new thread
Hello, world. My name is Grant. I'm 20 years of age, and I'm attending college in Phoenix, Arizona right now.
Anyway, my history with wanting long hair has been a distressing one. I've wanted long hair since I was a child. "That one guy" had it, Simon Belmont had it, Richter, Juste, Sephiroth, Alucard, some of my friends, Vincent, Magus, most rock stars, etc. I always thought it looked awesome.
The question remained: How come everybody thinks all those people/characters are cool, but when I want to have long hair, the complaining never ends? I don't think anybody ever told Sephiroth to cut his hair, they value their lives more than that! XD
Every time I would start growing my hair out, my mom would make me get it cut. Then my friends mom. Then people at school would make fun of me (more than usual). The list goes on.
Well, I'm 20 years old now, and if I'm going to put my foot down at any point in my life, I might as well have one decision of my very own. I'm growing long hair, because I always thought I would look better with it. Suits my personality better. I haven't met a lot of guys with long hair before, but most of my favorite fictional characters have had long hair, and that probably had a psychological effect on me somehow.
The point is, short hair looks like a suppression of one's "true" appearance to me, if you understand what I'm saying. The "real" me has long hair, preferably down to my knees. Short hair just looks weird. It doesn't flow, and it just doesn't look very nice.
Of course, everybody else cares to differ. My dad is ashamed of me, my mom hates me, my sister's friends have no idea she has a brother, and I get mean looks from people. The thing is, I have been hated for my whole life, I've never fit in. Beaten up at school, never having any friends for most of my school years, and developing a hatred for people made me have to put up with psychologists, which never helped, by the way.
To be blunt, the three friends I have now are the best I ever had, and they think I look cool with longer hair. I'm not backing down now. My sister wouldn't like me any better with short hair, I have disowned my mother and haven't seen her in years, and my dad makes me want to kill myself on a daily basis, so something like cutting my hair wouldn't do anything but make me hate being alive even more.
I hope I'm not coming off as too depressing (If I wanted that, I would bring up the fact that I don't have a bed to sleep on. :P), but I just wanted to say these things. Something as trivial as this really shouldn't require so much grief, but thankfully the means meet the end for me.
Now that I've got that intro out of the way (and if you didn't read it all, you can feel free to skip, because I'm told that I type a lot. I think it's because I almost never speak aloud in real life. -_^), I can bring in the pictures!
The last one is the most recent picture of me with short hair I have, from about eight or so years ago, when I didn't have to shave :D. The rest are what I look like right now (I especially like the first three, mostly the third one! ^_^). Yeah, I have to shave now, but I still think I look a helluva lot better. What do you think?
It's been growing for about a year and a half now, and it's about 22cm. The last time I got my hair cut, it was about the same length as that young picture of me, so that's about how fast my hair grows. It'll be far too long until my hair finally reaches my knees (hoping it can get that long!), but if it's 44cm in another year and a half, I'll actually have long hair like I've always wanted! ^_^
Hey
Grant
Firstly Welcome to the MHLL Board !
Ive read your post Im very sorry to read you have had a very torrid life though people expecting you to do as they want you to do you shouldnt let them get to you just ignore them as that will get to them more then getting depressed in yourself also sorry it didnt work out with your mum to.
Secondly like you say you are 20 now you are old enough to make your own decisions in life and you should do what you want with your hair never let others influence you in anyway its your choice alone and NO one elses I feel that you would look good with long hair I dont understand why should get picked on or bullied for having long hair.
I have to say my parents dont like my hair long either but im old enough & ugly enough to do as I pleased so we got the same negotive reaction so I do understand where you are coming from as you have not really had anyone to support you or believe in you but I hope things get better with you as your life goes
Axel
Even though you think that was a "wordy" introduction,I say it's a GREAT one!!oh and btw..I've seen posts FAAAR longer than that one..
Anyway,you seem to be a longhair in the heart.cool.So are most of the guys here!!you'll find a wonderful community of supportive longhairs here.I'm sorry to hear your parents aren't accepting of the real you.and yes,you are doing the right thing of disassociating yourself from people that don't accept you.To tell you the truth,I'm not sure how my sister and father would react to my long hair,cause I haven't seen them since I started growing out!(my sister knows that I grew it out though,I told her over the phone)
the hair is looking ace..and again,welcome!!:)
Hey, Man that cool! that you decide to grow your hair long. I think that best thing anyone with the right mind or should(hair) on there shoulders should do! this is my frist time in here . And like you iam with you long hair ROCKS.way more then short,like you said it dosent flow!!! It like every one a robot. no one have their own opion no more have you notice that? Iam sure you have that why you took matters in to your own hand!!! lol; Cool! like your self i have many roll models who have hair, hair and huh yeah hair . When i was growing up in child hood i had posters on my walll unlike your average teenager who have Chicks(not like there anything wrong with it) I away had male role models on my wall.Like you said it had a affect or effect (lol one of does)on me.I Just wana say keep going straight to the top. but I got one thing to tell you! Open your mind the more hair the more hair style you could do trust me! try to find movies with people with long hair that look dope with it. for example, chicks they could do a bunch stuff with take there example! Dont limit your ideas. also look in to hair products that really usefull.lol dont worry about people it a working process you should know that about life. You got to Haverst before you Reap! Remember we live in a age where everybody want it now! You must stand from every one else!
So remeber what i said . But good job on puting your feet down. write back!
Well, the worst of my awkward phase is over. People don't ask me "are you trying to grow an afro" when I get out of the shower. Yeah, my hair was real bad in that phase. o_O
I'm not interested in styling it, I just want a natural look. At first I wanted bangs, but since my hair curls up badly and feels very course when it's short, I've decided I want every strand of it to just grow normally. I avoid using normal hair products in favor of things like hair oils and such, and so far I think I've found some things that work well. I've read a couple hundred pages on hair care, so I'm doing things my way to see what works.
You're right, people are like robots. They care about money, success, and fame far too much. If you ask me, Grant is far more important than [insert celebrity name here], and even if my name doesn't go down in the history books, it's my opinion that matters to me, and when I'm dead it doesn't matter whether I was important to others. People think they need money and success.
Success is being happy, and being myself makes me happy. What good is money when you're dead? You could work every day of your life to afford a fancy house, but I've lived in apartments my whole life, and slept in sleeping bags too.
Money can't bring you happiness, and when I find somebody who will hire me, even if they don't pay me much, minimum wage is enough to survive. There are far more important things than money, people weren't born with credit cards for a reason.
Something is terribly wrong when this world, when you can't even look the way you want to. They like to promote freedom in this country, but you have to be a member of a specific group in order to be considered discriminated against. They ask if I'm native american, and when I say no, they're suddenly allowed to freely discriminate because the government has some law about that. I don't see how race, or the length of my hair has anything to do with my ability to bag groceries. That woman over there seems capable of doing that, and her hair is twice my length. What a bunch of bull..... -_-
Yea, I dont know whats wrong but it seems if a white person is denied job at some place because they only hire mexicans or blacks or chinese, then no one can do anything about it. But if the same thing happens to a black person, then the whole world gets mad over it.
Well , In contemporary society , Minimun wage is not enough to survive..On your own i mean. Everything is overpriced. From rent , To mortgages , Property taxes ,food , GAS! , etc......(At least in Florida)
I understand your point of view though. Money is not everything and dosent bring things like love , Health , Etc..., But , It is still somewhat important. I agree with you on the race issue. Segregation , Stereotyping and racism still exists. All i mentioned above is just my opinion. I am not debating or anything like that :-)
~Chris
P.S- Your hair looks great. Keep it growing!
Same here, man, and it was about the hair.
A lot of your tale was familiar, except that you've stood up for yourself about thirty years younger than I did. There was no place like this Hyperboard, and it was more than I could handle to confront it all totally alone. Congrats to you for taking that step.
Who says you have to shave now? [big grin through hair]
Bill
Welcome aboard Grant!
A handsome fellow such as you, doesn't deserve such disrespect.
- Oren
Welcome to our great community, Grant!
It's great to hear that you are putting your foot down and are now doing what YOU want with your hair, just ignore the negative comments. It's great that your 3 best friends are cool with your long hair, just remember you can come here for support at any time as well.
Your hair looks awesome, and the longer it gets, the better. I am so glad you are in it for the long haul, keep us updated on your journey to knee length!
All the best,
David
Don't worry, I plan to do picture updates, probably in 3 or 6 month intervals, so just stay tuned. :D
Ignoring negative comments isn't so hard anymore, because now I'm older and I realize that their words are meaningless. I get comments like Do you play guitar?, You look like a girl., and Get a haircut, to which I respond I wish! :D, Wish I could say the same about you! XD (female response)/Does that mean you're attracted to me?! O_O (male response), and I already had my split-ends trimmed/If I did that, wouldn't it just get shorter?. I just wish I knew why people have to make these things their own business like that.
There´s nothing wrong with you mate, you look much better in long hair in my opinion. Sounds like you´re having a hard time in school and in your family, but it´s great that you start to stand up for yourself. Keep that up and you´ll grow respect in yourself and the people around you.
I assure you that everything will become good if you stand up for yourself and keep on fighting. :)
Your hair looks great, and it really does suit you. I am glad you posted your message, but, yes, a little depressing. I bet one of those "Matress Factory Outlets" would have a bed that you could easily afford, however. Good sleep can hardly be equaled to sew up the raveled sleeve of care.
Good luck as well in your studies. A good education will help you do as you want too. And, for family who ob ject to your hair, I think it is mostly their problem! It's just hair!!!
All the best, Bragi
I doubt if anyone can ever truly 'accept' being hated by one's family--and it's never a good situation to be in.
It is UNnatural for parents to hate their children, so I would assume the problem lies
with THEM and NOT with you.
Anyway, you have been provided with good and true friends--and although that
can never fully take away the sting of being hated y one's own family, it
is still a great source of comfort and reassurance.
You are young and so your parents must also be relatively young. Perhaps
when they get older they will mature and realize that family ties are
so much more important than the length of a son's hair.
Anyway, you seem to be dealing very well with this situation which--in my eyes anyway--means
that you have a healthier outlook than your family members! They are
the ones who need therapy--not you!
I have one bit of advice I would to share with you: no matter how your family--or other people--treat
you, do not turn against them...and certainly do not hate them in return. This never works.
And it actually uses up quite a bit of your energy! When
you hate someone you have to keep thinking about the terrible things people say and do to you. And THAT is BAD it wastes your time AND it reinforces negative thoughts in your mind.
Instead, try your best to ignore the bad things in your life and focus
on the good stuff--like having good friends. That will help you to stay mentaly healthy
much more than rehashing the negative things that happened to you in the past.
Look to the future and tell yourself that at a young age you are already more mature than your parents!!
I do not believe it is ever possible to overcome being hated by one's one family--no matter
hat people say...
...but try your best to focus on the positive things in your life--that is, count your blessings. That will make you feel a lot better about yourself...and about others.
Thanks for sharing your current 'situation' with us.
Good Luck!
I think thats why the Bible says to "love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you" because hate does waste a lot of energy. But when you get attacked again and again I can't really help it... I dont go out of my way to hold grudges but my initial reaction is never good...
...but you CAN help what happens later on. Some people seem to believe
that revenge will make them feel good--and it does for a while--but
then sometimes you feel quilty for hurting someone else.
I heard one psychologist suggest that when someone says something hurtful that
you act "stupid and cheerful." Well, at first that sounds like dumb
advice, but the fact is that when someone attacks you they are looking for
some kind of reaction from you and when they don't get it their attack
falls flat.
Let's contrast hate with LOVE. When you love someone it doesn't take up
any of your energy--in fact it CREATES energy and makes you feel good
especially when you are loved in return.
But when you hate someone you are forced to review the things they did to you OVER and OVER again
in your mind so that definitely wastes time plus it makes you feel BAD about things. And you keeping thinking about how you might get back
at them...or you might rehearse a good comeback next time you see them, etc.
Love boots the immune system; hate dumps bad chemicals into your bloodstream.
It's not easy to ignore hurtful words and actions, but if you can manage to do it...
then you will benefit greatly from it.
The best revenge is to be happy and successful--and the only way
you can do that is to avoid as much of this petty crap as
possible and to concentrate on the things you love.
Oh well, we can only try...
Hey there, Grant! You definitely have a great head of hair to work with. Keep it growing and it'll look killer when it gets longer. And, of course, welcome! =)
-James
Thanks for all your positive reinforcement. I can't help but generally hate humanity as a whole. I never understood why people have shunned me at every stage of my life. People in elementary school would always pull pranks on me and steal my lunch money, and almost everybody who knew me was in on it.
I still don't get why everybody always treated me like an outcast, but quite frankly I could care less. I'm a nice person, and that's something they'll never be.
I think people are probably evil by nature, and I'm sure you've witnessed it yourself. People trying to push their beliefs on you, it's nice to see hundreds of others who have had to deal with the same crap from people who think their way of life is the only one, and that wanting to be yourself makes you a problem.
It seems to me that you wallow in self-pity. Life is tough and can be harsh. Misanthropy and self-pity aren't going to solve anything. One must accept the circumstances that have been given and make the best of them. I am sure everyone on this board has been ridiculed , beat , or had to deal with harsh situations at some point in their lives(Including myself)....Its normal. Its part of being human. So cheer up man! Life is too short to be angry all the time. I just remembered a Black Sabbath lyric! Love is life and hate is living death.
No, it's not self-pity. I just think people have some kind of vendetta on me. When I crossed the street leaving high school, they'd stop for everybody else, but almost everytime I tried to cross, it's like they'd try to run me over! O_O
Yeah, they managed to hit my backpack a few times, but I've learned to not even try to cross the street with others, and just wait for everybody to leave. People are mean like that, you know?
Speaking of backpack, back in my freshman year, people would always try to light my backpack on fire. That happened countless times. A guy once grabbed my new GameBoy Advance right out of my hands and broke the screen!
A few times, they would sneak things into my backpack when I was in the school store, and they started thinking I was some kind of thief! Either all these things are stupid school customs that happen to everybody, or people really, really didn't want me around.
My dad always compares me to my sister a lot. He says I should be more like her, and that I'll never amount to anything, and that I'm worthless. It must be a quality about me that I don't see that simply inspires all the worst feelings in people. I really don't get it. But like I said, I've managed to find three people in this world who don't want to make me miserable, and that's more than some people have.
Keep in mind that abusers tend to isolate their victims, because isolation deprives the victim of support. Your mother probably did her darndest to keep you from having friends, and as a result you likely never learned very well how to make friends. Mine did that to me, and I soon realized the greatest learning quest I faced in college was not absorbing the subject matter, it was "learning how to make friends". It was "catch up time", and you will be glad to know I caught up quickly. By the time I graduated I was manager of a 200-member student radio station. The place was crawling in longhaired freaks, and I was definitely in my element.
You can't change those people back at home. At your age you're best off to walk away from an abusive past and never look back. Only the future lies ahead.
Bill
Hi Grant,
I am sorry that life has treated you so harshly in the past. Many people can be real idiots, and not just strangers as you know. Families can become estranged for many reasons, I also am estranged from my family for several years, not for hair but for different reasons. This can happen at any time in life, I am 43, so I can't say that problem will get any better but you can hope and in the meantime be yourself.
What you said about friends is so true, you can pick them and stick by them because they are closer to you than family. While you may hate humanity as a whole, its what you do with your own little corner of it that matters and it looks like you know that already having such good friends :) You also show that by coming here and letting us in to your world too.
Anyway just wanted to say glad you are here and btw you look great in the pics. The third down is my favorite and shows a terrific humor and joy, so obviously the darker parts of the world did not win!