back.
. . . JP in san diego.
I've met some younger chicks in their twenties that prefer short hair, while most of the women im my age group(thirties) prefer Longer hair to crewcuts on Men in general.
yeah, i agree with this assessment.
it's because male long hair is more a thing
of their (30 year olds) time. it's kinda
out of style now. i rarely see a long hair
with a young hottie. they all have to date
the old chicks.
can you post a b4 and after pic so we can tell you which way looks better?
There is this wonderful, oldest remedy known to man called
- time -
Takes some patience, though.
With average hair growth you'll need about 2 years to get it to shoulder length; longer, if it is curly.
Good luck!
Schrofenrampfer
I'd say about three months to cover the ears since he got a crewcut and probably about a year to get to shoulder length.
maybe a little longer. however, some peoples hair grow slowly.
I've had crewcuts and generally after about three months my hair is over the entire ears, believe it or not!
Dude.. Sorry to hear about your hair. It took me about 2 years to get mine back to about mid-back length. I also cut mine off about 2 years ago and also regretted it. I was always afraid of looking like some sort of throw-back or something. but I get real good response from the women that "matter". I feel more like myself with it longer, and isn't that what is most important?
I had long hair and i enjoyed the ultimate satisfaction of female
attention.Women love long hair, period.
I cut my hair last year because a lot of people had adviced me to do so and later found out that they were just jealous.
I am growing it again...
long hair rules...
peace
It happened to me once in a department store; the guy vanished so fast when I turned around and he saw my beard I would almost swear there was a sonic boom. ;)
I think some of the stories people have posted show that there are people for whom the "long hair = woman" thing is *DEEPLY* ingrained; an interesting (though possibly annoying) testament to the power of cultural programming.
BikerMane
The most humorous time anyone ever mistook me for a woman as in the Halls of the University of Minnesota campus.
About two years ago, I was walking down a long hall, near the theater department, when a girl about four or five years was walking toward me on the other side of the hall. A woman I think was her mother was with her at the time.
Even with a frontal view and could clearly see my face, the girl pointed at me and said, "That's a beautiful lady."
Her mother looked at me once and said, "Not quite."
Her mother's commentary must have confused the girl.
This has given me some enjoyment over the years.
I like telling it to other people.
Multi HMX-12
yes i have been mistaken a few times for a girl (once or two), but 4 years ago i had short hair, and some guy mistaked me for a girl also, hehe!
Happened to me more frequently before I had long hair. So, YMMV. It also helps to have a bit of facial hair (in my case, a somewhat scraggly, but not long beard)...
-J
I ignore people saying, "Ma'am" to me as if I don't hear them. I had a canvaser for some charity address me as "Ma'am" while standing behind me at a pier on Charleston Harbour. She must have said it a dozen times before tapping my shoulder. She was embarrased as hel and appologized profusely when she saw my beard. I told her not to be offended but that she ought to give a LH'ed person's hips and fanny a quick once-over if she sees them from behind. An adult woman while standing has child-bearing hips and a rounder backside. I am NOT saying this for a lacivious reason, there are plenty of sites to post lacivious hypertexts, but she ended up asking me if it was too late to give my fanny a quick once-over! :)
Once, when I was in a worse mood, and with the mistaken party being a guy, I said, "Do I look like a B@#*h to you?" Dude bought me a shot and appologized. Turns out he was being civil, not intimidated; he was a member of the Sons of Silance, a Motorcycle Club which may or may not be of the Outlaw varity and whose business is very much their own. They are full of Longhairs on the order of 3 to 1. I ran up on 'em once before when I was gigging at a South Dakota scooter bar. If this guy had intended to disrespect me, he would have been prepared to back it up. I had challanged the wrong dude and got lucky!
Similar experience:
Leaving work from evening shift of an ex-job, while waiting for the buses the Johns would slow to cruise me until they saw by my face and lack of knockers that I was a guy: then they'd speed away.
I used to throw rocks, but that's not applicable to waitresses in restaurants . . . :)
Take it as a compliment that you have nice hair, not fried and ugly.
Learn to laugh easier, the mistake (for that is what it was) was innocent enough.
LeafCatcher
I have been mistaken for a lesbian.
I was sitting on a park bench with my girlfreind at the time, and heard a group of guys behind me saying something about "look at those lesbians." I glanced around and did not see any, it took me a couple of minutes to realize they were talking about me and the woman I was with.
On another occasion, my wife and I had a flat tire on a busy highway. I was in the middle of changing it when a cop stopped, presumably to be a knight in shinning armor. As he merrily appoached he said "Do y'all need some help" and when I turned to face him it was like a light switch went off in his head that changed his whole demeanor. He immediatly did a 180 and as he was walking, stiffly, to his car he muttered "I will park here until y'all are finished so that no one will hit you while you are on the side of the road."
These things are going to happen if you wear long hair, get used to it. I find them less troublesome, and a whole lot more amusing than all the time and products necassary to keep it looking good, and professional.